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Update, progress, and question.

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January 16, 2019
10 upvotes

I made a post about a situation and victim puke a couple weeks back. Got advice and comments here, and applied them. I've been holding frame and applying STFU when applicable. My relationship with my wife is uptrending.

However, last night, we were hanging out. She was telling me about some genetic test she took, its results, and her shock about how accurate it was about her family ailments. I playfully bantered with her and she was into it and kept on about the test. I kept bantering with her playfully and laughing with her, then all of a sudden she blew up and called me a rude, condescending asshole. She told me to change the subject and she was pissed. I laughed at her again and told her she was silly and over reacting and she got angrier. I calmly got up and told her that I am done with this conversation and that I have to leave early for work, so I was going to bed. I went to bed and she came in a half hour later storming around. She said she was mad at me for not dropping the subject when I did (all I said was she was over reacting a half hour before and laughed at her), and she was sleeping in one of the guest rooms. I ignored her and went to sleep. I got up this morning and left for work and didn't speak to or acknowledge her.

I think since she can see me on an uptrend, she threw me a nasty shit test to see if I was for real and I think I passed it. Before I would have apologized and felt bad about her mood, but this time I didn't care and actually saw her as a giant, ranting teenage girl (she's 42). Btw, she is in day 3 of shark week. Thoughts?


Post Information
Title Update, progress, and question.
Author dll142
Upvotes 10
Comments 27
Date 16 January 2019 11:44 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203674
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/agkcnf/update_progress_and_question/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
frame
Comments

[–]PersaeusRed Beret24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think I passed it

not really, but yes you did better than apologizing

told her she was

this is the moment you fucked up. never, ever, tell a woman how she is or should feel. a surfer rides the wave. he doesn't tell the wave to change it's shape.

told her that I am done with this conversation

you fucking up again, essentially waving the surrender flag

the goal of a shit test is be unflappable or amused at most. my wife's favorite line when i take the negging too far, or she just wants to powerflip me is:

now you've ruined it (the mood)

my response "for you maybe" and laugh.

[–]2ndalRed Beret20 points21 points  (2 children) | Copy

When the wind blows really hard and your hat flies off, do you get mad at it? Do you sternly tell the wind you are done with this negative interaction with it and then walk off to punish the wind? Do you stomp around town with a sour attitude because it is there, doing its thing?

Nope, you feel it, you notice it, sometimes it's a light wind that reminds you why you love being outside and sometimes its a nasty wind that pushes you around. You plan contingencies for when it blows extra hard, maybe you drive that day or wear something that cannot be blown off. But you understand it is wind, it us unpredictable and no amount of reasoning will keep it from blowing and only a fool would let his own mood be tied to something with which he has no control.

[–]dll142[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the advice. My frame is getting stronger and stronger and I will continue to improve.

[–]Chinchilla_the_Hun1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is borderline poetic.

[–]Kpwn8812 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

I got up this morning and left for work and didn't speak to or acknowledge her.

You failed to hit the reset button. Do it everyday. Seems unfair, yes but by failing to acknowledge her, you show her that you are butthurt aka in her frame.

A man has more important shit to do than hold grudges or dwell in the past. Leave that petty shit for her.

[–]dll142[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

I need to clarify a little. Because she was mad and slept in the guest room, I woke up, got ready for work and left and didn't go into the other room and wake her up. I would have done that in the past, when we had a similar fight and circumstance.

I swung back by home a little bit ago this morning for logistical reasons (I'm self employed and usually do this), and my wife was pleasant and acting normal while she was getting ready for work, so I talked to her briefly (not about last night), and kissed her goodbye when I left again. (Resetting for the day).

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine12 points13 points  (6 children) | Copy

“and told her she was silly and over reacting and she got angrier”

Acted like a faggot. Less talking.

“I calmly got up and told her that I am done”

Acted butt hurt.

