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Trust my gut ?

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January 2, 2018
9 upvotes

Upon writing, reading, rereading this I actually figured it out but I'll post it anyway. Maybe someone out there recognize himself.

Married for 8, 3 boys, occasional starfish sex, carreer Beta-Bux.

That was about 3 years back. I wasn't happy with my life.

I first found RP-related books like many of us, googling stuff like "how to make your wife want sex". At first I white-knightishly rejected it, then one day something clicked and I had my Neo moment. Long story short : I understood only I could help myself. I worked out, changed wardrobe, got a better job with better salary, read a lot...

For a year or so, things went kinda along the plan. Wife rejecting changes, calling me selfish, etc., while I worked out, started value hobbies (band playing), spent more time alone and went into IDGAF mode on the nagging. Things moved slowly but changes popped up here and there. I was leading more naturally at home, I felt I had a way better understanding of females and the world as a whole. But I still wasn't happy.

Two years ago, less changes happening, I felt I had traded a bad equilibrium for another. I went back to self-study and focused more on myself, I got rid of long-lasting bad habits in the process. I felt better than ever in my life, I really liked myself but I still wasn't happy. I was feeling more and more reluctant to indulge in low-quality sex with my wife. Sometimes I would start thinking maybe she just didn't have it to satisfy me. but as TheFamilyAlpha said "Remove the idea that [your] wife isn't into any of tha. She certainly has it in her"

Meanwhile, worked up dread levels progressively all the way to 8-9 I felt my wife on/off'ing on me. Like one day I'd feel she was on the boat and have faith, only to feel the next day that our marriage was doomed.

I met a girl at work. We worked together for a couple years, were attracted to each other blablabla. At the time I never considered cheating as an option, because after all Marriage is like RedPill on hard mode and I never bail from a challenge. I still thought I could make it work out. Read : "I still thought I could lead my wife to change and meet my criterias"

I ended up meeting the girl again like 8 months later. When we worked together I was getting hard into working out, making progress fast and I got her and a couple other corworkers on the "get-fit" train. She was attractive at the time but when we met again, she had improved, a lot. She was hot. And she was attracted to me. A lot. (This + That) x my need for validation = I wanted to fuck her. Badly.

My mindset at the time went from "I will never cheat" to "I can't help but feeling that sex should be better than what I'm getting" to "Fuck it, let's just fuck her and get rid of the fucking fuck temptation fuck. Fuck". I fighted the urge for a long time, until one day I caved in. We went out for dinner, was fun. Then I took her to a nearby hotel, and fucked her. Twice. It was insanely good, maybe the best sex I ever had. And next times were even better.

I felt validated all across the spectrum, but what did I learn dating/fucking this girl ?

Sex is terrible in my marriage, so either : 1 - I'm bad at it 2 - She is 3 - I fail to bring out her inner slut

Sex with that girl is super good, so : 1 - I am not that bad 2 - I can bring a girl's inner slut out (believe it or not, she actually left a sexless marriage... I met her husband once, oozing beta vibes)

For long I thought everything was my fault in my marriage. That maybe I wanted too much, that I set my expectations too high, blablabla, just like my wife said (yeah, right... go figure) But at some point I started to switch from "what am I doing wrong" to "can she even fulfill me".

Fast forward to this past year. Marriage is at it's worst. We are barely touch each other. Mainly because I just cannot find any attractiveness into her. Oh yeah, she finally started working out, a bit. Took you long enough. On the other hand, we still make an efficient pair of parents and the kids are growing up nicely. Meanwhile she keeps repeating that I overthink too much, that I should see a shrink because "so many people would love to have our family life" so "why can't I just be happy with what I have", how could I think of abandonning my family "just for sex". I dawned on me finally a couple weeks ago that she doesn't want to change, she wants ME to change BACK to... to what exactly ?Whatever, something safer. Maybe I excalated dread too high (she has no clue I cheated), too fast (3 years tho) , maybe she couldn't take it and closed herself.

So here I stand. Marriage was/is falling apart. Wife still not fighting for it. I had the vague idea that women could fuck you even if they didn't want to, just to secure their lifestyle but she won't.

I had this feeling of being on a fence. A part of me afraid of sending 10 years down the drain, and what about the kids, and what if I'm just delusional and plain wrong, and whatnot. A part of me still thinks we could have done better if SHE did better.

