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First Post - Long Term Beta

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March 18, 2018
11 upvotes

34 years old, Wife 33, kid 4 years old. Married 5 years, together for 7. Dead Bedroom. Discovered MRP two months ago and have started the journey of unplugging and trying to get my shit together. Lifetime Beta, part time Omega with a lot of bad habits to shed.

WARNING - this may be long but I need to start somewhere.

Background (victim puke) - I live in Europe, met my wife online, things were rosy for the first year, she moved to my country. I was besotted, sex every other day. She was hot, foreign, interesting but had some issues that I thought I could remedy.

Sex started to slow down towards the end of our second year together but I had full on oneitis at this point. I let her dictate the terms of the relationship and she walked all over me. The most sickening thing is that I was happy to let her do it.

I later found out she had been sexually abused as a child and wanted to believe her when she said that she had dealt with it through counselling.

She got pregnant in the third year, sex became a distant memory but we still got married. I was convinced the lack of sex was down to the pregnancy and couldn't possibly be anything to do with the devoted, caring husband.

Sex was still infrequent after the kid came along and I fell into a trap of covert contracts. The harder I tried the more resentful I became with the rejections. All intimacy vanished.

Went into full on drunk maybe even paralytic Captain mode. Played video games and jacked off all day, basically I let myself live in an alternative reality and became full on Omega. House was a mess, I couldn't even decide on what type of pizza to get. I was a boring recluse and bitched, blamed and complained about anyone and everything. I can see, now that I've started to unplug, what a waste of oxygen I was. My wife had no support, no leader and was crying out for me to step up. She kept asking for the "old me".

I did start making changes about a year ago and things have significantly improved, communication is better and I was only jacking off half as much, still her lack of respect was there and I didn't have the answers.

Sex hasn't happened in over two years and any initiation or attempt at intimacy on my part is met with a lengthy discussion about her child hood issues and how her feelings for me have changed.

After years full of resentment, arguments and no sex, I am finally in a place where I can see the mistakes I've made and how the blame lies with me and my inaction to start living my life. Thank you MRP.

I did take that long hard look in the mirror and no I wouldn't want to fuck that guy, hell i'm not even sure I'd even want to have a beer with him. But that is going to change. I don't know where this will take me but I am feeling better with each day that passes. It feels awesome to go to bed knowing I grabbed the day by the balls and gave it my all.

Physical - 5"10, 135lbs, scrawny and former distance runner, just started lifting. Began with 100 push ups a day and signed up to the gym three weeks ago. Managed to coerce a guy I met last week into showing me the ropes, so will post numbers once I know what the heck I'm doing.

Books - after stumbling across MRP by chance, I spent the first few weeks reading the sidebar and finished NMMNG, MMSLP and WISNIFG. Currently reading the MAP and also bought 31 days to masculinity.

I have found I can relate to the material in all the books so far, I will ensure I read the entire library again, I'm not naive enough to think I've fully digested everything.

Financial - Earning 60k SO - 50k Certainly not living the life of luxury. No significant debt (one small loan that I'm paying off) Currently renting a property. Have now taken control of the finances, despite protests. Given the wife an allowance and cut down on unnecessary outgoings. Wife is a heavy spender, had a frank talk about how her purchasing decisions were affecting the family. Have a goal to save enough money for a deposit on a property in the next two years.

Captain - Went from occasionally washing the dishes, to doing literally all the chores in the house. Planned a trip to my folks, asked for input but made all the decisions. Went out for dinner a few times, booked it and arranged the babysitter, just asked the wife if she fancied coming, she did. Felt awesome to take ownership of some stuff.