Hard to tell without more context. Women are all into these stupid genetic test results. Who gives a fuck, but they get a lot of feelz from them. Maybe she just wanted you to listen to her about it. She was excited about its results.

Are you providing some beta comfort in the relationship- during this uptrend? - Where you just support her for like 5 min without acting like a duesh bag?

Sometimes, just let her vent the feelz and act interested. Women are like zoo animals: they think they are free but are actually caged in by their own emotions.

Edit: In Game terms, by bantering during her story, you were pushing the whole time. You saw a positive reaction and then you doubled down with more bantering, pushing some more. You need to pull sometimes too- act interested. And you’ll also get credit for “listening”. He just “gets me!”.

Pulling creates space for the pushing to happen. Vice versa.

They love the cocky asshole feelz created by your bantering, but also love the comfort feelz at the right time. Give her the full range of the emotion spectrum. Not just half of it. If you don’t vent the feelz, it will blow a gasket on you.

[–]mrp_awakening2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good analysis. That was my thought too: she wanted someone to listen to the results. Either due to excitement, or potentially because she was worried about something in the results, say a gene that causes cancer, or maybe she's worried about getting some of the ailments her family has had and want's OP's opinion on things. But she didn't get a chance to verbalize that because OP was pushing too hard and making it a game. She likely had negative emotions about the test and didn't feel comfortable talking to OP about them after too much pushing. They eventually came out, but as anger instead of comfort seeking.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Pulling creates space for the pushing to happen. Vice versa.

They love the cocky asshole feelz created by your bantering, but also love the comfort feelz at the right time. Give her the full range of the emotion spectrum. Not just half of it. If you don’t vent the feelz, it will blow a gasket on you.

I have been experimenting with the push pull dynamics latley. My personality type is extreme though.

Im usually gassed up on juice so I'm overly agressive. So sometimes I go full faggot for a couple of days. Right up until the point where she feels comfortable enough to start complaining and being disagreeable.

Most men are faggot by default and are passive. With what we know we can be super faggots of the highest level. I poor it on so thick with chocolates, foot rubs, complements, asking HER what she wants to eat and do, deferring to her, initiate like a faggot, etc it almost comes across as disingenuous. It contrasts the faggot behavior well against the non faggot behavior.

When I switch back shes fucking relievd and of course, we bang.

This shit is fun now.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Random interval reward system.

It’s how casinos pimp gamblers and also why women crave the bad boy.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Haha so fucking true - my wife didn’t used to believe the alpha and now she doesn’t believe the beta. I’m still working to find the beta level that meets her comfort need when she shows good behavior while not going too far that it’s not believable.

The other day I did something nice for her and I swear she was giving me the eyes waiting for the alpha asshole to come out.

I turn the whole thing into a game and see how far I can push things similar to what you are doing.

[–]DanG30 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

“I’m still working to find the beta level that meets her comfort need when she shows good behavior while not going too far that it’s not believable.”

 

My experience, and from what I’ve heard/read, is that women prefer vacillating Alpha/beta characters rather than a static continuum at a particular level. Women enjoy the roller coaster ride.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep agreed I think it’s funny because after a few days of testing some things I settled on exactly this. Her need for alpha vs beta change just like her moods. I wasn’t recognizing the moments of her need for comfort and when I did it wasn’t coming off as sincere.

It’s almost like a cheat code to be able to see and recognize when she needs each - I had her alternating between raunchy fuck sessions and being sweet and cuddly all weekend.

Learn something new everyday.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Remember from your WISNIFG lessons, her feelings are hers and hers only. What I see outside of your own miscues is her stomping around wanting you to own responsibility for her feelings.

I laughed at her again and told her she was silly and overreacting and she got angrier. I calmly got up and told her that I am done with this conversation and that I have to leave early for work, so I was going to bed.

You did well in that you didn't care, but you failed in that you told her to change her mood. Remember you are the oak in the windstorm, bending, swaying but unbreakable.

So instead acknowledge and move on. "Hey I see that you're mad. I'll let you get some time to recover."