The other part, the rational one wants to trust my guts. If she still ain't on the "fuck yes" side, she ain't no good to me.

And when I ask myself the dreaded question "would I still be there if not for the kids ?". I know I wouldn't.

After all, I could land a girl which meets many of my criterias : She's younger, fit, smart, kinky, financially independant, etc.

Since she is no unicorn, more like her are out there.

But I have to admit... If it wasn't for this girl I met, I think I would have kept second-guessing myself and maybe would I still be trying, if only for the kids. Who knows...

Still a long way to go to get rid of the need for validation...


Post Information
Title Trust my gut ?
Author McLearner
Upvotes 9
Comments 50
Date 02 January 2018 04:04 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205000
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7nnabv/trust_my_gut/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
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Comments

[–]2gunsgetsome12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

I smell a bit of myself in here, so I'll chime in.

A part of me afraid of sending 10 years down the drain

Stop that. You are who you are now because of your experience with your wife, but other than recognizing that, you don't owe her anything and she doesn't owe you anything.

A part of me still thinks we could have done better if SHE did better.

That may be true, but it's still your fault.

I don't subscribe to the notion that a man can be so alpha that EVERY woman (ergo, any specific woman) will submit emotionally and do all the sexual things for him, no matter what. I do however subscribe that once a man reaches an arbitrary (but generally accepted to be sufficient) level of alpha, that there are many women within his reach who genuinely want that kind of relationship with him. The problem IS him, because it's his job to figure out which of the women it is, and more importantly, which of the women it isn't.

By definition, a relationship is between two or more people, and even an uber-alpha only controls his part of that. Our wives CHOSE, through their own autonomy, not to desire an ACTIVE sexual relationship with US. Conscious or un, learned, conditioned, or naturally, it doesn't matter. They've demonstrated through their actions which choice they made.

In my case, I could get compliance but not desire. And I wanted it in both sexual and nonsexual realms. I could not inspire my exwife to not reflexively resist anything I wanted to do. The effort on my part to get compliance reduced a very small amount over the course of my pre-divorce MAP, but at the end of the day, it would always be effort on my part.

Getting enthusiastic participation (and contribution) from other women for months with very little effort from me opened my eyes to the fact that what I want does in fact exist, and the decision is mine to make regarding the cost to get it elsewhere.

we still make an efficient pair of parents and the kids are growing up nicely.

This doesn't necessarily have to change. I take exactly half credit (and my ex gets the other half) for establishing our post-divorce coparenting relationship. Things could be a lot different if either one of us chose to be vindictive, but I think we both realized that we are pretty good at being friends and that when there's no need for her to comply with or participate in anything I want to do, there's no friction between us. We still get to care about each other as friends, but now we have separate lives.

Personally, I'm doing great after the divorce. My actual life the past year looks like the highlight reel someone would post on social media about an entire decade. I'm sure you know that's what would happen to you and you're a little scared to acknowledge it. But being a decent human, you're also concerned what would happen to your family.

My ex and the kids' living conditions and day-to-day activities are pretty much the same as they were. I see my kids regularly, they're happy to hang out with me and take "dadventures", we Facetime every day (bedtime stories, just to talk, to show me some lego thing they built, whatever). Neither my ex or I did anything cunty during the divorce, so we're still "friends". We text each other memes every now and then and "like" each other's posts on Facebook. We've picked each other up from the airport, like friends do. I'm sure she "misses" me mowing the lawn and maintaining her car, but she's never complained and is being an adult- owning her shit as far as responsibilities go.

Emotionally, I have no idea how she's really doing. We always hang out for a little bit when exchanging the kids, and sometimes we all have dinner together on the weeknights when I watch them. During those times, she's not overtly "happy" or jovial, not sullen either. About the same neutral attitude she'd always had.

From my POV, she and the kids are just continuing their lives in the same stable-but-boring frame. I've made my new life everything I wanted. It's actually a little surreal for me to think about what I was really contributing by trying so hard to pull them out of that frame.

But I have to admit... If it wasn't for this girl I met, I think I would have kept second-guessing myself and maybe would I still be trying, if only for the kids. Who knows...

I think that's the point of DL8. It gets said around here: "Think you can do better? Prove it." Well, you did, and now you have a choice to make.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I smell a bit of myself in here

yep, you popped right into my head after reading OP. OP would be wise to read your history.

