This ended up more writing than I wanted, so I'll just keep it so I remember my state of mind in the future.
I swallowed the pill 2 months ago after 10 years of marriage and I'm still implementing. I read the sidebar, WISNIFG, NMMNG, some of the rational male and still working my way through it. Prior to this I was somewhat RP but had a lot of BP qualities - mainly getting butthurt over sex (shouting, telling her she's worthless, etc) - this is relevant because I have conditioned my wife to use sex as a weapon and she is clinging onto that weapon for dear life.
I was somewhat of a drunk captain (late bills, poor planning) and I'm starting to take control and she has responded very well to that. I plan our days/evenings meticilously, tell her what I'm doing and she oftens joins in. There is the occasional "No we must do y instead" shit test, once in front of family who were visiting where I just firmly held ground in front of everyone. After that she usually just becomes submissive to my plans, and she is honestly such a poor planner with the attention span of Dory from Finding Nemo.
I handle shit tests well to the point where I now enjoy them sometimes, swatting them mostly using A&A, Smirk or STFU - I don't feel I mastered amused mastery yet as I think I come off passive aggressive so I don't use that. Her last shark week one Saturday she was an insane shit test machine and I STFU'ed the whole day and did not engage her at all, the next morning on her own she tells me she's not gonna be as bad as yesterday, to which I just gave her a hug.
Because of 5x5 lifting and losing weight (50 lbs to a 18% BF in 4 months) I am getting constant positive comments from acquaintances, friends and family. The other day, after someone comments about me losing weight in front of her she says that I should stop because I will soon look like a toyboy (shit test, ignored (smirk), translation: "I like this but I feel nervous that other people are also liking this").
I am getting a more defined body look and she is definitely noticing that as well. The other day she was constantly getting into the bathroom trying to catch a glimpse of me while I was shaving in the shower after a good workout . She has also commented on my muscles and felt them a few times. But she is very very good at looking distant so as to not look like she wants me. She is also now wearing better clothes (e.g. low cut top, mini/micro skirts) and parades around like a horny cat (it's funny) waiting for me to comment or slap her ass and stuff like that and she seems to enjoy that immensely.
Where it gets interesting is that this very often leads to Hard Nos with a condition when initiating sex. I think she is freaking out a little at my OI and abundance mentality and she is hanging on to sex for dear life as a form of wrestling control. For three months I displayed such OI and abundance mentality that she started often looking at me with this weird look waiting for me to get mad at something and I just meh and DGAF (e.g. hard no to sex, shit tests and disrespect) and she doesn't know what to do. She knows that sex is the only thing she has I want and she wants to weaponize it to the extreme. In the past 2 weeks she probably gave me around 8 conditional hard nos but I ended up smashing through 3 times, the hard nos I didn't smash I just displayed IO and went to do my own thing. What are the conditions? such silly stuff as:
- Buy me a piece of jewellery (2 hard nos, smashed when I said I will never ever buy presents for sex and got off her. The next day we had it).
- No sex until you tell me where you were on x day (3 times, sex after).
- No sex until you close the curtains and the door (compliance test, I told her she can close them if she wants to, sex after).
- Unfriend this girl on facebook.
This last condition she keeps bringing up over and over. I just ignore that and I don't want to DEER it at all (e.g. she's just a friend, and to be fair that girl is a 9/10 bombshell). It could also be because she is just not finding me sexually appealing/alpha enough yet so she needs something to justify the sex. I made it a point to NEVER EVER say yes to any of these.
So because of the sexual tension it often feels like she is setting a massive trap to get me to initiate just to say hard no until you do x, and I'm frankly tired of this. As I said, I am realising every day that I don't need her, there is the issue of a child between us but I am slowly getting mentally checked out and I expect to be fully so probably in 2-3 months. She still thinks I am hooked to her (because of the son? because of a past BP days marriage ultimatum that I never followed through?).
So a different approach I want to try is to stop initiating and otherwise continue improving myself. Do not initiate for 2 months and let her hamster spin, if she still gives me a hard no after that I will likely just divorce without even giving the fuck me or fuck you speech because fuck this shit I deserve better.
Would not initiating be counter intuitive? Initiating is an alpha trait and I noticed that she is very responsive when I try new things in bed, on her end though it's mostly starfish so it often feels like a lot of hassle for mediocre sex.
Also... just to give some feedback and reinforce ideas in the sidebar... what DOES NOT WORK:
Active dread DOES NOT WORK if you haven't truly mastered the initials levels of dread.... just so bad... don't do it guys. She freaks out at this, and tries to pay back by liking other males status's on facebook (lol) and talking to them. I in turn see this as close to the ultimate form of disrespect.
Ultimatums when you're not ready to give ultimatums... if you sense that she still doesn't respect you don't toss orders around, because you will get shot down and end up worse.
TLDR; Hard nos are wearing me out, should I go zero initiation for a few months?