Over time this becomes retraining for your wife and for you. I tell this story over and over again, but it seems to be a lesson the collective never remembers.

My wife once got upset about something I said and yelled: "You ruined the whole weekend!"

I remained calm and went into WISNIFG, "Your feelings are yours. You chose to remain angry. You chose to have a bad time. Put on your big girl pants and tell me what you need instead of stomping around."

Make her own her feelings. Reframe the behavior into positive engagement. Finally, challenge her to behave like an adult.

There's shit testing, and then there's bad behavior. Her being bratty in a conversation is shit testing, her stomping around and sleeping in another room is bad behavior.

Finally, to reframe it as an integrated male, give her a chance to come back to you. Praise her for good behavior, specifically changing her behavior to be pleasant and submissive.

"Heh, I realize you were upset. I'm not the enemy here, if you have needs, come to me. But if you're angry and storming around I can't meet those needs."

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

And...being able to explicate the precise calibration needed is why he is a Moderator!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I calmly got up and told her that I am done with this conversation and that I have to leave early for work, so I was going to bed.

So you must have hit either some hidden landmine, bad time of the month, or you weren't reading the room well.

Either way the better way to disengage (which is the best option so good job on at least getting part of the puzzle) in this particular scenario (since it wasn't about anything important) would be to finish with more bemusement than disappointment (which you were going for...but it comes across butthurt in this silly situation).

Something like "Ah well , OK. My intent is never to upset anyone. We can regroup on this later (hint: never do)" Kiss her on the cheek then head off to bed. I'm 90% sure it would have ended there. Even if she had continued to the other room, just continue to have a normal day.

Keep a happy demeanor, be the rock, and she'll sort her emotions out.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This absolutely. She was trying to have a normal conversation and he chose to continue teasing/pushing, aka not reading the room.

[–]Reach4it20182 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Lots of awesome advice here. I had a similar incident and still really new to the pill.

Wife is starting in a new department and was asking how to make friends and engage at work. I basically pulled gave her some advice. As she continued to drill down on more specifics with things to discuss with the guys on her team without really flirting, I starting pushing and did some playful bantering with her and she got pissed and told me her request is serious and it’s not a joke and it upset me…at this point I basically went autistic and said ok (probably should have done some WISNIG and said something like I see that my joke upset you and this is serious for you. if you want we can continue this conversation) then stormed off to shower. I continued with my OYS and acted normal and got a nasty shit test an hour later saying that I don’t care about her and that she needs to spell it out for me when she’s mad and at this point typically demands an apology from me. At this point I just FOG and WISNIG…. she hasn’t spoken to me since.

My question is that looking at my scenario, the solid advice given and OP’s scenario, I see that I fucked at the autistic part.. was that it? Also how do you guys get around when they demand apologies while still learning?

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

As with everything, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. You can say the words “I’m sorry you’re upset” and come across as an absolute asshole, or a sniveling beta bitch.

Women communicate covertly, so 80% of her hearing you has nothing to do with words you’re saying.

When your wife is talking to you about work shit, she’s normally not looking for advice. Cheer the heroes, demonize the villains.

If she actually WAS looking to you for advice, then you fucked up big. She was seeking her captain’s leadership and male intuition on how to handle the men on her team.

EVEN WORSE, she was seeking for your advice on how to not seem flirtatious with them, aka “I love my husband, and I want to protect that relationship from outside influences.”

And you respond with “Your ass looks fine in those pants.”

So yes, the autistic part was bad, but you missed the entire point of her seeking your now-improving leadership and guidance.

The hard part will be to STFU, don’t apologize, and don’t make this stupid ass decision again.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

48 Laws of Power, Law 4: always say less than necessary.

Had you simply observed this law her emotional outburst would have likely never happened. There’s a huge difference between listening and comforting and looking to solve her feels. Sounds like she was looking for an oak to soothe her feelings and you opened your mouth and proceeded to vomit out some bullshit that was either cringe worthy, or would work if you were later in your journey, but you are attempting far too soon.