About the same neutral attitude she'd always had.

her frame

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not just the OP would be wise to read his history.

[–]McLearner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

opened my eyes to the fact that what I want does in fact exist

Exactly what happened to me. Your story is enlightening and reflects my thoughts. I've come to the conclusion that my wife just can't/don't want to meet my expectations.

Deep down I know my decision was made months ago but as you said, we are still decent human beings and it held me back.

And yes, I hope we can part on friendly terms. Would be better for the kids anyway.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

how could I think of abandonning my family "just for sex"

Male shaming 101. Your wife is not obligated to fuck you, but you are not obligated to be in a relationship with someone who doesnt want to fuck you/is not attracted to you. Sad that so many men fall for this.

I dawned on me finally a couple weeks ago that she doesn't want to change, she wants ME to change BACK to... to what exactly ?Whatever, something safer.

Yep. Took you that long?

So here I stand. Marriage was/is falling apart. Wife still not fighting for it. I had the vague idea that women could fuck you even if they didn't want to, just to secure their lifestyle but she won't.

Her lifestyle is safe, 50% of your shit plus alimony/child support. And no, they cant. As men, we can stick our dick into whatever hole as long as we are horny and have a great time. Women are different, they get GROSSED OUT just to think of fucking someone they consider low value, a creep or whatever. Look at the "EWWWW" face they make when some creep makes a move on them, thats what they really feel, and they cant control it, they just feel. Listening more to her feels, make her "feel connected" and doing more dishes wont change that, but we already know that.

Its all up to you my man. You seem to have done the job. Keep the foot on the pedal and following your MAP. Maybe she was never attracted to you and you were 100% beta bucks from the beggining. Maybe shes just fucked in the head. "If you were Brad Pitt she would be begging you to assfuck her daily" well, you arent.

This reminds me of a post I read of some guy who also did the job, he got himself a plate younger, hotter than his wife, who would crawl to him and make him facefuck her, while things were the same with his wife. That can happen when you improve yourself and see that you have a higher value, you go from "what do I do for her to want to fuck me" to "damn, I could be doing so much better". So you can either leave now, or set a deadline for things to improve, if they dont you walk. Or keep having shitty starfish sex/shitty marriage for the rest of your life "for the kids". Given that years already passed by, it likely wont change.

[–]WesternhagenWinner5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

As men, we can stick our dick into whatever hole as long as we are horny and have a great time.

askMRP and marriedredpill show pretty convincingly that this is not true. Post after post of men saying, like the OP, "I don't want starfish sex, I want genuinely enthusiastic sex". These men are horny but are not having a great time at all sticking their dicks into their bored wife's hole as she lies there wanting him to hurry up and get it over with as fast as he can.

[–]470_2_700_nm-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

You are missing the point, which to me is not surprising considering your flair.

[–]WesternhagenWinner1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It is not surprising to me that you are too stupid to appreciate the distinction between "not getting the point" and "not agreeing with the point".

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

Have you stated what you want? Time for FMOFY statement?

[–]McLearner[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Did that.

Sex frenzy ensued, like for a week. Then she "tired out" and it went back to the status quo.

[–]2gunsgetsome1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

[–]McLearner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I should have anticipated this but thanks anyway.

By sex-frenzy I meant we had more sex, as in quantity, the quality was average at best.

I guess by that time my expectations were already way higher than what she could provide.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Well, sounds like you have some thinking to do. Time to continue bettering yourself or time to make your exit...

[–]McLearner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Both, actually.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

So tell us just what you figured out. I still see someone with a ego and seeking validation.

[–]McLearner[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

What did I figured out ?

Sounds obvious now but my wife ain't gonna change. Either she can't or she won't, or both or whatever.

I have the power to make her happy, but the opposite just ain't happening.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

For fucks sake! It's not about her. You cannot change her. You cannot MAKE her happy. You need to focus on you. Don't forget this basic ideology. You have two choices, Leave or Stay! And to expand on these two choices you have: 1) Stay and be sexless slave, 2) Stay and spin plates, or 3) fucking leave.

Also, Unicorns don't fucking exist! Take your head out of her ass.

