"Let's work on the relationship" : What does it really mean?

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October 31, 2018

In my experience, when a woman says this, what she really means is "I'm going to give you another chance to bend to my will". She has no intention of actually changing herself.

Post Information
Title "Let's work on the relationship" : What does it really mean?
Author Downtowndex72
Upvotes 23
Comments 26
Date 31 October 2018 10:38 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203834
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9t3qiv/lets_work_on_the_relationship_what_does_it_really/
Similar Posts

[–]MrPurplePoison56 points57 points  (8 children) | Copy

It is a long mindfuck.

You are being asked to sit for hours and be lectured on why she is upset. With hints that you should change or she will be "unhappy" and might leave.

During this long lecture she will be picking your brain and updating the list of weaknesses that you have. She will poke at your boundaries and figure out just how far she can push you, what buttons to push, what cuts really deep.

Let's work on the relationship is information gathering and training. Do not engage.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nailed it - do not engage . Man works on himself - leave relationship up to woman - see Biffraults law

[–]IRunYourRiver14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy

Back in my 20s I lived in a group house and one of my housemates used to subject her boyfriend to regular updates on their relationship which I always called "clipboard dinners". She would make him a nice dinner, sit down with him and start into her list of points where he was failing. Haha. Even in my BP days I wouldn't have sat through something like this.

[–]WesternhagenWinner5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Possibly he shut down all non-essential functions (like "listening to female chatter") while eating.

[–]IRunYourRiver2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

He was not a native English speaker so it would have been easy.

[–]mountainbiker1782 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Is "not engaging" just amused mastery/agree and amplify? What if she buys books for the 2 of you to read together? This already happened to me. I just ignored the topic and she eventually dropped it, but I feel like I could have handled it better.

[–]MrPurplePoison10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can listen but for your sake STFU. Don't argue any points and don't acknowledge things beyond a "humm..." or other non-committal response.

But this is a good time to reflect. These types of conversations are her demanding (indirectly, of course) that you give more. More attention, more care, more simping. She is asking you to change how she feels about you. Basically to become more like her and live in emotion. If you do she will dispise you but it will make her happy for a little bit. She wouldn't ask Chad Thundercock to work on the relationship, she would think "I can't stop loving bad boys, poor me."

If you could be doing better with your mission in life, if you could be a better leader, reflect on that. But don't discuss your thoughts. Silently note your failings and work on them.

As far as how to respond a polite "I'll look the books over" or something is fine. A few minutes of her complaining while you listen is fine. Anything more than that is LITERALLY time spent fixing her feelings that would better be spent on your mission. She is with you because you are a protector / provider and your mission keeps her there. Work to your mission, don't be a crap human.

You also need to acknowledge that you worrying about how you handled the situation is you being in her frame. You are worried about the repercussions. You should be. "Let's work on the relationship" is a warning sign that she wants things to change and you don't want to screw it up. You won't fix it by playing her game so stop thinking about her feelings. Instead think to yourself "this one sees something lacking, I need to step up my game for the next one, and the next." She will stay if she wants to, leave if she wants to. Your job is to be so awesome (mission) that she is replaceable. Being the one that gets to be so close to someone so amazing would make her happy.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ha. Have an upvote. Perfect.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well fuck. Not much to add.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Depends on the woman or her mood...

  • Here's a list of things I don't like

  • Things I want you to do...

  • I'm bored , so this conversation is your reward

  • You've been quite beta and accommodating lately...lets see how much more I can milk it... and by the way, since I can , you're kinda being gross so I'm going to treat you more like a little beta and while we have this conversation I'll think of more things to rake you over the coals about.

You hear this opener and just realize you've earned it for some reason (or it's just time to test your frame again). So take a breath, reset and find something else to do while you sort out your mistakes.

[–]RedPillCoach4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]simbarlionRed Beret11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

it is a contract renegotiation. She feels what she is giving is not worth it. Buyers remorse.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How fuvking unattractive you have become

[–]Eyeswideopend7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

It really means working on you.

[–]bowhunter66 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Men don't work on relationships. We work on fucking your brains out, taking you along for fun times, or getting shit done. Let your bitch work on the relationship on her own time; you have more important shit to do.

A simple "Nah, I'm good" and then doing whatever it is you were going to do would do you well here.

[–]Reach180Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

The key word being "Let's".....how much work does she intend to be doing?

[–]BostonBrakeJob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great pressure flip.

[–]470_2_700_nm6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

I usually have my dick represent me in these cir-cum-stances.


[–]z2a1-90 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]The_LitzRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

She wants to gauge how much control she still has in said relationship.

It is not all bad though, I have learnt that there must be some degree of discomfort in a relationship to keep BOTH of you sharp.

Take it as a sign that your changes are being noticed. Expect a little comfort testing, a little shit testing and overall sharing of feelz. Not a bad thing, she needs to share the feelz, it is part of being married.

Worst case, as outlined by my fellow posters, she is hell bent on forcing you back under her thumb.

So it depends on the woman that is uttering these words.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Caution urged in being so jaded. That phrase need not mean:

  • You're an asshole.
  • I want to fuck the local bouncer.
  • You are pathetic.

It depends greatly on the people involved, the relationship, and the dynamic at play.

In my case - that phrase - initiated both by me and by my wife - was genuinely shared on multiple occasions - in the spirit of positivity and growth. We wanted to improve. We wanted to grow (together). We wanted to be happy.

Granted we, together, went through such a hellish and bizarre set of circumstances it likely doesn't apply to most here - but still - the general principle was real and very much applies.

Don't be so jaded, asshole.

Just because so many here say "toughen up" or "fuck your wife" or "do what you want" or "pretend anything she says is a whore's lie" doesn't mean it's true.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

One thing you could do is to remove her clothes immediately, and go for a fuck, acting as if you thought all along that that is what she had in mind. If she gives you shit, say
"If THAT'S not working on a relationship, I don't know what is!"

[–]Frosteecat2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’d pull a Lebowski. “That’s just like your opinion, man.”

[–]Canttakethewhyfromme1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Always be prepared to separate. Have a list of your own demands.

[–]Redpillbrigade171 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hamster. Yawn.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"Sorry, I can't hear you, speak into my microphone."

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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