Biggest Fears

BellaScarletta · 2016-10-26T05:24:03+00:00

Oh goodness. This one is a "where do I start" for me. I'm such an anxious/stressed person, and I don't know why. I seem to have a complete lack of coping mechanisms, but I usually find that's true or people who haven't met much adversity...anecdotally anyway. I have though, but I feel like I "get through" rather than actually "manage" hardships, small but important distinction IMO. Anyway...

Fears

Scarcity. I'm terrified of scarcity. It drives a lot of my decisions for better or worse. It's not really a secret to me why this is..I grew up upper middle class but by the time the recession had its way with us my mom and I filled the fridge and both gas tanks with my financial aid money and had $7 between us and no idea when more money was coming. Now I'm extremely adverse to risk and will sell my self short for a sure thing before I gamble even a little bit for a much more reasonable outcome. It can be difficult for people to work with me in situations where I feel stability or security is at-risk. I'll manically protect what I can, even at the expense of reason.
My own neuroticism. I'm unbelievably neurotic to the point I don't understand how other people deal with me. R is convinced it's a diagnosable condition and not something where people say "lolol I'm ssoooo OCD". It interferes with my ability to function and I'll isolate myself over embarrassingly trivial situations that threaten my reality. Everything I own is just so and any kind of change is a serious challenge. The one thing I am good at is absorbing a lot of the impact myself and truly not expecting other people to participate in my delusions of achieving perfection...but there comes a point, specifically with an SO, where the things that affect you affect them and I terrify myself that my inability to let go of certain specificities will be the end of everything else that makes me happy.
Judgement. Not in the general way, usually I don't give a rat's ass what other people think as long as me and SO are good. But like, for things like this, the things I'm sharing now - for how painfully neurotic and high strung and anxious I am...I get to be very terrified about what people think about that. Especially R. He's never been anything but understanding, though he enacts the single rule that "it's okay for as long as I work to improve it - even if it's just baby steps". But still, it's easy to hamster.

Phobias

Clowns. Fuck motherfucking clowns holy shit fuck them so hard agh. I'm not even going to excuse the language I hate clowns so fucking much. I just can't.
Tripping and having forks or fence posts or similar going into my eyes. Yup, you're all welcome for that one.

Nightmares

This isn't recurring as I don't usually remember my dreams, but 2 nights ago I had the worst nightmare. It stayed with me all day and even now: I dreamed seeds got into my skin on my arm and started growing under the skin layer and R and I had to push them all out. Literally this was like my nightmare (NSFW sfx gore). Except it was on my forearms and some of the seeds were sprouting...I tried to grab the sprouts and pull them out but they were too slimy and would slip back in. And then they would burst and make more seeds that would burrow into my skin. The worst part was it was the most sensory dream I've ever had and I could feel them burrowing into me. R was pushing them out but he couldn't get them out fast enough and I was screaming. THANKS FOR THAT BRAIN. Like why, why, why did we have to do that.

So there you go on that mini-trip into my mind. It's not really fun and games living with it. I don't know how one develops coping mechanisms and can genuinely process difficult situations and manage them in a healthy way...but I can either express it unhealthily or bury it down deep and avoid dealing with it for as long as possible. If anyone wants to share some secrets there, I'm all ears.

littleeggwyf · 2016-10-26T11:51:01+00:00

Fears

Death, I fear the death of loved ones and worry about this far more than I want to. Whenever my daughter asks about death or related things I get all anxious and messed up just because thoughts of her overlapping with thoughts of death terrify me.
Cancer, I had cancer and it was treated and is gone, but I have a fear of it returning or others developing it.
Being a bad parent, I hate the idea that I might screw up my daughter for life if I do things wrong.
Being judged by people - I always worry after the fact if I feel like others will have judged me, and wish I had done things differently. Even strangers :(
My husband leaving - I have an persistent fear that resurfaces if I gain weight, if I feel like I've been a poor wife or for other stupid reasons like he might meet some young girl at work and they be all cooing over him. Or like if he goes away for a conference or big work thing I worry about the socialising stuff. I worry about this more than I should probably because of my parents divorce.

