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Where can i add some dread?

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April 29, 2019
9 upvotes

I'm not one for posting, i mainly lurk, read the top posts of the week ect... But I'm hoping for a bit of advice

I lift in the morning, I work all day, self employed tiler.
I do couple hours jiu-jitsu Mon wed Fri night, she watches kids. I'm home about 8-9pm Tues Thurs she works late, i watch the kids. She's home 8-9pm. She works during the day Saturday, i watch kids.
Both have Sunday off where we're either relaxing or taking kids out for a bit.

There's no sense of dread at all. She knows I'm rolling around the floor with men in the evenings, or looking after the kids when she's working.
When I'm home from jiu-jitsu and showered it's pretty close to bed time (1030)

Any advice?


Post Information
Title Where can i add some dread?
Author SidMRP
Upvotes 9
Comments 44
Date 29 April 2019 10:21 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/236577
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/binuqo/where_can_i_add_some_dread/
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Comments

[–]BarracudaRP19 points20 points  (10 children) | Copy

There's no sense of dread at all

Dread has nothing to do with schedules or logistics. Your wife's hamster will take care of the details if you are a desirable man that could fuck other women. Stop trying to blame your busy schedule - the real problem is that your wife doesn't see you as being capable of getting pussy anywhere else, for whatever reason. Maybe it's not because you are unattractive, maybe it's because she sees you as being predictable. Is she right?

I was predictable. I generated little dread, because my wife knew that my lifestyle left no room for secret adventures. So I started going out more, sometimes by myself, sometimes with people who are strangers to her. I have a busy life that does not always include her, even though our schedules are often like your own. Now the dread comes fast when I'm out of the house.

[–]markpf7312 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Predictable - be reliable but don’t be predictable.

[–]SidMRP[S] 4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

This is good and makes sense. Are you open and honest about where you go or do you just say "going out" and don't answer the question when you're home?

[–]BarracudaRP7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

Are you open and honest about where you go or do you just say "going out" and don't answer the question when you're home?

Frankly, I do both - in balance. I started by just going out more, just making it normal that I can be out of the house pursuing my own interests, like gym/friends/motorcycles. Those things quickly became normal. Becoming more interesting and social meant that I was making plans that kept me out until after she went to bed, concernts and events. I never went Rambo ("fuck you, I'm not telling you where I was MOM!") and I think that's important. But eventually I started making plans far away from her for multiple nights at a time, and stopped offering details. There was absolutely a point where her shit testing reached critical mass: "So you're just not going tell me where you've been?!" This was during our Main Event, all the chips were down and she was talking about packing up the kids. I told her she was damn right, because this has nothing to do with where I'd been and everything to do with the kind of relationship she had with me. That was the last time she tried to corner me about my whereabouts.

But honestly, all that shit doesn't matter. I'll leave the house with my gym bag, tell my wife where I'm heading at 7am on Christmas Eve, and her hamster will still think "He's going to fuck other women at the gym". Not because of my logistics, but because in her eyes I've become the type of man who can fuck other women.

[–]hack3geRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Are you open and honest about where you go or do you just say "going out" and don't answer the question when you're home?

If you are a high value man you can be honest - when I first started I used to be vague and its just viewed as you trying to be sneaky and its actually a DLV. Now I just tell her the truth - obviously if shes making you ask for permission or implying that feel free to treat it as a shit test and tease her. My favorite is to tell her if she really needs to know where I'm going she can check the GPS on my ankle bracelet. Usually she will backpedal and play it off like it wasn't what she was doing but we both know the deal.

[–]dll1422 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is a good point. My wife recently "found out" about a hobby I did now and again when she "didn't expect me to be doing it" or "I wasn't where I was supposed to or expected to be." She immediately began to shit storm and throw out things like, "who knows what else you're doing that I don't know" OR "what else are you hiding from me." When you get this, laugh it off and don't explain anything to her. If she persists and continues to bitch, imply that you don't care and that if she has a problem, it's her problem. I know I wasn't doing anything harmful to my marriage or breaking my wedding vows, so I truly didn't care what she thought. I can't control what goes on in her little head, I just find it fascinating, hilarious, and amusing.

[–]Redpillbrigade176 points7 points  (8 children) | Copy

BarracudaRP advice is spot on: you need to think more strategically about dread.

But if you’re looking for small tweaks and tactics (without going overboard and overthinking the Machiavellinism), look to put some distance and longer lag in your call backs/ text replies. Just a bit in the beginning, to give her time to miss you more, wonder more what are you up to. Don’t go Rambo, autist robot asshole. Just subtly communicate you have better and more important things to do than communicate your whereabouts or be in touch with her at all times. Maybe every now and then let a call go unanswered. Call her back in an hour. Be diplomatic, suave and sweet, apply amused mastery etc if she’s acting pissy (if you do it right, she shouldn’t: it should go unnoticed).

