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nicethingyoucanthave
[–]5 Endorsed ContributorStayinghereforreal 45 points46 points47 points 10 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Oh, gals don't mind some feeling being expressed by their man....so long as it is cockily-expressed, half-serious devotional expressions of love for them, right after you returned victorious from slaying enemies and pillaging loot, which they may get to enjoy too.
But real emotion, like the kind you feel as you say goodbye to your dying father, or even the prosaic upset of losing a good job because of some asshole boss? Women want nothing to do with listening to you talk about that, let alone helping you through that. They expect you to keep your shit on lockdown and not interrupt their lives with any hiccups like your feelings.
Don't be mad about the way it is, guys, accept that it just is.
[–][deleted] 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Endorsed Contributorvacuu 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Did the experience change you?
[–]euneaux 32 points33 points34 points 10 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Girls say they want honesty from their guys; they're lying though.
Girls want to see the fellows' feelings, so she can weed out the losers who show anything but confidence and stoicism, which are the only acceptable emotions for men to have.
Show weakness and you lose.
It's really superfluous for guys to share vulnerability with women. Women can smell weakness like pigs sniff out truffles.
[–]3Ill_mumble_that 9 points10 points11 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Women can smell weakness like pigs sniff out truffles.
I think you are giving them too much credit. They can't read your mind. They can only hear what you say, and watch your body language.
There's a TED talk on actively changing your body language, which is a good start. When you assume dominant posture then other people will start recognizing you as dominant, given that you don't say something weak and beta.
Watch: http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html
Women aren't magical creatures with super-powered senses. They are just like us when it comes to sniffing out bullshit except they are naturally inclined to shit-test to sort out the weak; not to mention being deceptive and manipulative while doing so even if they don't realize they are being like that.
Women are mostly emotion, living only in the moment. In that sense they have a heightened awareness of the "here and now" because that's all they live in. Meanwhile us guys are always busy dwelling on the past or thinking about the future.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They aren't lying, that implies that they know about the fucked up things they do. They don't have intentional malice, she might even be consciously happier that you opened up to her but her feeling for you will be different forever, and her feelings for another guy might become a lot stronger. And we all know that feeling can become overwhelming.
[–]euneaux 11 points12 points13 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh yeah, and fellas also be careful about smiling, showing pleasure, joy or happiness.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/05/110524070310.htm
Even okcupid's interesting statistical analysis revealed that for profile photos it's better for guys to neither smile or show eye contact with the camera.
[–]3Ill_mumble_that 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
show eye contact with the camera.
This depends on your confidence. If you can confidently look the camera in the eye it will have a positive effect.
Here's an example: http://i.imgur.com/Ohmb5A4.jpg
[–]RedeemingVices 79 points79 points79 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
This is the main reason I'm no longer interested in marriage. The whole appeal to me was to be able to open up to someone and not have them judge me, to have a safe space where I can be vulnerable without worrying about seeming weak. If I can't have that, then I don't see the point in making such a huge commitment, especially considering the other risks of matrimony. I can be stoic on my own just fine, and if I'm gonna do that, I might as well get to sleep around.
[–]HITLER_IS_MEIN_NEGER 40 points41 points42 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The whole appeal to me was to be able to open up to someone and not have them judge me, to have a safe space where I can be vulnerable without worrying about seeming weak
That's what bro's are for.
[–][deleted] 23 points24 points25 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
True that, it's not a good idea to leave everything bottled up. It's always good to have a close guy friend that you can open up to and be emotional with.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Never lose your bros.
[–]feena -3 points-2 points-1 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
We are not all like this. Having a man open up can be one of the most refreshing things in the world. It's very frustrating on our end to ask "what's wrong?" and rarely get a deep and truthful answer... at least that's the way it is for me. I am an excellent communicator and I appreciate one in return.
