A Captain trying to help his first mate

TempestTcup · 2016-04-26T19:47:50+00:00

We aren't Stepford Wives, doormats, and no Kool-Aid is involved :)

We are normal women with normal lives; some have careers, some are SAHMs, some are still in college. Our husbands don't run our lives, and many SOs don't even know that we are RPW; they wonder how we suddenly got nice!

RPW is basically an exercise in viewing and treating your husband with respect, making your relationship more harmonious, and reaping the rewards of thinking more of others than of yourself. The main focus here is developing a pleasant personality and treating our husbands like the most important people in our world, because they are the most important person, more important than our parents, friends, coworkers, etc.

If she wonders why we only talk about what women can do to make their marriages more harmonious, it is because the only person you can change is yourself, so it would do no good to talk about what our husbands can do for us to make us happy.

RP_Popper · 2016-04-26T18:49:39+00:00

You can't really be surprised she was turned off from the main sub, it's mostly 18-year-old incels summarizing brazzer's videos and claiming it happened to them 4 times last weekend, and men complaining with vitriol about their wives, often for not letting them do brazzer's videos at them.

Since the cat's out of the bag, you might want to show her posts from better quality posters (ie not BPP) to provide a little balance. I recommend jacktenofhearts. Reality is, she is going to require a lot of comfort from you in light of all this, especially after being exposed to years worth's of impotent rage and projecting that onto your hidden feelings.

If I were "sell" red pill concepts to mainstream women, it would be avoiding polarizing terms like "submission", but honestly, I'm not sure if there's any way to do this under the circumstances. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful. I wish you luck.

cats_or_get_out · 2016-04-26T19:08:43+00:00

I see this happen a bit. He discovers RP and wants to proselytize to her about RP. Or she discovers RPW and wants to proselytize to him. They give the other RP texts and then become frustrated when the partner isn't super pumped about it.

Instead of changing our partners--a futile and frustrating endeavor--we ought to spend more time on transforming ourselves.

Laura Doyle suggests strongly in her book for us women to keep our journey private from our men. Why? Two reasons come to mind. 1) "Honey, I am reading a book about how not to be a nagging bitch!" kind of puts him in a weird, pat-you-on-the-head position 2) our actions speak louder than our words. We ought to be working in a way that draws or partner to us through our intentions and behaviors. We do not draw in our partners by asking them to change or to adopt a new philosophy.

This is where leadership comes in. The transformation in you transforms your relationship. You lead by your actions, not by trying to change someone's worldview. I hope I'm making sense here. Best wishes.

StingrayVC · 2016-04-26T19:03:32+00:00

How do you reconcile RPW concepts without it becoming an exercise in self administered slavery? (never say no, no decisions of her own, no say in her own life, not entitled to thoughts, etc)

Is this your wording or hers, because we don't believe a single one of these things.

stevierose345 · 2016-04-26T22:34:45+00:00

it's the beta/comforts that she claims to need more of that I'm lacking.<

I think you need to revisit this statement and do something to rectify it. Men need respect and women need affection. They are intertwined

RP_Popper · 2016-04-26T18:30:54+00:00

[permanently deleted]

cats_or_get_out · 2016-04-29T14:55:55+00:00

Thank you, OP, for writing this post. I have enjoyed reading the discussion it has spurred. This post has brought up some important RPW topics.

marmar80 · 2016-04-27T07:35:04+00:00

Anyone here with both spouses reading and running with RP concepts?

My husband swallowed the RP about 7 months ago, while I was pregnant with our third child. I was introduced about a month ago.

What about RP (male or female side) has bettered your marriage?

He is leading by doing. He is bettering himself. He works out, fixes shit when it’s broken, handles the finances now, and mentors our boys. Those are just the things I see him doing. He is firm with me and holds frame but also provides the comfort when my emotions are confusing. I have to say at first I fought for control, hard. I tend to be fearful of change, vulnerability and feelings in general (not real self-aware). It’s harder for me to yield when he tells me what to do, instead of being able to do it myself, where it comes from within. I see him doing more and stepping up and that builds trust, trust allows me to let down my shields (and it looks like your wife’s shields are at full tilt). I am a work in progress and I’m not perfect at it. Self-awareness is NOT easy, but key to my success.

What were the selling points of RPW to you?

The biggest selling point for me is happiness. Choose to be right, or choose to be happy (my new mantra). I can’t believe I haven’t trusted my husband until this point! I ask myself “did you really marry someone you couldn’t trust?” No, he’s trustworthy, always has been, I just chose to be controlling and let my fear (emotions) dictate my behavior. Giving up control is quite freeing. Giving my husband what he needs is a huge selling point. If I love him, like I say I do, then I need to show him. I offer advice and support and he makes the final decision because he has our best interest at heart. It takes the responsibility off of me, which decreases my anxiety.

aforemangrill · 2016-04-27T08:00:25+00:00

What were the selling points of RPW to you?

I'm very single, and fairly new-ish but I hope I can say something helpful from the perspective of someone who had a difficult time with the pill too.

I view it as being brutally honest, and not shutting down realities that make you uncomfortable with feelings and rhetoric.

So when someone shuts down RP ideas and theories was "that's sexist", they aren't refuting the idea with actual facts. Because something isn't the feminist correct way of thinking of it doesn't make it not true.

