659,329 posts

About to jump ship

by mr_chan99 | November 02, 2017 | askMRP

16 upvotes

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Long time lurker, first time posting (Note: English is not my native language). Swallowed the pill about one year ago. I'm married, 40, wife is 38, one son age 12, been together 15 years and married 14. Height: 5'6" Weight: 160lb, I´m lifting for 2.5 months SL 5x5 (seeing improvements in strength and dropped BF from 26% to 23%, still a long way to go, I know !), taking good care of what I eat for about 1 month, tracking calories with an app. Read NMMNG, MMSL, WISNIFG, Rational Male years 1 to 4, the book of pook, the way of the superior man.

Background: Been completely BP all marriage, drunk captain big time, don't own my shit, all the usual problems. We work at the same company, different departments. First 3 to 4 years everything went great, then she changed to another department, sex declined to once a week and starfish, started working more hours, I started to get suspicious and found out she was cheating with her department head, never had hard evidence, but all red flags were there, she never admitted to it formally, only implicitly when I gave her an ultimatum, said "I prefer to be alone than with a cheating whore", she said nothing. But the cheating seemed to stop and she changed department again.

I have a little kid to take care, otherwise I would have divorced her. Fast forward to about 3 years ago, she and her sister got to be responsible for a new department with about 20 people, and with services outside de mais office.

(about her sister, she is one of the biggest bitches I ever seen, she complains constantly about everything, and everybody, and talks trash about me, behind my back to my wife). Almost all workers are women, except for two guys, from the beginning they started hitting on the two guys, it was a sad thing to see. When i heard my wife talking about one of them (chad) i knew i was fucked.

She tried to hide it, but it was completely clear she is crazy about Chad, she is his supervisor and would see him twice a week in the main office. The days she saw him she always dressed differently, showing more of her body, you get the picture. Red flags start popping out, like being alone with him in another company building and after getting home going to the shower, something she never done before on that day of the week (and in the middle of her cycle), etc. It´s a complete shit show, once again I don't have hard evidence, and she is a master at gaslighting, so forget confronting her and trying to get her to talk.

So I think I have two choices: 1 - do nothing and live miserably and be unhappy like I have lived for so many years. I feel a lot of anger and resentment towards her, and the only thing that keeps me here is my son. 2 - jump ship and try to live my live the way I want, do the things I cant do right now, like traveling abroad, buy a motorcycle, and many other things she would completely freak out about, (she is very obsessed about money).

I choose option number 2, and I´m thinking of doing it next summer, when school ends, and I don't have to drop and pickup my kid at school, and it wont fuck his school year.

I know that if I leave, it´s going to be a big shock for him, he already has to deal with some problems in school like bulling and a lot of envy from other kids because he gets the best grades, most of the time. It´s crazy, it´s a very small town, everyone knows each other and there is a lot of envy.

So what the fuck í´m doing here ?? You ask !! Well I would like to know if there´s anyone here with kids, that got divorced, or knows men divorced in the same situation, how did things go with the kids, they hate you / resent you for getting divorced ? Did they turn out OK, or got screwed-up because of it ?

Sorry for the long victim puke.


Post Information
Title About to jump ship
Author mr_chan99
Upvotes 16
Comments 25
Date 02 November 2017 04:23 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205210
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7acmlb/about_to_jump_ship/
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Comments

[–]JudgeDoom6919 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

Divorce is not a bad thing. Life is good on the sunny side of divorce.

Living in a bad marriage is a bad thing. So either fix your marriage or get the hell out.

My kids are doing fine after my divorce. I asked my son recently how he was doing with the divorce and he said "the only difference is there's less mess" (ex wasn't big on housekeeping).

My relationship with my kids is better than ever. Part of it is that I'm trying harder to make my time with them count. Part of it is that I'm overall a happier person, with way more spending money.

I took a mandatory class and an online class for divorcing parents with children. There are plenty of great tips in there about minimizing damage to the children.

Continue to improve your fitness. Continue to read the sidebar materials and learn how her mind works deep down. Whether you divorce or not, your life will be better.

Another user suggested you take martial arts with your son. That is excellent advice for both of you for many reasons. You will bond with your son, you will both get in shape, and other kids will no longer bully him. I took TKD with my kids for years, and it was awesome. Also, your son gets to hit you, which is very therapeutic for him.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

[–]tacoduck_9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

STFU. see a lawyer. file.

Present papers. Be nice. Focus on what's best for the kid.

My guess- no fault divorce. Same income= no alimony.

No chance for alimony= no need for a PI. OP- your wifes ship has sailed. GTFO. Kill the puppy and live an interesting life.

[–]hystericalbonding8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

You have many more options than than those two. Most of them involve frame, assertiveness, and self-respect. Divorcing a cheater is totally reasonable, and it sounds like you've decided. It also sounds like you're still scared of her. That needs to stop, divorced or not.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

And work...which OP is not ready to do.