[–]riptaway 24 points25 points26 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Every single girl like the one in the comic say what you said. I'm sure you even believe it. But the whole point of this subreddit is that what women say they want and what they're biologically programmed to be attracted is often not the same. Women don't want a guy who displays weakness. They don't want to deal with a guys emotions, what they want is a guy to deal with theirs
[–]3Ill_mumble_that 70 points71 points72 points 10 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
Communication is important in a relationship. Make sure the girl is always talking to you and telling you how she feels, even if you don't care. Her words come freely but sex from her does not.
You telling her how you feel? She has to earn that. As a man your words do not come freely because sex from a man is easy to acquire.
[–]Kharn0 7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
As a man, how do I know she's "earned" it?
[–][deleted] 10 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]Kharn0 9 points10 points11 points 10 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
So...never then?
[–]DrMungMung 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Only display the following emotions:
Hungry. Sleeping. Horny.
[–]BalllsackTBaghard 15 points16 points17 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Uhm, these are not emotions, these are physical states of being.
[–]Eloni 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Pretty sure every emotion is a physical state of being.
[–]BalllsackTBaghard 11 points12 points13 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I'm pretty sure hunger is not an emotion.
[–]Eloni 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel hungry right now. I feel it in my gut. It also makes me feel uneasy, restless but tired or drained at the same time, more irrational, more impulsive.
..
I have eaten. I feel full, though not stuffed. I feel content, in a generally better mood, I take more time to contemplate my decisions.
Hunger is both an emotion, and a cause of many more.
[–]DrMungMung 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What about hangry? Being in such a bad mood because you are hungry?
[–]ReadingWhilstHigh6 points 10 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
You need to decide which you should share. Happiness, appreciation, satisfaction, disappointment, anger etc are necessary to functional relationships where you are the leader. The ones you don't share are the ones that convey weakness, vulnerability and indecisiveness. No woman wants to be in a relationship with a robot, but they also don't want to be in a relationship with another woman. She has earned your emotions when you need to give feedback to her. You need to reinforce your will through encouraging behaviour you desire.
[–]Kharn0 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ok, this was what I thought, but was confused about being a "robot"(because thats impossible)
[+]Lilbear187 -10 points-9 points-8 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Find the right girl. I'm completely comfortable breaking down in front of my girlfriend, because I know at the end of the day she won't think any less of me for it.
[–]3Ill_mumble_that 14 points15 points16 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nice try.
[–]t21spectre 12 points13 points14 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Use your actions to show how you feel, never say, leave that aura of mystery about yourself. Keeps her interested and intrigued by you.
[–][deleted] 10 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Meglomaniac 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
There is a difference between censoring what you say, and instead choosing to put those words into action.
Dont say "i wanna kiss you" just kiss her.
[–]t21spectre 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly, actions speak louder than words
[–]redpillnovice 28 points29 points30 points 10 years ago (31 children) | Copy Link
Wow. I just realized how true this is.
A lot of times when I tell my wife how I'm feeling about something, deeply so, she gets super stressed at me being stressed, freaks out, and sometimes storms off.
Then I go calmly tell her that it hurts my feelings that she runs off like that and doesn't sit and talk me through it or give me some comfort - which makes her upset and feel horrible about herself.
I know that sounds a bit beta, but I'm new here and waking up. Thoughts? How do we deal with this?
[–]Bonkzzilla 51 points52 points53 points 10 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
This sounds remarkably like the early years of my own marriage. Does this sound familiar?
Her: "Tell me how you are feeling."
Me: "I'm really upset about this situation at work, I don't feel like I'm valued enough and it keeps me up at night worrying."
Her: "OH MY GOD We'll have to sell the house! Our lives are over! This is a disaster! Everything is ruined!" (Goes into a complete panic)
You want support; you end up trying to calm her down. You need commiseration; you end up expending even more energy soothing her and convincing her it's not the end of the world.
