707,481 posts

Time to Kill the Puppy?

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October 31, 2017
6 upvotes

So here it goes. I've been a beta faggot for much of my existence. I've swallowed the pill earlier this year after learning of my wife's emotional affair. I've been reading the prerequisites (1 X NMMNG, 1 x WISNIFG, 1 x The Rationale Male, 1 x The Way of the Superior Male).

I've been lifting and watching what I stuff down my filthy pie hole and lost almost 40lbs since February, with another 30-40lbs to go. I was a fat fuck who enjoyed eating twinkies and pizzas while guzzling down on Pepsi. I've completely changed the way I eat, and it's starting to show. My lifts are as follows: BP x 185lb, Squat x 225lb, DL x 225lb, OHP x 105lb. I still have a lot more work to do and improvement to go.

I'm on my second marriage, heading to what looks like an imminent divorce. I've been married for almost 2 years. I was the drunk captain for the majority of this sh*t show of a relationship. My inability to lead my family is what has led me to this place. There are no excuses, I'm responsible for this mess. I own that, and I will get better. I have no other choice. We have no children of our own, but we are a blended family (I have 2, she has 1). I own the house, as I purchased it before the marriage. I make twice what she makes (I bring in 120k, while she brings in 60-65k). She sucks royally with money, I'm the more prudent one with the finances.

Which leads me to the main event. She recently asked for a divorce, and I responded with "well if that's what you want, that's what you'll get". She of course has no money saved. Her parents who live 30 mins away, don't want to take her in. Her grandparents don't want to take on the responsibility either. So she's "stuck" here in a spare bedroom until there's movement on the legal front. Of course, she wants "help to get back on her feet". After reading some posts today, yea screw that. Why in the world do I have to bend over backwards financially to facilitate this? She has been texting me non-stop that she has a feeling that "I will kick her out" and she will be left homeless. I just STFU, and said simply reply with we will talk about this some other time. In the meantime, she's "petrified" about her fate. She has even at one point mentioned that if we divorce it will be business as usual for me, implying that I have all the leverage and I don't lose anything. I just reply with yup. I've talked to several attorneys and have money to pull the plug on this fiasco, but at the same time I don't need to make this any easier for her, after all she is the one who wants this.

This shit sucks...I need guidance, where the hell do I go from here?


Post Information
Title Time to Kill the Puppy?
Author hectorc329
Upvotes 6
Comments 56
Date 31 October 2017 03:49 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205219
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/79ta37/time_to_kill_the_puppy/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
WISNIFGbetaliftNMMNG
Comments

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

My inability to lead my family is what has led me to this place. There are no excuses, I'm responsible for this mess.

She recently asked for a divorce, and I responded with "well if that's what you want, that's what you'll get".

You say you have sucked as a husband and a captain (which is probably why your first marriage failed as well), and so not so surprisingly she wants a divorce.

But what the fuck do you want? Do you also truly want one, or are you just butthurt about the emotional affair and that she hasn't responded positively (yet?) to your "Dancing Monkey" Attraction Improvement Programme?

Her lack of options for moving out immediately might give you a chance to save this thing; /u/bogeyd6/'s wife also sprang the wish to divorce on him but stayed in the house for the interim; here's how bogeyd6 saved and recast this marriage into a good one.

If it's over because the awesome you says so, OK, but if it's only because she or the butthurt you says so, give bogey's roadmap a try while you consult the attorneys and continue to make yourself into the man you should be.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (22 children) | Copy

I highly doubt your divorce is because you're fat. What would specifically cause someone to risk homelessness over you?

Do you know? Why did you bury the lead here? Why are you sticking to platitudes?

Own your shit? What shit exactly?

[–]hectorc329[S] 2 points3 points  (21 children) | Copy

Own my shit is stems from a shitload of covert contracts that I established during our time together. I did the majority of housework, cooked for the family, paid 90% of the bills, did the majority of the parenting, etc. In return I expected validation, endless sex, and more appreciation. I ended up bitter and angry. I was not a fun person to be around. My family walked on eggshells because I failed to lead appropriately. She felt like this was coming to an end, she then engaged in an emotional affair. I then got pissed off and did the same to hurt her. That's what I have to own...

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (17 children) | Copy

She felt like this was coming to an end, she then engaged in an emotional affair. I then got pissed off and did the same to hurt her

So the both of you were sexting randos and now it's over? Sound like everyone is running on their emotions. Well, not the worst lead thats been buried.

