Motivation, Discipline, and Accountability

whistling_dixie · 2016-10-20T17:49:50+00:00

When it comes to fitness goals, I absolutely lack the discipline. So, I'm combating that by hiring a personal trainer. My first appointment is tonight! We'll see how it goes - my biggest problem when I was in the army was that I push back against people pushing me, I got smoked quite a bit.

Something that helps me with maintaining my diet is looking at other people's food diaries on MFP and keeping a private thinspo board on Pinterest. I know that is extremely frowned upon by many due to the correlation with disordered eating, but the fat acceptance movement has spooked me enough that I'd rather just not cause any tiffs over my own goals. :)

Your follow up question gave me some pause though; I do reward myself for a job well done, but I don't give myself consequences for failures. Now that I actually think about it that way, I need to stop that - either the rewards go or I have to come up with consequences. It's not fair to have one without the other.

I have a couple of good yoga videos saved on YouTube that really help me wind down and chill out at the end of a long day, I will link some of those once I'm home later tonight. I hadn't been doing any yoga for quite a while as my new job came with a membership to a different gym that doesn't offer free classes, so I finally realized I could just practice on my own at home. Definitely worth it!

PhantomDream09 · 2016-10-20T16:20:14+00:00

When it comes to my physical fitness/health goals, I find I have to work on both a micro and macro level. I create long-term goals that take time to achieve, and I make sure that my routine never gets stale by pursuing mini-challenges that last anywhere from a week to several months. I think it's a lot of fun to do challenges with friends, and check in regularly, although I've found that groups tend to have more success (and consistency) when the group is small.

It's really important to consider the people you are working with as well. If you are with other highly enthusiastic and motivated individuals - then you can have fun comparing notes and pushing each other. But if you are the only 'driver' in the group, then it's a lot less fun, because essentially you are tasked with trying to keep the energy up and getting everyone to participate. Similarly, if you have a harder time getting yourself motivated, but you're in a very driven group - it can be difficult to stay positive and stick things through.

I think the best thing anyone can do is understand where they fall on the motivation spectrum and try to find other people that are similarly compatible.

Set-backs, stalls, and stagnation are not the end of the world. Whether you are working on your behavior, or your physical abilities - there will be stretches of time when you aren't really progressing. The best thing to do is switch things up a bit, find a new mini-goal to drive towards.

Having fun is essential. If you can't find some kind of joy while in the pursuit of a goal or in the process of improving - then you're setting yourself up for failure. I find a great deal of satisfaction when pursuing my goals and I have a lot of fun along the way. Sure, there are times when I feel 'blah,' but knowing how to find enjoyment in everything I do really helps.

Irisandoleander · 2016-10-20T19:11:38+00:00

I suck at self improvement.

Really - quite badly - Like, everything I do I gotta be doing FOR someone. Accountability to myself I have none. Accountability to others I'm all over that shit! so..... that's my struggle.

Never_Evil · 2016-10-21T16:07:51+00:00

Love yourself.

Lol, I know, that sounds like typical BP advice for becoming complacent and self-indulgent. It's not. If you've been reading the material on this sub for long enough, you know how important it is to be understanding towards your SO when they suffer, fail, or feel inadequate (instead of criticizing them or getting angry at them). Basically, apply the same logic to yourself :)

This is real, evidence-based advice - fantastic materials on self-compassion.org, Edit: Kristen Neff is the key researcher behind it all, and she created valid + reliable tools (also did a ted talk on this) - I like this because it briefly outlines the three basic elements of self-compassion, and this has a bunch of great blog articles.

Why does this help with motivation, discipline, and accountability? Because loving yourself also means being honest with yourself about your needs. Caring for yourself means taking responsibility for your actions.

It's a mindset that is different from the 'internal judge' that so many of us have - it's similar to how you would expect a good mother to motivate her child, or how a loving best friend would offer encouragement: "I know this is disappointing for you, but everybody messes up sometimes. It’s important that you improve your diet if you want to stay healthy, so let’s see if we can figure out a new meal plan that works better. I know you can do it." Simple, strong, and pretty sweet ^^

MountainsAndMeadows · 2016-10-20T14:47:35+00:00

I watch how hard my husband works and I try to keep up lol. These dark Fall days get me off-center easily so I try to look for signs in my behavior that I'm slacking.

I don't think anyone is immune to falling short of their relationship goals. The important thing is to apologize (through corrective action) and move forward quickly. Constant self-checking is what I have to do to keep the level of perceived respect intact.

mabeol · 2016-10-20T22:00:43+00:00

Allow me to tout one of my favorite People Categorization Models! I am a huge Gretchen Rubin fan and love her Four Tendencies. You can read up and take the quiz here. It's structured around how you respond to inner vs. outer expectations. For the record, I am a Questioner.

The biggest thing that works for me: Ask yourself, "Is it worth it?" This is mostly related to unnecessary snacking. If I'm wondering if I should stop for a latte, have another cookie, buy a snack that I don't really need... I'll ask myself if it's really worth the possibility of guilt, stomachache, that icky "I need to brush my teeth" feeling, the extra calories. Often, an impulsive treat seems like a good idea until you swallow it. So I ask myself the question. Or I'll think back to the times I did regret it for whatever reason and ask myself, "Do you want a repeat of that?" Usually stops me in my tracks.

A few things that help me with exercise:

Make it a recurring commitment. I used to go to yoga "when I could," but then I picked a specific class at a specific time and now I make time for that class every week! It's paying off in a lot of ways: I'm building a relationship with that particular teacher, my body is happier, and my poses are way better.
Play around learning what motivates me (interesting blog post about the six types of motivation). I do not have a competitive bone in my body and am highly turned off by any kind of "measuring" that pits me against others. BUT I like being with my friends. My exercise of choice - running - is highly social in my area, so I always have tons of pals to run with whenever I want, which I really like! (It's worth noting, however, that I am not even remotely motivated by the notion that "everyone is doing it" - moreso by the "yay I get to play outside with my friends!" mentality).
Like u/phantomdream09 said, make it fun! Pick something you at least kind of like.

My own personal Everest right now is the motivation to do my hair and makeup all the time... I'm fresh off the "it's what's on the inside that counts" boat and am working on building some beauty habits. Open to any and all suggestions.

whitebunny87 · 2016-10-21T23:46:34+00:00

there's a cool app I try to use called 7 weeks. very simple - you just add things that you want to achieve daily, and mark off each day that you succeed. it gives you a nice, clear chart so you can see how well you've done this month, and any patterns (I'm looking at you, weekend sloth)

Title	Motivation, Discipline, and Accountability
Author	Camille11325
Upvotes	13
Comments	15
Date	October 20, 2016 2:43 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/58h7co/motivation_discipline_and_accountability/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/motivation-discipline-and-accountability.209466 https://theredarchive.com/post/209466

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