Ex wife problems

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February 7, 2019

Spent ten years with her (first mistake) had two kids with her (second mistake) and still put up with her shit for quite a while after (third mistake)

We have 50/50 custody with my two boys and after raising them alone for the past three years I finally have a life. Friends, Concerts, heading out to bars, getting in better shape, learning new skills, usual 27 year old man activities

I’ve noticed ever since I’ve stopped kissing her ass she swings from pleasant towards me, to complete bitch trying to tell me what I need to do and that my life isn’t together blah blah. I hold frame, I don’t argue or justify anything I do. My responses range from “K” or something sarcastic which of course just pisses her off further and makes her try harder to get under my skin.

To any divorced with kids fellas who have swallowed the pill, do they ever just stop being jealous?

Tldr; ex wife swings wildly between temperaments with me since I’ve applied TRP to life and stopped being a bitch. Do they ever get over it or do I have to just put up with until the youngest is 18?

Post Information
Title Ex wife problems
Author Sereden_91
Upvotes 14
Comments 63
Date 07 February 2019 09:56 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/217414
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ao95sd/ex_wife_problems/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
framethe red pill

[–]Redpillbrigade1717 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yes, the bad news is that the two of you are stuck as long as your kids are around. So get used to it, and expect drama to get even worse.

The good news is that you are a man who is now in control of his life, and the more time you put in between your separation and the present, the more confidence and experiences you will accumulate that will make you stronger and better. It’s like you slowly grow, and she may very well stagnate.

Your friends will be attitudes such as ones inspired by Stoicism (control what you can; she and her BS attitude are like the weather) and resources such as the High Conflict Parenting podcast. You need to detach yourself and tune her out. Verbal jiu jitsu (if she engages you) such as that learned from WISNIFG or complete silence should be the default.

Play a wolf in sheep clothes. Play Mr Nice Guy again with her. Ultimately you don’t want her pussy (I presume) but you do want her to be a stable mom for your boys. So fake whatever you need to in order to be courteous and not escalate her drama the best you can.

And if needed lawyer up and get ready to go for full custody in case she does something batshit.

Good luck.

[–]Sereden_913 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Read and noted. Thanks for the reply. I will do my best to detach as much as possible and hopefully she’ll get the hint but I doubt it.

That pussy has been through hell and back because of me and whoever she all decided to fuck during our marriage so definitely not interested lol.

[–]Redpillbrigade175 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

One more thing that helped me: every time I’d get angry at her I try to remind myself I asked her to marry me, I invited her in my life many years ago. Call it extreme ownership of the past. Once I see it in that light everything she does or says becomes much more manageable - I do it from a distance and within my framework, with zero blame or expectations as to how she should be/ act.

Note this anger and frustration will come in cycles and waves. Over time you should find yourself less and less triggered by her and eventually you’ll just smile, and shrug off her tantrums like nothing.

[–]NMMNG_10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your friends will be attitudes such as ones inspired by Stoicism (control what you can; she and her BS attitude are like the weather) and resources such as the High Conflict Parenting podcast. You need to detach yourself and tune her out. Verbal jiu jitsu (if she engages you) such as that learned from WISNIFG or complete silence should be the default.

This. Every word.

OP, listen closely. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyCQVMLpZ2I

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine7 points8 points  (9 children) | Copy

It’s a shit test. Treat it as such.

[–]Sereden_912 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

I figured an ex wife would be more worried about shit testing her current husband than her ex but having it pointed out definitely makes it click. Thanks!

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

All females shit test you. It’s a test of your frame and fitness. It’s a frame test - The cashier at Starbucks, your boss, the cleaning lady, the secretary at work, your bros... it’s not just reserved for relationships.

[–]Sereden_910 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Now that you say it I remember reading that in either the sidebar, Rational Male, or maybe both. Gonna give em a read again and try to make it stick a little better this time.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

You didn’t swallow the Red Pill.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Neither did I.

I took that bitch via suppository.

[–]Sereden_910 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m still in transition I’ll admit. Working on learning more and trying to apply things as I can and I can see a difference and understand situations better now but it’s not quite to where it’s a flawless process for me.