Or worse, you get mad at her and lash out, shouting things like, "Why are you not supportive? Why do you always immediately make everything about you?" This only results in an utterly wasted two hours of crying and long emotional talks about her problems and issues, when all you really ever wanted was someone to tell you, "It's OK, I'm sure you can handle it, and I'll do everything I can to stick by your side and help you, whatever happens."
Been there, done that, fully digested the t-shirt. Here's how I adapted, FWIW, in case it might help. YMMV, etc.
Learn to use code words and tell her directly what you want from her rather than hoping for or expecting natural supportiveness. You're just never going to be able to use terms like "devastated", "upset", "wrecked", etc. When she hears words like that, she immediately panics. Instead, use "difficult" or "stressed" or "challenging". You're not "totally worried about your job and really upset over it", you're "dealing with difficulties at work and that's why you might seem terse." You have "a big challenge" with work right now. These are things she can hear without freaking out because... Why? Who knows? Maybe the different phrasing suggests to her that you're still manly, you're just distracted because you're wrestling extra-large bears at work this week. Whatever the underlying process may be, that's my big lesson - Frame the issue to her as if you are Captain Kirk suddenly having to deal with Klingons attacking the base or something, not in terms that suggest you are helpless, out of control, or otherwise on the edge of a collapse that you have no power over. If your wife is like mine, you'll be amazed at how much of a difference this will make.
Second, don't expect outpourings of sympathy. Tell her what you need from her. Exactly. "I've got an unusually tough project at work right now and it's really putting up a fight. I need you to give me some time to decompress when I come home, and make a couple extra evening meals this week because that will be a huge help for me to relax." What I've found is that women want to help, but they don't know how. All their childhood has presented them with images of perfect Disney princes. When they see men in need of support, it seems like it scares them - They don't know what to do. So, giving her concrete explicit ways she can help you will make a huge difference (in your own attitude as well, because you will go from, "Every time I am upset, she makes it all about her"-style resentment, to "Hey, she really does try to be helpful when I tell her what I want.")
In the end, a subtle re-framing of how you express your problems to her and solid statements of ways she can help, can turn an issue which could have you both completely upset with each other into a thing that helps you bond and pull together tighter. That's been my direct experience, anyway.
[–]arguile65 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you sir for this beautiful pearl of wisdom. I couldn't agree more. I have found this to be true in my marriage as well.
[–]slurmssmckenzie 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
That's some darn good advice.
[–]Bonkzzilla 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Thank you! I wish I could have made it shorter and more concise. I edited down a fair bit, but couldn't get it any smaller.
[–]TRPstudent 11 points12 points13 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fuck that, I took in every word. Good stuff.
[–][deleted] 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Bonkzzilla 7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
It has been a long and interesting road for me, marriage-wise. I didn't know any of this TRP stuff back then, it didn't exist, although most of what TRP preaches was at the time just considered basic common sense.
(As an aside, this remains one of my biggest issues with TRP - It's so damned silly. All of this terminology and rules and dice-based combat system, it's like tabletop D&D geeks descended on the basic rules of dating and built an RPG out of it. But I digress...)
It has been a very loooooong time since I experienced one of those wife freak-outs. The 90's, I would guess. We both married young-ish, in our early 20's. First 5 years was terrific, albeit volatile, with lots of the above-mentioned freak-outs from her. Her emotional rollercoaster was definitely in full boost back then, but she was fun to be around and I just applied the same rules I lived by before marriage, which is to say, focus on being happy with my own life and don't tolerate much grief. In her later 20's, she became increasingly unhappy and unsatisfied with her life, and became miserable to live with. TRP guys would probably define this as "approaching wall" and panicking over whether she had secured the best mate for herself. There were a couple years of misery until I'd finally had enough and kicked her out - literally. I made her leave our mutual house and go stay with friends, and started looking into filing divorce because, as I put it to her clearly, I knew I could live perfectly happily on my own and she was doing nothing for the relationship but dragging me down.
