How to make new friends

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GingerBeard_JM
July 26, 2019
93 upvotes
askTRP

I know this is fuckin pathetic, I don’t know if I’m in the right place or whatever. I seem to be fine with girls, following redpill and spinning plates. Getting better and better at it. I just seem to have a big problem.

I can’t attatch myself to a group of friends. I’ve bounced from friend to friend and I feel like I’m constantly chasing to be a in a friend group. I had a friend for a long time (5 years) i introduced him to another friend who I’ve known a while and suddenly they start doing shit together without inviting me. I find myself chasing them a lot to even just hangout together but fuck that anymore I always seem to be doing that.

It’s literally the only part of my life that’s bringing me down right now. Everything else has been on the rise since joining and reading about red pill.

I appreciate that I’ll probably get some shit for posting this but fuck it


Post Information
Title How to make new friends
Author GingerBeard_JM
Upvotes 93
Comments 42
Date 26 July 2019 07:26 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/246969
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ci79pn/how_to_make_new_friends/
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Comments

[–]IceBear---69117 points118 points  (11 children) | Copy

Desperation is a stinky cologne.

I know the feeling. Ever since I've cleaned up my diet & stuck to it religiously (no coffee, drugs or alcohol & OMAD of animal products only). Keeping the exact bedtime, which is fairly early for most people, workout time & grinding away at goals has filtered most would-be friends out of my life. Good.

True friends are the ones who stick by you, encourage you to get after it, keep you accountable. Not surprisingly, these people are often chasing dreams of their own so it's a symbiotic relationship. Don't be in a rush to "make friends". Follow the basics by talking to everyone you come across & try to make their day better. Most people in America are fat, weak & stupid. Be something that gives them hope.

Fuck the haters. You got this bro!

[–]ValorElite15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy

That being said, it will take some effort on your part to keep connected with these pals. It's easy to disconnect from your social circles and fall into the constant grind of life.

I try to reach out to a buddy every week or so and see what's happening.

[–]IceBear---691 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely. I've been guilty of this. Friendship is a 2 way street & you have to put in effort.

[–]-_-Andor-_-1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

OMAD? Theese acronyms are getting wild

[–]slamdunktiger861 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This guy Jockos.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

What's wrong with coffee? I thought it was good for your health considering it has a lot of antioxidants.

[–]IceBear---690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nothing wrong with coffee at all. I'm easily addicted to a lot fo things: music, coffee, you name it. Just not having it or limiting to less than a cup is better for ME. It might be different for you.

[–]fromdario-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3012180/#__sec11title

“caffeinated coffee and caffeine intakes were positively associated with plasma SHBG levels.”

Far from conclusive but I’ve read this before.

[–]-_-Andor-_-0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

OMAD? Theese acronyms are getting wild

[–]SauliusTRP3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

One meal a day (usually big one)

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (3 children) | Copy

Meeting friends after college is tough, I havent met one I've been close to since. I think what you need to do is just get out more, join some clubs etc. Generic answer but you just need to be around as many like minded men as possible

[–]thiikn9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's really tough... I guess I'm in like 7 social circles, but I don't belong in any of them because the people inside know each other for a long time. It's like I have to try so hard to keep in touch with that they're planning, just so I can happen to hang out with someone when the weekend arrives. Also yeah, probably there's something wrong with my social skills.

Always too cool for the nerdy ones, but too nerdy for the cool people.

My friend, who is way below me in everything apart from social skills, got invited to a crazy shit party this weekend and scored a threesome. I'm happy for him, but I was crying in the inside when he told me lol. (WHY CAN'T IT BE ME)

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Always too cool for the nerdy ones, but too nerdy for the cool people.

My exact experience

[–]evanskal12 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That fucking sums up my relationship with most of my friends ...

[–]HumbleTrees21 points22 points  (4 children) | Copy

Join clubs. You make friends through regular shared experiences. Martial arts, climbing, any sport with a club. You'll be fine if u do one of these.

[–]ChefCremeFraiche 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

Meetup.com is a good starting point if no clubs are known.

[–]HumbleTrees1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Think you're getting downvoted because most people on meetups are just weird.

[–]ChefCremeFraiche 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

It’s ok. Fuck those people that down vote me. It’s fake internet points anyways.

But if you meet people on asktrp, I guarantee most will be weird too. But it’s a good starting point if there is no starting point for clubs.

[–]HumbleTrees0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Haha very valid point. I often wonder how much of this is role play and stories. I can't see why clubs wouldn't be accessible to anyone. They're a more reliable way of meeting the same people over and over, which is how freindships form.

[–]DerpJungler10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Try social activities, sports, martial arts

Just like women, neediness kills attraction. Be cool and fun to be around.

[–]agjrpsl5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Listen to these people. Plus you don't need friends to go out and do things.

[–]MurkyArtichoke6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've used to be the opposite. Struggling with girls, but always made friends easily. I'm still close with 4-5 of my childhood friends and we meet up during holidays, and play videogames occasionally. I've always wondered why making friends came so naturally to me, and i think one of the main reasons is that i have a wide variety of interests. For example: I know plenty of people who loves football, and that's basically it. They don't watch other sports, they even frown upon it. If you're not gonna try new things, the market for getting new friends is automatically narrowed a lot.