If I’m not actively thinking most of the time though a lot of the stuff gets lost for a while.

[–]triclops41[🍰] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

What makes you think her current hubby isn't getting the same or worse behind closed doors?

[–]Sereden_910 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have no doubt he is. Poor guy was 19 when they met and has mom and dad money. He is probably getting destroyed right now.

[–]NMMNG_10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This sounds like such a great opportunity to inflict some Game pain on her just for the practice value.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

My responses range from “K” or something sarcastic which of course just pisses her off further and makes her try harder to get under my skin.

Most of the time no response is the best response in my experience if she’s being bitchy

[–]helaughsinhidden3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

She might still have unresolved feelings. She might have regrets. She might have resentments. She might be bored and just want to suck up your time. She might be seeking to validate herself as the "better one". She might be psycho and addicted to drama.

My guess is that it's all of them. Either way, she is only doing what you allow her to do. She's only trying to say this stuff because you clearly still give a shit what she thinks.

Give less fucks

[–]Sereden_910 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m still working on the full IDGAF attitude so definitely solid advice. Give less fucks!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My responses range from “K” or something sarcastic which of course just pisses her off further and makes her try harder to get under my skin.

You're going through the motions of AA & AM but haven't internalized the mindset yet. Try to find the humor in seeing a grown woman behaving like a four year old, or take some amusement in the fact that it's so easy to rattle her with your nonresponsiveness.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

They all try to come crawling back.

[–]SuperCrazy071 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Only if you have some value. I know two sad sack motherfuckers who didn’t / won’t have wifey crawling back.

[–]Sereden_91-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

In the past she did a few times and me being the dumb heartbroken beta I was at the time caved in instantly each time. Definitely not happening again lol

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

So what the fuck do you want us to tell you faggot?

Communicate only logistics about the kids.

Email or use Our Family Wizard only. No texts no calls.

Parallel parenting is the best way.

Follow your decree. Its a business relationship only.

[–]Plrdr211 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yep, pretty close to the same thing here, except I never let her come back. Had the kids on my own for quite a while, now it's 50/50 and I pay a ton of child support. Anyway, best thing is to cut contact to a minimum. She's not allowed inside my house at all. Custody changeover is Monday at school. I text her info about the kids, and only accept text messages back even though she tries to call regularly still.

[–]Sereden_911 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thankfully I have no child support payments so that sucks to hear man. We drop off and pick up at each other’s houses but she don’t come in mine and I don’t go in hers, I like your idea though of just mondays at school.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like things aren't going super well for her.

Never react in a big way, be unchanged by her efforts and do your best to not reach for sarcasm or anything provoking. It isn't worth it.

The mother of my child and I get along great, but she knows better than to tell me anything about her life, we aren't friends.

[–]JudgeDoom691 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go zero-contact except for logistics regarding custody.

[–]wkndatbernardus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women can only affect your mood if you allow them. Once she realizes she can't get a rise out of you, she'll move on to some other chump who will be manipulated by her sandy vag. The key is to be vigilant in your stoicism and lack of communication. She'll stop trying to create drama if you seem to be unaffected by it.

Once the court mandates the parenting plan, there should be little doubt about what happens and when with your kid and, therefore, no reason to discuss jack shit with that cunty ho.

Also, always remember that chicks are weak. Their bark is way worse than their bite. Sure they have Daddy Law on their side but, you have something they'll never touch; mental, physical, and emotional fortitude.

[–]NoCoast821 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your divorced, it's purely a business transaction now.

WISNIFG is your biggest tool here, keep it on topic, steer the conversation, end it if she being erational.

You should have a solid parenting plan to back you up as well.

What would you put up with from Karen who works in the cube next to you?

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Question - do you notice her being less bitchy when she has a boyfriend?

I'm guaran-fuckin-tee you that you'll notice a difference when she does. I've seen my ex wife go through no less than a serious relationship per year since our divorce 8 years ago. It sucks for my son because it would be nice for him to have some stability - but it's actually REALLY great for me.

When she has a boyfriend the shit tests get directed towards him. My DNGAF arrived about 3-4 years after our divorce. Yours will too.

