659,329 posts

[FR] It Actually Happened.

by RecoveringBPAddict | March 24, 2017 | askMRP

42 upvotes

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TLDR; got anal after 20 years of marriage, still require validation from within

 

I am 9 months into MRP. I have read the entire sidebar. I lost almost 10% BF and I am finally under 20%. I use SL5X5 and run pretty regularly.

 

So wife has known about RP since a friend I tried to help warned her last summer. [BEWARE about who you tell about this!] It definitely put me on hard mode. Meh, look at my post history if you want to hear that story. My experience has moved forward in starts and fits, but I was moving forward the whole time. Frame was the hardest thing for me to grasp. My first idea was much closer to an autistic retard red pill rambo stomping around demanding compliance. Nope.

 

As I tried and failed and tried again, for me, it was about becoming more comfortable in my own skin. Self validation seeped into my psyche and I began to feel different. IDGAF helped but it was more than that. I began to GAF about me. I began to look within for who I was and what I wanted. I consciously let go of a "dual" identity that I thought marriage was supposed to be. I wasn't happy and neither was she. I was an autistic retard of a captain and I wouldn't have fucked me either. I wouldn't have respected me or appreciated the financial value I brought with my needy sucking of validation I had become to her.

 

We have several kids. They are pretty cool and our family unit was a good one. It is worth providing for, fighting for and defending to my last breath. I was the worn out gear, the un-greased cog, the choking carburetor. I was the problem and no one was going to replace my gears, grease my cogs or fix my carburetor. They couldn't. They are all on the inside and only I have access to them.

 

The process sucked. Just when I think I am getting this, something else happens and yet another jagged part of the pill stabs me and it hurt. What hurt was my ego, my understanding of male/female dynamics and what I needed to do to be content. Killing my ego is still an ongoing process.

 

As I slowly grew, frame became critical to progress. I stopped calling, texting and, I am so ashamed to admit, tracking her. Yes, being a techie, I tracked her phone as a bitch Beta Buck! Fuck me! I let all that go. If she left, I DGAF. If she screamed, I DGAF. If she did whatever, I DGAF, but I did it all with a smile. Granted it was a fake one in the beginning, but it was still a smile. I became the cool dad. I started getting comments from the kiddos that it was more fun to clean the house with dad, it is more fun to work outside with dad, it is more fun to whatever with dad!

 

Shit storms came and went. Keeping cool began to grow inside and I stopped having to fake it so much. The heart rate slowed down and even stopped spiking when things went south. A slow confidence began to grow so much that just last wee the teens car just took a $$$$ multi thousand crap and I handled it like a champ. I didn't panic or freakout like in the past. I just didn't feel it anymore.

 

What is fucked up about me is that I am in the military. I was trained to deal with high pressure situations and maintain situational awareness at all times. Professionalism is an area where I have been good for a long time, but the frame fell apart in my home life. I have since left active duty and I'm now in the reserves.

 

As my frame grew and I started to pass shit test, wifey started coming around. I stopped all duty, starfish and transactional sex. She really started responding. If she wasn't performing, meh, it just wasn't good enough for me to continue. THIS WAS PRETTY SCARY, but exactly what our sex life needed!

 

I was recently recalled to active duty in my country and am being sent away for several months. Relationship was getting back on track and wife wanted to keep it that way. I had nailed down a B&B away from the kiddos and she was excited for the weekend. To make it special, she wanted to try anal for the first time. Now all you RP Chads out there who get it all the time may not appreciate this, but we have been married almost 20 years and this has never been on the table. Not only was she enthusiastic, but even high fived me afterwards and was proud that she could do anal!

 

I had some surprising feelings about the experience. I do not feel any great sense of accomplishment. This was something she wanted to do for us, it was pretty good, fun and HIGHLY enjoyable. Cool. It will definitely keep me around, but, it was not the internal feeling of validation I thought it would be. My inner self has moved so much that I know that when I hit 15% BF, bench 250 and squat doubly my body weight, when I nail my new business I am starting on the side, when my kids grow with strong sense of home and safety I provide, when wife is fully satisfied filling out the frame I provide, my sense of validation will be awesome!

 

Even with anal now in the mix, she doesn't' complete me, ... I do.


Post Information
Title [FR] It Actually Happened.
Author RecoveringBPAddict
Upvotes 42
Comments 34
Date 24 March 2017 08:24 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206357
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/61bf5b/fr_it_actually_happened/
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Comments

[–]anythingincRed Beret11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

Great post!

As I tried and failed and tried again, for me, it was about becoming more comfortable in my own skin. Self validation seeped into my psyche and I began to feel different. IDGAF helped but it was more than that. I began to GAF about me. I began to look within for who I was and what I wanted. I consciously let go of a "dual" identity that I thought marriage was supposed to be. I wasn't happy and neither was she. I was an autistic retard of a captain and I wouldn't have fucked me either. I wouldn't have respected me or appreciated the financial value I brought with my needy sucking of validation I had become to her...I was the worn out gear, the un-greased cog, the choking carburetor. I was the problem and no one was going to replace my gears, grease my cogs or fix my carburetor. They couldn't. They are all on the inside and only I have access to them.