[–]hectorc329[S] 1 point2 points  (16 children) | Copy

That's a fair assessment, everyone is running on emotion. She says she wants a divorce. I say fine, you'll get what you want. She moves upstairs to the spare bedroom and gives me the silent treatment. I don't respond to her at all, and leave her alone. I continue to improve myself regardless of the outcome. Lot's of emotion running high, and two people with huge egos staring at each other to see who blinks first.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She moves upstairs to the spare bedroom and gives me the silent treatment. I don't respond to her at all, and leave her alone.

So it is a battle of wills! Who can show who cares the least? Yah, that works in a low sex situation but NOT in a NO SEX situation. First you have to lead her to at least a low sex situation before you can try hard core (butthurt) "silent treatment" style dread. Although I would lead her to a high sex situation and skip the middle part.

My advice?

  1. Lose the butthurt.

  2. Lose the silent treatment.

  3. Talk to your wife (yes I said it!) as if there are not tensions and attempt to lead her to a better place. Tell her what you want. Tell her what you require in the marriage. Don't argue with her. State your demands to stay married. She will agree to try or she won't. If she does, give her a hug and proceed as if nothing has happened. Reassure her that all the bad stuff is in the past. If she doesn't, shrug your shoulders and walk away. Its over.

  4. When she Shit Tests (and she will) see rule 1.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy

I continue to improve myself regardless of the outcome

Let me ask you this. Is it improvement if your life gets objectively worse?

[–]hectorc329[S] 0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy

I haven't thought of it in those terms, so the answer to your question would be no.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (11 children) | Copy

Full disclosure. I fucking hate the idea of 'self improvement'. I find it to be illusionary jerking off of ones ego. I know you didn't ask for guidance, so me offering it is more me running my mouth than objectively helping you. I'll leave it with this:

Strategy, keep an end state in mind, use it to judge whether you're 'improving' or not. Keeping in mind, fixing the relationship isn't your job, it's not in your wheelhouse. Briffaults law is king here.

Good luck, thanks for the report, always good to see men putting in work. Unsure why the 2 year mark is where guys come in here, either everyones a liar, or the 2 year mark is a common place for setbacks

[–]hectorc329[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I appreciate you taking time to answer my post, I know you are highly regarded here so thank you. Although I didn't come out and say "I need guidance", I certainly need it.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's largely hype.

End of the day, it's guys swapping notes.

[–]CrippleSlap2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Although I didn't come out and say "I need guidance", I certainly need it.

And the last sentence of your post...

This shit sucks...I need guidance, where the hell do I go from here?

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Unsure why the 2 year mark is where guys come in here, either everyones a liar, or the 2 year mark is a common place for setbacks

i've noticed the 2 year thing too. just musing . . . but i think 2 cycles is a natural period for a guy to try, try, try, try to fix his marriage (or whatever) and finally come to the conclusion "this dog ain't going to bark".

as to guys lurking for years, assuming they're not killing it, is a clear sign of a very fragile ego which drys up pussy like nothing else.

[–]hectorc329[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Completely agree on the fragile ego part - it's exactly that which kept me from posting back in February.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol, yeah, it's anonymous here. No one truly cares. I sent my story on my OG account, as did everyone else. Think it's not embarrassing to talk about panic attacks and bursting into tears on Remembrance day on my first year?

Do you see anyone talking about it now? Do you think anyone even remembers it? Right now, people can tell you more about my shoes.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah OP’s not likely to learn anything without here after giving up so easily with so little progress. But it comes down to what does OP truely want.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bobby, with due respect, I disagree.

I don’t think it amounts to a cup of piss and a bowl of shit what OP wants.

He can want in one hand and shit in the other, and marvel at which one fills up first.

It comes down to what OP truly DOES.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Remember it’s one month for a year of marriage and some guys have to go a bit further. So 24 months is spot on.

What I find as liars are those that suddenly appear with no post history and claim they’ve been at it for two years but are asking basic questions.

[–]Chump_No_More0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're not wrong but I have a bit different perspective.

I hate improvement for improvement's sake. It's easy to let it become the bright, shiny object that distracts you from confronting and handling your shit.

Men are built for conflict and self improvement is a natural response to our burden of performance, but when we consume ourselves with it to avoid the thing we fear the most, holding us back, then it becomes our greatest liability.