Relationship - Wife has noticed the changes I've made and appears to be getting on board. She has started to hug, kiss and cuddle which would not have happened two months ago. She allows me to initiate kissing but I have not yet initiated sex. After swallowing the pill I have started taking better care of myself and ensure I look good everyday, this has drawn compliments from a lot of people I know and my wife has caught some of the comments. She says I'm like a different person and actually broke down into tears last week saying I think that I'm better than her and she is worried I will find some one else. I think this was a comfort test so I just gave her a hug and told her that I'm in the process of improving myself. I'm still getting the hang of shit tests but even after a month they have decreased noticeably. I tend to just AA or STFU.

I've made it clear that I need a sex life and my wife says she understands but does not like the pressure. It is a little more complicated given her past but I have told her that I didn't sign up for a sexless marriage.

I will just continue down the red pill path and keep on the road to self improvement. I like my wife, she is fun, a good mother, intelligent and attractive but without the sex it's just like window shopping for a Ferrari. I might just have to go and buy myself a Rolls Royce.

Give it to me gentleman.


Post Information
Title First Post - Long Term Beta
Author orangejuan
Upvotes 11
Comments 35
Date 18 March 2018 10:15 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204702
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/85enmq/first_post_long_term_beta/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
MAPWISNIFGbetashit testcomfort testliftthe red pillNMMNG
Comments

[–]BobbyPeru7 points8 points  (6 children) | Copy

any initiation or attempt at intimacy on my part is met with a lengthy discussion about her child hood issues

yet, sex was good in the first year or 2

Sex started to slow down towards the end of our second year together

She’s not fucking you because she’s not attracted to you. Quit partaking in the childhood trauma argument. How come it wasn’t an issue in the first couple years? If she brings it up, tell her to get the therapy she needs and then you just STFU. It’s a fuck me or fuck You situation at this point.

Lift - add a lot of good calories... at least 150 G protein per day.

Become attractive

Don’t be unattractive

Continue reading the sidebar

[–]orangejuan[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Yeah, I do believe her use of the "trauma" card is just a perfect excuse.

As you say it wasn't a problem to fuck before so I can just assume that it's a case that I'm not currently giving her the feels/tingles.

I have made it clear she should get therapy so I will just work on lifting, STFU, sidebar and owning my shit.

[–]johneyapocalypse1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You have not had sex with your wife in two years?

You have not yet initiated sex?

You are 5' - 10", 135 and your wife broke down into tears last week saying that (you) think you're better than her and she is worried (you) will find someone else?

Your wife understands (that you need sex) but "doesn't like the pressure" of you not-having-sex-for-two-years and pointing out that you need sex?

I think you should kick her ass out of the house or leave yourself depending on local laws.

Seriously. This is ridiculous.

I can understand the concept of lagging sex due to lagging attraction but two years of no sex with two years or more of not initiating sex along with your wife and her fake-ass crocodile tears... this is a travesty... get your ass out of there man.

Some dude below pointed out that you're seeing improvements. Great. I want to point out that you're not seeing improvements with her.

If she's not in therapy every goddamn day to get over her childhood trauma, while she's fake crying on your shoulder, while she's not having sex with you for two more years, while you're doing whatever the fuck it is you do in this bizarre world of imposed celibacy... well... blow that shit up.

[–]auto-xkcd370 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

fake ass-crocodile tears


Bleep-bloop, I'm a bot. This comment was inspired by xkcd#37

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I have made it clear she should get therapy

Did you make a clear timeframe and a consequence if she doesn’t?

I will just work on lifting, STFU, sidebar and owning my shit.

Good, this should be a lifestyle change for the rest of your life.

[–]orangejuan[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I was vague, I said I cant see myself being in a no sex relationship in a years time. I should have given a more specific timescale and made it clear that I would leave If things didn't change.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Use womanspeak. Example:

“I see myself making drastic changes in a year if I’m in a relationship with somebody who refuses to get the necessary professional help to add sex into the marriage.”

But, if you hit the weights and calories, I suspect she might suddenly be cured. But, you have to build your mental frame to- so read the entire sidebar.