Phobias

Spiders. Hate them, doesn't matter size or whatever, just get a adrenaline spike whenever I see one. My bravest moments are pretending to be ok when putting a glass over them to imprison them until hubs gets home for the sake of my daughter. Also I'm scared of killing them.

Nightmares

I have nightmares about all my fears, really. I try to fall asleep on a happy set of thoughts to avoid this, and after sex I normally have much better dreams and sleep.

Coping

To cope with these fears I tell my husband when it is worrying me, and I find him very calming and responds just right. Sometimes it needs talking through, sometimes I need to be told to stop being crazy, sometimes I need physical closeness.

CoochQuarantine · 2016-10-26T13:03:41+00:00

Fears

I am always worried about the future. It makes me anxious. Like will I have enough money? Will I have enough love? Will I have enough XYZ? It makes me anxious and I'm usually terrified that if I don't do something NOW NOW NOW that those things will just slip through my fingers.

OO Just thought of another fear. I fear being so horribly maimed that I cannot tell someone to just kill me. Like I'm brain damaged and have now become a burden to my family (not that I'd actually be a burden but you know what I mean). I would not want anyone to take care of a useless body. I know they would and I love them for it but no thanks. I'd rather it just be done and over.

Phobias

Mice. BLEH. OMG I freak the fucking fuck out when I see these little beady eyed demon rodents. Just thinking about them I got goose bumps now. Living in the city tho.... only so much you can do.

Nightmares

My nightmare mainly consist of drinking. I'm in AA and it's pretty typical to have drinking dreams. I wake up with so much guilt and anxiety because I felt like I drank. Even if it is just a dream it guilt is real.

Coping

For the first I typically pray. I say the serenity prayer

God grant me serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Or I read the acceptance passage.

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

For the phobias, I keep my place food free in areas other than the kitchen and I always keep mouse traps set up JUST IN CASE. Haven't needed them in over 2-3 years now but still. YEAHHHLLLCHHH.

For the nightmares I typically just snuggle up to my SO. He is always up to talk if I have a nightmare like that. He's good like that. It usually doesn't last more than a 2 minute talk and a snuggle to get me to STFU about it and go back to bed. If he wasn't there I dunno what I'd do.

mabeol · 2016-10-26T17:37:30+00:00

Phobias/Nightmares

Not a horse fan. Nope.

The worst nightmare I've had in recent memory forced me to dive in a massive tank of full of squid carcasses in order to retrieve some arbitrary object that would keep my family from dying. I woke up in a cold sweat and a hot panic. I think it stems from some underwater claustrophobia and also the fact that squid are clearly blood-sucking alien mutants.

Deep Fears

Anything impeding my mobility. The thought of any kind of paralysis makes me sick to my stomach. Thankfully, I am very healthy and strong, but every so often I'll overthink the possibility of it and have to go for a run to calm myself down.

Either of my parents dying prematurely. My siblings are a handful, especially the middle one, and as the oldest, I know I would be expected to step up and deal with them. I am not ready for that. My parents are both extremely healthy and have many good years left in them, which is reassuring.

Coping

Journaling. Running. Yoga. Celebrating and investing in my own health.

ragnarockette · 2016-10-26T21:31:12+00:00

That every time I eat something unhealthy I'm flying down a slippery slope towards obesity.
That my dad will die alone in his home.
That I will be stuck in this career forever. I like what I do, but I don't necessarily feel super fulfilled. My husband has said that once he's rolling in his new job, he will support me going back to school for whatever, which is great. But we have a lot of financial goals as well and I don't want to sacrifice those either. Major source of my anxiety right now.

dashdotdott · 2016-10-29T12:19:42+00:00

Turtles are great

bakebynumbers · 2016-10-26T14:43:30+00:00

I have two big fears- people being spooky (what ever the intentions, If you're hanging somewhere with a mask on and surprise me I will 99% chance start crying. It scares me so bad!) is super scary to me, because I have an overactive imagination, startle easily and don't understand the urge at all. I went into a non-scary corn maze a couple weeks ago where some dude was chilling in a corner in a mask because he thought it would be funny, and my roommate and I screamed, ran, my roommate fell down, I almost started crying and I took like ten minutes to fully calm down. Ruined my night honestly.

Disappointing people also scares me, but more in "stresses me out" way than a physical fear.

