714,030 posts

Dread Level 10

Reddit View
March 10, 2017
17 upvotes

I know I will get downvoted because this is a new account with no history. I don't care.

How many people saw an immediate and lasting change with their wife once they got to DL10? I told SAHM wife I want to end the marriage. I've retained an attorney. I am ready to move on. This was not an ultimatum.

The next day it's like all the shitty things in our relationship from over the past several years were reversed. People warned me about hysterical bonding on here and it is 100% true. Things that were way off limits are now not. Things immediately went from dead bedroom to kinky. She enrolled in a tantric sex program. Lots of stuff. She is suddenly the nice and caring.

I'm skeptical of how legit this is. The reason I hired an attorney is because I'm ready to move on. I have options from catch & release over the last several months and I've realized I'm the prize. I'm a much better man than I was 18 months ago.

I've fully embraced the idea that I can't change her. And now that I'm ready to leave she does a complete 180, but it's also very short term. If she adds value to my life like she has started to over the last week I don't need to move on. There are many reasons for this - she may legit care, losing out on her lifestyle, and a lot of external validation from her friends who know about our situation.

Of course my work isn't done and I don't view MRP as a short-term fix.

I wasn't trying to use an attorney/divorce to change her. It has changed her, at least in the short term, but who knows if it will last. That's out of my control.

What have others learned going through a similar experience?


Post Information
Title Dread Level 10
Author sdhs435klj24
Upvotes 17
Comments 45
Date 10 March 2017 07:14 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206429
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5yo1qt/dread_level_10/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
dread game
Comments

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill17 points18 points  (6 children) | Copy

Compliance is temporary, attraction is earned.

Divorce her, tell her your not confident that you believe she's changed but that she still has a chance to get back in. You can undo a divorce but ask yourself what's the value proposition?

[–]sdhs435klj24[S] 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Compliance is temporary, attraction is earned.

This is one of the key things I've been struggling with. A week ago I was 100% convinced everything was over. I was expecting her to 100% want to go through with it. I was shocked with how she acted and how quickly she changed.

And the key thing I'm trying to figure out is if it's temporary. And of course I can't control her so if it is temporary, then I know and I can go down the divorce path. She has had a lot of external pressure from her friends to fix things over the last week and I think she's realized how good things are, or could be once again. But it's tough to say how temporary/permanent that is and how much of it is truly internally driven as opposed to external stimulation.

Fear of losing things and attraction are different.

I know this is my chance to establish how things will be. To make the boundaries clear, etc. And I'm not stopping my pursuit of becoming and staying even more attractive.

[–]anythingincRed Beret10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

And the key thing I'm trying to figure out is if it's temporary...it's tough to say how temporary/permanent that is and how much of it is truly internally driven as opposed to external stimulation.

You are giving back into your beta, navel gazing, internal-monologue origins here. It has ALWAYS been temporary, it has ALWAYS been about external stimulation.

You had it once when you first got together, but it was temporary, right? We all learned that. Well, you've got it back, and probably better than in the beginning. Did you forget TRP basics on your journey? It's going to be temporary with any newgirl too if you don't perform and have value and frame.

It has always been external to her, YOUR SMV, YOUR attractiveness, YOUR frame, She is YOUR mirror. How much more external could it get?

You are second guessing yourself because her actions MIGHT be temporary? Because her actions MIGHT be due to how valuable you are and the frame you have? Stop pondering OP and KNOW that is the case. TRP means you can't hold that against her though. You either want her in your life or you don't. It sounds like you were ready to be done with her, but now after the 180 you don't have any excuses or a good reason to leave her. Not true my friend, you leave or go because you want to, you are just confused because until now you never had a choice.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Why not just hold off the divorce and see what happens?

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Like I said, you can always undo a divorce. Don't forget, she is playing with a different set of rules. She uses emotion and feeling to navigate relationships. She genuinely feels her life is crashing around her by the very real reality of a divorce looming. Why would you remove that motivation?

I guarantee if he divorces her, and gives her a chance to be his SAHW again, she will be devoted, submissive and pleasant because she feels she has a second chance. Add to that, if he pulls out the nuke and waves it around without using it, she'll see him as a man with no convictions.

Until he sees real lasting change, he should proceed.

[–]GongShanks0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Women live in the moment. Right now she feels like this is permanent. We all know that isn't true. I'm sure she loved the shit out of you on the honeymoon too. How permanent was that?

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (15 children) | Copy

I know I will get downvoted

Lol

I told SAHM wife I want to end the marriage. I've retained an attorney. I am ready to move on. This was not an ultimatum.

Good fighters don't telegraph punches

If it makes you feel better, women communicate through emotional states. You got her fear emotions in top gear, so it's legitimate. How you leverage this is based on how being the Alpha fux, alpha providor, or a poser bluffing.

You've been given a gift, she has given a hard reset, and 100% mirrors what you give her to work with.

Too bad we have to guess if you're worth a damn, would almost be useful to ping your ideas off other guys. Luckily you don't care

[–]sdhs435klj24[S] 2 points3 points  (14 children) | Copy

You got her fear emotions in top gear, so it's legitimate. How you leverage this is based on how being the Alpha fux, alpha providor, or a poser bluffing.