Ideally all this should happen naturally because you’re busy doing what’s most important to you. That’s where dread comes in with power: her resizing you’re a man with lots of options because of your high value.

Also: take her out in public where there are lots of attractive women. Then watch how other women will put themselves in your orbit, may even hit on you openly. Do not discourage them. Enjoy the attention. Then watch your wife get a little crazy inside and the social dynamic which is fundamental to women. No woman wants a man who is not wanted by other women. So give her a chance to see for herself how other women chase you or make themselves available to you. That should get the hamster going and working nicely for you. Then enjoy the results - in bed.

Good luck.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Good stuff here.

I’m all for tactics- newbs need a little extra push.

Lie if you have to.. our company just hired a new employee to work in sales.. Her name is Lisa.. let it linger for a few days.. bring up her name later on. The subtle ways to make this work. Dress a little better when you go to the main office.

Create your own Facebook page. Put strategic pictures on it...for pre-qualification.

Are you dressing better and in shape? Social with everyone? Cultivate a dgaf attitude. Her hamster will fill in the missing details.

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Lie if you have to.. our company just hired a new employee to work in sales.. Her name is Lisa.. let it linger for a few days.. bring up her name later on. The subtle ways to make this work. Dress a little better when you go to the main office.

Create your own Facebook page. Put strategic pictures on it...for pre-qualification.

Don't you feel like this is beta and try-hard? I just can't wrap my head around faking shit just so my wife thinks I am higher value - I'd rather just be higher value....

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

MCT don’t feelz shit.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Touche

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't consider it faking - or lying... but more of a "fake it until you make it" scenario.

I've advanced jobs a lot in my career, always taking the next step in management and responsibilities. Truthfully i'm always terrified i wont be good enough but I put on a mask, bust the door down, and handle that shit. Each time i've made the job look easy until i do my next advance and its terrified time again.

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

In a career that is fine - you always want to stretch as high as you can, actually its kind of like branch swinging.

My issue was related to creating dread by lying about women you work with or playing games to create active dread. Just be the fucking man and shit happens naturally - I made a post recently on how just being social created a situation naturally for dreading my wife. Or how my son's preschool teacher asked if I could take her out off-roading right in front of my wife and I told her maybe if she was lucky. Or the waitress last night who my son wouldn't talk to so I teased him and said he could talk to her that she doesn't bite and then she came over put her hand on my shoulder and said well sometimes I do.

None of this was me trying hard or me having to fake anything. At the beginning this overt shit can back fire (ask me how I know) and you are way better off shutting the fuck up, lifting and reading for 6-9 months while you actually become a man of value.

[–]Trtntrenbrah6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

best dread imo are female acquaintances

hamster will do the rest.

[–]thunderbeyond3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Are you even gaming your wife?

Does she even see you as someone who wants sex, or just a co-parent that she sees one day a week?

[–]stoicstephen3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

How's your sex life?

Sounds like you don't have a Mission.

[–]SidMRP[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Not brilliant tbh.

What could i possibly have as a mission? I'm self employed, have a hobby and spend time with the kids. I want a better bedroom

[–]dreamsynth2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jiu-jitsu is a mission. 3 times a week is awesome. Go for that competition. Most fathers around here sit around watching GoT getting fat.

You're lifting weights and rolling now go win some trophies.

[–]Red-Curious1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're just existing. Without a mission in life, you're boring. This is why your sex life is "not brilliant." There are a million options for what your mission can be - and many of them can incorporate the things you're already doing. But doing things just because they're things to do ... that's a waste.

In my view, having a mission is the single most foundational point of having a great sex life in marriage. Everything else flows from this. https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/7vhh4m/210_mission_matters_nothing_else_matters_only/

[–]InChargeManRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well, knowing nothing about you or your situation, I can tell you that I have made my needs and priorities clear to my wife, and good frequent sex is near the top. I can always "make" time for good sex. Your wife should understand this, so it can be assumed that she doesn't see you as somebody who is able to obtain the sex.

She knows I'm rolling around the floor with men in the evenings

Why does she know this? Is there a webcam at the place or some sort of tracker? Put another way, if your wife left the house three times a week and came back smelly and covered with bodily fluids, would you be so sure that some of those times it wasn't something else? Again, why is she so sure? You need to look at yourself to figure this out, my guess is you just have to look down.

[–]hack3geRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

There's no sense of dread at all. She knows I'm rolling around the floor with men in the evenings, or looking after the kids when she's working. When I'm home from jiu-jitsu and showered it's pretty close to bed time (1030)

You are trying too hard and worrying about using active dread. Just be a high value man and let passive dread happen.