[–]dandar460013 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do option 3.

Lose weight, lift weights WITH your son, focus on bettering yourself and him. He's being bullied and you are NOT helping him by planning on getting a bike and leaving him with mom. Maybe sign him and yourself up for martial arts as well. Focus on yourself and your relationship with your son. In a few years maybe both of you can leave the cheater behind.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Excellent point, irrelevant of what's going on with your wife, invest the time in helping train your son to stand up for himself.

He's getting bullied just like you are by your wife.

You both need to take a stand, draw a line in the sand, and enforce it.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

he already has to deal with some problems in school like bulling

Because you have taught him to be a bitch, like you.

Divorce for kids is better than parents who carry on like you two, what with you sucking your thumb and your wife... sucking Chad.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've only seen this exact question posted dozens of times here. I can't comment on the divorce part, there's plenty of more experienced posters on that topic than I.

What I can say is this, your stay plan and you're go plan are exactly the same. You have suspicions and a timeline in mind.

Use your time in the meanwhile to do two things. First, STFU and get proof. The best thing to say to her is nothing until you have proof and you serve her with papers. Until then everything is normal on your end.

Second, use that time to lift and sidebar. Work on your MAP. You're fat and unattractive with no game. Use your time well and work on you. It's a bitter pill to swallow but your wife is fucking Chad because you don't give her the tingles. If you don't work on you now, you're only doomed to repeat the same mistakes in the future.

Do those two things and you will come out of this for the better.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are not about to jump ship.

You are the fucking Captain.

Start acting like it.

You’ve been drunk and locked yourself in your at-sea cabin. The FO has all but announced her intentions to abandon ship.

So now you’re out, sobering up, and you KNOW the FO has committed acts of mutiny, disloyalty, and infidelity against your flag. You know she’s just waiting for the right time to jump ship when the other one is close enough for her to get to.

Nothing you can do about that now.

Forget about the FO.

Focus on yourself and the rest of your crew(your son).

But make no mistake, your Lucifer’s personal cock-sucking whore from hell, WILL swallow his fiery cum and spew it all over you in court to burn your shit down. They always fucking do.

When the FO leaves she will raid the food storage, stores, fuel supply, and attempt to strip your ship of everything not bolted down.

She will lie to the crew and attempt a full scale mutiny.

Get your shit together. Get ready for a full scale mutiny from her.

Lawyers, cash, plans.

You’ve gotten a LOT of great advice already.

I want to add this;

DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE HER ABILITY TO LIE, CHEAT, AND STEAL TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS.

YOU CANNOT TRUST HER.

There is a reason why wife and cunt are both four letter words. If they didn’t claim to have a soul you could just shoot them like a lame horse.

I will not wish you luck.

You will reap what you sow.

So get to fucking sowing.

[–]redwall922 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Broad answer ... what do you want.

Narrow answer ... I bought a motorcycle. I've got five kids. I hear shit about it from time to time. But I also hear "When am I getting one so we can ride together?" from the wife every once in a while. The only thing stopping you from buying a motorcycle is you.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Child of divorce. I just liked seeing my dad, the rest never concerned me

[–]bob13bob3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like she makes more money, he might get spulousal support, win win

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just because you might divorce your wife, that doesn’t mean you abandon your kid... especially if he’s having big troubles.

I've seen the end results of kids who's dads decide to not be present. It's not good.

[–]mr_chan99[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

ok, thank you all for your comments ! Some more background: She is a good mother, good housewive, cleans, cooks, etc. the good grades are because she helps him study for several hours every week. I have to make an effort and start doing the same and help him with some of classes (failure on my part there). About the bulling is mostly psychological, I practiced martial arts when I was younger and taught him some moves, no one bullies him physically anymore. But is a good idea taking classes again. About the SO, I make more money than her, because I have different responsibilities in the company, I´m not getting into details but it´s technical stuff (engineering). About my current situation, I´m having a lot of trouble sleeping, chain smoke (when stressed, is drinking or smoking for me, and drinking when you have to work the next morning, doesn't´t work), and have to fight almost every day not to blow up.

My anger and butthurt is so big they can be seen from the ISS (International Space station). A few days ago good news, new management, her department is restructuring, Chad and most people are gone, problem solved right ? NO, Chad lives 30 minutes away and she probably is going to think a way to continue seeing him on my back. When she talked about the restructuring, she was trying to find a way to keep him, it was so fucking obvious it made me sick, I felt like saying "fuck you, fuck Chad i hope he blows up and burns in HELL", but I said no such thing, I STFU and agreed with her, "they should have given you more time and warning about that".

u/hystericalbonding you are right I´m still afraid of her, I´m physically stronger and could put her head thwru a wall if I wanted, but in my mind I´m still a pussy.

