Constantly hearing some form of “you’re out of my league” while dating

LunarSunshine · 2019-07-26T13:59:43+00:00

I recently read something about being “wife zoned” that was pretty on-point. A lot of men are looking for casual sex, so when they meet a woman that they see something more in they tend to not want to taint her good nature.

It might be worth a read (just search the term in google),

RoseBobtail · 2019-07-26T13:28:05+00:00

I got this a few times and my feeling is that it comes from guys who are looking for friends with benefits or some other iteration of a woman who will have no expectations of them.

RubyWooToo · 2019-07-26T13:28:31+00:00

That’s a nice way of saying “It’s not you it’s me.”

They’re not interested in you and are phrasing their parting words as a compliment because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.

LateralThinker13 · 2019-07-26T20:52:38+00:00

A man who tells you that you're out of his league is speaking truth.

Any man who believes that, becomes that. He's not confident enough, doesn't hold himself to having enough self-worth, to match what he perceives as your value; a relationship with him will fail because you'll accept his valuation and then resent that you're with a lower-value man regardless of whether it's objectively true.

When you hear this, take it as the backhanded compliment that it is: "I'm not good enough for you. Your SMV is higher than mine. You are much more desirable than I am."

The only negative involved is that it's one less man you can (or should) date. But on the positive, he's self-vetted himself out of your dating pool.

Since you hear this a lot, you need to improve the quality of your surroundings, and find a better pool of men to fish in.

ImTheCaptainNow24 · 2019-07-26T14:36:11+00:00

This could be genuine and a sign of low self-esteem, or it could be a way of them saying that they just want sex or FWB. Any way you slice it, I would not invest any time with anyone who says this to you. I believe strongly in the axiom "When people tell you who they are, believe them the first time." If a guy tells you that you are better than him, BELIEVE HIM. A high-value man who knows how to lead you would not say this to you.

nevomintoarce · 2019-07-27T13:31:50+00:00

Two cases:

They're insecure and too honest
They already plan on wronging you (they're after casual sex)

ofeckit · 2019-07-26T13:54:24+00:00

Yea, you’re out of my league doesn’t mean “you are awesome”, it means you are acting like you are better than them & they aren’t interested in feeling the way you make them feel. If you are hearing it often... you might want to evaluate how you come across. I’m confident you don’t mean to be that way, I bet you are amazing and are just trying to sell yourself (a great dating strategy) and are just a little off base in your technique.

Hang in there girl, you’ll relax & hit the right note soon & find a fantastic fit.

lehappyjuice · 2019-07-26T14:27:44+00:00

I would only say that to a woman if she is too hot for me.

ActualInteraction0 · 2019-07-26T18:09:58+00:00

It could be meant as a compliment, but depends on context. Perhaps it's partly about the guys view of what he considers a fulfilling relationship with you would be like and how he imagines he would fit into your life and actually be a positive inclusion in your life. Self doubt, being realistic about the real stuff, overly critical of ones ability to deliver what they think you should get from a relationship with them.

I don't think it's necessarily a way of saying they are not interested, perhaps they need encouraging, or want someone who can encourage them in their life. (Who doesn't? )

I'm in a position in life where I often feel like young attractive successful women deserve someone better than me for a serious meaningful and fulfilling (for both parties) long term relationship, so I can relate.

It seems to be all about money and time, not having enough of either to dedicate to someone.

Maybe it's that they consider themselves less "attractive" and they are worried you would leave them for someone better.

If they just wanted sex in the short term, it makes little sense to say such a thing, it means they are considering a long term relationship.

SinCityBAMF · 2019-07-26T16:35:40+00:00

ARE you out of their league? You mentioned that most are tradesmen. If you are very attractive, not too crazy, have a career, and are dating down (the men are not "traditionally" attractive/successful) they may honestly feel that you are much higher value than most of the women that they date. If Margot Robbie asked me out, I might be caught saying, "I would have thought you were out of my league" and then probably thinking, "so, what is wrong with her....?"

AmsterdamPsycho · 2019-07-26T14:43:54+00:00

It’s a shit test. Men do it too. You’re reaction exposes your true feelings, which will be used against you later. Surprised ya’ll can’t see that.

jfiscal · 2019-07-27T02:17:12+00:00

Oh boy.

It could mean anything. He's got challengeable low self esteem and seriously thinks you're out of his league. He's got unchallengeable low self esteem about all or part of who he is and knows you're out of his league. He could think you think you're too good for him and he's pre disqualifying himself. Maybe he's got this complicated thought process for why you guys wouldn't work out and he thinks or knows you're not interested in hearing it so he just tosses out a "you're out of my league lmao later babe". He's letting you down gently in a way that preserves your ego. Or he's looking for validation because he hasn't yet learned that it's not allowed.

But I do think it's mostly used as a part of anti game, like when a man gives a woman his number instead of getting hers

Banincoming · 2019-07-27T03:13:54+00:00

There are beautiful, smart, strong women out there...that would require a lot more maintenance than I'm willing to put in as I'm a pleasantly low key guy. I would tell them that.

CopperCurls007 · 2019-07-26T14:44:04+00:00

What is your response when they say this? I could see it being a cry for validation. Also, I think age could come into play here. What your of guys are you dating? Age, job, appearance, etc. And how are you meeting them?

_4ce · 2019-07-27T08:37:44+00:00

On a first date a guy saying it casually could be a form of a compliment or flattery. If there’s indications of poor self image then it may stem from insecurity

iprinteasy · 2019-07-28T09:32:36+00:00

It's just a compliment, that's it.

CorpseProject · 2019-07-26T14:22:14+00:00

I’ve gotten this too, I have no idea what it’s about. Some of the comments here suggest self-reflection to figure out a pattern and I feel like I’ve been doing that. I’m improving myself, but perhaps not enough yet.

One thought I’ve been having is that I seek out emotionally unavailable men who aren’t ready for the commitment I am looking for. So they receive my affections and what not and really enjoy it but after some time realize they still want to be “independent” and leave me with these sort of excuses. My most recent boyfriend of 9 months did just this, and he certainly wasn’t the first.

Title	Constantly hearing some form of “you’re out of my league” while dating
Author	Painterly6710
Upvotes	32
Comments	39
Date	July 26, 2019 1:03 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ci2lhd/constantly_hearing_some_form_of_youre_out_of_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/constantly-hearing-some-form-of-youre-out-of-my.246939 https://theredarchive.com/post/246939

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