This will be long as it just happened and I need to get it all out. All of it.

I was so in love with him. Even now I want to leave work and go tell him I'm sorry, that we can still make this work. He's supposed to be gone by 8pm Sunday.

For 6 years I poured love and hope into him, stuck by his side through endless fights and hard times. Defended him, cooked his meals, shuttled him around to and from work, dropping him off and picking him up from his friends, playing DD. Supported him through a brief stint of unemployment, wrecked my credit score for him, put up with his family hating me while we lived there for 3 years.

We finally got our apartment 2 years ago and I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking we could finally move forward. Work on our credit, get married, save up for a house and live happily ever after. But he still made no moves to get his license. He spent every bonus and bit of extra money that came our way even when living paycheck to paycheck. When I asked him about marriage last year he said he wasn't ready but definitely wanted to do so. He wanted to see me in white walking towards him surrounded by friends and family he said.

His answer hurt me so badly it made me begin to question everything. If you wanted to marry me then why not at least get engaged? People around me were getting engaged after 3 years, whole relationships starting and moving up while I remained a gf, driver, cook and consoler after nearly 6. If he really loved me then why not at least propose?

I began to slowly resent him that day and started to examine our lives. I had been asking him for 3 things the entire time we'd been together. Get a license, get a car, get a better job. I'd changed jobs 3 times in pursuit of my goals. Working open to close, barely any days off, busting my ass for a better future. But when I got home at 10pm he didn't have dinner waiting. He wouldn't massage my feet or back even though they hurt from standing all day. He never gave me random gifts or bought me flowers. Never made sure my birthday or our anniversary was special. He did laundry (poorly) and dishes (horribly) and that's because he couldn't stand not having them done. It wasn't for me.

Two months ago we had a huge fight and I left for a night. He promised to start saving, get his license by a certain date etc. I believed him. 'A fresh start' we said.

The deadline came and went and he mentioned nothing about it until I called him out on it last week during a huge fight. Of course he had excuses. Then he told me he didn't have his rent and asked to borrow money. He'd gotten paid barely a week ago. But this time I decided enough was enough.

I waited until he had four days off of work and this morning with my mom waiting outside for me to make sure I followed through I broke up with him.

Yes it hurts, yes he was so sweet to me last night that it almost made me reconsider. But I'd already sent the letter to landlord letting him know he was moving out. I already had my mom waiting for me outside. I already had a bag full of clothes in the trunk so I could leave for a few days. So I said sorry and I left. He declared he had nothing left to live for, began pushing things off counters and the table and grabbed a bottle of whiskey out the cupboard as I closed the door.

As I walk down the steps I can hear him start crying. But I kept going. I'm so scared to be alone I don't know who I am without him. I'm ready to fight through the pain and find out.

Thank you FDS for giving me the strength I needed.