So many new guys need to read this.

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Learning to talk about my mistakes was another tough thing. Yet a different manifestation of an ego struggling to live.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol everyone engages TBP at some point.

It's a waste of time

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Fuck yeah man excellent FR keep going!!

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks!

[–]resolutions3161 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Happy for you man. The whole "dual identity" thing has been absolutely HUGE for me as well. And when that clicks, and validation starts to come from within, so much of what seemed strange and foreign in MRP starts to become second nature.

Anyway, congrats. It must be tough to be leaving now, but you're in such a better place than you would've been.

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This was a tough one. The whole "be one" idea sounds really, really good but if only works when both parties operate within the same understanding of male/female dynamic. No woman I've personally asked feels like the "love" part of love, honor and cherish till death do you part actually means I commit to have sex with you.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Great FR and progress! Awesome seeing how things work out for those who put in the work. Congrats and keep moving forward.

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks

[–]rebbit_reddit0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

But transnational sex is awesome

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

... Said the foolish troll

[–]rebbit_reddit1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Now I'm not sure if you realise you wrote transnational rather than transactional

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Doah! LOL. Yes, transnational has been pretty good in the past!

[–]CaptJohnLukeDiscard0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Awesome report man. Thanks for sharing. This is very motivational to guys like me who are just starting out. Keep it up and keep posting!

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. I still have lots of work to do, but my foot is on the gas.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Well, I might as well ask. Was the anal everything you thought it would be? Did it actually feel good to you, or was it more the <Achievement Unlocked> aspect that was satisfying?

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'll keep this one to myself, but over all, it was good.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great field report and congrats on getting your brown wings. You have clearly internalised and implemented the teachings, rather than intellectualising them. It just gets better as you continue to to improve. Never forget to focus on your mission either. When you start kicking major goals there, everything else pales in comparison

[–]AlphaWeaboo0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So wife has known about RP since a friend I tried to help warned her last summer.

Why do you call that piece of trash friend?

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Red knighting is a tricky skill. I was way too new to be saying anything anyway. I consider the interaction to be mostly my fault.

[–]openwheelr0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Did anal ever come up in conversation before? Had you ever asked for it?

My story (not the ending) is similar to yours. Anal came up "organically" about two weeks ago (it was part of an otherwise unfunny standup routine on Netflix) and we had a discussion. Bottom line was she was shocked at my interest, as she is viscerally opposed to it (married 16 years). Despite that she seemed resigned that it was going to happen (not ideal) and even floated the possibility the following morning that we could trade anal for me doing more around the house (really not ideal). So I let the subject go although she has brought it up more than once. She also couldn't sleep that night. Part of her likes the uncertainty of it all, I'm convinced. I attribute the fact the discussion got as far as it did to RP. Old faggot me wouldn't have had the balls to push the issue like I did.

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The topic had come over the years, but I was never in a place to state, with any confidence, what I wanted. Old RecoveringBPAddict would have been laughed at. Now, since I have been changing, progressing, etc, she brought it up and wanted to try it.

1) she wanted to please me. 2) she was curious.

She made clear that we needed to go slow as it was our first time (duh, basic RP rule, don't be unattractive by RP Rambo what and how you will do anal your first time!)

I help create a safe space for her and it was great. But let me reiterate. Although highly satisfying, it is not the validation one should be looking for. It is only a sign post on your journey giving you and idea of how far you have progressed.

[–]openwheelr0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks. Yeah it isn't going to happen unless the stars align. Nor would I want it to, unless I was pretty certain it would work out OK and without recriminations. She came out and said she'd 'consider' the possibility the night of the original talk, although a few days later she asked that I not bring it up again (after bringing it up).

You met the basic preconditions. As for me, I have work to do. She doesn't want to please me in that way, although I know she's thinking about it. And I do think she's curious but will not admit it, maybe even to herself.

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Abundance mentality made all the difference for me. When she began to realize that I really didn't need her vagina anymore and that it was basically the same as any other vagina in the female populace, she started paying attention. OI and abundance mentality. Get to the point where you aren't faking it anymore, become a higher value proposition for her and be open to her. See what happens. Good luck and carry on.

[–]Redpillbrigade170 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Good job bro! Anal can be great at the right time in the right circumstances as you've just discovered.

Does she enjoy being held down by you in the process? Hold her head by the hair and talk dirty to her? Think about the lion biting the back of the lioness's neck as he penetrates and dominates her from behind. That's you big boy.

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks.

[–]TotesMessenger-5 points-4 points  (7 children) | Copy

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 10 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy

This is my proudest achievement so far. I have finally progressed to the point that BluePillers now use my content to get their emotional willies off on. I have actually got one of them to call me a "cunt". I'm so proud.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The icing on the cake indeed. Nice job

[–]AustralianArm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I got that the other day. Highly amusing

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She was into you 💕

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Crab bucket. FTW.



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