Have you ever felt deceived or manipulated by love, romance, sexual attraction?

Littleknownfacts · 2017-06-09T15:54:07+00:00

In many ways, love reminds me of religion. You know you're being deceived.

In what religion do the followers know that they're being deceived?

None. You know that they're being deceived. They have no idea.

That's not what love is, dude. That's just her misusing the word like when she says she loves pizza. If she's deceiving you then you need to stop acting like you're being manipulated by love and start realizing that you're just being played.

shoup88 · 2017-06-09T16:03:33+00:00

Every relationship has some minor deceptions and manipulations, but you don't have to fall into an existential crisis over it. I don't understand getting worked up over normal human interaction.

MarriedLifter · 2017-06-09T16:20:37+00:00

You are certainly not the first to feel this way. C.S. Lewis wrote about the darker side of "Eros," romantic love:

...Eros does not aim at happiness. We may think he does, but when he is brought to the test it proves otherwise. Everyone knows that it is useless to try to separate lovers by proving to them that their marriage will be an unhappy one. This is not only because they will disbelieve you. They usually will, no doubt. But even if they believed, they would not be dissuaded. For it is the very mark of Eros that when he is in us we had rather share unhappiness with the Beloved than be happy on any other terms. Even if the two lovers are mature and experienced people who know that broken hearts heal in the end and can clearly foresee that, if they once steeled themselves to go through the present agony of parting, they would almost certainly be happier ten years hence than marriage is at all likely to make them—even then, they would not part. To Eros all these calculations are irrelevant—just as the coolly brutal judgment of Lucretius is irrelevant to Venus. Even when it becomes clear beyond all evasion that marriage with the Beloved cannot possibly lead to happiness—when it cannot even profess to offer any other life than that of tending an incurable invalid, of hopeless poverty, of exile, or of disgrace—Eros never hesitates to say, "Better this than parting. Better to be miserable with her than happy without her. Let our hearts break provided they break together."

...and:

For Eros, speaking with that very grandeur and displaying that very transcendence of self, may urge to evil as well as to good. Nothing is shallower than the belief that a love which leads to sin is always qualitatively lower—more animal or more trivial—than one which leads to faithful, fruitful and Christian marriage. The love which leads to cruel and perjured unions, even to suicide-pacts and murder, is not likely to be wandering lust or idle sentiment. It may well be Eros in all his splendour; heart-breakingly sincere; ready for every sacrifice except renunciation.

Love is wonderful, love is great. But don't be an idiot about it. Sometimes you have to walk away from the wrong person.

IamTheWalkingMenu · 2017-06-09T17:19:41+00:00

This isn't a very healthy world view.

hurt or used by it

Emotions don't hurt or use you. People do. But only if you let them. Love is super great but it's not a miracle.

Love8Death · 2017-06-09T15:55:43+00:00

has anyone here dated a narcissist? Cuz that's the summation of a narc/empath relationship

Love8Death · 2017-06-09T16:56:21+00:00

I believe this too, and I don't know what to do about it. The other person doesn't have to tell us any lies, we are happy to deceive ourselves. We create in our imagination an idea of what our life would be like with this person, and then ignore any evidence to the contrary. We don't actually see the person as they are, but how we imagine them to be. As such, we are doomed to be disappointed when the smoke fades.

In my case, I could never compete with the new girl. She still had all the romantic smokiness and novelty, allowing him to imagine a perfect fulfillment with her but not with me. Our shared history and hard times together only worked against me as these experiences only taught him that I am not the woman he imagined, and it was the imagined woman that he loved, not me.

wuboo · 2017-06-09T17:55:31+00:00

What game being played? Sounds exhausting.

TheGreasyPole · 2017-06-09T18:13:59+00:00

I want to say we all have. I want to say it's why many become distrustful of love and such romantic feelings, after being touched by it, led by it, and hurt or used by it. But can it be any other way?

Yes.

And does love ever exist absent some deception?

Yes.

Don't we all know there is something about a person we love that we also hate? And that the person that loves us must hate something about us too?

Yes.

In many ways, love reminds me of religion. You know you're being deceived. You know there's a game being played, that the other party has some ends that may not be what they say, but you proceed anyways, hoping what you'll get back will make it worth the while.

In most cases there is no game being played consciously by anyone.

Of course I can't speak for all the nutters and psychopaths and BPD people out there etc etc.

But for most people there is no deception. There is no game.

There is just people misunderstanding what love is.

Any particular bit of this you want to discuss ?

IIHotelYorba · 2017-06-10T01:37:16+00:00

Sure but as an adult I feel like it's pretty fair, like I knew what I was getting going in. I knew it could end, I knew it would hurt, and I knew that would make be better as a person overall.

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RockinSocksII · 2017-06-09T17:01:15+00:00

Nope. I'm fairly grounded in reality.

wtknight · 2017-06-09T17:08:09+00:00

Is there something about your best friend that you also hate? Ideally, love is best friendship plus sexual attraction.

philomexa · 2017-06-09T17:17:13+00:00

Nah, I've had my heartbroken by a high school boyfriend, but I dusted myself off and developed a more grounded view of love.

Don't we all know there is something about a person we love that we also hate?

I'm not particularly fond of my husband's alcohol fueled passion (i.e. drunken buffoonery, fighting, etc), but ultimately I don't care all that much if its occasionally triggered because on whole, he knows its unattractive to me.

And that the person that loves us must hate something about us too?

Likewise I know my husband isn't fond of my clinical speech and mannerisms, so I actively try to curb it which gives me a pass for the few times it slips out.

If there is an element of hate then that's not love, that's just co-dependence. Why would I love someone if there was something I hated about them?

[deleted] · 2017-06-09T17:34:08+00:00

sad_handjob · 2017-06-09T18:19:17+00:00

Romantic love is fundamentally a projection

jkj1993 · 2017-06-10T04:26:42+00:00

You may as well have asked "have you ever felt deceived or manipulated by crack cocaine or heroin?"

I think of romantic love in the same light as drug use. And just like any drug, you use it or allow it to use you (which usually means acting in ways you would not otherwise). As a matter of fact, I think there were studies done that proved the same pathways in your brain that are activated by crack cocaine are activated by falling in love.

Title	Have you ever felt deceived or manipulated by love, romance, sexual attraction?
Author	Love8Death
Upvotes	6
Comments	103
Date	June 9, 2017 3:42 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6g977f/have_you_ever_felt_deceived_or_manipulated_by/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/have-you-ever-felt-deceived-or-manipulated-by-love.267679 https://theredarchive.com/post/267679

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