Also, unexpected dogs. Like if I know there will be a dog, or the dog is on a leash/behind a door/being held by someone its not a big deal- I can either mentally prepare or take comfort in the fast the dog can't get me, but if the dog is running free and I don't know the dog or its temperament or intentions it does freak me out pretty bad. No idea why.

hostwithmost · 2016-10-26T15:26:26+00:00

What keeps you up at night worrying?

Scarcity - I am self employed in something I lucked into. I go through the typical entrepreneur highs and lows of "I am a bada**" to "I will die bankrupt" in the same day. I find myself worrying about not having enough to be a stay at home mom when the time comes.

What genuinely terrifies you?

Violence, war, rape, being torn apart from family
To a lesser degree - losing independence of time, not being able to express my true desires creatively.

Coping

Talking to SO (he's the best you guys... kills my dragons effortlessly every single time :3)
Meditation
Time with friends
Alone time
Yoga
Journaling or voice memo if I am too lazy to write.
Reading
Some of my coping is basically to let my body continue a mindless thing while my lizard brain works its way through the knots (cooking, cleaning, running, splatter painting)
Retail therapy
Throwing old stuff out (major reliever to feel like I have outgrown my past and to acknowledge growth if I am feeling too small to deal with something in the present)

whistling_dixie · 2016-10-26T20:53:55+00:00

Soo ....I am an extremely anxious person. Far too anxious. I don't like to talk about these things because baggage sucks, but ...here it goes.

Fears

My SO dying. We have had conversations about what would happen if one of us were to die; like, financial stuff and all that. Any time we do, I am extremely anxious for several hours afterwards. I worry about the dogs dying, about our parents dying, our siblings dying, but the one that affects me the most is the fear of him dying.
I definitely have a case of impostor syndrome. I'm successful at work and I do a lot of big things with it, but sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to be here because I am "less qualified" than the others. I don't even have a degree, whereas most in my position have a minimum of an associates but more often a bachelors, and occasionally a masters. I went to college but didn't get to finish, and I feel like that reflects poorly on me - I am always afraid that I am doing everything wrong and that it's all going to come back to bite me in the long run even though I know truly that I actually do a really good job.
That I'm actually crazy. The therapist that I was seeing for quite a while ultimately started suggesting that I was actually dealing with PTSD rather than anxiety, and I (maybe foolishly) decided I was done with therapy. There's more to it, but I think that PTSD is grossly over-diagnosed (and self-diagnosed) and I don't want to accept that I've actually become a victim to the past. I'll list what's helped in my coping section.
Walking alone at night. I got mugged at knifepoint when I was still living in St. Louis; it happened so quickly and came out of nowhere. I lived in a really, really bad neighborhood and caught warnings from neighbors all the time; I was coming home from having drinks at a girlfriend's house and walking back from the metro stop when someone asked me if they could get a light. He only wanted cash, nothing else, but I was carrying a significant amount of cash and that loss hit me hard. This actually has nothing to do with the alleged PTSD, but is why I carry a gun now.

Phobias

I'm a little iffy about the dark. Never know what's going on in there, especially in the garage. I don't like the garage.

Nightmares

This is really weird - I have had this same recurring nightmare since I was maybe 13 or 14. I can't recall exactly when it started. Basically, in this nightmare, I'm a nurse in WW2 Germany and I've been smuggling children out of a concentration camp. At some point I smuggled kittens out in my violin case too, I don't know why or where the violin went, or why I had a violin with me at a concentration camp. Eventually I am found out and taken behind a shed and shot. Being shot is very vivid in these dreams - I'm always shot in the chest, and I feel it. It doesn't hurt, it just feels really warm - almost like slipping into a hot tub or something. I always wake up from these feeling really unsettled.

Coping!

I do yoga, meditate, and pray. Really, that's it. If I get through savasana and still feel unsettled, I just start another routine. If I'm still unsettled after that, I meditate. If I'm in the thick of something and I need to calm down, I pray.

Title	Biggest Fears
Author	RPWives
Upvotes	13
Comments	33
Date	October 26, 2016 4:05 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/59flbp/biggest_fears/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/biggest-fears.209449 https://theredarchive.com/post/209449

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