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Feeling sad instead of glad while archiving my goals

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November 13, 2017
7 upvotes

Hello Gentleman,

in my last OYS post I set the goal to raise my wage. I did in fact get a raise by 10% in January.

So here is the thing. I don't feel glad or uplifted. Instead I feel down and sad.

What the fuck is wrong with me?


Post Information
Title Feeling sad instead of glad while archiving my goals
Author number123356
Upvotes 7
Comments 30
Date 13 November 2017 10:15 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205175
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7cm7kv/feeling_sad_instead_of_glad_while_archiving_my/
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Comments

[–]resolutions3166 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am extremely goal oriented and often experience a depressive period after achieving goals.

At the beginning of the year I set a goal to triple my businesses monthly income, something that felt nearly impossible at the time. I worked my ass off and did it, but after a brief moment of elation....yup. Bummed out.

If you’re driven by goals, you will miss the sense of purpose and direction that goals give you.

The thing here is to learn to harness this without letting it rule you, because you’ll never be able to relax or be happy otherwise.

Set goals, crush them. Try to enjoy them in the moment. Give yourself permission to bask. Accept the sadness that comes after, but don’t wallow in it. Set new goals. Every day, remind yourself to be grateful for what you already have, and remember that goals are just illusions. It’s a game, and you play it because it’s fun; but it doesn’t define you.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Because the chase is always better.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hopefully OP can get to a point where he understands this.

[–]rasgaroht2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Could it be that, now you've achieved your goal, you lack one ?

Maybe you should set yourself a new goal and work towards it.

[–]number123356[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I still got some more goals to archive:

  • CS degree

  • Loose weight

And I guess when I have reached theese goals I wont be glad either.

The only achievement I truly and deeply feel good about is lifting.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Seconding this. This is how I am.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am not a shrink but search yourself for a reason. Maybe you don’t really like the job and now you are more committed to keeping that position. Maybe you deserved a much bigger raise? Maybe your subconscious is telling you that you need to think about self employment. Try to find out why your spider sense is tingling.

[–]bala-key2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Focus on habits instead of goals.

[–]number123356[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Good call:

Usually I set goals and divide them into tasks and habits.

Tasks are one-shot events that need to be done and habits are reoccurring tasks. E.g.:

Writing a schedule (task)

Learn every day (habit)

Milestone / Checkpoint: Pass exam

=> Goal: CS Degree

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the basis and the Goal for 60 DoD: change how you operate so you get different results, consistently.

[–]Progress_Set2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jordan Peterson talks about this a bit. Basically you don't feel happyness by achiving a goal, you feel it by doing something meaningfull. When you achive your goal, you stop doing anything meaningful, and you're left without a purpose. Stop thinking that achiving goals makes you happy. If you're an explorer, your not happy in a city, even if its one you just discovered.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Perhaps this was a goal you selected because others here said that it should be one of your goals, rather than because it was meaningful to you. Your goals should be chosen in accordance with your missions, desires, and frame, not what society, parents, women, or MRP tells you that you should do.

Or maybe you don't find your job or career meaningful, so progress in it just makes you feel more bound to an unhappy career path.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I didn’t read you OYS but, A 10% wage increase at the same company is rare in the US unless you were underpaid to being with.

If you are not getting 5-6% increases YoY at the same place, you need a better job.

I hire and fire and cant remember the last time I gave someone a 10% increase unless I got them super cheap because I took a risk, and wanted to make up some of it to them once they proven themselves.

Its all about leverage. Extract the most value from a resource while paying them the least amount of money possible.

Your goal is to try and flip that to your advantage.

Its just another relationship at the end of the day, and whomever needs the other the least is in the power position.

[–]number123356[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Not-US and underpaid by normal standards

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you know what your worth, then go and get what your worth.

Rocky Balboa

[–]gvntr1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Is 10% a Goal or a Milestone?

