I'm at the end of my rope with my wife. We have a number of relationship issues including a lack of respect toward me, a lack of appreciation, a lack of intimacy, though we do have an active sex life and a general lack of comfort in the relationship. My wife knows these things. They've been discussed many times.

I'm fairly alpha by nature. I've never been outright BP in this relationship. I've been doing MAP for a while, piece by piece, lifting, reading, etc. My SMV is much higher than hers. She is over weight and terribly out of shape. Can't do a pushup. Can't run. Where does she spend her time and energy ? Working long hours, taking on stupid things at work with little to no reward that take tons of time outside work hours - answering emails and preparing presentations, for example. Giving the children everything they could ever want and more. Watching late night talk shows that cover the election. Doing humanitarian work.

Where am I on this list ? At the bottom.

The intellectual in me thinks there must be a reason for this and it must concern me. According to RP theory I must be a low value beta, which is why I got started on my MAP. However, I'm at the point where I am pretty sure my SMV is much, much greater than hers and I'm no beta. And I am getting unsolicited feedback from my friends that they find my wife's priorities, attitude, actions and behaviors annoying and counter productive, to the point where they are asking why I stay with her. My best friend who has known my wife longer than me has told me he would have left a long time ago. Furthermore, he told me that I am best man she has ever been in a relationship with, by far.

My wife has to know that I'm pretty near to blowing up the relationship, yet nothing seems to change. As far as I can tell the consequences to her are going to be pretty significant. I highly doubt that she'll find a mate nearly as good as I am. We live in a very large, beautiful house that I put together. I can't see any way for her to get a house anywhere near as nice. I'll have custody of the kids half time, so she'll lose time with them. The list goes on. I might be biased, but I don't see any upside for her on the other side of a divorce.

I am at a loss to explain her behavior. Is she happy with the status quo and thinks I don't have the balls to pull the pin or is she outright stupid ? Why wouldn't someone who knows their partner is unhappy in a relationship get their shit together and make it good for them ? Does she not see the forthcoming loss ? What is holding her back from getting on board and moving our relationship forward ?

FWIW, I know none of this matters in my RP journey, but it is something that I would like to understand better.

Another thing I don't understand is how she is a product of my leadership, ie your gal is a reflection of you. I cannot lead my wife. She does not follow.

My wife is over weight and out of shape. She is a vegetarian. For those not aware, it is very difficult for vegetarians to get reasonable amounts of protein in their diets. Tofu, beans, cheese, milk and eggs. I make a tasty egg dish every morning for our sit down breakfast which she does not eat. She has a bagel or muffin at work. Because she doesn't get enough protein and she avoids fats, her diet is basically carbs, carbs, carbs. Ironically she complains if I put mushrooms in the eggs !

We have a gym in our basement, we live 5 blocks from a community center that has basically a free gym, squash courts and workout classes and we live 4 blocks from a full on gym. She lives close enough to work to walk or bike. I'm lifting and doing cross fit twice a week, in addition to 4 hours of intense exercise with my buddies every Sunday.

What does my wife do ? Nothing. She doesn't break a sweat all week. And when she comes home from work she complains about how her joints hurt and her "muscles" ache. She has no blood flow ! She has no muscle to hold her joints together ! What does she expect ?

Am I doing something wrong with how I lead this woman or is she basically unleadable ? I'm providing gentle and no so gentle coaching, a positive example and opportunity. Am I missing something ?

I'm fully committed to my MAP and dread programs. And I'm making good progress. I'm also committed to being in a high quality relationship and I'll leave this one to get that if need be. What I can't believe is that I'm going to have to nuke this one to get it, for reasons that I do not fully understand.