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March 12, 2017

Hey I know I can't control my Partner, but she is very slobby. Won't do her dishes, clean up her clothes, and leaves little messes everywhere basically. I will not clean up after her though. I am a clean freak, always have been, so I always do the majority of cleaning, which is fine with me, but I will not clean up after her.

Anyways I know I can't control her and I just started this journey last week and got through a couple books and read alot of posts on here so I don't want to go rambo.

Is my best course of action to just go to my ltp everyday and go hey clean up your cloths/dishes/ect please. If she says no or shit tests ignore and leave it until the next day or do you bros have any other advice worth sharing.


Post Information
Title Chores
Author canadaleaf14
Upvotes 8
Comments 19
Date 12 March 2017 08:23 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
shit test

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret26 points27 points  (6 children) | Copy

What would you do if she wasn't there? Do that.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]Sonic_Eternity2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

If she wasn't there, there wouldn't be any mess to pick up in the first place....should he be picking up after her?

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

OP just started the journey last week, meaning he hasn't read or learnt shit yet.

One of the main principles is you can't change anyone's behaviors but your own. Since OP is the one that is a clean freak, and it bothers HIM, the answer is pretty clear, clean it up.

Not because he should clean up after HER, but because it bothers HIM, and HE wants to live in a neat and tidy home, for HIMSELF. See why she is irrelevant in the equation?

Eventually she may follow his lead as he progresses through his MAP, and suddenly starts feeling dread once she realizes he doesn't need her at all. Maybe she starts picking up after herself, maybe she doesn't.

OP isn't doing it for her, he's doing it for himself. Anything else is just cutting off his nose to spite his face.

[–]Sonic_Eternity0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not saying I agree or disagree, just thought the point needed more clarification for OP's sake since, as you said, he doesn't know shit.

[–]sunthas0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

yah, the whole, I'm willing to do all the chores and you can just watch TV and that'll induce dread, just doesn't fly with me.

much better I think to reward good behavior and make sure things like going out to eat that evening doesn't happen if the chores didn't get done. Isn't that how dad would have done it? A strong father figure wouldn't do your chores for you and pretend you didn't exist.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The problem is your linking the two, cleaning and rewards. Clean because you want shit clean. Your not doing it for her, you're doing it for yourself.

If she's not adding value, withdraw your time. If she is adding value reward with your time. It's that simple.

If you think you're going to get her to do anything she doesn't want to do by buying/taking away rewards, good luck. Be a man she WANTS to clean for.

[–]zeteomegaleio6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

How about conditioning your affection and availability on her behaving like a grown up who can put her fucking dishes in the sink? If you don't want to be surrounded by filth, maybe you just shouldn't be around?

And exactly where do you see the future going with a woman who can't take any part in keeping a house up? This isn't even Adulting, it is Basic Humaning 101. I mean, I managed to figure out the "dirty dishes go in the sink" thing when I was like 4 or 5?

Or, is there something you aren't telling us? LTR handles most of the chores around the house here, and feels bad when she doesn't because she knows how I prefer it to be clean/orderly, but this is not because she's my fucking slave. It's because I run my own company and put in a lot of hours, so we are agreed that chores are just about entirely in her domain at the moment as I don't have time to do that when I'm trying to keep us going financially. But when I'm headed out of my office and downstairs anyway, I'll grab any glasses or things that need to go in the sink because I'm a fucking grown up.

So if she is earning 2x as much as you at her job and working longer hours, then yes you need to be cleaning everything and your focus needs to be on fixing your shit because WTF?

But if things are otherwise mostly equal and she is just being a lazy slob, why are you dealing with a woman who can't even bring her dishes to the sink? That's straight up disrespectful to you and your home together. Start being a lot more awesome, and if she doesn't figure it out that she is replaceable and needs to step up then upgrade to someone who at least isn't disgusting.

[–]SgtSilverBack4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

When I stopped expecting my wife to be an adult and owned my own shit, she started to realize how nice it is to have a clean home and its less stressful.

I started making the bed because that is what I wanted to sleep in, a nice clean bed. I picked up because I want a clean house. I make the kids pick up there crap b/c I want them to have the same values I do until they are on their own and make up their own mind. It had nothing to do with her.

Wouldn't you know, she started making the bed and picking up her shit. You set the example, not from a place of expecting her to do it, but because you want it that way.

Or see /u/gettingmymojoback for a TLDR.

EDIT: For an option on how to covertly communicate, when my kids leave something around I say "Honey, you need to pick up your dishes, we don't leave those laying around in this house" I say it overtly to my daughter so she knows my expectation of her behavior and my wife overhears it. It makes it tough for her to be the lone slob when everyone in the house knows we don't do X action.

[–]sh0ckley3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yup. After I just started dealing with everything and stopped being a little faggot and killed my covert contracts, eventually she was in awe of my self sufficiency and then she got covertly afraid and started to ask permission when she thought she ought to do the dishes or whatever. It was beautiful.

Most responsible teenager in the house. Craving a leader. AWALT.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

It works. For example, I leave for work hours before my wife has to wake up for work. She had never made the bed in the morning. This went on for almost 20 years. I hated this but accepted it despite talking to her about it many times.

Sometime after reading Ironwood I realized that it was important to ME, therefore I should just start making it when I get home. So I did. For 4 days.

On the 5th day I came home and it was made already. Occasionally I'd come home and it would be messy, so I'd just make it again. I didn't say a word about it. After a few weeks she finally asked "have you been making the bed after work?", me "yup", her "why?", me "because that's how I like it".

It's been a few months since, it still gets made most days. On the days it doesn't, I do it. I don't whine, I don't bitch like a woman, I don't talk about it. I just do it, because it's what I like.

TLDR: Acta non verba

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Work on you first.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This, OP. You don't have the frame to approach her about this issue in a way in which she'll listen or even consider changes. Once your shit is together, and owned, externally and internally, the way forward with her on this issue will manifest itself. And you'll likely care far less about her reaction to it anyways.

[–]aditas1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Does she suck your dick?

Does she make you sandwiches?

Does she wash your socks?

If the answer is anything other than "enthusiastically" why is she your partner?

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My pussy won't clean itself .... oh, what shall I do ??

What I'm the fuck would you do if it was hit by a train tomorrow ? Explain that ?

Why I'm Fuck is your frame so weak you cannot lead her to be clean ? Huh, WTF ?

Either she is adding value or she is not. Pick the one that bebifits you most.

[–]tslextslex1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Think how you would handle this if your child failed to to do the necessary chores.

Then do that.

Her: "Thought we were going to the art festival today?" You: "Nope. Art festivals are for girls who clean up their mess."

Her: "Thought we were going out to dinner." You: "We can leave when you've put away your laundry and loaded your dishes into the dishwasher, if there's still time."

Her: "Hey . . what are you going to to do with that hairbrush?"

[–]darla101 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol. This is good. It will actually work + bonus arousal.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You know you shouldn't be a control freak. You can communicate and set expectations. Make sure you've got all your shit on lock before you start expecting the other person to change

[–]AmericanViking640 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Pick up her nasty ass filth and put it on her side of the bed, her car, etc. It works for a child so it will probably work for a wife.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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