Hit that sidebar. This is all in there.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Work the Dread Levels and take a full year before you give up on this. Women often try the denial of sex shit test and men are NEVER told how to respond. You did not respond correctly and lowered your value in her eyes. This became a self-reinforcing death spiral.

When you are in hole the first step is to stop digging. The next is to look around at the hole and figure out how long it is going to take to get out. It is a lot easier if you use the handholes already dug by the men who came before you but it is still a difficult climb.

[–]orangejuan[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I know that I'm starting from the bottom and I'm seeing this as a wake up call to change all aspects of my life for the better.

I always knew I was dissatisfied but was not sure where to start, MRP gave me the kick up the ass I needed.

I know this is no quick fix, I see this as building the foundations for the life Ive always wanted to live and im not going to rush it.

The inspirational stories of men who were stuck in a rut but turned their shit around, makes me certain I can do the same.

The desire to change is mine, the responsibility is mine and ill own the failures and the success.

I dont want my marriage to just survive, I want it to thrive. Ill dedicate myself for a year and then see if my current Wife is willing to join me, if not I will need to look elsewhere.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have a good feeling about this one.

[–]innominating0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You could be worse. At least you aren’t fat as fuck. You need to bulk at your weight and you’ll change you body dramatically in two years.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

You belong in OYS.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

With great reply comes great responsibility.

[–]Reject4442 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're getting some really good advice here from some of the best guys to give it. I'm still new and not at all an expert, but I would highly recommend that once you finish reading the MAP your next book should be "Saving a Low Sex Marriage" by /u/BluepillProfessor. You can find it in digital format on Amazon. It's a great blueprint to move through various levels of "Dread" to restore sex in marriage, and reading your post I think you're in a good position to make use of it. Just follow the steps in that book (it also gives you recommended reading at each level) in sequence and give yourself plenty of time to work this out and keep improving yourself. It sounds to me like your head is in the right place, just be careful not to move too fast or get impatient.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'll fucking give it to you. Good job. You're on the path,you provided a refreshing frank and honest appraisal of your situation. You know what to do. It takes time, a lot of time, and if you do it right you'll wonder if she is worth fixing.

As much as we all crap on about the hamster in the maze and constantly initiating, I support of the approach of pulling the wife aside in your situation and telling her you need a sex life. For me it is no different to telling her, "I need food, and I actually like good food."

Buckle up, put in the work enjoy those sweet moments when some randoms start giving you the IOI's. You lucky fucker, you're 34 surrounded by european women, leading into summer. Send me some photos.

Just follow the program. Play your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Try to ignore her for a couple of months. This is the spring of orangejuan.

[–]dcapt461 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Weights. Look up Stronglifts 5x5. Easiest way to get started in the gym and get great gains.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sex hasn't happened in over two years and any initiation or attempt at intimacy on my part is met with a lengthy discussion about her child hood issues and how her feelings for me have changed.

The childhood issues are a straw man."her feelings for me have changed" that is her real issue.

I am finally in a place where I can see the mistakes I've made and how the blame lies with me and my inaction to start living my life...

She seems to already be coming along some. From what you wrote, she likes you better than you do, and she's not so much.

Good on you man. Keep up the good work...on you.

[–]Chump_No_More4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I later found out she had been sexually abused as a child and wanted to believe her when she said that she had dealt with it through counselling.

You know this is absolute bullshit, right?

She had no problem fucking your brains out when she was grooming you for her beta draft horse. Never forget that.

You get your shit together and I can guarantee you one thing, either she will start fucking you again (trauma? What past trauma?) or another woman will be happy to take her place.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

“beta draft horse”

Brutal. I’m stealing it.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

“Lifetime beta”

Gay

“Things were rosey”

Gay

“Met my wife online”

Gay. She’s a slut. No vetting process. You choose poorly.

“had some issues that I thought I could remedy”

Gay and stupid.

“Sex hasn't happened in over two years”

Gay

“Communication is better”

Gay

“Managed to coerce a guy I met last week...”

Gay

“Had a frank talk...”

Gay

“She allows me to initiate kissing..”

Gay. Really fucking gay.

“I made it clear that I need sex..”

Gay. Only 2 months in dude. Faggot boy doesn’t get to call the shots yet. STFU

“Keep on the road of self improvement”

Gay. This isn’t self improvement.

Side bar ==>. Look, it’s over there

[–]orangejuan[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

This faggot, appreciates the wake up call.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

At least you’re in your early 30s. You can turn this all around.

MRP fixes the man, not her. Realize that if she doesn’t jump on board after 1 month for every year you were married, it’s time to next her.... and the best part will be that you won’t even care. You will begin getting a lot of pussy but it might not be with her.

No turning back.

Start reading faggot.

Sidebar ==>

[–]johneyapocalypse1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

At least you’re in your early 30s. You can turn this all around divorce her ass immediately, see the world, and have fun.

I couldn't agree more.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

“ Had a frank talk...”

And he’s gay too.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

5"10, 135lbs, scrawny and former distance runner, just started lifting. Began with 100 push ups a day and signed up to the gym three weeks ago. Managed to coerce a guy I met last week into showing me the ropes, so will post numbers once I know what the heck I'm doing.

Damn, you are a scary skeleton. You need to lift, but also, you need to eat.

[–]orangejuan[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Yeah I am eating more at the moment. I'm thinking I need to triple the number of daily calories. I have even resorted to setting an alarm telling me to stuff my skinny ass.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

stuff my skinny ass

that's an unfortunate turn of phrase

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Yeah the lifting is almost a waste of time if you don’t dramatically increase your caloric intake. Start your day out with a 60 gram protein shake with bananas and the full calorie almond milk. Have a couple of those a day, and eat like crazy- but don’t eat crap. At the same time , hit the weights super hard 5-6 days a week. If you do that, you should put on at least 20 lbs in 6 months. That’s a minimum.

You are in a position to make some huge newbie gains that will be very noticeable. But , you have to be didicated to both- lifting and calories

[–]orangejuan[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I will try those shakes for sure, I'm taking whey protein at the moment but only been using about 40g a day. So I'll up that right away.

I rarely eat crap as it is, so just adding more food should be do-able. I think I just need to force myself to eat when I'm not hungry, I've never really had a huge appetite so it is a case of changing my daily habits. My metabolism is crazy, I really need to gorge on food to notice any change in my weight.

I will commit myself to going to the gym 5 days a week. I just need to find the right program to make the most gains and eat three times as much as I am right now.

[–]ArticulateSavage0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

u/BobbyPeru's advice is perfect, brother. Take it. You are very well paced to makes significant gains in the immediate two months ahead of you, use this time wisely.

SL 5x5 from now until 1 September, then switch to 5,3,1, (look it up on T Nation). This will cure your dead bedroom, or attract someone else into it. You can't lose.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

“My metabolism is crazy”

No time for Bro science.

Do what he told you. Lift and Eat a lot more!

Calories in versus Calories out.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Switch to sprint/power training if you still crave cardio.

Which of these two is more aesthetically pleasing to women?

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So you are actually agreeing to no sec because of past abuse ? Yet, she was fucking up til year two ? Smd, you have a kid together ?

Wake. The. Fuck. Up.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Began with 100 push ups a day and signed up to the gym three weeks ago

This will do absolutely nothing for you. You need to lift to failure. Read aor ask.

[–]470_2_700_nm-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Welcome. What jumps out to me is that you are not portraying yourself as a victim here. I like this.

I see a lot of room for you to gain here personally. Others have offered the weight gain diet plus 5x5 advice. Take it, and make sure you pay attention to form, for safety.

The fact that you are seeing an improvement despite only being into your journey bodes well for your potential success. I think you realize success doesn’t nessessarely mean being with her, although it may well.

Keep reading, continue to avoid painting yourself the victim, and take life by the balls.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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