Surprise, surprise... The woman who had thought everything revolved around her and she was "unfulfilled" immediately plugged herself into counseling, got on anti-depression meds, joined a gym, and turned herself back into the beautiful sexy woman I'd first married. I was still ready to pull the plug and didn't re-commit for a very long time, to test whether this was real change or just emergency measures, but to her credit, she's stayed the course ever since. Eventually went off the depression meds, got her emotional act together, and learned to appreciate all the stuff she had in her life instead of constantly scanning for who might have it better. Looking back, I guess I would define that as the last great shit test of the relationship, and my response (Shrug and say, "Fine, go be miserable elsewhere then, I want to be happy") seems to have passed. Even now, I still operate under that basic understanding, that I can be perfectly happy on my own and am not afraid to end things if she isn't adding value to my life.
[–][deleted] 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Bonkzzilla 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You mean Athol Kay? I've read a bit of his blog and like it, but haven't really spent a lot of time reading there. Mostly, the stuff he says just seems like common sense.
[–]no_game_player 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
it's like tabletop D&D geeks descended on the basic rules of dating and built an RPG out of it. But I digress...
Now that you mention it...TRP: the RPG sounds like a hell of a lot of fun...
Just another dude who thinks your comment is really good. I wish there was more quality like this on reddit.
This is fantastic. Thank you.
[–]xiko 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Why can't I save a reply. This was perfect.
[–]Bonkzzilla 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just copy/paste. Glad it was useful to you!
[–][deleted] 22 points23 points24 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Because weakness is the attraction killer. You are admitting to not being the best option your woman can get, and that there's other, stronger men out there.
Red Pill Theory says the only way to keep a relationship is to make sure you're the best option your woman can have to not incentivize her to cheat, so talking about feelings of weakness (sadness, doubt, depression, lacking control) will cause her to feel like she can do better, sending her brain into a frenzy (because she's already married to you and her brain is subconsciously telling her she made a huge mistake).
[–]TRPstudent 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You need to start a blog, dude. Stat. All of your posts here are spot on. I wish shit wasn't this way, the same way I wish my own mortality wasn't slowly ticking away. It is though, and that reality changes how I approach my own life, just like RP. Seriously consider blogging, we need more teaching voices out there.
Haha no way dude, I wouldn't even consider myself even close to qualified enough to give people advice.
[–]BorMato 27 points28 points29 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Next time she runs off and doesn't sit and talk you just ignore her and let her go. Don't give her the attention she wants when she pulls that shit. Just laugh and turn on the game.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Isn't that how you treat normal people though: not putting up with their shit?
[–]TRPstudent 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What's that quote? "Smartest teenager in the room"?
I get what you're saying. Right on.
[–]arguile65 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What Bonkzilla Said is Truth, I refer to his comment for specific advice.
Best advice I ever heard on this is to remember that you and your wife are on the same team. She is not your enemy. Its not a power struggle. Its a communication issue. If she is not responding to you the way you want then more than likely she doesn't know what your expecting from her. Tell her what you need.
lol mate you need to learn to handle your shit. your wife is not your best friend, she is your romantic partner - don't confuse the roles.
be honest if shit is going down in your life, but nstead of complaining to her, let her know you have it under control, and that she needn't worry.
because you can keep it under control, right Mr?
[–]Remerez 11 points12 points13 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
i learned this today when i left work early sick. I have worked there for years and have never taken a sick day and once i did i was given a speech from the female manager about how this will effect their image of me in regards to my reliability. they say this to me a day after they baby a girl because she had a 'cough' and they asked her to go home to rest up because she needed the extra sleep.
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Make a note of it or at least talk to HR. In the event of being fired, get lawsuit-happy for discrimination.
[–]euneaux 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
We all know what you mean.
Women do get some extra breaks sometimes.
But don't think the girls get a free ride. There is no such thing as the "sisterhood." The girls undermine each other in subtle ways men hardly can appreciate.