Widen your horizons, and you'll be surprised how many things you find interesting and how easy it is to make connections. Not just sport, but other hobbies. I'm always well-liked, because no matter their interests, i will always have at least something in common with them. Like, there's this one dude at work who no one really talks to that much, and he seems to a bit of a lone-wolf. Found out we both loved the same book-series, and we've talked at lunch many times after this. Remember, many people out there are in the same situation as you, and will be happy to have more friends. Also, remember, it's natural to lose quite a few friends after you're done with highschool. All my best friends live in completely different cities, and i will never have the same connection with the friends i have in the city i currently live in, but i'm okay with that.

[–]trele_morele3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

You have to realize that you won't just be accepted into any circle of adults without bringing some of value to it. First and foremost you need to show interest in the people. Secondly, you need to learn what kind of activities they're into and initiate. Your best bet though is to start your own circle. You still follow the same two rules. That is until you establish yourself as one of the leaders. Then you can step back a little. People want to be led and they will follow when it feels right. Either way, you will not succeed unless you put in the work. You literally need to force your way into the situation, just like anywhere else in life. Initiate, initiate, initiate

[–]BoldBrazilian0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's a good way of viewing it. I've never been a leader in any kind of social relationship, and I not very used to to initiate the interactions. That is something I definitely should be doing.

[–]rambler4294 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Pigeons flock together. Eagles soar alone.

Get comfortable with being by yourself. Like some other people have stated, neediness can be spotted a mile away. TRP says never chase women. Never chase PEOPLE. Its better to have 1 or 2 quality friends than it is to have a 1000 associates. Be friendly, be outgoing, but don't be desperate.

[–]L3onard30 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. Until you’re completely comfortable being by yourself, you won’t attract friends. Any activity that you think you need a friend for should be done alone and embraced.

[–]YungRichKid2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’m in the same boat as you and just out of high school the only hard part is finding like minded individuals

[–]Greaterbird1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go to places where people go, and talk to strangers. I meet tons of people at the gym. After a bit figure out who you have the best rapport with and invite them out for a drink, live music, etc. With coworkers, invite them to join you for lunch.

[–]Angelrun1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Age?

[–]Banjaiel1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same as what they are saying. You make your own membership. Find something outdoorsy where there's possible beer after, and become a team regular, where the teams don't necessarily mash up every year. Also, perhaps where there are 'few options'. aka there's a zillion and one baseball teams and that changes. Not a terrible option, but get in on a cycling store's ride club, or a local alpine climbing group. Figure out when people go, go regularilry, and don't be in a hurry. My experience, it takes a year to 'fit in', and show ppl you won't dissapear. Check out the various mom and pop stores in your area. I.E, first I found an indie running supply store, then realized the owner was involved in the local running community, and had organized a three race series. I go to that, find out that this group of runners are flipping awesome, and I've been invited into a little group they have. So now, it's on me to show up. Realized last night they were, for local reasons, lamenting that they can't get tie-die running gear. So now.. I'm going to organize a tie-dye party, for a bring - your own jersey.

[–]Jsieijejeieokkd1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Put yourself out there. Finding good guy friends is like finding good girl friends.

[–]TehJimmyy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

True friends today rarely exist.Most people will disappoint you first chance. Make new goals and you will find the right people to casually hang out in the process.

[–]GucciGangBucks1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Add everyone you meet on Snapchat and post cool stories doing cool shit. People will want to come along.

[–]BoldBrazilian0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Add everyone you meet on Snapchat and post cool stories doing cool shit. People will want to come along.

This really works?

[–]GucciGangBucks0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yes, why would ppl not want to hang out with someone always doing fun/cool shit. It’s worked for me.

[–]BoldBrazilian0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, why would ppl not want to hang out with someone always doing fun/cool shit. It’s worked for me.

Thanks, I gonna give it a try. I also have to remember of adding more ppl to my social media; otherwise, I would be posting to myself lol

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This shits not as easy as you think it is. Being popular is a shortcut/interesting/having something of value to offer.

[–]BajaGhia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Disc golf. Cheap, outdoorsy, actually difficult to do well. Usually can hang out and join a group. Clubs, tag matches, tournaments.

[–]DAOcomment20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What value do other people get from associating with you? How will your friend's lives be uniquely better for having you in it? What kind of value do you enjoy offering to people?

[–]MCA_T0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

same boat here man, when i was a teen I was easily the most popular/social guy out of my social circle, chilled with a load of different social circles and groups and brought so many different people together but because I was a solo kind of guy I've never stuck in them groups and they all still chill together without me now, just the way it goes, don't chase anyone if they wanna be in your life they will and if not fuck it

[–]bruiser180 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Like the other commenter said, desperation pushes everyone away. Provide value of some sort and be a fun guy.

I built my network through multiple channels. The gym, martial arts gyms, friends of friends, going out clubbing.

Offer to spot someone in the gym, ask him to spot you. Spark a conversation. Bump into him a couple times then invite him to workout with you next week.

Join MMA, bjj, muay Thai etc. Bond with the guys there. Offer a couple of them to join you for drinks on the weekend or hang out after training.

Go out clubbing with a friend or 2. Approach girls but also chat to guys there. Ask which club they're heading to or offer them to join you and your friend(s).

[–]aDrunkenWhaler0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Start BJJ. You learn a great skill and make good friends.



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