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Attitude fixed my dead bedroom?

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April 16, 2016
7 upvotes

Hello everyone,

I finally internalized some of the RP concepts. This has resulted in:

  • I started lifting
  • I started eating healthy
  • I no longer look to my fiance for validation
  • I no longer focus on my fiance's happiness
  • I don't treat my fiance like a queen anymore - example, I used to go fill her water glass. Now I let her do it and only surprise her with it full occasionally

I've noticed our relationship dynamic has changed to be more like it was in the beginning. We joke and have more fun together.

AND I've been finally getting laid like I should. I've still got a long way to go. I'm only a few weeks in.

Has anyone noticed changed when first starting the MRP / RP journey?


Post Information
Title Attitude fixed my dead bedroom?
Author rp_Thomas
Upvotes 7
Comments 21
Date 16 April 2016 05:48 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207497
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4f2ws1/attitude_fixed_my_dead_bedroom/
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Comments

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Has anyone noticed changed when first starting the MRP / RP journey?

Yes that is kind of the point of /r/Marriedredpill

What you need to reconcile is how much of a dancing monkey you had to be BEFORE the wedding compared to how much you will need to dance AFTER the wedding. A Deadbedroom with a potential wife who won't follow your lead?

I have a better idea! Why not load a glock, give it to your future bride and then tell her to point it at your temple. Then trust that you can entertain her like a good little dancing monkey for the rest of your life and she won't get bored at any point and pull the trigger.

BANG!

FYI: YOU ARE NOT EVEN MARRIED. This is the BEST she will EVER be to you. It is all downhill from here.

[–]assured_destruction2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

Good start, now stop calling her your Fiance' especially to her. Cause you're not getting married, are you.

[–]rp_Thomas[S] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

It's weird. As you learn more and see the Red Pill truth, it makes you want to marry less.

It is weird. I am going to let RP theory sink in for a while before I make any big life decisions. My girl is still a good choice but it seems like a worse decision with RP theory in place haha.

It seems like women dry up after marriage. Interest is lost after commitment happens. Learning how to maintain interest after marriage is part of the reason I am here. But I have time - wedding planning is happening next year.

For now focusing on myself is my goal. The relationship is secondary.

If I do get married I just need to make sure my woman is good and I can keep her wet for years. I don't want a sexless marriage and to end up in a dead bedroom...and if I see that as impossible with this girl I'll move on when necessary.

[–]cj_aubreyRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

A basic RP principle is that men bring emotional availability and commitment to a relationship while women bring sexual availability. Your primary power source for ensuring her sexual availability is your ability to withdraw your commitment and emotional availability in response to her not submitting to your leadership (social dominance) and sexual advances. The more formal commitments you agree to (living together, mortgage, marriage, kids, shared wealth), the harder it is to exercise this primary source of power to achieve the social dominance (sometimes referred to as alpha) that drives maybe 50% of female attraction. Women seem to have some innate drive to dominate men if they can. This wouldn't be such a problem except that a woman's success in socially dominating a man will destroy her sexual attraction for him. This is the position of many nice, reasonable, blue pill married guys when they arrive at MRP. Defending against this dynamic and maintaining that social dominance (leadership, good captaining) is much much more difficult when your wife knows she can criticize, defy, tell you to fuck off, and threaten to take your kids and assets away if you don't submit to her dominance. Whatever you do, don't get married before you've mastered all of this Red Pill stuff and are getting everything you want in the relationship.

[–]jeeohnjones0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Women seem to have some innate drive to dominate men if they can.

They're anxious if no-one's in charge.. if things arent under control.

"I'm tired of having to think of everything for you as well"

"If you wont do it, get out of the way, I'll do it"

and then they hate you for it.

[–]cj_aubreyRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The amount of aggression varies by how in control the man is but I think they still shit test and frame probe a solid captain.

[–]jeeohnjones0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Is that a fitness test?

"Did I marry the right guy? Is he still in charge? ok he is, good"

[–]cj_aubreyRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fitness test, congruence test, compliance test. Its all kind of the same thing. The woman attacks (his frame, his dominance, his ego), the man either defends successfully and proves himself a high value man that she can feel safe and attracted to, or he folds, submits, she gains dominance and can make all the decisions herself. Its a win either way for her and I think there is an innate drive to do this since all women see to do it without being taught.

