I'm 5 months in. I have a couple posts and OYSs if you want background, but in general 20 pounds down, handling shit at home and work much better. Advice on my first post was gold. Thanks.
Last weekend had a get away with the wife. First in 6 years since last kid was born. See my OYS for details, but it was a great weekend I haven't felt as close and happy with my wife in a long time. I remembered how much fun we used to have and why I wanted her to be my first mate.
This week, having fun, flirting/gaming. Lots of dirty talk from her and my attempts to escalate. No conversions.
Example 1 - flirting/gaming all day. She had an event that evening but told me when she got home some shit was going down. I AA'd told her only if she was lucky, or she better do some stretching cause I had some crazy shit in mind. She ate it up. Her event got over at 10. She came home at 1:30am. No she wasn't out cheating on me. I can verify where she was and who she was with. I get up early, so I had been asleep for a couple hours at that point. Working hard not to be bitch butt hurt. She bent over to give me a goodnight kiss. I initiated. No dice, she is tired - hard no. Ok, I'm awake at that point, I go in the other room and read my book. Next day, no passive aggressive bullshit. Flirting/gaming... Having fun. Whatever, living my mission.
Example 2 - Working it all day. She is eating it up. In the evening, I walk in to TV room to find her watching 50 Shades. WTF I say, she says I'm getting ready for tonight. Then mini shit tests asking me to get something. I say I'm the "Dom" in this relationship, you are the "Sub", and I don't do BS task. She agrees, I'm the "dom". I tell her I'm getting out the handcuffs later be ready. More flirting, she it totally in to it. Its clearly going down after kids are asleep. She falls asleep while putting kids down. I initiate 15 minutes later, she's tired. I try to push through, with dom/sub jokes. She gives hard no.
Next morning, do my best no butt hurt, but this is a trend, and I'm frustrated. Thanks to MRP, this would have been a beta bitch fest in the past and I would have talked about my feelings and how it hurts me when she rejects me and all that other stuff that now makes me want to puke. Fuck it. Instead, I joke around, she apologizes for the night before, I tell her no problem, I'll just go see my GF today at lunch, she asks who that is, I tell her I've got a couple lined up etc. I walk around with my balls hanging out, I think its hilarious and it "grosses" her out. Stuff like that, having fun, slapping ass whatever.
Note: this FR is focused on her, but this isn't the main focus of my days. I'm very busy running a company, chasing deals, working out, lifting, BJJ, taking care of kids, went to a cool barber shop for first beard trim this week, lots of other stuff in my life. That is going great, so I don't feel the need to post about it here.
I understand, I'm not there yet. She isn't attracted enough to me. I'm too focused on sex, this isn't about sex. I get all that. I'm internalizing. Its a process.... But right now, I feel like she is getting what she wants, happy flirty fun husband, with no follow through or change in her. Covert contracts. Fuck me, I wish i could just turn them off.
As I'm writing this out, and I know what your comments will be. But I think this is useful for the community to post and the feedback will be helpful for me.
I need to keep going on my MAP, live my vision, and all the other stuff will fall in line, or it won't, and I'll find someone else who fits better with my vision. Ugg I'll use it to fuel my lifting and choke a few bitches out in class today. But in the near term I'm frustrated.