[–]Remerez 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Please don't extrapolate my entire understanding of women from an example of one instance. I know there is no such thing as sisterhood, I used to live with 3 women during college. They talked some heavy shit about each other and would go out of their way to cause the others hardship. I also know there is subconscious prejudices people have. just for example when you think of a janitor, its a male. when you think of a nurse, its a female. When a male is sick the subconscious image is different from a sick female. A part of swallowing TRP is understanding the Subconscious and how it effects the way people view the world and genders, then using that in daily interaction.
[–]riptaway -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm not sure why you say we can't appreciate the ways girls undermine each other. You act like it's subtle and strategic and brilliant. Women are not strategic people. They're petty and silly and vindictive. Youre giving them way to much credit for what amounts to being catty. High school behavior. Youre more or less... Putting them on a pedestal
[–][deleted] 46 points47 points48 points 10 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
This is one of the hardest truths I had to come to terms with.
Weakness in men is basically intolerable for women, whether they admit it openly or not. It frustrates me to no end because if you're aware of what is considered "weak" in a woman's eyes, you can almost see their vaginas drying up in real time once that weakness is out.
This is one area where AWALT, I haven't found a single woman in my entire life that found anything attractive or even neutral about weakness or admitted weakness from a guy.
[–]euneaux 12 points13 points14 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I unfortunately can only echo your bitterness.
I hope to see your contributions around here more.
Most all red-pill wisdom is very persuasive and I haven't seen any evidence which contradicts it. All the evolutionary biology and psychology that provides the theoretical foundation seems true... and the more I understand the more horrified that we are nothing but beasts intent on competing with all others for scarce resources and status. So now that I understand the impulses at the root of all my instinct and desire, I am disgusted by all these desires and instincts.
It seems the red-pill philosophy is addictive. I can't resist feeding this hate with all the common examples of shallow venal abusive women that this little ghetto of the media world loves to highlight. It's probably not all that different from how the vile feminists like to wallow in the sins of a few nasty "dudebros."
Do we all wallow in the filth of our fallen bestial nature to feed the resentment and hate so we feel justified not to even try to follow the light?
The truths we hold as the core of our philosophy here are without doubt, but truth is not enough for a full life. I notice as I fill myself with more red-pill wisdom and philosophy I find myself becoming more hateful and more bitter. I feel like I'm becoming an ironic mirror image of those dried-up, paranoid and hateful feminists that disgust me.
What to do? I don't know yet.
Move towards the light and away from the darkness is the only thing I've come up with so far.
I still don't know how to "find the light." The only thing that is obvious is that there is too much darkness growing in me and I need to do something differently.
I'm sure I'm just doing my red-pill therapy wrong. Adjust my dosing level and perhaps complement with something else that minimizes side effects.
[–]TRP Vanguardnicethingyoucanthave[S] 9 points10 points11 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
now that I understand the impulses at the root of all my instinct and desire, I am disgusted by all these desires and instincts.
Don't feel disgusted! Feel empowered. Knowing that you have an instinct is, quite honestly, the only way to control it.
Henry David Thoreau said, "We are conscious of an animal in us which awakens in proportion as our higher nature slumbers." I think he's expressing the same sentiment that you are: he looks within and sees something dark. But he's also expressing the second part: it only has power when your "higher nature" slumbers.
In other words, be a moral person. Live according to a code. Do no harm. But know that if you let your guard down, those old instincts will well up.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Do you hate killer whales for eating baby seals? No. It's just the way things are.
Red Pill is about removing the facade that the media has told us in recent years and exposing women for what they are.
Don't hate women. They can control it as much as you can control being attracted to them. Its merely a tool at your disposal. Does it mean you will never be hurt by a woman? No. Does practicing karate insure that you will never lose a fight? No. It solidifies your confidence and helps make you a better individual.
