Check back to previous post for situation.

Long story short, Sex, respect, and overall feeling of love dropped off significantly. I have worked on my MAP:

• Cut down to 10% BF
• Pay down debt to 0$ by Feb.
• Manage shit tests
• Slowly implement the 12 stages.

I was help my wife with manually transferring data from one phone to another and there is was: an emotional affair. This has gone one since before we were married and was as recent as 3 weeks ago.

In there she laid out:

• I dont have feelings of love for him and I am worried he is going to leave because of the lack of sex.
• Ask what if's to him about the past (they dated when she was in high school / college).
• She frequently has dreams about him, where he is dating someone and she is jealous (although he has a live in gf in real life)
• There are mutual feelings from this guys side

Each time she was the initiator and he stopped responding. The was also drunk when most of this went out. She also did this on our honeymoon. The biggest slap in the face is that this dude is an out of shape, balding ginger that lives in his girlfriends house. The way my MAP is working I am not set up to compete on that level...

I exposed it as I was reading it and got hit with so much adrenaline I wanted to fight someone. She eventually cried about everything and I ended up staying at home, had a drink, some ambien and a handjob and feel asleep.

I dont really know how to unfuck this situation. I know she feels bad, she knows I know longer trust her and wants to try to make things work. I took the lead in the situation and am putting a plan together to at least map out expectations for the relationship (what we want out of it in all facets), and am considering implementing the 10 second kiss rule, but I know you cannot negotiate desire, or guilt it, or obligate it so I may be wasting time.

Another note: This check clearly has daddy issues. Here dad was divorced and spent most of time in the military. She would get small amount of really good time with him and then he would go back to the army. There are some abandonment issues at play affecting her own validation conquest which could be the reason she emotionally clung to a dude that ditched her a lot back in the day, versus me who is trying to build a life with her in it.

Edit: If this is a hopeless situation, I have no problem divorcing, even if this means dealing with the house, dogs, etc.