[–]assured_destruction0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Marriage can work, but it's fucking hard. I've been married 30 years, many ups and downs. Red pill has helped, a LOT, I have always been a little crazy and unpredictable. now shes used to it, it's no big deal. So now I have to step it up another notch.. Damn.

[–]kingslayermcnugget0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am not married, so take that into consideration. However, I would suggest doing the ceremony but refusing to do the legal side of things (marriage certificate). Refuse to bring the law into the equation. This will protect you, and help to maintain dread throughout your marriage.

[–]Reddened0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

For women, generally, when commitment goes up their effort level goes down (and for a lot of men too let's be honest). It's pretty rare to find a woman with self awareness of her natural inclination to stop investing in the relationship once she feels secure, and to also actively work against that selfish instinct.

 

You already proposed so it would be disingenuous to just suddenly back out and want an LTR only, but that doesn't mean you can't take a serious look at her to see if she seems like a very high value woman that is worthy of that level of commitment. You can also convey your concerns about marriage to her ahead of time so it will be easier to address later if she's not pulling her weight. Something like "you know I've been doing some reading on the topic of marriage, and a common theme seems to be that after marriage a woman's effort level goes way down, the sex becomes less frequent, she stops putting effort into her appearance, starts taking the husband for granted, what do you think about that?" Her answer may tell you a lot about her and allow you to evaluate whether marriage is worth the gamble.

 

Edit: You know after reading BPP's comment he's got a point, if this is how she is pre-marriage it doesn't bode well for your future, regardless of what she says.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes , the wetness down there is essentially a barometer for your frame . Now that you have found the throttle get to the sidebar and lifting heavy.

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

If you do somehow want to get married in the end ... Protect your assets. Look into all sorts of corporate structures to do so.

[–]What_is_real_anymore0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Second. Get a lawyer, draw up a PRE-NUP! Protect YOURSELF too. Put in writing the contract you assume when you get married. If you learn anything from married men here and from the side bar, it's don't live in covert contracts, and absolutely, clearly, make your boundaries and expectations clear. You have an opportunity here. Don't fuck it up.

[–]Chump_No_More0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I know this is the conventional wisdom in manosphere to protect yourself 'on the backend' with a pre-nup. But with lawyers that are adept at finding loopholes to judges that casually dismiss them, a pre-nup is extremely poor insurance to protect your assets. They give a false sense of security and set you up to fail.

The better strategy is to protect yourself 'on the front end'.

  1. Make sure you live in a state were laws protect all your existing assets going into the marriage.

  2. Don't marry young. If you're determined to have kids, bust your ass professionally, save and invest aggressively, get all the 'toys' now (Porsche, Harley, boat etc), buy your home, and DO NOT marry until your mid thirties and you're at the top of your professional game.

  3. Find a young, submissive, woman in her twenties from an old school, marriage 1.0 family and rigorously vet her. Read all of Ian Ironwood's 'Wife Test' posts... These are gold.

  4. Lastly, start the relationship with the RP fully internalized, in a mindset of abundance, and a rock solid frame. If you lose your frame or was never there in the beginning, then eject. This may sound harsh, but she's not a special snowflake, there are plenty more where she came from and you will be saving yourself a metric shit ton of misery.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Seconded.

Most lawyers I know didn't do pre nups - because functionally there is rarely a point.

[–]Nodeal_reddit0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

If you have a dead bedroom with a FIANCÉ, then you need to seriously reevaluate your decision to marry this woman.

[–]rp_Thomas[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I became complacent and non-attractive. I started ASKING for sex and did not do any seduction. Example:

  • We are in bed watching Netflix. Episode is over, I will ask "up for sex?" (like a loser) and she says "I'm tired".

I basically just assumed sex would happen and was very blue pill about it. This totally dried her up.

When I'm dominant and seductive, she seems to respond well so far. When things get "comfortable" and when I am complacent, I think she just naturally dries up.

I am in a unique spot though. She told me she likes it when I'm assertive/dominant. She was making a lot of decisions and basically flat out told me she doesn't like it. So now I make a lot more decisions.



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