[–]TRP Vanguardnicethingyoucanthave[S] 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
a lot of women, usually young, who love the disturbed/depressed /epically gloomy type of behavior.
Women are indeed attracted to flawed men. But they are not, as a general rule, attracted to weak men.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The past 5-10 years have definitely seen an increase in this. It goes along with how men are portrayed in media. More Michael Cera hipster builds for men, that skinny skater look has become more attractive to certain types of woman. At the end of the day though 90% of girls still rather have a guy with a 6 pack imo.
Birth control pills and anti-depressants have skewed womens perception of attractiveness, and that's not a bad thing for a lot of men.
[–]3Ill_mumble_that 12 points13 points14 points 10 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link
Yet men are attracted to the weakness we see in women. Women have a monopoly on sex because they are the selective gender.
Are we attracted to their weakness because it infers that it is easier for us to get sex from them? I think so. 1000 years ago you would just rape any woman you wanted and as long as her family didn't catch up to you, you were fine. Their weakness made it so they couldn't stop you. In present times a weakness means they will more easily put-out.
On the other hand men give away sex for free. Fuck, men even pay for sex sometimes. Women have no reason to be attracted to weak men, they get nothing of value from them.
[–][deleted] 39 points40 points41 points 10 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Women have no reason to be attracted to weak men, they get nothing of value from them.
See. I get this, and learned this lesson a long time ago, however it's more than that. Not only do they get nothing of value from it, it will instantly and completely obliterate any attraction they had for you.
I find it akin to your perceived value from a woman is like a statue in their mind. You have to make it seem like you are a giant, strong, amazing statue carved from fine marble, with seemingly no weaknesses. When you reveal the hairline crack-- an imperfection, however, your entire statue crumbles from that point in her mind, and it's impossible to build that statue to the greatness it once was.
This is my one big "bitter" thing I dislike in women fiercely, as I've experienced it first hand, and to this day I haven't found a woman who is supportive, or even indifferent in weakness in ANY area of your life.
tl;dr: don't show weakness in any way to women, they will literally hate you for it.
[–]James_Coook 10 points11 points12 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
"This is my one big "bitter" thing I dislike in women fiercely, as I've experienced it first hand, and to this day I haven't found a woman who is supportive, or even indifferent in weakness in ANY area of your life." May I ask what happened? I feel there is an interesting story here.
[–][deleted] 23 points24 points25 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
No real specific moment, just when you're aware of it, and you happen to "open up" you can literally see and feel the uneasiness in a girl after admitting some sort of weakness. I've lost major LTRs in the past due to it, when I didn't know any better.
[–]morphite65 11 points12 points13 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Looking back, this is what ended both LTRs I worked on, right as they were taking off. As soon as I felt comfortable enough to share my weaknesses, I became disgusting.
Just FYI you can format a quote by inserting a > before the quote
[–]James_Coook 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks.
[–]TRP VanguardVZPurp 11 points12 points13 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Confirmed
[–]Modredpillschool 7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Indeed. Same experience here.
[–]MrStinky 14 points15 points16 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I luckily have some guy friends who I can open up to them about anything. I would never let my girlfriend think that I am anything less than stoic and happy
[–]euneaux 11 points12 points13 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's very fortunate.
Rarely have I known any fellows who are willing to discuss anything but the most shallow and banal. Things that are scary or risky are usually off limits.
Go fishing? Strip club? Play cards? Sure no problem.
Actual discuss difficult issues? That's too delicate and might undermine the carefully cultivated macho face and position in the male status hierarchy.
After years of nothing deeper than bro' silliness among a group of my friends, one night I conceded that I'd rather hold hands with a lady I really cared for than have meaningless fully contracepted sex with somebody I didn't really care for or didn't really respect. What followed was completely amazing. All the other guys without exception broke down and shared how they really feel or the fact that they had had sex never or just rarely and that the macho bro act was little more than empty facade. The only reason we all got so candid all of a sudden was probably because it was the end of the school year for all and the conclusion of the college careers for many. So we all likely wouldn't ever see each other again and there was little to lose by dropping the exhausting facade of simulated male swagger.
