CMV: Nice guys take advantage of women in non sexual ways

hammerhaunts · 2019-01-31T21:51:26+00:00

the man received validation too, the girl is talking to him and paying attention to him.

Usually they receive less than they put in

MyrganGyrgan · 2019-01-31T22:31:19+00:00

I was a nice guy once upon a time and, if the average nice guy is anything like what I used to be like, then nine times out of ten they're just shy, inexperienced and scared of rejection. Cowardly, sure, but not malicious or manipulative. Usually nice guys genuinely like the girls they orbit as people and would rather be in their company platonically than take a chance and risk losing even that. And even when the guy wants something more, he's usually happy to provide emotional and social support without actively anticipating a "reward" for his efforts.

That said, it's important for men to learn how romantic relationships are typically initiated. Too many guys grow up watching TV and movies where friendships transition into something more, then they step out into the real world and fail to realise that it's all about immediate attraction and making your intentions clear ASAP.

The best way to stop the genuinely not-so-bad variety of nice guy is to impress the realities of dating upon him while he's young. It's not about emotional manipulation or entitlement, it's about ignorance and ineptitude.

CamoWoobie10 · 2019-01-31T22:06:40+00:00

Did you just say that men and women giving time and ears and help for each other is men "taking advantage"?

The thing with nice guys is not that they are given nothing. They are given time, sure, but lose money, time, patience, etc. but they want that and romance too.

They used the incorrect method to achieve their goal and failed to learn their lessons. That is their only mistake. Otherwise it would be the so called "friendship between people of opposite sex" which so many women say exists.

Nice guys as in, men who think they are able to get a gf with friendship are just mistaken on how things work. They just project that women become enamored with those they pass time with like men do. Outside of it. They are just normal friends. They just want a gf. Chessus.

sadomasochrist · 2019-01-31T22:46:43+00:00

Women with orbiters and the orbiters themselves share covert issues of attraction. Men are covertly attracted, and women are covertly not. Most women with orbiters know they are wild about them but do not care and so they are discreetly using these men for validation or even actually using them. The men are attempting to validate their childlike views of male romance covertly by wooing her through the mechanism of friendship.

If they're feeling down, they would talk to a female friend to feel better. He is still using the woman.

This is a genuine act of friendship. Something I fear you are probably too neurotic or autistic (not a diss) to see. If you think someone trying to find a friend to feel better is being "used" then I feel very, very sorry for anyone that believes they are close to you.

You would be right if these women said "I am not sexually attracted to you, and I will never date, love or have sex with you" and then stopped associating with men who they can tell are still there because they think they'll be something more some day. But they don't. Just like the orbiters don't generally leave either.

The real rub here is the woman has the power and typically abuses it. Most orbiters are children in a man's body.

[deleted] · 2019-01-31T22:27:51+00:00

Why doesn't it count if sex isn't involved?

Only sex matters

If anything, this is worse than a guy trying to have sex without emotional manipulation. At least that is genuine.

So you should be RPs biggest proponent. "Stop pretending to care about women who won't fuck you". Genuine.

reluctantly_red · 2019-02-01T03:28:29+00:00

whilst the man will offer validation to the woman

Nice Guy orbiters provide a hell of a lot more than just validation. They offer cash, logistic support, and problem solving/fixing. They do everything an actual BF/husband would do but without the benefits.

In my Nice Guy days I fixed cars, mover furniture, got utilities turned back on, solved landlord tenant problems, filed child support actions, got criminal records expunged ... . Its my experience that women expect guys to do this shit for them regardless of whether or not they're sleeping with the guy.

meomeowmeoww · 2019-01-31T21:45:17+00:00

Usually its them throwing money at the women so they are the ones being "used"

Glawen_Clattuc · 2019-01-31T21:51:59+00:00

CMV

If there was anything like an actual view being expressed, then I might be tempted to try and change it.

This is not so much CMV as LMR - Listen to My Ranting.

Seriously, there's no view on show, just a really angry and spiteful comment on male-female friendships.

oftheinfinite · 2019-01-31T21:57:08+00:00

I don't buy your characterization of nice guys. They usually flake out soon and do not last years, as you say. And they mostly do not get any form of validation they truly desire and believe to be genuine. Also, I doubt nice guys actually value the fruitless attention they get because it does not result in a sexual and romantic relationship. Guys like this are torturing themselves.