[–]MindfulStoic1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is gold

[–]throwawaynumber8563 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

First off, you have to do things for you, not for your wife. You can’t make her change, and this journey you’ve been on should not have been about wanting her to change anyway. You only have yourself to blame for how you were 3 years prior to this moment where you are now.

And yes, validation is still your issue now. You’re looking at your wife and you want her to notice how great you look, how muscular you look, and you’re getting frustrated because according to your own words, it sounds like she DGAF. And she probably doesn’t. So what are you going to do about it? Nothing. Because you’re still doing all of this for you. Don’t do it for her. Do it for you.

[–]2gunsgetsome2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

And she probably doesn’t.

That's her choice.

So what are you going to do about it? Nothing.

No, he has a choice too. "Do nothing" is one choice, but "Stop tolerating a wet blanket in your sex life" is another.

Because you’re still doing all of this for you. Don’t do it for her. Do it for you.

Cutting the drag because that's the action he decides on to get what he wants is for him. If he does it to punish his wife for not wanting to be on board the awesome train, then it's not.

[–]throwawaynumber8561 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cutting the drag because that's the action he decides on to get what he wants is for him. If he does it to punish his wife for not wanting to be on board the awesome train, then it's not.

That’s what I was getting at.

[–]McLearner[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Actually, I have no interest in "punishing" her or hurting her in any way. First, I still like her as a human being and I can totally see myself staying on friendly terms with her.

And second, it wouldn't serve me in any way. I wouldn't get any benefit from hurting her. Reason why I would not never tell her I cheated on her. There is just no fucking purpose.

[–]throwawaynumber8560 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

At some point, McLearner, you will have to do something. You didn’t come here to post if you were not thinking otherwise. How old are your kids?

[–]McLearner[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I already have made my move. I proposed shared custody with me moving out nearby so we can limit the impact on kids as mush as possible.

Boys are 9/5/2

[–]throwawaynumber8560 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What did your wife say in response to that?

[–]McLearner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She said much, but we don't really put much value in that, right ?

Radio silence today, then text'd "i want to save our mariage"

Still waiting for action on her part.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

Meanwhile, worked up dread levels progressively all the way to 8-9 I felt my wife on/off'ing on me.

so let' start with the obvious question, have you done the work? have you read the sidebar? are your <15% BF and lifting heavy? besides your GF have you gamed other women successfully (N-close or better)? have you implemented DL4? are you OYS like you were already a successful single father?

[–]McLearner[S] -1 points0 points  (6 children) | Copy

Ofc, I cut a bit of the starting process.

I'm currently at 74kg (163lb) for 1.86m (6.1 ft) 13% BF. Muscular is subjective but I'm quite lean with defined enough muscles.

2018 plan is to bulk up a little, esp. upstairs. Not too much, fucking tired of changing clothes sizes every other month

[–]PersaeusRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Muscular is subjective

lol; your not muscular at all. unless you made some metric-->english conversion math error, best case you look marathon runner. see book of pook or any romance novel cover for the "ideal" look. think what you want; but the evidence is stacked that being muscular-big drops panties

for reference, I'm 163 lbs and 13% BF this morning at 5'6" and I'm not really what guys referred to as "jacked".

also, you side-stepped the rest of my questions. i don't give two fucks what the answers are. however, you might want to seriously consider whether you have become the type of man that gets a slut wife (i.e. hard-mode)

just about any dumbfuck can get a sloot to slut as a GF

[–]snatch_haggis2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ofc, I cut a bit of the starting process.

Ya think?

You started your post saying you're two or three years into the process, but I've been lifting less than a year and I can bench press you.

The reason this matters is that there are golden ratios of attractiveness that come into play as you build muscle. If you're not doing the work to get there, a lot of this stuff isn't going to work in practice.

What this is starting to look like to me is that you lost some weight and kinda half assed some of the sidebar and the process, and now your wife still treats you like shit and won't fuck you and you can't understand why.

That's fine, divorce her if you want to, but you're gonna end up right back where you started with the next chick too. Already sounds like you're getting Oneitis for your one-night-stand, actually.

[–]Soberskipper1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're not lifting. Not at all and there's no way you've been lifting 3 years. Your wife's not sexually aroused by you because you look like w jab to the ribs would shatter them. I weigh more than you at 5.7 less body fat and a coeliacs condition. Until you can Squat 150kg stfu and lift. Why the fuck should all these guys give your thier hard earned advice when you cannot even be arsed to do sidebar basic rule no 1.