It doesn’t sound like she was receptive to your “playful banter”, and by continuing well after it was clear she was being unreceptive, all you did was dry that pussy out. I can practically hear those legs slamming shut from hear.

Learn to STFU in these situations. “It’s clear this conversation is upsetting to you, I’ll be in the (gone to the gym, garage, basement, kitchen etc) if you need me”.....you do have something better to be working on don’t you?

Your own words can be your greatest enemy and can undo all the hard work you’ve done in just a few sentences.

As far as leaving without talking etc, that’s some passive aggressive bullshit. Reset every day. Offer her a seat on the fun train, it’s up to her to decline the offer. You’ve read Pook, time to start implementing some of it.

If she’s starting drama with you over some genetic test bullshit, it’s because she’s bored and starving for feels. Any feels. Good or bad.

Give her some. If you’re not giving her any positive feels, don’t be surprised when she starts bullshit like this out of sheer boredom.

[–]suprathepeg0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck your a lucky cunt. You got a ton of really solid responses.

Here’s the thing. It’s fine to push back on the shit tests but often the best thing you can do early on in the process is simply STFU. Don’t overthink how you look just as calmly as possible STFU and withdraw attention for the rest of the day or until she comes to you to apologize/make amends. Let her spin and wind on her own. Then the next day choke down you ego and anger if you have to and reset at zero.

80% of this is all you. It’s your fucked up ego, your fucked up dreams, your fucked up state of being, your fat gut, your ... once you can set your shit straight you won’t give a fuck about her shit tests because you have so little riding on passing them. Your life will be defined by your intentional actions and hers will be whatever it is. Sparring over shit tests is way more fun when you’ve got way less at risk. When she calls you an asshole and your internal response is an amused “and... ?” Then you know your getting it.

Also for perspective if I’m losing my shit and some dude equal or below me tells me I’m over reacting I may indeed overreact and hurt that fucker. Now imagine your a physically inferior woman with no physical recourse or perceived physical threat and some dude bigger and stronger than you tells you that shit. She’s gonna fuckin lose even more control of herself cause you’ve trapped the feral cat in a corner. I think of shit tests like checkers, not chess.

You’re the oak not the rain. The oak doesn’t flail about, it just is an oak. Less is more.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I calmly got up and told her that I am done with this conversation and that I have to leave early for work, so I was going to bed. I went to bed and she came in a half hour later storming around. She said she was mad at me for not dropping the subject when I did (all I said was she was over reacting a half hour before and laughed at her), and she was sleeping in one of the guest rooms.

What she was really mad about was you reverting to a beta butthurt bitch. You failed this shittest. It’s not that complicated- 9 times out of 10 use either STFU, AM, or A&A.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When she blew up was when the conversation was over. The laughter is on point though.

It's better she sleeps somewhere else unless she's going to get fucked caveman style by her husband.

Keep the course.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why does this story sound so familiar?

I have a very strong feeling that if you hold frame she will come around. If it is not a big deal to you it will not be a big deal for her. I would try to calibrate slightly better and be more aware when she is approaching the cliff. Then you can pull her into your safe, strong arms right before she goes over the edge.

Also, being called an "asshole" is a complement so gratz! Own your inner asshole but calibrate it for maximum effect.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You again? I thought I explained to you what STFU is. Stop arguing, explaining your thoughts, relating your logical position, mentioning your intentions, or whatever the hell else you want to call it.

You sound like a dick. But, not the good kind. The emotionally autistic kind.

Maybe you should get the same genetic test done to see what the hell is wrong with you and why you can't STFU.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

I would have one upped her completely and thrown in the ethnic slur at her based off of whatever ancestry line she has.

Opportunity missed

[–]suprathepeg2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This for the win!

Maybe finish the day reminding her she’s a dumb cunt while there. I mean why not?



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