I've been here since February trying to improve myself and continue to lift a minimum of 3 times a week along with cardio. I have lost about 15 pounds and put on quite a bit of muscle. I have read and am working on internalizing almost all the side bar, and have been a little slow going on my progress but still making forward steps.
Quick preamble, a couple of weeks ago I noticed an odd number of texts from my wife to a guy we both know. She works with him loosely once a week and they communicate sometimes, no big deal, but the number increased. It looked like she was chasing him and he wasn't really responding. Until last week when I went away for business when the number of texts increased dramatically, ending in a total of about 120 texts between them last night. I did not get a chance to get any software installed on her phone to see what they were saying, so I can only check my phone account and see how many texts were sent and received, and to who. To me, the 120 on the heels of 50 and 60 a few nights last week, if it isn't an emotional affair, it will be soon. I ended up video chatting her to see how she was doing etc. I tried to keep it light and not say anything about what I knew. She did not mention that she was talking to this guy at all, insisted that she was just talking to me, and nothing interesting was happening, and in fact made comments about my alleged cheating at one point (I'm not; transference?). I know for a fact he wasn't there last night, but I can't be more than 70% sure they haven't fucked yet at some other point.
Regardless of what was said, a line has been crossed for me, this is unacceptable behaviour. I am almost certain I am just going straight to a separation, instead of giving her a chance to break it off with this guy. I have a history of over-reaction to some things such as this so I wanted to see what others here thought. I know that I am not where I need to be with abundance, even if I have improved and that is coloring my thoughts right now, along with my anger. I know in the end it's on me to decide, and my path to walk but sometimes it's good to have a few other view points to help see things more clearly. So ultimately, is straight to divorce an over-reaction? If I put my anger aside for a moment, I think the best course of action is just to go with the 'my wife would not continue this relationship' and act accordingly depending on her actions, but my anger says NEXT.
UPDATE: I just checked and there are another 25 messages between them this morning.
UPDATE 2: Back in the country and two minutes after I texted her that I was home she sent him 3 messages and he replied. Not suspicious at all. I found software I can use to log her phone but I need physical access to it for 5 minutes which is easier said than done and I am not sure I need to at this point. I am going to try and see the texts before I go further.
UPDATE 3: Thanks to everyone who responded with some helpful and insightful comments. I decided to keep my knowledge hidden until I found out more about the situation and in the end I was able to read the texts on Sunday night, and they all seemed to be there. They were all innocuous in that they were her half drunk ramblings and talking about kids and other banal shit. At some point she sent a heart emoji to him, to which he replied, my wife and I are tight, you're barking up the wrong tree. She apologized to him the next day for making it weird, and they haven't spoken since. I did not yet have a chance to get the logging software on her phone but I am keeping an eye on her messaging still. I had to leave the country again this week and I didn't have a clear path forward so I did not approach her about it yet, although that is just as likely my hamster rationalizing my own fear of confronting this situation.
Bottom line, I have learned I am a big pussy, still in her frame, my abundance is not good, I struggle with conflict specifically with her and I still harbour some fear. I also looked at what I had become over the last few months, and I was all serious, not fun, I was not comforting when I needed to be, I sprinkled a little alpha on it. Having said that, she is seems to be infatuated with this guy, and regardless of her intentions it was unacceptable.
After reviewing the situation I believe I have created this in part with my alpha sprinkles so I am going to own my decision to keep the marriage together for now, get the software installed so I can watch for a repeat with someone else, and actually bring this up to her in a short, concise and direct manner when I return.