[–]LBEB800 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

TIL about Briffaults law. Thanks.

[–]dandar46000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

One of the reasons people used to say around here to "Kill your ego." Most of this can still be fixed if you want to fix it. If you don't you've only been married for 2 years. Get a divorce give her eviction notice and this time next year this will be just a memory.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My family walked on eggshells because I failed to lead appropriately

You still have time to lead and your little hypergamous vagina unit has no better options at the moment so it is likely she will follow.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Are you enervating?

Something to think about.

[–]hectorc329[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I briefly read through this, and my initial thoughts are that I have not done ANY of that. I will have to look through it a bit more thoroughly, but it looks like I have not.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

First, watch the movie, The Matrix. I don't give a fuck if you've already seen it 3 times. Watch it right now. 80% of the metaphors here are based on that movie.

Next, as an overview, read this:

https://illimitablemen.com/understanding-the-red-pill/red-pill-constitution/

Before you ever post again anywhere around askMRP or MRP, read this:

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4z84w5/posting_quality_guide_for_rmarriedredpill/

Now, go here; find out which drunk Captain you are and WRITE DOWN the prognosis/reading assignments.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vykau/a_guide_for_beginners_to_mrp/

Next, go here, read it word for fucking word, twice, and use it as a pacing metric;

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb/the_12_step_plan_of_dread_book_excerpt_from_my/

It is said that you need to do one month for every year of your relationshit. You, my friend, are on a 6 month minimum course here.

Once a week, go here, and read a new article/book.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/wiki/index

Every single time you come to an exercise in your reading, a book, or an article, fucking DO IT.

There is no skipping shit allowed.

You have two primary goals;

Develop your body in the gym.

Develop your mind/frame in the sidebar.

I have posted twice in four months.

I don't expect to see you post for another couple of months unless you have a legitimate fucking question about something you've actually read.

If you come in here complaining about her ghosting you on twatfuck while you're out of town, or some other “She/Her” bullshit, a whole bunch of us will tear you a new asshole.

The mantra is:

LIFT

READ

STFU

LIFT: 3-4 days a week, primary lifts. No fucking talking, no fucking around, BECAUSE YOU HAVE READING TO DO.

READ: aforementioned

STFU: you do not talk about fight club. You do not become an asshole fucking retarded autistic moronic Rambo, go off on the wife, lay down the law, set new boundaries, or other bullshit.

It is business as usual. STFU about your changes. Let them and her acknowledgement of them be natural and organic. You will avoid a lot of shit this way.

EVERYTHING I have just written IS IN the sidebar. I just saved you an hour figuring it out.

Now, welcome to MRP, AGAIN.

We look forward to an awesome FR in MRP in 3 months because this shit is so awesome and you are doing it right.

So...

STFU

and...

Get to fucking work.

[–]hectorc329[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is a great layout, I appreciate it. You're spot on, I skipped some areas, tried to cut some corners and it made things worse. That's on me. I have to get back to square one, and put in the fucking work I should've been months ago.

[–]gtr3040 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I needed to read this.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry I didn’t send it to you sooner.

Busy weekend.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

/u/man_in_the_world asked you, and I'll ask too, what the fuck do you want?

Do you want it to end? Is it possible you chose poorly and have a low quality woman but you're afraid that you're now on your way to being twice divorced so you're hanging onto an obvious shitty situation because of sunk cost fallacy?

If that's the case pull the plug and do both yourself a favor. Kill the puppy.

If you want to save the marriage, go to your lawyer and have separation and divorce papers drawn up. Sit her down and ask her point blank, "are you out or are you in?"

I read your quotes from her and all I see is a woman trying to manipulate your emotions. "You'll end up on your feet.." translates as poor me. Don't you feel bad?.

I don't know that you truly understand her motives and now its time to clarify them.

If she says, "I'm in" then tell her to get back in the bedroom and you'll work it out. Be clear, married people don't live separate.

If she says, "I'm out." then give her what she wants. Serve her the papers and tell her to get a lawyer. This will do one of two things, it will either motivate her to move out and be a big girl or push her to get back in.

If she does try to get back in, and you're ok with that tell her "Ok, but we're going to proceed with divorce until I'm convinced you're in this 100%". You can always undo a divorce.