A great Brian Tracy passage on the Mission of crossing the Sahara:

The desert was 500 miles across in a single stretch, without water, food, a blade of grass or even a fly. It was totally flat, like a broad yellow, sand parking lot that stretched to the horizon in all directions.

More than 1300 people had perished in the crossing of that stretch of the Sahara in previous years. Often drifting sands had obliterated the track across the desert and the travelers had gotten lost in the night.

To counter this lack of features in the terrain, the French had marked the track with black, 55 gallon oil drums, five kilometers apart, at exactly the curvature of the earth as you crossed that flat wasteland.

Because of this, wherever you were in the daytime, you could see two oil barrels, the one you had just passed and the one five kilometers ahead. And that was enough.

All you had to do was to steer for the next oil barrel. As a result, we were able to cross the biggest desert in the world by simply taking it “one oil barrel at a time.”

In the same way, you can accomplish the biggest task in your life by disciplining yourself to take it just one step at a time.

Your 10% is just one of those black oil drums.

[–]Luckylancer960 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Why would someone get upset with more wage? You need to elaborate more.

[–]number123356[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Seriously I don't have a clue. I know I should be happy about this. I am intellectually happy with it => more money => more options.

But I feel depressed.

[–]Luckylancer960 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It may be general depression rather than some thing spesific. Do stuff that make you happy.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

raising your wage was not your true target.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You should see a licensed professional counselor ASAP

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good.

You just found out that money doesn't make your life better and that setting goals suck. It's the journey, not the destination, that matters.

Why did you have this goal ? Why do you have the other goals (degree, weight loss) ? What are you trying to achieve ?

And more importantly : what is your mission ? Remember, a mission is something you do, not something you get.

[–]JudgeDoom690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Congratulations, and good job getting that increase. You made a goal and you executed it. What's next?

[–]snatch_haggis0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My guess would be that the goal gave you something very specific to focus on: "I am going to work hard today because I want to earn a raise". Perhaps the other goals aren't as clear or achievable in the near term.

You mentioned "lose weight", and that's one that can be especially overwhelming, as can completing a degree. Try to create some specific near-term goals that you can hit over the next 3-6 months, like "lose 1 pound a week", "get a 3.5 average this semester", "lift $pounds by $date" and the like.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your goal was masturbatory and shallow.

It's easy to say," More money! - That's what I want!" Vague and unquantifiable, but damn doesn't it sound good. Feels good too. Who wouldn't want mo' money?

You have to drill down a little deeper.... why is that a goal? Why do you want more pay? Will it help you achieve your goals?. Or is "more money" a goal in and of itself? Why?

I think you realized the pitfall of chasing hollow idols. Catching them is a hollow victory.

Do I look like a guy with a plan

Attempt to ascertain WHY a goal is a goal.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's normal, even if it seems paradoxical, to experience feelings of loss when you hit a goal because what you lost was the thing you were aiming at that defined your struggles. Now you are at a point where you have to think "what's next" and reorient yourself.

People often feel listless or undefined when their direction is uncertain. If this goal is nested within a larger goal, then the effect of your sense of loss is diminished or eliminated entirely.

If the money is a route to something larger, then it's just a milestone. If you didn't have a longer mapped out meta-goal, then your journey is over and you experience the loss of that motivation and narrative.

Embrace the discomfort and figure out what your real goals are. The ones that take years and years and are major parts of how you define yourself. Then set out the milestones you need to hit and always be prepared to think on what's next BEFORE you reach your goals.

Your struggle is where the meaning lies, not the accomplishment. Accomplishments are for reflection, but sit and reflect on them at your own peril because your eyes are looking in the wrong direction.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

the excitement a child feels for christmas presents is all about the lead up. When they open one they usually toss it aside within 2 minutes ready to open the next one.

Anticipation is the best bit.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

+1; and most men (and women) are just large children, always wanting the shiny new object.

[–]madali00 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

When you put the goal of 10% increase income, did you take time to consider why that was desirable?

[–]number123356[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well actually a comment on one of my OYS got me to this conclusion.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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