Very helpful.

You've been given a gift, she has given a hard reset, and 100% mirrors what you give her to work with.

Also very helpful. Those two lines are what I was looking for.

My work is by no means done but I've made good progress with SL5x5, macros dialed in, 6 pack, athletic/muscular build, upgraded wardrobe, nice grooming, much better attitude with kids & socially, etc.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (11 children) | Copy

Want to know the fun part? You've lost your comfort safety net.

You rise and fall, without excuse, on your own merits 100% from now on (assuming this is read well enough)

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Want to know the fun part? You've lost your comfort safety net. You rise and fall, without excuse, on your own merits 100% from now on (assuming this is read well enough)

Just like Cortez drilling holes in his ships.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Cortez drilling holes in his ships

Heard that story many times. I still think he was a dumb fuck that died unrecognized and in debt.

[–]AmericanViking640 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

That actually does sound like the fun part. If he understands the rules well enough and understands how the game is played, why should he give a shit about a safety net?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

It was an illusion

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

There was no safety net the entire time? RP is a bitter pill to swallow.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Even attraction can be temporary, not just compliance.

Every day is a lesson in "be attractive, don't be unattractive." Even a good mother and lover can turn on a compromised man, regardless of past performance.

Learn to accept it without contempt, because you can change your own appearance and attitude, but you can only know female nature.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Just last night, I upped my dread game to save my marriage. I had the same result as OP.

Your comment scares the fuck out of me. There is no turning back. Onto the future, head held high, conquering.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I don't find it that way at all...

Then again, I've also accepted operation scorched earth from day 1. It was never about saving relationships, and it shouldn't be. That puts the onus right on her lap.

It is better with the mindset of 'fuck it, keep you around while I get ready to move on' and she has until that day to get her shit together.

Relationships are her job, building a man is mine

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Fucking brutal man, great insight. When does it ever start to feel normal 'normal'?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I try not to naval gaze like that. Got a direction, go in that direction

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Those two lines are what I was looking for.

You have, essentially, won MRP. I guess now it's up to you to decide if this is what you want. Although since I think your situation would pretty much be considered to be what most all men would call ideal, you should probably start to think about what impact a divorce would have on your kids, and how that measures up to what you want in life.

That, and maybe grace us with a detailed Field Report so the rest of us can learn from it.

[–]sdhs435klj24[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've already thought a lot about the impact on kids before deciding to pull the trigger. I've spoken with child counselors, etc. Ideally I'd like them in a nice family environment. But I'd choose a divorce being happy over raising them in a shitty marriage.

[–]Olderpiller4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

I have personally reached the conclusion that only by having the wife feel that she his now downgraded to a plate but still the primary plate can you maintain this sexual attraction. I do not think women are as attracted to you without constant reminders of the new status. I stopped wearing my ring and asked her to do the same, refer to her publicly as my girlfriend and flirt with other women in front of her. The result is that she is more turned on than ever and talks about dreaming of my cock. Maybe be a lie since awalt but hey this a lie that is nice to hear. And her actions show her sexual attraction so it is not just talk

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Out of curiosity, how did the conversation go when you decided you wouldn't be wearing your rings? How did you go about it?

[–]Olderpiller2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I just stopped she followed when I refused to wear them

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know I will get downvoted because this is a new account with no history. I don't care.

Then me either.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the female version of sexual assault. She is mind raping you and yes, this happens quite a bit. It is what they do. Fucking AWALT.

Even the ones who don't suddenly change on a dime are turned on when their Bluepill husband FINALLY stands up to them, puts his foot down, and becomes an independent man instead of a little boy pulling on mommies apron strings.

The problem with the female strategy is that sometimes when they force a little boy to grow up, he realizes that he doesn't need her after all.

It has changed her, at least in the short term, but who knows if it will last.

It will last as long as you maintain your frame. She will try every trick in the book to manipulate you into weakening. When you do, the bad behavior will return.

You have to maintain your IDGAF- and REALLY not give a fuck- for the rest of your marriage. The SECOND she senses a weakening in the force she will start her bullshit all over again.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're in a new job. You want to do good work, be there on time, get recognition, etc.

Over time you realize you can slack off a bit, browse Reddit, stretch the lunch breaks, get lazy and complacent.

Until the boss finally comes down hard on you for being a fuckup. All of a sudden you see your career potentially going up in flames. No more easy street.

Time to make the donuts. You get back to work, stop being a lazy bastard, and try to show you deserve your paycheck.

Problem is, you're not doing this for yourself, you've changed because an outside influence prodded you into a behaviour modification.

So without constant threat of getting fired, guess what...most people slack back.

You picking up what I'm putting down?

[–]Freedomeofchoice0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good analogy from a non-gender point of view.

[–]SepeanRed Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

The transformation is not self sustaining. You need to stay on top of your game and you need to enforce your boundaries when she tests your limits - and she will.