If she doesn't and says I'm out, then go into war mode. Play the friend and say things like, "I want us to both end up on our feet with as little pain as possible." I can't imagine with her making decent money that you'd be looking at much long term support. Get a good accountant/money guy and trade equity for long term cash flow. Disguise you motives and intentions under the guise of helping her in the short term.

You've been adrift at sea and drunk as a captain, your ship is sinking and your crew wants off. It's time to become a great leader. Divorce or not, your wife will not lead well on this one. It's time for your to step into the leadership role you've been shirking for years.

[–]hectorc329[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the response. I do want to stay in, she does provide value in our lives. I do believe that the terms of the marriage need to be readdressed, and boundaries established. You described her pretty well, she does try to manipulate my emotions by utilizing a variety of tactics, mostly crying and this "woe is me" attitude. Hence why I have kept my distance in order to prevent her tears having any effect on me. Perhaps this is her drawing me into her frame? Or a series of comfort tests that I have completely failed beyond belief. I don't quite understand her motives, and you're right its time to start trying to get some clarity on this. I have been a drunk captain for way too long, and time is running out. Time to lead effectively.

[–]tacko2762 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you can't lead yourself you can't lead anyone. What I mean is get your shit together first. Your stay plan and your go plan need to be the same plan. So get your plan tight. Prepare for all variables and contingencies. Make your MAP and implement the fuck outta that shit. If she follows, she follows, if she doesn't then she doesn't. The important thing is that your are doing what the fuck you want to do. And if she does get her sloppy ass shit together try not to be too much of a dick about it.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She wants a divorce and has lost the tingles for you but doesn't have another provider lined up so she is "panicking."

You can lead her to a better place most likely- or you can dump that bitch. Your problem is the next woman will be the same.

Think about it.

If you can't "fix" it with this one, what makes you think you can "create" an entirely new game with another?

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

“This shit sucks...I need guidance, where the hell do I go from here?”

For the record, I tried, I really tried. I read. I STFU. I read again, I STFU. I read this post again, and I just can’t help myself. He’s begging for it.

Hey OP!

Where you go from here is right back to the beginning. Because in the classroom of MRP for the past 8 months you didn’t learn a fucking thing before life came along and tested you. You failed.

Yes, you learned some buzzwords. Yes, you did some of the reading. Yes, you showed up to class, some of the time.

But FUCK NO, you didn’t LEARN anything, didn’t internalize anything, and while you lost some weight, you didn’t spend much (if any) time in the dojo and learn your KUNG FU.

Now the lady in the red dress has distracted you while agent Smith has walked up just out of your periphery and he’s about to put a .50cal AE round into your forehead from an IMI Desert Eagle at point blank range.

Guidance, oh yeah...where to go from here...

Back to the beginning. Back to where you pick up all the shit you skipped because it was boring, tedious, and unappealing.

When you got to the exercises in the books, did you do them? Most mention it when they do. Did you read the beginner tab? ALL of it? How about the WIKI? Did you know there are more than just the three books you listed?

And don’t tell me you HAVE read it ALL, because IF you have, and you come in here posting shit like this, one of two things is true;

1) You are a liar

Or

2) You are a moron.

May your god have mercy on you if both are true.

You are fucked up.

Your wife is fucked up.

Your marriage relationshit is fucked up.

For all the pussy you ever hope to get, which is the ONLY ONE you can UNFUCK?

And what toolbox do you use to do it with?

Your wife may never respond to you.

Your marriage may be irretrievably broken.

But none of that matters because?

Remember?

The STAY plan and the GO plan are the SAME fucking plan.

Frame.

Yours sucks. Your negative self talk and low self esteem is your biggest problem. Never write that shit again.

This is the post you write after 2 months, not 8 months.

Fuck. Go read MY victim puke <5 months ago. Now I have sex on demand, everything on the table, and on the counter, and the hood of the car in the carport when we first get home from an evening out. Awesome when it’s 40* and the hood is warm, banging her in the dark while cars drive by 115’ away.

In a few minutes I’ll post my personal guide to the sidebar.

You do this shit for YOU.

If she decides to board this train, great.

If not, great.

But if you don’t figure this shit out before round 3, life WILL knock your ass down and you won’t want to get up again.

Or, you can keep doing what you’re doing because it’s worked out so well for you, in which case, do, please, come back and give us an update.

