Hi. Throwaway account here.
I've been lurking around here for quite a while. I know a lot of what MRP and The Red Pill are about. But I have a real problem with something about my wife and my marriage.
I've been married almost 18 years. I have two kids, 15 and 10.
I know a lot about MRP and TRP, and i've made some changes and told my wife I won't put up with her bullshit anymore. She really treated me like shit up until a couple of years ago when I threatened to leave her if she didn't stop treating me like shit. Disrespecting me, refusing sex, the whole bit. And I know I was a piece of shit too - I let myself go, I didn't pay attention to my career, I would not stand up for myself for anything, even when pushed up against the wall. Our marriage started out badly, with me letting her manipulate me into marriage because she wanted to get married, she was 29, decided "It was time and I want to get married", etc.
And I realized that I really hate my wife. I hate her for doing all that shit to me. And I hate myself for letting myself be manipulated and used. I was, I am, her beta bucks. That's why she "chose" me.
I realized that if I could do it over again, I wouldn't. If I could go back 20 years to when I met her, I wouldn't marry her, I wouldn't date her, I wouldn't have anything to do with her. I missed out, and I hate her for doing this to me and I hate myself for letting her do this to me.
But I don't want to get divorced, because I love my kids and they need an intact family. And my wife really did change, at least outwardly. She has stopped treating me like shit. I do get laid more, and it's (marginally) better sex. She is more respectful. But I still hate her, and I still wouldn't have married her again. Of course I haven't told her this and I wont.
My question is, does anyone else here feel that way? Has anyone else ever been through that or felt it? What did you do to get past it? Can you ever get past it? I know about "forgiveness" and all that. But what do you do to get past it?
Thanks for your answers.