Update, progress, and question.

Persaeus · 2019-01-16T12:33:10+00:00

I think I passed it

not really, but yes you did better than apologizing

told her she was

this is the moment you fucked up. never, ever, tell a woman how she is or should feel. a surfer rides the wave. he doesn't tell the wave to change it's shape.

told her that I am done with this conversation

you fucking up again, essentially waving the surrender flag

the goal of a shit test is be unflappable or amused at most. my wife's favorite line when i take the negging too far, or she just wants to powerflip me is:

now you've ruined it (the mood)

my response "for you maybe" and laugh.

2ndal · 2019-01-16T13:08:31+00:00

When the wind blows really hard and your hat flies off, do you get mad at it? Do you sternly tell the wind you are done with this negative interaction with it and then walk off to punish the wind? Do you stomp around town with a sour attitude because it is there, doing its thing?

Nope, you feel it, you notice it, sometimes it's a light wind that reminds you why you love being outside and sometimes its a nasty wind that pushes you around. You plan contingencies for when it blows extra hard, maybe you drive that day or wear something that cannot be blown off. But you understand it is wind, it us unpredictable and no amount of reasoning will keep it from blowing and only a fool would let his own mood be tied to something with which he has no control.

Kpwn88 · 2019-01-16T12:51:18+00:00

I got up this morning and left for work and didn't speak to or acknowledge her.

You failed to hit the reset button. Do it everyday. Seems unfair, yes but by failing to acknowledge her, you show her that you are butthurt aka in her frame.

A man has more important shit to do than hold grudges or dwell in the past. Leave that petty shit for her.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2019-01-16T12:54:33+00:00

“and told her she was silly and over reacting and she got angrier”

Acted like a faggot. Less talking.

“I calmly got up and told her that I am done”

Acted butt hurt.

Hard to tell without more context. Women are all into these stupid genetic test results. Who gives a fuck, but they get a lot of feelz from them. Maybe she just wanted you to listen to her about it. She was excited about its results.

Are you providing some beta comfort in the relationship- during this uptrend? - Where you just support her for like 5 min without acting like a duesh bag?

Sometimes, just let her vent the feelz and act interested. Women are like zoo animals: they think they are free but are actually caged in by their own emotions.

Edit: In Game terms, by bantering during her story, you were pushing the whole time. You saw a positive reaction and then you doubled down with more bantering, pushing some more. You need to pull sometimes too- act interested. And you’ll also get credit for “listening”. He just “gets me!”.

Pulling creates space for the pushing to happen. Vice versa.

They love the cocky asshole feelz created by your bantering, but also love the comfort feelz at the right time. Give her the full range of the emotion spectrum. Not just half of it. If you don’t vent the feelz, it will blow a gasket on you.

UEMcGill · 2019-01-16T13:06:45+00:00

Remember from your WISNIFG lessons, her feelings are hers and hers only. What I see outside of your own miscues is her stomping around wanting you to own responsibility for her feelings.

I laughed at her again and told her she was silly and overreacting and she got angrier. I calmly got up and told her that I am done with this conversation and that I have to leave early for work, so I was going to bed.

You did well in that you didn't care, but you failed in that you told her to change her mood. Remember you are the oak in the windstorm, bending, swaying but unbreakable.

So instead acknowledge and move on. "Hey I see that you're mad. I'll let you get some time to recover."

Over time this becomes retraining for your wife and for you. I tell this story over and over again, but it seems to be a lesson the collective never remembers.

My wife once got upset about something I said and yelled: "You ruined the whole weekend!"

I remained calm and went into WISNIFG, "Your feelings are yours. You chose to remain angry. You chose to have a bad time. Put on your big girl pants and tell me what you need instead of stomping around."

Make her own her feelings. Reframe the behavior into positive engagement. Finally, challenge her to behave like an adult.

There's shit testing, and then there's bad behavior. Her being bratty in a conversation is shit testing, her stomping around and sleeping in another room is bad behavior.

Finally, to reframe it as an integrated male, give her a chance to come back to you. Praise her for good behavior, specifically changing her behavior to be pleasant and submissive.

"Heh, I realize you were upset. I'm not the enemy here, if you have needs, come to me. But if you're angry and storming around I can't meet those needs."

CaliEd256 · 2019-01-16T14:45:38+00:00

I calmly got up and told her that I am done with this conversation and that I have to leave early for work, so I was going to bed.

So you must have hit either some hidden landmine, bad time of the month, or you weren't reading the room well.

Either way the better way to disengage (which is the best option so good job on at least getting part of the puzzle) in this particular scenario (since it wasn't about anything important) would be to finish with more bemusement than disappointment (which you were going for...but it comes across butthurt in this silly situation).

Something like "Ah well , OK. My intent is never to upset anyone. We can regroup on this later (hint: never do)" Kiss her on the cheek then head off to bed. I'm 90% sure it would have ended there. Even if she had continued to the other room, just continue to have a normal day.

Keep a happy demeanor, be the rock, and she'll sort her emotions out.

Reach4it2018 · 2019-01-17T21:46:30+00:00

Lots of awesome advice here. I had a similar incident and still really new to the pill.

