714,030 posts

FR - No Butt Hurt.... Now what

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February 25, 2017
8 upvotes

I'm 5 months in. I have a couple posts and OYSs if you want background, but in general 20 pounds down, handling shit at home and work much better. Advice on my first post was gold. Thanks.

Last weekend had a get away with the wife. First in 6 years since last kid was born. See my OYS for details, but it was a great weekend I haven't felt as close and happy with my wife in a long time. I remembered how much fun we used to have and why I wanted her to be my first mate.

This week, having fun, flirting/gaming. Lots of dirty talk from her and my attempts to escalate. No conversions.

Example 1 - flirting/gaming all day. She had an event that evening but told me when she got home some shit was going down. I AA'd told her only if she was lucky, or she better do some stretching cause I had some crazy shit in mind. She ate it up. Her event got over at 10. She came home at 1:30am. No she wasn't out cheating on me. I can verify where she was and who she was with. I get up early, so I had been asleep for a couple hours at that point. Working hard not to be bitch butt hurt. She bent over to give me a goodnight kiss. I initiated. No dice, she is tired - hard no. Ok, I'm awake at that point, I go in the other room and read my book. Next day, no passive aggressive bullshit. Flirting/gaming... Having fun. Whatever, living my mission.

Example 2 - Working it all day. She is eating it up. In the evening, I walk in to TV room to find her watching 50 Shades. WTF I say, she says I'm getting ready for tonight. Then mini shit tests asking me to get something. I say I'm the "Dom" in this relationship, you are the "Sub", and I don't do BS task. She agrees, I'm the "dom". I tell her I'm getting out the handcuffs later be ready. More flirting, she it totally in to it. Its clearly going down after kids are asleep. She falls asleep while putting kids down. I initiate 15 minutes later, she's tired. I try to push through, with dom/sub jokes. She gives hard no.

Next morning, do my best no butt hurt, but this is a trend, and I'm frustrated. Thanks to MRP, this would have been a beta bitch fest in the past and I would have talked about my feelings and how it hurts me when she rejects me and all that other stuff that now makes me want to puke. Fuck it. Instead, I joke around, she apologizes for the night before, I tell her no problem, I'll just go see my GF today at lunch, she asks who that is, I tell her I've got a couple lined up etc. I walk around with my balls hanging out, I think its hilarious and it "grosses" her out. Stuff like that, having fun, slapping ass whatever.

Note: this FR is focused on her, but this isn't the main focus of my days. I'm very busy running a company, chasing deals, working out, lifting, BJJ, taking care of kids, went to a cool barber shop for first beard trim this week, lots of other stuff in my life. That is going great, so I don't feel the need to post about it here.

I understand, I'm not there yet. She isn't attracted enough to me. I'm too focused on sex, this isn't about sex. I get all that. I'm internalizing. Its a process.... But right now, I feel like she is getting what she wants, happy flirty fun husband, with no follow through or change in her. Covert contracts. Fuck me, I wish i could just turn them off.

As I'm writing this out, and I know what your comments will be. But I think this is useful for the community to post and the feedback will be helpful for me.
I need to keep going on my MAP, live my vision, and all the other stuff will fall in line, or it won't, and I'll find someone else who fits better with my vision. Ugg I'll use it to fuel my lifting and choke a few bitches out in class today. But in the near term I'm frustrated.


Post Information
Title FR - No Butt Hurt.... Now what
Author redPillOnHard
Upvotes 8
Comments 35
Date 25 February 2017 05:34 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206480
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5w56vz/fr_no_butt_hurt_now_what/
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Comments

[–]innominating12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

You are on the right track and you'll get there.

A few thoughts:

OI. Flirting is flirting, not a contract to fuck. If you flirt and expect "shit is going down later" you are not outcome independent. If she senses you expect shit to go down, she doesn't have to chase. If you appear needy, because you are excited "shit is going down" it will turn your wife off.

Acta non verba. Talk less and physically initiate more. You are setting up overt contacts verbally. Your wife is agreeing, then resisting. She doesn't want to be told to fuck you. She wants it to just happen. Initiate with a look or throw her against the wall and kiss her. Take what's yours.

Abundance and IDGAF. Start gaming other women. Get a few numbers. Develop abundance mentality. Eventually, she'll be throwing her best pussy at you and you'll be wondering if it's enough to make marriage worthwhile.

[–]redPillOnHard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for this. Good thoughts and i agree. Will do.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've found women hate this whole wait until bed sex thing...

Why not initiate when she wanders into the bedroom and kids are watching tv? Or when she's in another room? Shut the door and initiate.

That works for me.

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you're getting hard no's 5 months in, you need to up your game.

Dread levels

Sidebar

Lifting

Frame

Become more attractive

[–]HoveyC4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm no veteran, but my take after similar experiences with my wife:

Attraction needs to be better. You already mentioned this.

Dread is key here. She needs to know deep down that high quality women want you. She needs to see that when you're out with her. She needs her friends to make comments about you. She needs to then internalize that you could get other women without much effort if you wanted to. She'll soon start to feel an underlying mild anxiety that keeping you happy is important or you may look elsewhere for happiness. If she knows you value sex as a big part of being happy, she will feel she needs to give that to you. She'll start putting in some effort, looking for ways to please you, respond to your initiations more.

Without the dread (built on high level of attraction) you can't get to this point.

At least that's how I'm approaching things on the home front.

[–]redPillOnHard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This makes a lot of sense. Thanks

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP is no where near ready for that.

And by the way. Dread is about you. Not her.

But hey...keep writing those contracts.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Question asked, question answered.

[–]redPillOnHard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. Getting it out here was better than feeling barfing IRL.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Next morning, do my best no butt hurt, but this is a trend, and I'm frustrated.

Why not initiate again next morning? Set the alarm on your phone earlier than you need to get up. Don't know if it is true, but Athol says womenz "T" is at it maximum diurnal cycle in the morning . . . just like morning wood. Works for me; but YMMV.

[–]redPillOnHard[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I did. It didn't work out. I realize i was having a tantrum this morning. Stomping my feet. Fortunately it was 90% internal today. Progress. Inner bitch is a bitch.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The worst bitch. Stay busy

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (15 children) | Copy

How does she fall asleep putting a 6 year old to bed? Matter of fact a lot of guys are saying their wives "fall asleep while putting kids to bed". You tuck them in, say goodnight, and leave. How do they fall asleep putting them to bed?

[–]Terribledragon4Hire3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

As a guy I always fall asleep with my kids. I tuck them in, lay with them for a few minutes to help them settle, aaaand I am asleep.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Aww how cute

[–]nonnimooseWoman, something something dark side1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

My guess is that they read a bit first and then lie down with the child while he falls asleep. And then mom falls asleep too.

[–]redPillOnHard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, it is reading and falling asleep. 6yo is almost reading herself, so won't need help much longer, but point taken, bedtime routine could be better.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like a good way to develop a dependency. I read to my kids every night. Then they get tucked in.

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

A lot of guys let their wives turn the kids into shot sleepers. Sleeping is trained in the first couple years of a kids life.

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

Can you elaborate on what a "shot sleeper" is?

New term to me.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

They give the kids shots to go to sleep. Some take just 1. Mine were going shot for shot with me some nights.

Also...fuck android and it's autocorrects.

[–]Soberskipper1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

People drug thier kids to make them Sleep? Wtf in the Uk that would be considered a very serious crime.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not here. They actually sell the small sample bottles and shot glasses with catchy phrases like "no one's rocking you...you're just drunk" in the same aisle as the baby food.

[–]username_malachi0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey, a little Benadryl never, well rarely, hurt anyone. But seriously, I've got a two year old that naps fine but at night there are monkeys in her closet. We've been working on it for a few months but generally someone lays down with her until she is asleep.

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The only drug I give my kids to sleep is exercise.

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

*shit

[–]abdadaRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Any reason you're at home when she's out? Why aren't you out doing fun things, coming home amped?

[–]redPillOnHard[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

We have kids, can't be out in the evening at the same time without coordinating sitter, which i do once a week.
I'm at office all day, come home for dinner and family time.

[–]Aaren_Augustine2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I take my oldest to Martial Arts class. Great place. Filled with moms who love to chat while their kids throw each other around.

[–]redPillOnHard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great idea. I do this 2 nights a week. Good on many levels.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

There's difference between having fun and turning your house into a frat party. But hey you do you.

You need to take a hard look at the time you are investing in her and the validation she is getting from all this gaming. At what point are you cutting your time with her when she doesn't respond?

The way I see it you are still writing contracts despite your claims. She gives you a hard no you are to limit your time and attention.

This reads like the family dog that keeps dropping the ball at your feet wagging his tail happily with that stupid grin on his face.

[–]redPillOnHard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I can see that. Need to do what i want, focus on my mission. Thanks.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"She falls asleep while putting kids down. I initiate 15 minutes later, she's tired. I try to push through, with dom/sub jokes. She gives hard no."

Seems that a lot of your jokes and game revolves around dom/sub shit and it must be getting old to her. If it was a new guy or chad she wouldn't fall asleep with the kid- must need attractive help



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