[–]2gunsgetsome0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I'm currently at 74kg (163lb) for 1.86m (6.1 ft) 13% BF.

Dafuq? Where did you start? Did you accidentally cut 20 lbs too far?

That was about 3 years back

What lifting program have you been on? I want to avoid it.

Muscular is subjective

Found your hamster.

I second the request for more info about your Strange Game success beyond Workslut #1.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

lol, 163 lbs at 6.1' is not bad for a woman if she packing some T&A. for a dude it's waif on the way to concentration camp.

unless this guy is a cardio marathon man; i'm questioning the 13% BF too. sounds skinny fat.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Old Weird Harold, we called him that because he was 6'9" and weighed fifty pounds. We used to use him to get the football out of the sewer."

[–]snatch_haggis2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

but as TheFamilyAlpha said "Remove the idea that [your] wife isn't into any of tha. She certainly has it in her"

Everybody seems to love that TFA "creating your slut" post but IMO it's based on very specific use cases and inputs. Not saying NAWALT, just saying you and your wife likely have a long history of sexual and relationship patterns to swim upstream against that he doesn't with his wife.

My read of this post overall is that you've done a lot of the work on yourself but that a lot of the work at home isn't there yet. She sees you as changing but she sees home life as still being the status quo, which you are now a threat against.

Are you leading at home? Are you OYS around the house and as a father?

Ultimately, do you actually want to be with your wife? If that's up in the air, you've effectively just became her MGTOW roommate. That's better than her BetaBux roommate, but it doesn't mean you're invested and present in what's going on at home.

Are you gaming her? Are you dating her? Are you sincere in your interest? Are you balancing all of this weapons-grade nuclear dread with equal portions of comfort? Are your rewarding good behavior in addition to removing your presence in the aftermath of bad?

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You ain’t really done the work, trust me, you ain’t even scratched the surface.

If you had, the main event would have been of epic proportions, and been a real dynamo until she relinquished the reigns. Course, what I read here, few really have .... but anyway, them fucktards will learn

So I tell you, 23 years for me and I drew a hard line for me and I chose it as the final date, guess what ? Seems like when I set that date, my IDGAF oozed more to a point where I actually commended her for winning the game of me not really giving a “Screech’s IDGAF” cause well, when I’m there, like when my dad died, I yawned and went back outside and played with my youngest, cause you know, I’m a cast ironed motherfucker, Screech style

So my prizes of real work put in and dread, to levels 4-5 .- A menopause woman that two years ago could just not bear to fuck “because you know, we are at that age” to a fuck machine that can and does keep up with Screech (god help me on the next hotel outing)

So, doing little "the work” equals false positives, vs. “doing the real work and the main event,” is well, tantamount and the power shift is to keeping you, but that’s just my and my understanding

And, along with wearing the crown of all fucktards, I only really had to go to DL 4, and I don’t really have to take the accordion out, but my IDGAF stoicism still oozes, but ya know....

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, you would benefit by reading the post history (and OYS) of /u/2gunsgetsome

[–]Reach180Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I had the vague idea that women could fuck you even if they didn't want to, just to secure their lifestyle but she won't.

And this is what you want? Or something you'd accept?

Seems to me you just want to "Win". 3 years ago, you started playing a game, and you can't beat the game despite clearing all the levels.

You don't seem to have ever hit the turning point where you realize it's about you and not her confirming that you're good enough.

[–]McLearner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Of course I wouldn't want that. I stated as much quite a long time ago.

It's not as much as wanting her to savagefuck me, as much as WANTING to. But she can't want to want or whatever sense that made.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Read “Sex God Method” , DEVI and “Married Man Sex Life Primer “for sex.. but to bring out the inner slut you really need to internalize the whole sidebar and become attractive.

[–]McLearner[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Been there, read that. Multiple times.

As for attractiveness, it's subjective but I am positive I am better than ever and I can spot IOI here and there.

Might land more girls if I was in a more "open" mindset, who knows.

PS: wanted to add, for all those doubters, DEVI works. period.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Being attractive “out there” is the easy part. Being attractive with someone who has seen you at your beta worst... that’s where teading and practicing the complete sidebar helps you build frame , leadership, and the resulting “real” attractiveness

[–]McLearner[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Yeah I knew from the start. But after 3 years trying with but few results, I feel like giving up on my wife. In less than 3 months fucking the new girl, I did more than in 10y with my wife.

Yes, it sounds like the easy choice and I feel reluctant if only just for this reason but I honestly think there is a limit to how hard you can beat yourself. Someday you get to that point where enough is enough.

[–]crimson_chris1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

"I cut a bit of the starting process" - so are you saying that you did not do the work?

"Muscular is subjective" - LOL. No it is not. It may be relative, but not subjective. There have been studies which show that women prefer jacked men. If you make that statement it means you are not muscular.

If you want to kill the puppy, kill the puppy. Go out and get some new strange. The only problem is that there is a high probability that the issues that have fucked your marriage will eventually fuck any new relationship. Again, that us why MRP is TRP on hard mode. Your wife knows all your bullshit and she has your "commitment" (on paper anyway).

It looks like you are asking us to blesss you bailing on your marriage since you have done all you can. My favorite new line is "motion is not progress". You have made some moves, but are you a better man 3yrs into MRP?

[–]McLearner[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I meant I didn't write about the beggining of the process, not that I skipped it.

About being muscular, I meant that "big" is subjective. Some tell me I'm muscular but I rather I am lean compared to other people I see. Same goes with your definition of "too big"

As for killing the puppy, in retrospective it's true my mindset when I started writing was like "I am right, right guyzz ?" but putting my thoughts on paper, re-re-reading helped. I had already made up my mind, just needed to accept it.

Plan : I'm asking for shared custody, either I or she buy the other's part of the house and the other one find another nearby. Less change possible for the kids.

I get to half-keep my kids, half-live-alone. Keep most money possible. Let's see how it goes from there.

There is always a possibility I screw up any new relationship but, 1) I'm not actively looking for LTRs anytime soon, and certainly not an exclusive one, I will never marry or have kids again (2018 is vasectomy's year \o/) and 2) I'm well aware of that. All in all I'd say even though I'm starting again, I have a headstart.

[–]crimson_chris0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good luck. My wife and I have a lot of baggage as well (married 17yrs, together for over 20). I am lucky in the fact that she wants to improve the relationship. I am working on me. She is working on herself. Quality and quantity of sex improved after @ 1yr of MRP, but we had a huge set back in early 2017. I think I (we) are back on track now. I know this shit is not easy - especially with kids.

Don't fear the vasoctomy! I had mine about 5yrs ago. Don't skip icing those nuts post cut. I learned the hard way.

[–]thunderbeyond0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

A lot of this resonates with me.

I think this is a classic case of where the man improves, the woman doesn't/can't/won't.

And then what are your options?

Persaeus' advice to me ages ago was to consider the value they bring to you.

Question for you OP, tell me you don't have feeelz for the new woman?

[–]McLearner[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Well, we knew all along this was a possibility.

As someone stated above, get out or endure a starfishsex life "for the kids". Choice is obvious to me.

Ad for the new girl, I like her. I like how she opened up to me and let loose her inner slut. I can see us doing many things together but as far as the feelz... I don't know.

Honestly I came to question whether I actually love(d) my wife at any point, or anyone. Even though I genuily think I love my kids.

Sooooo, sometimes I'm there thinking "I really like that girl", and next day I forget about her. I'd say right now I'm hooked by the sex we have, since it's new and comes after a long period of frustration. I expect this feeling to fade over time and I need to meet/fuck more girls meanwhile to alleviate this as well.

Edit: As for your question about value: She adds value to the FAMILY as a MOTHER and everything she does as such. But to ME as a WOMAN... I have to actively think about it and nothing pops to mind. Oh yes she had value in the past when we met, she helped me and I learned a lot (she's into financial stuff) but now... Funny, it feels like a reverse Briffault's law >_<

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Funny, it feels like a reverse Briffault's law >_<

nothing funny about it. all relationships are transactional; and there is only so much in reserve. if she ain't providing value as a wife, then there is no value as a wife

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Upon writing, reading, rereading this I actually figured it out

Excellent. Did you figure out that you failed "the test." Athol Kay writes that when a man improves some woman will notice that he is attractive before his long-suffering wife. He calls it "the test" and says "don't fail the test." You will lose all your progress with your wife and probably your marriage.

This is what he was talking about.



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