When your SO is being a jerk?

Littleknownfacts · 2016-09-22T18:22:58+00:00

Usually if he is in a bad mood, it's because of work or traffic stuff. If I'm at a good place I can usually recognize it right away and give him space without taking offense.

If I'm not doing so well, I can't see that he's just had a rough day and I get mad at him for 'being a jerk'. Which my way of dealing with that is just to give myself space lol. So we both get a bit of time to cool off and come back to eachother when we have ironed out our own kinks.

Overall, bad these bad moments don't effect us too much, we are both really good at just letting things go. He's told me he's actually surprised that I don't hold grudges lol.

I'd say he's probably a greater beta, probably leaning more to the beta side of things. Which probably works out better for me that he goes into stoic mode when angry. I could never be compatible with someone that lashed out with an emotional outburst, I like cannot handle emotional people in general.

Irisandoleander · 2016-09-22T18:29:41+00:00

I think it really depends on the how/where/when/why

In public, I'm on his side. NO MATTER WHAT. I married a good man. I'm going to stand by his side --- but we may have a chat at home when we are in private.

I do not always tell him how I feel, it depends on a lot of things. The other night my husband blew a gasket talking to the car dealer. I did not bring it up at home because it would not change how anything went and I totally understood why he did what he did. There was a time when he offended one of my sisters, so yes, I brought it up - quietly, in private. I wanted him to know how his words affected me because that's family and how they affected my sister. It wasn't a huge deal after I brought it up. I just wanted him to know so that he was aware and he could make the choice, if he wanted, to act differently later.

This is the man I married - this is how he has always been, and how he always will be. If it bugged me when we were dating I wouldn't have married him. Tis life.

He's a mix. He has alpha and beta qualities. But he's not a redpiller so IDK how to put him on the he-man alpha scale

StephanieCitrus · 2016-09-22T18:14:14+00:00

Depending on what kind if jerk he is being, I will give him space and evaluate what I could be doing to contribute. (Did I make him annoyed, dod something else make him annoyed and what can I do to help?)

If he is being a jerk by teasing me, ignoring me or being unappreciative, I react with childlike anger and this usually gets his attention and changes the air to a fun one, rather than me bottling it up and turning sour.

He is an alpha in most ways but he loves to laugh so if your guy becomes humorless when jerky, you may not have the same results

blushinglilly · 2016-09-22T21:12:53+00:00

My husband isn't a jerk very often, so I'm lucky. He's a pretty laid back person so when he gets angry he nearly always has a legitimate reason to. So when he is legitimately angry I just listen and try to be supportive.

If he's being snappy with me and it's unfair I still take the supportive approach and try to defuse the situation. He has such a mild temper that he always responds well to that.

Nomudnolotus111 · 2016-09-23T06:56:16+00:00

I've found learning to STFU has worked wonders here. It's taken me some time to learn patience here but it really has paid off. When my SO is being a jerk I just keep quiet and find something else to do if I can. Guaranteed after he has calmed down he apologies or gets all affectionate with me. I can't help but have a little smug grin (I don't let him see of course!)

madscientistlove · 2016-09-23T06:58:20+00:00

Generally, I treat the situation like you'd treat an angry, strange dog. No sudden movements and don't provoke it, haha.

Do you tell him how you feel? How? Why?

Hellllll no. When men are being jerks, imo, they usually know it. They don't need a woman pointing it out. The anger is probably not at me, and I don't feel the need to make it about me.

It doesn't affect my relationship much. My fiance is an xxFx type, very mercurial. His moods are like the weather, and they come and go. I just need to not react to them.

Is your SO an alpha or beta?

The broken furniture in my house says alpha. ;P

CoochQuarantine · 2016-09-22T19:13:29+00:00

My guy isn't a jerk to me per se but his attitude can be stank sometimes because of circumstances. My initial reaction is usually "whoa.. someone isn't too happy".

I don't tell him how I feel because I know I get bitchy too. So I just kinda stay quiet and ask if there is anything I can do to help out and just accept whatever answer he gives.

Not at all. Usually he thanks me for being even keeled when he needs me to be. I can tuck away anything bugging me to be his support 100%. Nothing good can come out of BOTH of us being bitchy. Plus for some reason when he gets worked up it QUICKLY makes me STFU. I think a man when he is angry kind of gives me a kick in the butt and puts me in this mode where I know my place is not to provoke him more. If that makes any sense. Like when he is agitated I get into "ok what can I do to fix?" even if that means just STFU.

He is alpha.

littleeggwyf · 2016-09-23T08:19:20+00:00

What is your initial reaction?

Honestly, when he is in full on stern angry jerk mode, it scares me a little. Not for any real reason or experience. But he's a big man with a grim face and intense eyes when he's like that, it's just really intimidating.

If he's only being a bit jerky because of being annoyed at work, or daughter being naughty, I try to be a bit playful, he will normally be a bit grumpy initially then start to smile slightly. Sometimes it needs a bit of flirty stuff to get his mind off what is bugging him. If I go all shy, he never stays cross.

Do you tell him how you feel? How? Why?

If he's not being a jerk AT me, but he's in a jerky mood, I might say 'we're going to go out and have fun, why are you grumpy?' But if i've directly made him angry, probably only after he's thought through things and is peaceful again if at all.

How does this affect your relationship, if at all?

It's rare, his temper is very controlled, and he tends to brood on something occasionally and then just work out a solution or discuss his thoughts and be fine. I think it maybe makes me more reluctant to be direct in disagreements. But the times where I do stand my ground, I think it means he knows it really matters to me, and listens more.

Is your SO an alpha or beta?

Um, I need to read more. I guess he's quite alpha in some traits, but really intensely loyal to family and our little family in particular. I've only seen him scared once (when baby daughter was critically ill), and he's very sure of his principles. But in no way is he a player, nor has ever been, even if he could... so maybe beta?

RedPillRhonda · 2016-09-23T03:42:21+00:00

When he's in a button pushing mood I'll laugh along and then pout about it. No grudge, but I'll playfully tell him he's "the worst". He'll pull me in for a hug and breast squeeze at that point, lol.

nouvelle_rouge · 2016-09-25T17:58:40+00:00

I am always on his side, even if a small thought has crossed my mind that maybe something he is doing doesn't at first seem like the nicest thing. If it doesn't affect me, I really can't make any judgments about the decisions he makes. For example, if I see my boyfriend cancel plans on one of his friends last minute, I'm not going to say anything and even support his decision to do so. I don't know what the situation is, and so I choose to trust that while that might not seem very nice on the surface, it's not that big of a deal in context and that my boyfriend is doing what's best. My boyfriend has shown himself to be a very considerate person and takes really good care of everyone in his life. All of his friends look up to him.

If he does something to hurt my feelings, I will usually try to think about it before actually saying something. I really like Laura Doyle's suggestion of saying "ouch" in the moment to sort of get across that maybe what he's doing is hurting your feelings, but doesn't force him into a drawn out conversation about it.

I didn't directly answer your questions but I'm hoping my response provides some of what you're looking for.

TempestTcup · 2016-09-23T02:33:12+00:00

My husband is very charming and funny, but he does get frustrated with slow moving objects, LOL! I smile, and sometimes I close my eyes when he drives, hahaha!

Title	When your SO is being a jerk?
Author	Sunhappy_DC
Upvotes	10
Comments	23
Date	September 22, 2016 6:06 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/540b5a/when_your_so_is_being_a_jerk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/when-your-so-is-being-a-jerk.209560 https://theredarchive.com/post/209560

Comments