Ordinate1 · 2019-01-31T22:25:54+00:00

Men use women to boost their ego ALL THE TIME. If they're feeling down, they would talk to a female friend to feel better.

8o

My reaction to the idea that talking to a woman would boost my ego or make me feel better.

Taipanshimshon · 2019-01-31T22:32:00+00:00

So you’re saying friend zoned guys use women as a preference to sleeping with them ?

Using someone implies getting what you want.

[deleted] · 2019-01-31T22:35:36+00:00

This is just so confusing, but I don’t think i agree with you. The Niceguys want sexual relationships with these women, they don’t want the relationship if sex isn’t involved. Those men don’t talk to these women about relationship problems, because usually it’s that they either don’t have any relationships to talk about, or are holding out for her and don’t want to possibly screw it up by talking about it and even being in a relationship; mind you it’s almost always the former as the reason they are Niceguys in the first place is because they don’t have options.

In what way does a man actually take advantage of a woman where it really affects her negatively? It’s not like these women are giving up the precious sex they hold so dear and are picky (for relatively good reason) where they won’t fuck these dudes. I doubt these women are paying for dinners or buying gifts for them. She has to act like an emotional tampon once in a while? If listening is such a struggle, then these women are just as bad as the Niceguys boogie men that keeps getting thrown around. Even so, I doubt the women care to listen, you said it yourself that women are better listeners

PieceBringer · 2019-01-31T23:22:06+00:00

This "validation" means nothing for them and most men. We want sex first, that's the only validation we are after. Talking doesnt cut it. That's why it is claimed that women use nice guys for validation since just mere attention is enough for women especially from those nice guys.

Your argument seems like " na-ah men get validation too because women talk to them". It is disingenuous. Men are after sex. That's the only reason we even talk to women. Sex is always in the back of your minds when we talk.

Men and women are different and OP implies we aren't. That's pathetic attempt even for bloops. Let it put this way. Women get validation from attention, 90 percent. 10 percent through sex. Men get 90 through sex. 10 percent from talking/attention from women. That's how the world is. Denying it is disingenuous. It's that simple

CamoWoobie10 · 2019-01-31T22:25:42+00:00

Vast majority of women are not worth dealing with once sex is off the table. In my opinion, 90% of Male/female platonic relationships, the woman is receiving most of the benefit. The only reason most guys talk to women is because they think theres a possibility of getting laid eventually. If women told their Male friends in no uncertain terms that they would never have sex with them, They would lose 90% of their Male friends.

PieceBringer · 2019-02-01T14:38:45+00:00

Thank you Wokein, now I'm woke! Every time I feel down now, I'll talk with women and make my ego high again (mmeha).

exit_sandman · 2019-01-31T22:37:48+00:00

Wow, you just got the "solipsistic woman of the year"-award, and so early in.

Men use women to boost their ego ALL THE TIME.

Because being rejected is such an ego boost!

Jordan Peterson said it best - already in the first minute.

(I have to admit that I wonder whether you're being facetious or being serious but mentally impaired in some way, maybe drunk or high)

Khabibcos · 2019-01-31T22:07:06+00:00

Bull crap.

Whodunnit88 · 2019-02-01T00:48:33+00:00

Do most guys have female friends?

[deleted] · 2019-02-01T18:48:31+00:00

Men use women to boost their ego ALL THE TIME. If they're feeling down, they would talk to a female friend to feel better. He is still using the woman. Why doesn't it count if sex isn't involved?

What do you know about humans? That's pretty much the more relevant question. How do humans socialize? How can humans socialize? What are healthy ways for humans to socialize? What is symbiotic socialization and what is egotistical socialization and what is manipulative? What level of reciprocation is desirable or acceptable?

Is someone taking something that someone else offers at their own free choice taking advantage of them? Usually "taking advantage" is used in context where you use a vulnerability of somebody to gain an advantage for you. I don't think that talking to your (female) friend is abusing any vulnerability.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-02-05T18:32:38+00:00

no, no, no, you cant defend males. not anymore. the cat is out of the bag, women know males are garbage. there is no "less bad", all of you males are pathetic.

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Title	CMV: Nice guys take advantage of women in non sexual ways
Author	wokein
Upvotes	1
Comments	127
Date	January 31, 2019 9:42 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/alum5d/cmv_nice_guys_take_advantage_of_women_in_non/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-nice-guys-take-advantage-of-women-in-non.257519 https://theredarchive.com/post/257519

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