As soon as she gets another beta faggot to push around and her shitty behavior usually stops.

[–]Sereden_910 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

She’s been remarried for about 6 months now and if anything they’ve seem to have gotten worse.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Is her new husband beta bux or Alpha fux?

[–]Sereden_910 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I don’t personally know him but they moved in together a month after dating, got married 5 months after dating and he gave her a family vehicle no one was using anymore so just from that I’m going to assume beta as fuck.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Married in 6 months and knew he'd be cucked by your kids? Sounds like serious beta bux.

My ex is the same. Moves in with dudes or asks them to move in all the time. She has really strong audition game (sex), but will devour any amount of beta man eventually. Learn to watch it play out. It's hilarious. Most of that hate around year 2-4 will start to be directed towards them.

The shit testing of you will never stop until some alpha puts her in her place and she finally accepts it, which will never happen because any alpha would pass on your shit wife.

Good luck with a lifelong of this shit testing, you're going to get it everytime she ends a relationship. If it's any help I found a woman and married her for a 2nd marriage that handles all the stupid logistics stuff (pickups, dropoffs, clothing, etc) while I handle all the bigger stuff (school, discipline, direction) with my son. My ex doesn't test my wife because they actually share the FO duties and you know... AWALT.

When you're having to take care of the little shit also, she's going to FO <-> FO mentality instead of FO -> Captain. Even when you try to take care of the big shit she's going to want to be the captain too. But she'll go bitch to her beta bux more often than you.

Just learn to hold frame and watch what she does, not what she says.

[–]Sereden_910 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. They were married pretty much as soon as our divorce was finalized, that he also paid half of all the fees for, so that poor kid is going to get his ass torn open after the divorce and one or two more kids pop out.

Well at least now I know that it’s not going to stop though. Just do my best to minimize my responses and hold frame like you said. Thanks for the advice.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You know the tell-tale sign of someone without frame:

I hold frame, I don’t argue or justify anything I do.

You just didn't DEER which is a good first step but you are still in her frame. Fix that and things should come together for you.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you know the opposite of love isn't anger? It's apathy.

Give her nothing. No emotion, no answer, no comments back, zero, zilch, nada, ningun.

When she says stupid inane stuff, look at her like you are slightly confused. Like she started a sentence but didn't finish it. Then move onto business.

"You know you need to get your life in such and such order..."

"Um yeah, so anyway I'll pick the kids up at the agreed time."

Treat her like you would a cashier at McDonalds. You wouldn't even think twice about ignoring some fry slinger trying to tell you how to live your life, would you? Well, that's what she is, life support and staff for the 50% of the time your kids are away.

Then say nothing but good things about your wife around your kids. "Hey mom loves you and she works hard."

"You guys are lucky to have both a good mom and dad."

Because you know what? Years from now your kids will see you as the one who was the rock, and their mom for her true nature.

[–]SeamusAwl4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy

Didn't get passed the title. Ex wives are someone else's problem.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

Found the guy with no exwife.

[–]SeamusAwl1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yup, they sound like a headache.

[–]CakeDay--Bot 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Hey just noticed.. it's your 2nd Cakeday SeamusAwl! ^(hug)

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]triclops41[🍰] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Haha, yes. But they are often your kids' problem.

[–]Tbonesupreme0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


Half of the "parenting" I do with my 13 year old son is explaining the actions of his train wreck mother and reassuring him that he is in no way responsible for her happiness.

[–]Sereden_910 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh yeah for sure. Just a pain in the ass having her trying to start something anytime I have to talk to her about the kids.

[–]framelessglasses0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're still paying attention to what she says. You let her judge you so much that you come here for validation.

It takes two people to have an exchange. You can stop your side of the exchange at any time. Or keep it going until you no longer get something out of it.

The problem is you. The solution is yours.

[–]triclops41[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You should always ask yourself how much of her attitude has nothing to do with you, and it just her lashing out because she is just unhappy in general.

I find that asking that does two things for me. It makes it much easier to not get sucked into her bs, and it makes me much better at understanding the situation.

It also answers your question. As long as the rest of her life puts her in a bad mood, you will see those wild swings.

