[What Happened] Things are still in a “cold war” status with wife even though she moved back in 3 weeks ago. Trying to deal with all my anger and frustration with balancing it against the IDGAF and being an awesome leader who is happy-go-lucky all the time IS A GIANT FUCKING CHORE! My emotional and mental muscles are weak. I only found them a few months ago and building them along with my body … it’s just hard right now and I am screwing it up.
So wife has to leave for a 2-day trip last Friday. Usually we have sexy-time the night before any trip for either of us as a send off. When she finally makes it to the bedroom, she says she’s too tired. Frankly her usual cunt-ish shit tests still rattle me. I was hiding minor butt-hurt from little stuff the last few days and I am working on it. I loose frame and admit that her game just isn’t enough to get me to have sex with her either. I really have to get to a place where I can make space for us and don’t look at her with feelings of contempt, but I digress.
I work at DGAF, smile and go to sleep. She mentions how strange it is that I’m “ok” with being rejected for sex and she doesn’t quite know how to handle it, but that it is a good thing. FUCK!
I struggle to sleep all night and finally get up at 0500 for a 4-mile run. She gets up at 0530 (completely out of character as she struggles to get out of bed before 0700) and gets ready for her trip. I get the kids up at 0600 to start the school day and hit the shower at 0645. At 0700 she comes in to say goodbye. All morning it has been “cold shoulder” from her. I’m toweling off as she comes in and says goodbye. Being a complete dumbass, I keep the cold war in effect and simply say goodbye and a simple peck on the lips. She leaves.
The weekend is actually fun. 13YO son and I build backyard furnaces (from YouTube video) for melting aluminum cans and have a great time melting about 1000! Science is fun! Things are cool all weekend.
She is heading home today (Sunday) and calls this morning. She is spending a leisurely morning eating breakfast with friends and saying goodbye. I’m cool on the phone but pissed at how she treats minor friends with decent goodbye’s and me with a bullshit cold shoulder peck on the lips after rejecting sex the night before.
[What I should have done] When she was being distant and bitchy Friday morning, I should have kept a cooler head. When she came to say goodbye in such dick-ish manner, I should have told her to wait a minute and finished toweling off. I should have told her that anything could happen on a trip like this and did she really want to say farewell the way she was? Then I should have told her she was being a horrible wife and with a cocky smile, told her I would have to punisher her when she got home. I should have then kissed her good and hard, slapped her butt and sent her on her way.
A high value man would have handled the situation more like this, from a place of strength and confidence. I need to manage the way out of this cold war instead of waiting for her to make the moves.
I have no doubt that my analysis is lacking. Please help me figure out additional ways I screwed this up and anyway to move past being so easily hurt. Thanks for the counsel and help.