These guys weren't monsters, and neither are most women. Sure women can act all gung-ho aggressive and assertive, but that will have consequences about how attractive most men find them. Similarly, men can show weakness and vulnerability, but nothing good will come of it. At least with the hypercompetitive women they have a chance to win the competition and any corresponding rewards.
There is no reward for showing weakness, except for women and children who can count on the unconditional love of their parents or their existing or potential husbands, and any other fellows who hope to get into their pants.
[–]Mandeponium 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
So what's the answer when she says, "Why don't you ever talk about your feelings?"
[–]TRP Vanguardnicethingyoucanthave[S] 15 points16 points17 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
grab her boobies. She'll like that.
Seriously. This is a relationship trap. She doesn't know it's a trap. She isn't consciously setting you up. She doesn't realize that it's going to make her less attracted to you - but it is.
And obviously, you shouldn't take anything as an absolute. If you tell your girl that you're stressed at work or whatever, she's not going to leave you right then and there. It's not like that. What you should take from this is the general principal that you need to be aware of this aspect of human sexuality.
Just don't unload your issues on on your girl. That's all. It's really not that hard.
[–]tallwheel 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Shit test.
It's really a shame, though, that men can't use their closest emotional partner to discuss their deepest emotional issues without becoming unattractive to her. Usually can't do this with guy friends either. Hell, the only outlet most men have for this is their mom - even well into adulthood.
[–]euneaux 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
"My feelings are awesome! I'm feeling like I'm conquering the world!"
or
"I'm feeling like a romp in the hay... or at least a sandwich..."
Or even "I'm not feeling well,..", "I'm pretty stressed,.." "I'm really tired,.." "..I could really use a shower/beer/a nap/ some alone time/ a blowjob right now"
[–]through_a_ways 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
http://thedoghousediaries.com/507
Never frequented this strip before, but it seems fairly RP
[–][deleted] 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It's not true across the board. There are some people that take comfort in being the "protector" or the hero. If you show them your weakness, or even just the illusion of weakness, they'll rush to comfort you and make you feel better. I think they get off on it almost. Some kind of power thing.
The kind of person I'm thinking of doesn't do it for you, they do it mostly for themselves. There are people who are genuinely concerned about you too, but they act more motherly and less protecting.
The hero-type wants to protect you because they want to feel superior to you. They see the relationship with them as the strong guiding force and their partner as the weak endearing sidekick. Jokes on them though because it's ridiculously easy to play the "princess" card and get anything you want out of them.
[–]riptaway -2 points-1 points0 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They may enjoy being the protector, but not being the protector of their male sexually partner. Women want their men to protect them. Always. Otherwise you might as well be their little brother or son
[+][deleted] -7 points-6 points-5 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Just checking this sub out from, of all things, circlejerk, and I've got to say shit like this is just plain wrong. As in, if you are in a healthy relationship that doesn't happen. I tell my girlfriend my problems and how I feel, she tells me how she feels, and we have sex that same day. Yo can't be strong without weakness, and there's nothing wrong wit sharing your weaknesses so long as you are always strong when it comes to her needs.
Sorry to say that it does happen. She might not say anything about it, she might not even think that anything negative happened, just think how sweet and sensitive that was. But now you flipped a switch in her subconscious, and completely changed the dynamics of the relationship. You lose points, and will have to work a lot harder in different areas of the relationship because of this.
Sort of like if your girlfriend came home and told you she started to make a lot more money than you. You would think that is wonderful and would celebrate, no sane person would think that's a negative quality in a woman. But now very subtly you lose dominance in the relationship, and you become a lesser being in her mind and she slowly becomes less attracted to you unless you do other things to compensate.
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