For example, I do BJJ too and wife had no idea classes were co-ed. One day we are out walking around downtown and a chick from the class comes up gives me a hug and says hi to my sons by name and gives them hi fives (they come to class sometimes when my wife works late). I didn't try to orchestrate any of this it just happened because I am a high value man who has fun hobbies and am not an autistic faggot who doesn't socialize with people. Needless to say wife shit tested and fucked like a champ that night - don't worry about her and just live a fun, exciting life and dread will happen naturally.

Once shit like this happens even something as simple as you saying - hey going to go train with a few friends from the gym creates dread as my wife will even say have fun with your girlfriends.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

When you watch the kids, take them out with you. Engage with women at the parks or whatever you do with your kids.

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.02 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Story time. One of my best friends is a natural alpha. He gets laid at will and has options and IDGAF in spades. All of the married guys in our friends circles wives hate him. Let me rephrase, they actually love him and wish their husbands were him but what they hate is when their husbands go out with him.

Since I have discovered RP and reconnected with a lot of friends I lost because I gave up my hobbies and social circle, this buddy is one of them. My wife gives me zero shit for going out now but I can always tell when I let her know I am going out with him because her hamster goes into overdrive. This is amped up 10 times now that I am not a fat fuck and look good and handle myself even better. Without fail when I am out with him my phone is blowing up which I ignore or will delay a response. Without fail when I come home I get the fucked like a porn star. This is dread. I dont come home and tell her "hey all these chicks hit on me tonight." Shit half the time we might just have a beer and talk and not even interact with women.

[–]SidMRP[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Shit, maybe that's where I've fucked up. I quit going to the pub and seeing people. Once a fortnight or so i think I'll go out for a few beers

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.00 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Also remember that just flirting with chicks doesn’t mean shit unless your wife perceives them to be higher SMV. Chatting up a land whale to create dread is just gonna get you eye rolled.

[–]Red-Curious6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

The point of dread isn't to make her think you're screwing around with other women. It's for her to know that you could if you wanted to. The thought that you could get a better woman than her at the drop of a hat keeps her motivated - it means that you're the desirable one in the relationship, which affects her desire for you. Jealousy for jealousy's own sake doesn't do squat for your sex life. Even if you were actually cheating on her, that fact alone isn't what makes her attracted to you - jealousy just makes a person emotionally hysterical. The attractive factor that accompanies jealousy isn't the jealousy itself, but the reason why the jealousy crept up in the first place. That's why we don't call it jealousy game. Dread encompasses more than the dread of what you might be doing when you're gone - it's the dread of recognizing the relational imbalance and the fact that you can get all your needs met elsewhere, making her either (1) expendable, or (2) step up her game so she becomes indispensable.

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do what you want to do, be attractive don't be unattractive, own your shit, be fun... The list goes on....

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

This sounds more like a lack of flirting/gaming her than lack of dread.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You’ve already got a lot of advice on what’s missing in your social life.

My question is, as a self employed tiler who is in other women’s homes every day...why isn’t your wife’s hamster wondering about you laying some pipe while you’re there?

My old man is a tradesperson, I’ve seen women openly hitting on him when I would go to job sites with him as a kid. I remember him asking me to wait outside in the van on more than one occasion when he needed to go “look at a few other jobs” the lady of the house needed looked after. Looking back now, I realize the old man was fucking the shit out of these housewives while their white collar husbands were working and his kid was waiting in the van.

Something is missing in your SMV, your built in occupational dread should be through the roof. Women love to get off on the strong hands, rough around the edges type. Your job should be creating tons of dread on it’s own.

[–]TantalusOfTartarus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

occupational dread

Newer reddit account, but I've been around since back when Athol Kay's forum was actually good. Just want to say thank you for adding this phrase to my lexicon.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i mainly lurk, read the top posts of the week ect... But I'm hoping for a bit of advice

Hope isn't method. Either do this or not. My advice? get your dick out of the dirt and start really working on the program. You are insulting all the men here doing real work.

She knows I'm rolling around the floor with men in the evenings,

There's your dread only it's not gay if you don't look them in the eyes.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I have a similar scenario in that I go to the gym 4-5 times a week... After a 8+ months she came over and sniffed me to make sure I went where I said i was.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Nothing in your post about lifting... jitz alone will not get you a body women want to fuck. My gut tells me you’re a fat fuck or skinny-fat. She knows no women wants to fuck an unattractive married guy

Also, are you gaming random chicks while your out? Abundance bs scarcity. I can smell your scarcity over the internet, so I’m sure the stench is overwhelming to her.



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