Wife is starting in a new department and was asking how to make friends and engage at work. I basically pulled gave her some advice. As she continued to drill down on more specifics with things to discuss with the guys on her team without really flirting, I starting pushing and did some playful bantering with her and she got pissed and told me her request is serious and it’s not a joke and it upset me…at this point I basically went autistic and said ok (probably should have done some WISNIG and said something like I see that my joke upset you and this is serious for you. if you want we can continue this conversation) then stormed off to shower. I continued with my OYS and acted normal and got a nasty shit test an hour later saying that I don’t care about her and that she needs to spell it out for me when she’s mad and at this point typically demands an apology from me. At this point I just FOG and WISNIG…. she hasn’t spoken to me since.

My question is that looking at my scenario, the solid advice given and OP’s scenario, I see that I fucked at the autistic part.. was that it? Also how do you guys get around when they demand apologies while still learning?

gettingmymojoback · 2019-01-16T15:41:39+00:00

48 Laws of Power, Law 4: always say less than necessary.

Had you simply observed this law her emotional outburst would have likely never happened. There’s a huge difference between listening and comforting and looking to solve her feels. Sounds like she was looking for an oak to soothe her feelings and you opened your mouth and proceeded to vomit out some bullshit that was either cringe worthy, or would work if you were later in your journey, but you are attempting far too soon.

It doesn’t sound like she was receptive to your “playful banter”, and by continuing well after it was clear she was being unreceptive, all you did was dry that pussy out. I can practically hear those legs slamming shut from hear.

Learn to STFU in these situations. “It’s clear this conversation is upsetting to you, I’ll be in the (gone to the gym, garage, basement, kitchen etc) if you need me”.....you do have something better to be working on don’t you?

Your own words can be your greatest enemy and can undo all the hard work you’ve done in just a few sentences.

As far as leaving without talking etc, that’s some passive aggressive bullshit. Reset every day. Offer her a seat on the fun train, it’s up to her to decline the offer. You’ve read Pook, time to start implementing some of it.

If she’s starting drama with you over some genetic test bullshit, it’s because she’s bored and starving for feels. Any feels. Good or bad.

Give her some. If you’re not giving her any positive feels, don’t be surprised when she starts bullshit like this out of sheer boredom.

suprathepeg · 2019-01-16T16:47:17+00:00

Fuck your a lucky cunt. You got a ton of really solid responses.

Here’s the thing. It’s fine to push back on the shit tests but often the best thing you can do early on in the process is simply STFU. Don’t overthink how you look just as calmly as possible STFU and withdraw attention for the rest of the day or until she comes to you to apologize/make amends. Let her spin and wind on her own. Then the next day choke down you ego and anger if you have to and reset at zero.

80% of this is all you. It’s your fucked up ego, your fucked up dreams, your fucked up state of being, your fat gut, your ... once you can set your shit straight you won’t give a fuck about her shit tests because you have so little riding on passing them. Your life will be defined by your intentional actions and hers will be whatever it is. Sparring over shit tests is way more fun when you’ve got way less at risk. When she calls you an asshole and your internal response is an amused “and... ?” Then you know your getting it.

Also for perspective if I’m losing my shit and some dude equal or below me tells me I’m over reacting I may indeed overreact and hurt that fucker. Now imagine your a physically inferior woman with no physical recourse or perceived physical threat and some dude bigger and stronger than you tells you that shit. She’s gonna fuckin lose even more control of herself cause you’ve trapped the feral cat in a corner. I think of shit tests like checkers, not chess.

You’re the oak not the rain. The oak doesn’t flail about, it just is an oak. Less is more.

BobbyPeru · 2019-01-16T21:27:06+00:00

I calmly got up and told her that I am done with this conversation and that I have to leave early for work, so I was going to bed. I went to bed and she came in a half hour later storming around. She said she was mad at me for not dropping the subject when I did (all I said was she was over reacting a half hour before and laughed at her), and she was sleeping in one of the guest rooms.

What she was really mad about was you reverting to a beta butthurt bitch. You failed this shittest. It’s not that complicated- 9 times out of 10 use either STFU, AM, or A&A.

[deleted] · 2019-01-17T01:50:55+00:00

When she blew up was when the conversation was over. The laughter is on point though.

It's better she sleeps somewhere else unless she's going to get fucked caveman style by her husband.

Keep the course.

RedPillCoach · 2019-01-18T18:07:23+00:00

Why does this story sound so familiar?

I have a very strong feeling that if you hold frame she will come around. If it is not a big deal to you it will not be a big deal for her. I would try to calibrate slightly better and be more aware when she is approaching the cliff. Then you can pull her into your safe, strong arms right before she goes over the edge.

Also, being called an "asshole" is a complement so gratz! Own your inner asshole but calibrate it for maximum effect.

justpickanyusername · 2019-01-16T15:21:57+00:00

You again? I thought I explained to you what STFU is. Stop arguing, explaining your thoughts, relating your logical position, mentioning your intentions, or whatever the hell else you want to call it.

You sound like a dick. But, not the good kind. The emotionally autistic kind.

Maybe you should get the same genetic test done to see what the hell is wrong with you and why you can't STFU.

red-sfpplus · 2019-01-16T14:48:28+00:00

I would have one upped her completely and thrown in the ethnic slur at her based off of whatever ancestry line she has.

Opportunity missed

Title	Update, progress, and question.
Author	dll142
Upvotes	10
Comments	27
Date	16 January 2019 11:44 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	askMRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/203674
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/agkcnf/update_progress_and_question/