Would a sense of entitlement explain why so many people struggle in the dating world?

goatismycopilot · 2017-01-04T18:49:04+00:00

Yes, I think both men and women vastly over rate their own physical attractiveness, they are not very self aware about traits they have that may be off putting, and they often fall into dating patterns and don't do a stop, drop, and roll about why that is. I am average I think in terms of looks, I do go the gym and watch my weight but Brad Pitt is not going to be interested in me. If I was interested in dating I might think that an average looking guy might be interested in me or not, who knows.

I have a male acquaintance who has complained to me he only attracts "damaged" women, well he is pretty damn damaged as well. I have a female friend who complains men only want her for sex, well she always fucks them the first time she meets them.

People often enter dating being very unclear about what they want and they end up with other vague people who don't know what they want and they end up getting hurt and then making pretty global assessments about others. One big thing women do is they fall for some guy who says he does not want a relationship, they sleep with him, then he backs off or does not act like he is in a relationship and they end up confused and hurt. If somebody tells me "hey I don't want a relationship" and I think "hey I want a relationship" then I think, hmmmmmm this person is not for me, no point in spending time with them. People often look to dating to fills holes in their lives, they are lonely or bored or something else and it often just does not work out because of that.

trail22 · 2017-01-05T04:36:43+00:00

Honestly I think its the opposite.

I think the people who are in relationships feel entitled to them when really it was as much luck as their great strengths.

Then they look at the people who fail and they say, well I succeed because I am better then them. Then proceed to list upon them a number of faults all controllable, without missing the big picture.

That way they can feel superior and not feel any empathy for those who try and fail with women.

I mean most people won't even admit that height and race matter a lot in dating. Even when they themselves dont find certain races attractive, or find people of a certain height unattractive. Even if it is plainly proven scientifically over and over.

They always point to others who succeed because anecdotal evidence is best.

BiggerDthanYou · 2017-01-04T17:48:09+00:00

If you ever tried to set up a date for your bro that's struggling with women for years you notice that this is true. Women that I'd happily take aren't good enough for them. It's like the longer someone is a virgin the more specific their preferences become (or always were but it only becomes evident when they don't want any of the available women) and the harder it gets for them to judge their league.

Even if they have got nothing going on, don't put any effort into their appearance, are downers and constantly talk shit about others they think that they are somehow better than others.

There's always something wrong about her that others wouldn't even notice or care about. She listens to music he doesn't like, his brother dated her five years earlier, her fingers are too short, etc.

They come up with any reason so that they don't have to risk letting her close.

I think a big reason for this is fear and insecurity. They want women, but they don't want to risk getting rejected or don't expect that anyone could be attracted to them so that's why they hamster away every potential partner.

And then they fall in love with a chick that's already in a relationship with another guy and start orbiting her, but again I think that's the fear. They choose to fall in love with one that they know that they can't get so that they don't have to worry about getting rejected. They have already been rejected from the start and that's a more comfortable thought than otherwise.

Someone that isn't entitled and doesn't have high standards can, in most cases, find someone on their level, but fat people for example mostly don't want to date other fat people. But they are also too lazy to lose weight themselves so they can't get anything unless they are lucky.

[deleted] · 2017-01-04T17:46:11+00:00

Not so much a sense of entitlement as it is an inability to grasp their shortcomings and idealizing romance to an impossible degree. Even while dating someone, a lot of people are chasing a rainbow of "could be's" or "would be's" that only exists in their own minds. It's like changing the goal post, for every positive they find in a partner, there's a million more positives that they could be having with someone else. It's like not being satisfied that you're earning a living wage when you could be earning an upper middle class wage. Sometimes we have to observe ourselves practically and decide what's a reasonable expectation. The happiest people have lower expectations, it's been proven time and time again.

But, we keep up this fairy tale that "you'll know they're the one" when in reality, it's a more mundane decision.

[deleted] · 2017-01-04T17:38:35+00:00

i dont' think so.

i think people who are dating today just don't know the realities of aging. they think they can just date indefinitely and marriage just magically happens and it can happen at any point when they DECIDE to get married. whether they are 20 or 40.

this clearly isn't the case.

NalkaNalka · 2017-01-04T17:42:38+00:00

Yes plenty of younger people grow up thinking that they should not have to do anything hard or uncomfortable to get what they want.

Falkner1992 · 2017-01-04T21:42:24+00:00

It's not. That's just a line feminists use to besmirch romantically-unsuccessful guys. Truth is a lot of guys don't have any options to begin, and guys need to fuck; it's an integral part of their growing process. And because they refuse to suffer quietly, feminists get pissy and start slinging mud at them.

And look, when you have no real options to begin with, it takes as much effort to fap to mental images of a supermodel as it does for a regular Plain Jane. So why even waste time fantasizing about the Plain Jane?

LittleWindowpane · 2017-01-04T21:24:31+00:00

No. Absence of attractive traits, or presence of unattractive ones, is a bigger factor. Entitlement is one of them, but the ForeverAlone types aren't overly entitled by any means. They're socially awkward, ugly, depressed, and anxious, but not entitled.

wtknight · 2017-01-04T18:11:15+00:00

It's one factor but I don't think it's the only one. There are many without a sense of entitlement who struggle just because they don't understand the people who they are trying to attract or because they have anxiety issues.

wombatinaburrow · 2017-01-04T18:25:19+00:00

I think that's part of it.

I've also been saying for years that people don't give work and financial stress enough credit for ruining relationships.

People work stupid hours, spend too much. I can honestly say it caused problems in my last relationship. She got on a different schedule then me and things went to shit instantly

Subway_Bernie_Goetz · 2017-01-04T20:29:50+00:00

I think it's more the fact that parenting has changed. Parents are too soft. Do people's parents yell at them to sit up straight anymore? Do parents tell their kids they are getting fat? There is an over emphasis on self-discipline and an under emphasis on parental discipline. Parents just let their kids play video games all the time and grow up with shitty personalities. Parents used to discipline. Now when kids are fuck ups who get bad grades, parents just tell them to develop self-discipline because they can't be bothered to discipline them. Contrast that with Asian parents and Asians way outperforming Whites in American schools. Parents take surprisingly little interest in making sure that their kid is gonna be able to score a quality partner when they grow up. They should be asking themselves "is my kid a catch?"

In other words, people seem more entitled than ever before and it's because they are less satisfied because they are less attractive because their parents were too soft.

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DaThrowaway808 · 2017-01-04T17:58:11+00:00

dottywine · 2017-01-08T02:42:43+00:00

I can't speak for men, but for women, yes. The entitlement (entitlement to have a guy who does/is XYZ) prevents them from having a dating life at all. It's not the only factor. Mistrust of one's own judgement also comes into play here (people avoiding certain dating situations because they don't trust themselves to weed out bad people).

Would a sense of entitlement explain why so many people struggle in the dating world?

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Title	Would a sense of entitlement explain why so many people struggle in the dating world?
Author	Candy_Kittens
Upvotes	0
Comments	96
Date	January 4, 2017 5:36 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5m0hez/would_a_sense_of_entitlement_explain_why_so_many/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-a-sense-of-entitlement-explain-why-so-many.270823 https://theredarchive.com/post/270823