A lot of the TRP makes me uncomfortable, but my feelings aren't an argument against their brutal truth. The kneejerk rhetoric of 'that's sexist' isn't disproving.

LifterofThings · 2016-04-27T01:38:42+00:00

Keep doing what you're doing, man. Convincing through talk is a woman's game.

Continue showing her through your actions that you value her, that you're not an angry man, that your mission (whatever vision you have for your lives together) is of paramount importance and that you intend to have her along for the journey. After all, there's no need for her to consciously or explicitly "swallow the red pill" to be the wife you want-- all she has to do is follow your lead.

That being said, to your questions!

Anyone here with both spouses reading and running with RP concepts?

I "found" TRP first. My bf reads from time to time but doesn't relate to a lot of the RP struggle and anger. He has a lot of trouble stomaching self-pity (in anyone, myself included-- this has been one of the many ways in which being with him makes me a better human :D)

What about RP (male or female side) has bettered your marriage?

I can't speak for him-- but he's still here, which I take to be a good sign!

I get to be the woman in the relationship, enjoy the feeling of being protected and desired and loved and "possessed" (which were things that I wasn't supposed to want in order to be an empowered woman, but that I find myself liking anyway). I feel calm and confident with him in a way that I never did alone or with anyone else. It's certainly not politically correct to declare that you craved being the prized possession of a respectable, attractive, masculine man all along and never realized it, but there it is. :p

What were the selling points of RPW to you?

I don't think RPW has "selling points", tbh. From the outside, according to conventional wisdom, RP (particularly in the context of the Reddit network) seems counter-intuitive. The superficial is pretty unappealing-- I don't think any woman in her right mind would ever look at an anger-phase RP man and go "I want to be subservient to that!"

I believe the RPW mindset is something you have to try with an open mind (and restrained ego) to really be convinced of the benefits. It's the open-minded, in-good-faith part that your wife has to offer freely, of her own accord, and can't really be demanded or even earnestly prompted by you.

PhantomDream09 · 2016-04-26T18:53:12+00:00

Have you read the wiki? It pretty clearly outlines a lot of the things you are asking about.

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/wiki/about

RPW is not about being a stay at home mother. If you have a job, handle the finances, or are the breadwinner, that does not mean that you cannot apply RP ideas to your life.

RPW is not about being a woman who wears exclusively vintage clothing, or wants to return to the 1950s.

RPW is not a sexual fetish, kink, or lifestyle. It has nothing to do with BDSM, OTK, Gor, or anything remotely similar.

RPW is not about repressing your sexuality, or being a prude. We advise that women choose who they sleep with selectively and that they understand the potential consequences of a high partner count or rushing into bed with the wrong person.

RPW is not about wearing makeup, pink, bows, glitter, or any other superficial indication of femininity. If you naturally enjoy that, wonderful! But it is in no way a requirement to have a successful relationship, and most women need to spend more time improving their personality and behaviour above all else.

RPWs are not doormats. We only defer to one man, our SO, and we can only do this because we trust and respect him completely. Everyone must earn our trust, kindness, and respect.

RPW is not about missing out on life. What is most important is that you acknowledge reality, accept responsibility for yourself, and deal with the consequences of your choices. So have fun, use “bad” words, drink, take risks! Be a pleasant and enjoyable person that your SO loves to spend time with :)

MsSadieDunham · 2016-04-28T14:51:16+00:00

I think that first, before trying to get her to jump on board with you, you need to give her a stable, reliable form of a man who has his act together and is capable. Women aren't likely to change if they feel threatened or like things will fall part. That's what is so scary about taking the red pill initially for us. We've had control for so long that we have forgotten how capable our husbands are. Show her you can be a man first, we say here to give it at least six months for the man to notice a steady change, and I bet you'll see a difference.

Easing her into your new roles is a lot different than you saying "we aren't doing things the old way anymore. I'm supposed to be in charge because my genitals hang lower than yours. Try and be like these ladies on the Internet!" That isn't going to go well for you. Resetting roles and expectations in an established relationship is difficult. Try not to be such a bull in the china shop. :-)

To your wife specifically I would tell her I know it seems odd and sexist and wrong but try and keep an open mind. We here are all ten thousand times happier with our relationships than we were beforehand. Not all of us are religious, not all of us stay home. Not all of us were forced into this. (I don't actually think any of us were forced into this.) I personally found this site and philosophy while I was trying to improve my new marriage a year and a half ago. What a difference. I'm so glad I began living these principles now, as newlyweds, rather than 10 years down the road when we both hate each other. Your man is more capable than you think. Watch him closely, and try to remember that you aren't perfect and don't always know best either. That's why a marriage takes two people, not one.

Kittenkajira · 2016-04-26T19:04:13+00:00

She may like this book better than the Surrendered Wife. It's written in a way that many would find acceptable and realistic, whereas the Surrendered Wife has all kinds of things for a modern women to get hung up on.

Title	A Captain trying to help his first mate
Author	RP_Popper
Upvotes	12
Comments	67
Date	April 26, 2016 6:21 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4gk6k5/a_captain_trying_to_help_his_first_mate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/a-captain-trying-to-help-his-first-mate.210065 https://theredarchive.com/post/210065

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