I´m posting this to remind me how I feel right now, and what I have to do, to, one year ago I was the same way, pissed as hell, one Monday morning I dropped my kid to school, dropped her at work, and told her I was going home, no more explanations. I got home packed and sent her a message saying I was going to visit my parents (they live 3 hours away in another town). I had enough, I was not going to take that shit anymore, she sent me an email saying a lot of stuff, asking what she did wrong, that she missed being with me, and a lot of other excuses, I knew that if I responded, I would not hold back anything and it would finally blow up in a spectacular ball of fire. But it was the wrong time for me, kid in school, me studying to finish my last year os college, not a good time to blow things, I thought, not now, let me finish college, and school be over. In the summer, that is the Wright time. I return 5 days latter told her we are going to talk, talked some bullshit, to "keep the peace", and it was over, followed a few weeks of hysterical bounding (thanks Red Pill, for informing me what it was), but Red Pill was right it didn't last long and things return to "normal".

I don't know how I managed, but I did all the tests and finished that summer, it was a fucking miracle. So, time to jump ship and start swimming right ? Well, then came the birthdays, the vacations, things where a little better, she fucked me more, and summer was getting to an end, school was about to start, it´s now or never i thought, but I pussied out and here I am again in the same spot.

At least this time I have Red Pill, I know where I failed, I know why everything was the way it was, I know what I have to do. The stay plan is same as the go plan right.

I have 8 or 9 months, the physical part looks easy, just lift and take care of diet, I think I can manage that, but unfucking my mind that´s the really hard part, I have so mutch problems to resolve.

Anyway if I was a fortune teller, knowing much better what my circumstances are than you guys, she would have to make and 180 about me and start fucking me like crazy for me to stay, the chance that´s going to happen are almost zero, so don't get your hopes up. But I still have to do the work, and unfuck myself, that´s the only way my live is going to be any better.

About my kid, I don't intend on abandoning him, and run on my motorcycle, what ever happens I will be close to him and trying my best to make his life better.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Let this be your last victim puke. Jesus.

Get some self respect. You live as if you are single. It’s really not that hard to do. Smile when she is around, have fun, pretend nothing is happening then when she leaves plot the end becasue are as fuck she will soon. If you want to do it right pretend you know nothing. DOn’t let your ego overcome you and allow yourself to decide you have to talk to her.

She made her decision now you make yours.

Dive into your improvement and your kids. Document everything.

[–]incel8010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i would find a new place to work, that seems so mentally unhealthy..

[–]GainghisKhan2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's got good dread game lmfao.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I gave her an ultimatum, said "I prefer to be alone than with a cheating whore", she said nothing but she did solve the problem for you, she started flirting/hitting on Chad.

Easy day, you gave the ultimatum, now enforce it.

Look at guys who aren't on Reddit as well like Mark Baxter, Richard Cooper, and Jack Murphy.

[–]straius1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Child of divorce, just didn't care one way or the other, I was already fiercely independent at 8, unusually mature emotionally for my age. Had my father not passed soon after, I likely would have opted to live with him when I got older.

Like others have said, divorce doesn't mean your relationship with you boy disappears. It may get stronger.

Talk to a lawyer, be smart and measured about how you move forward. Lawyer may also have suggestions on research for effects of divorce on children.

Cheating is an instantaneous move for divorce for me. No matter what. The happier I am, the better able I am to be the best father I can be. Married or not.

[–]nightmancommeth0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She cheats you cheat. Done deal

[–]loveatfirstbump1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Staying in a shitty marraiage is worse for your kid than going through a divorce. Don't be a bitch, just dump that trash human and move on. Teach your son to do what's right for himself.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You’re call really.

The best move is to go hard mode. Rambo it up. Improve like a mother fucker. Fuck her the way you want. How you want.

Then when ready hand her the divorce papers. She wants to be a whore then so be it. You have a chance to use her as a sparing partner. Learn and improve. Dump her when you’re ready.

Either way you have to get through the process why do it while in the middle of divorce

[–]ImSteveMcQueen1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have a chance to use her as a sparing partner. Learn and improve. Dump her when you’re ready.

^ Gold, right there. Dumping her right now doesn't get you anything because your SMV is zero anyway.

Respectfully, work on yourself for 6 months or a year and come back and ask the question. Take the anger you feel towards her and use it as motivation. You'll gain huge value in your son's eyes doing this too.

[–]youcantdenythat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If it were me and I had to do it all over again I would take my kid and leave. Move him to a new school. File papers asking for full custody. Make her fight to get joint custody. Worry about the house and shit later. If you have joint finances open a new account first and make sure your money is going into it. Leave her high and dry as possible.

She will not have mercy on you. Don't give her mercy either. Do what's best for your kid!

[–]mr_chan99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the comments, there is some good advice here, time to stop puking and go to work !



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