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Give us some context.... how do you get into a situation where you ex even has a chance to say "good your shit together?"?

Completely ignore her when she says that.

Completely ignore her when she is unpleasant.

[–]Sereden_910 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She’s had to get the kids early two times because of a concert I had planned and she has other people look at my Facebook to see where I’m going, who I’m going with and what I’m doing. So I guess that’s “not having my shit together” because I do more than sit around the house all day like she’s used to me doing. That’s just my guess though.

[–]mrp_awakening0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Here's a rhetorical question which should answer your question completely...

Why do you care?

[–]Sereden_910 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Rhetorical question I know.

Because the pill has yet to go all the way down and i haven’t gotten the full IDGAF and while she doesn’t see it the shit still annoys me.

Lift, read side bar, self improvement.

[–]mrp_awakening0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i haven’t gotten the full IDGAF and while she doesn’t see it the shit still annoys me.

Yep... that right there is the issue.

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

Ok go on how did you give her the chance to say this, did she email you or something?

[–]Sereden_910 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I have plans tonight and my mom and little sister are keeping the kids for me (I didn’t tell her this) but all I did was ask what time she was going to drop the kids off so I knew what to tell my family as far as what time I would be dropping them off to them.

She called saying she didn’t have time to really text but said it would be in the afternoon and sarcastically asked “why? You got plans or something?”

So me being me and hearing that tone just said “Yep. Sure do, going to get some pussy tonight” and then the aforementioned “get your life together, all you do is party” came up.

Tried A&A and it went that way. So now I’m thinking A&A is not the way to go on a woman who is not mentally sound, and I’m not tryin to talk shit about her when I say that. Bipolar, manic depressive, PTSD (so they say) previous sexual trauma. She’s a wreck.

[–]mrpthrowa1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

What a faggot... first you reply with a faggot response to your ex wife then you come here asking why she gives you trouble

You brought this onto yourself

Me being me... what fucking excuse is this ?

[–]Sereden_910 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Awww that’s cute. We can use the word faggot.

I’m not meaning this particular case. This is just most recent. I just mean does the bullshit from her ever stop in general. I can be pleasant, ignore her, or be sarcastic. End result is the same which is exactly why the question was pointed towards people who are divorced with kids.

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

No idiot if you didn’t say stupid shit like you’re getting some pussy she wouldn’t have the chance to run her mouth

Drill this into your thick skull

[–]Sereden_910 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That’s part of my point. It doesn’t matter what I do or say.

I be pleasant and try to make small talk when she drops the kids off, she tries to be my friend, I tell her to knock it off and we aren’t friends, she tries to argue about it.

I ignore her when she drops the kids off, she tries to argue about how we still need to talk and that we need to be “friendly like we used to be” with each other, I again say no we only need to talk about the kids. Argument tries to follow.

I be an asshole, case in point with the “going to get pussy statement”, argument ensues.

She will try to pick a fight over any and everything I do, say, don’t do, or don’t say. I’m just wondering if I have this to look forward when dealing with her the rest of the years the kids aren’t 18.

[–]Tbonesupreme0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Being friendly and being friends are not at all the same thing.

Show her the courtesy that you would a stranger - no more, or no less.

And if you can't help but argue with her when she calls, stop answering the fucking phone.

You 100% sound like at LEAST half the problem.

[–]wkndatbernardus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I never talk to my ex during pick up or drop off and I sure as hell don't meet her at one of our houses. We have a meeting spot in a parking lot of a store, equidistant from our houses. Kid gets out of one car and into the other and we drive away. Simple, easy, and low likelihood of verbal interaction.

[–]Sereden_910 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

And yes. I know NOW. Don’t stick your dick in crazy. Wish I had known that before I did it.

[–]mrpthrowa1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You realise you’re also crazy right? She’s a reflection of you

[–]Sereden_910 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In my 15-24 age range when I was with her? Yeah. I was half fucking nuts myself but the three years after we’ve split and divorced it’s been way better than it used to be.

[–]adeptintact0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You shouldn't talk about anything with your ex unless it's about your kids. No contact as much as possible. If you ever get a new LTR, she's just going to mess it up with how you interact with her.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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