[–]hectorc329[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can honestly say that I didn't do all the things you mentioned (specifically the exercises, among other things). There are no shortcuts to this, I tried to cut corners and it made things worse. I admit that. I won't make any excuses and will get to work, going back to square one. I have no other choice but to do so. I needed this swift kick in the nuts. I appreciate it.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret-1 points0 points  (19 children) | Copy

ALrgiht, for all you lurkers and magically 2 year in Alphas.

This is not how you do it. Our hero here has been at this since February and has chosen not to report in weekly if not daily. In fact this is his first post. Not sure what he is trying to show us BUT owning his shit is clearly not one of these qualities.

He failed two comfort tests. A HUGE ones and I’m talking YUUUGE.
This assumes everything he has said is true, but we know nothing other then he is a big pussy and continues to be so.

This shit sucks...

It does does suck, if you’re stupid.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy

Are we reading the same thing? OP didnt ask for advice and seems NOW to be on the right track Whats done is done and the past can be locked in a box, lit on fire and tossed overboard.

And what's with the daily check-in? Do you think this is AA? It's a place to get and give information. OP clearly GOT it. Do you use TRP for group therapy?

Comfort tests are an imaginary tenet of the purple pill. Women need strength and leadership more than anything. They don't leave men for lack of comfort. The world is full of men who beat women who dont get dumped.

If a woman says she is leaving, it's much more a shit test than comfort test. What he said and did are perfect and its likely now his frame set on the relationship.

TLDR...if your bitch says she is leaving....ask her if she needs a bus ticket

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Well, they can, but so few people will ever get to that point, that it's not really an issue for anyone.

I don't know if report in is a good way to phrase it either. All those fuckups he had could have been avoided with just swapping notes with some other guys. Yeah, he is NOW on the right track (hopefully) he could have avoided a whole lot of fucking up had he tapped into the resources here.

If a woman says she is leaving, it's much more a shit test than comfort test.

It's neither. Shit tests are teasing you when she's thinking about fucking you. Comfort tests are for if she's unsure you're going to be around in the morning. Wanting to kill the puppy is just that, checking out. Unless this is a way for him to show more commitment (which I doubt, he is a fat fuck divorced guy).

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

we don't see eye to eye on this. a shit test isnt just a woman flirting and admiring a mans fortitude. When the new kid at school is teased, it's a shit test. He can cry and be teased mercilessly from that day on. Or he can laugh at himself and earn acceptance to the group.

In OPs case, it was more like a final shit test and since he passed she is nervous she made a mistake. Had he wept for forgiveness this would be a very different FR

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Still think it's a different thing than a fitness/shit test.

Not disagreeing with how it played out

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

She is no different than a child who gets mad at mommy and daddy taking away the iPhone and threatens to run away. Best way to handle is with amused mastery.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great

[–]hectorc329[S] 0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy

I don't disagree with your post, you're absolutely right. Those two comfort tests were there and I epically failed them both. Like I completely fucked those up royally. I have to hold myself accountable for that. I do agree wholeheartedly that I need to start posting here more regularly, especially in OYS on a weekly basis. There is no excuse and I have to do better.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

So you’ve broken her. What’s your plan, high speed?

[–]hectorc329[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Acta, non verba. I have to continue to put in the work, and talk less. I have to deal with constant comfort and shit tests, continue to improve my SMV, and LEAD my family regardless of the outcome. If she comes along for the ride, that's great. If not, that's fine too. Regardless the end state should be the same. To be honest with you I don't know how to "repair" her. I just have to continue to unfuck myself and see where the cards fall after that.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have to continue to put in the work, and talk less.

Work yes. However, if you are giving each other the silent treatment like a couple of teenage girls then I would say it is time to talk more.

I don't know how to "repair" her.

You don't! However, a strong man can go a very, very long way towards "repairing" todays woman. NOT by repairing her directly but by being a rock and place of refuge.

[–]hectorc329[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I will heed your advice for sure. This has been very informative and helpful.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I don’t know how to “repair” her pass comfort tests

FIFY. Here’s a hint. Do research.

I am going to ask another question I should have asked in the begining. What do you want? Answer that and you will be well on your way.

[–]hectorc329[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I agree, identifying and passing comfort tests is an area I'm fairly ignorant on and have to research it in depth. What do I want? I want to continue improve as a man, not for her or any other woman, but for myself. I have established covert contracts for as long as I remember, and it wasn't until I read NMMNG when I realized what the hell I was doing. I grew bitter and resentful, and that's not the man I want to be. I have to do a MUCH better job at commanding my ship, whether or not she is my first mate on board is on her. Would I like it to be? Yes, I love this woman, but I understand that I can control only what I can control. That is me.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

passing comfort tests is an area I'm fairly ignorant on

Only because you are angry at the wife. If you had warm, affectionate feelings for her comfort tests are super, super, super easy to pass. If not (and you don't) then fake it till you make it. Take the woman in your arms and tell her what you want. It's only hard if you make it hard.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

two comfort tests were there and I epically failed them both.

Or you were just playing and will get around to passing them at some point in the near future.

Its not to late to pass a comfort test- even after the divorce is finalized.

Right now you are in competition with your wife but I think you have won. The winner doesn't get up and prance around while ignoring the loser. The winner can be gracious in victory.

Just a suggestion.

[–]hectorc329[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Thanks for your insight, I greatly appreciate it. I think this is where leaving my ego at the door becomes critical. In trying to send her a "message" (super beta, passive aggressive bs) I missed some crucial opportunities. Worst part is, there have been SEVERAL of these instances in the past several weeks, but instead elected to give her the silent treatment like a beta faggot. Because "I'll teach her"! If I did "win" this competition, my next moves will be paramount.

[–]straius1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Winning this game is like winning the homo flinch game. Victory might be fucking a dude in the ass to prove your the bigger man that didn't flinch, but that victory's gonna taste like shit once the game's over.

Don't lose the forest for the trees. Your situation is very recoverable but you can't get your way to a happy existence without engagement. If you give her nothing t have positive feedback off of, she will feel nothing but misery and loneliness. So divorce is inevitable so long as you are wrapped up in a contest of who will break first. You're basically making the decision for her by engaging in that fight and in doing so, the fight has become more real than the marriage or your dynamic since it seems to have eclipsed all else.

I guess I'm just echoing McGill and BluePillProf really. They have it right.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

a contest of who will break first

I have been here way too often, but a few rungs down the ladder of seriousness. What i have learnt repeatedly is that winning can be by extending the olive branch first. Its the right behaviour of a leader when shit gets super bad. The mexican standoff feels right in the heat of the moment, its the fuck you , fuck you approach. That can be ok to show dominance over minor shit. Otherwise everyone is too hurt and wants the other to make an effort first.

So man the fuck up and be the first to make the effort. Be the one who sees the forest through the trees as u/straius has said.

It feels so submissive to 'give in' and be the one who starts the conversation. You married her for a reason, unless she has changed massively you guys are just on a downward fuck you / fuck you negative spiral. Of the four options for this relationship (-/-, -/+, +/- , +/ +) only the +/+ approach (you both make an effort) will work. You can only be positive and see if she reciprocates. If you are positive and she is not, it will fail. At least you tried.

In my situation almost as soon as i go + my wife switches too. Guess what, being positive and making an effort is leading her to be positive too. Happened this morning.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

References a seminal post....

u/BluepillProfessor

Nice card

read the comments too, Jackten makes an appearance and his take is always enlightening.

(Shit... that was 2 years ago. Times flies when you're gettin' sum.)

[–]WesternhagenWinner-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

When she starts talking to lawyers, she will quickly lose that feeling that she has no options, and will also learn that you can't kick her out. If she's really ruthless, she will find a way to kick you out. Her lack of money will not be a problem because her lawyer will tell her that ultimately you will pay him as well as her living expenses. But you know this because you've done your homework on divorce and talked to lawyers, right?

I'd be really curious to know, if you don't have children of your own from this marriage, how child support works. Neither of you legally adopted their step-children, right?

How the heck did you not learn anything from the first failed marriage? Did you get into the second one immediately, on the rebound from the first one?

[–]hectorc329[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, you are correct - I can't kick her out, I know this based on conversations with several lawyers. Everything you have said is spot on from a legal standpoint, which leads me to think she hasn't spoken to a lawyer at all. I am prepared in case this goes nuclear by reallocating my direct deposits, opened a new account, and I have money put away in case shit hits the fan. I did not adopt her daughter, BUT came ridiculously close. As soon as I discovered her emotional affair, I dropped the adoption proceedings. Typical Beta behavior by me, among a laundry list of other faggotry. I did not learn about my first marriage. I took 7 years in between marriages, which at the time I thought was more than enough. Now my eyes are opened and see things for what they are.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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