It's easy to think that she has seen the light, bit she hasn't. She hasn't become someone who understands reasonable requests, or whose small transgressions can be overlooked. She'll happily go on the slippery towards being a mediocre or even bad wife again. She'll behave exactly as poorly as you let her.

If you're willing to withdraw affection/sex to correct her behavior, she can stay this way though.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well it is, in a 'ask not for a lighter load, but stronger shoulders' way.

you just get better at it, so you find less resistance (IMO)

But sepan is right, it's not happening by royal decree, you just get really good at it

[–]sdhs435klj24[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I get that it's not self sustaining and it's on my shoulders to stay on a new and better path.

It's easy to think that she has seen the light, bit she hasn't. She hasn't become someone who understands reasonable requests, or whose small transgressions can be overlooked. She'll happily go on the slippery towards being a mediocre or even bad wife again. She'll behave exactly as poorly as you let her.

I know that's on me and the journey isn't over. It just seems shocking at how quickly she reversed course. Night and day and it's tough to imagine it sticking.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I see a whole lot of words, but nothing about touching any iron, or any self improvement.

If you have really been lurking for 18 months, you completely missed what we are about here.

And to answer your question directly: Threats unaccompanied by self improvement and more muscle will be forgotten about posthaste.

[–]sdhs435klj24[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, I lift. Best shape of my life. SL5x5 -> 3x5 -> 5/3/1 BBB. 6 pack abs. Upgraded wardrobe. Well groomed. Daily mindfulness/meditation. More social & outgoing. Hobbies with guys and with the kids. Have gone through all of the reading materials. Finances and career in good shape. Shit tests don't phase me. I'm not into full club/bar/PUA scene due to kids but day game for catch & release.

And of course setbacks along the way.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

"I'm skeptical of how legit this is."

You are fucked

Welcome to Ultimatum phase, I hope you enjoy looking over your shoulder. Careful she doesn't bite off your cock when it's in her mouth.

When you fuck up she is going to take full advantage and break it off in you

Apparently, you have not read enough to see she was playing poker and manipulating you for as long as let her. Remember that, as long as you let her.

You definitely do not have the frame to handle what you have done. Or you wouldn't be asking

My suggestion is read as fast as you fucking can in Chapter 5 or 6 of of this book

Enjoy your new sex slave Better get the case of KY on the way home I will doubt if she gets or stays wet for you. You will always be wondering

Or, you can read and enjoy the reset in her attitude toward you. Just don't let your guard down

[–]sdhs435klj24[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh I'm aware this could be the biggest manipulation yet. If it ends now, our marriage is considered short term and I pay spousal support for a few years. If it goes on for a couple of years more, it is considered long term and all of the sudden support is indefinite. I don't think she would want to do that because of the kids but there is that potential that she is great for a couple of years and then blows shit up with huge divorce rape.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't care.

If you really didn't care, you wouldn't have to say it. It's kind of like when an MMA fighter get stung by a punch and then shakes his head no, like you didn't get stung. It always means the punch hurt.

As far as whether her changes are long-term or not, don't project too far into the future. But, work on yourself and it won't matter either way in the long run.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I've fully embraced the idea that I can't change her. And now that I'm ready to leave she does a complete 180, but it's also very short term. If she adds value to my life like she has started to over the last week I don't need to move on

This is the reason things changed. All the legal divorce stuff is just more mumbo jumbo to her within a few hours.

[–]sdhs435klj24[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

All the legal divorce stuff is just more mumbo jumbo to her within a few hours.

Please explain.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Your divorce threat is a short term threat to the emotional mind of the oldest teenager in the house. She will respond to it but is is short term, unless.....

You embraced that you cannot and do not have the right to change her. If she adds value on an ongoing basis, fine, otherwise you move on.

You are what changed, not her. If you come to believe otherwise, it will fall apart.

You wrote the answer yourself, you need to embrace it more.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You are what changed, not her.

I need to buy Gold in bulk so I can give it out. This is a Golden insight.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Golden insight

Well, that's easier to clean after than Golden Needles. ;o)

[–]nightmancommeth1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

As long as you are willing to kill it at a moments notice and if you still have love I'd wait and see and the make your move when it goes to shit.

I went nuclear on my LTR 6 months ago because I wasn't happy and ever since its been a different story. This was after like a year of ding though and I was red pill going in.

[–]theunconquored0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The marriage was temporary the whole time. You've just accepted that recently. If you're getting more of what you need, maybe try giving back 2/3 of what you're getting and see how it plays out. Courts will always grant a continuance. Maybe you still divorce her, but enjoy the kinky sex while it lasts.

You put in the shit time with this woman, at least enjoy getting her best efforts for a little while. SGM hard and then walk away when you realize you can't forgive her for what she put you through.

Chances are, you can turn her into an alpha widow and keep her as a plate without the drama. And maybe leverage her desire to save the relationship into better terms in the divorce. Win, win, and win.

[–]darla100 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It always amazes me how willing men are to forget and forgive years of shitty behavior when a glimmer of hope (in the form of hysterical bonding?) presents itself. It's ultimately an admirable strength or an exercise in futility depending on the type of woman you've got, IMO.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2020. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter