Note: I have been working on a long article on "purpose" for a while now, so I wanted to just post part of it while I am finishing the rest.
The fundamental motivating emotion for betas is insecurity. I define insecurity here as the fear, well-founded or not, that one will be rejected from the tribe. Insecurity is a foundational emotion for betas because rejection meant disaster for our evolutionary ancestors: one who was rejected from the tribe would be cut off from all of the tribe’s resources and left in the jungle to fend for themselves. Both men and women can feel insecure, but insecurity is more predominant in women because they are physically easier to kick out of the tribe and less able to fend for themselves in the jungle without male physical protection. Much of womens’ seemingly bizarre behavior can be explained by their insecurity and their attempts to alleviate that insecurity.
For a beta to obtain access to any valuable resource (such as food, sex, love, affection, and an enjoyable adventure into the unknown), they need to be accepted by the tribe first, which is why the beta’s desire to be accepted is their strongest emotion. Oftentimes the kind of clothes people wear, the music they like, and even their moral and religious beliefs are dictated by the tribe, because acceptance by a powerful tribe is more important than whether you listen to this or that music, wear this or that clothes, or believe this or that moral theory. Aside from meeting our most basic needs, most everything humans do is for acceptance and status and most of our psychological trauma is a result of somebody who made us feel rejected at some point.
This need for acceptance drives conformity in humans. Even if a beta cannot consciously identify a particular person or thing as the “alpha male” their subconscious mind will still push them to do things that will conform to the dictates of whatever group of people they feel is most desirable and most likely to accept them. This is why even “nonconformist” people like goths and punks all end up looking, acting, and talking the same – their subconscious mind has identified “the goth community” as the desirable tribe, and pushes them to do whatever it thinks will bring them acceptance and status within that tribe. In women, all the slutty outfits, bitchiness, and efforts to be cool are all pleas for acceptance and status. And a woman wearing high heels or make up is subconsciously begging for acceptance by the alpha male.
Insecurity creates a powerful evolutionary drive in betas to battle each other for status. In the absence of a clear alpha male to lay down the law, betas engage in heated, sometimes violent status wars until a clear, undisputable winner emerges. You can see this dynamic in a middle-school lunch room, Twitter, or lawless desert in Afghanistan. This eternal war for status is why children bully each other, why old ladies gossip, and why beta and insecure people are so much worse to work for than alphas. Of course, there are plenty of rational reasons for a person to be unpleasant to another person, but attacks for status are often completely irrational and only exist to obtain a higher rank in a hypothetical dominance hierarchy that only exists in people’s heads.
This status battle is essentially a clash of purposes – whoever can cause the other party to deviate from their purposes “wins” the status battle and feels higher in the dominance hierarchy (and the loser feels lower in the dominance hierarchy). But as we have seen, your purposes create your reality and your reality creates your emotional experience, so you “win” a status battle by showing that the challenger cannot affect your purposes, reality, or emotional experience. The alpha male does not, however engage in these status battles because there is no danger that he could ever be rejected from the tribe – he IS the tribe. A beta attacking the alpha male for status is like a 2 year old kicking a grown man in the shin – all the grown man can do is laugh because the threat is so insignificant. Furthermore, the alpha’s thoughts and emotions are simply not focused on gaining acceptance – he is instead focused on venturing into the unknown to create a superior future reality for the tribe. Insulting the alpha male is like a preacher reading a math textbook at a Justin Bieber concert – it just does not register emotionally to him.
Betas do not just want acceptance from any old tribe – they want acceptance from the strongest tribe that is led by the strongest alpha male. Humans evolved an intense fear of “outsiders” so if a beta feels like there is a stronger tribe out there, they will want to either beat them or join them. Because insecure people perpetually feel like they are left at the fringes of the tribe, they are often the shittiest, most disloyal people. They rarely feel loyalty to any tribe because they rarely feel like any tribe has actually accepted them. A person can only really be compassionate if they are firmly secure in a tribe and have access to the tribe’s resources to distribute. An insecure person must worry about saving their own ass and joining a tribe first because they can even think about being compassionate to others. This is why relying on insecure people for compassion or pity is always a fool’s errand.
Imagine you are a beautiful woman. Ideally, the man who is clearly the alpha male from the strongest tribe will roll out the red carpet for you and joyfully accept you. In the real world, however, it is not clear who the alpha male is – instead, you see a confusing mess. Some men have some alpha traits but are missing others, some men act alpha at some times and beta at others, and some men seem like they might be alpha but won’t give you the time of day. All you know is most men are beta because, evolutionary speaking, there is only one alpha and many betas. When men supplicate to you and deviate from their purposes for you (which becomes more frequent the hotter you are), you will feel paradoxically feel more insecure because you will subconsciously feel that those men are not the alpha male and therefore cannot “accept” you into the tribe. Your insecurity will therefore drive you to irrationally attack every man you interact with. This “bitchiness” has an evolutionary purpose: if you win the attack you get a small status boost in the tribe, and if you “lose” the attack, then you have found the alpha male and you now know who YOU need to supplicate to for acceptance. Counterintuitively, women prefer to lose because if they “win” they have not received much: they are still not accepted by the boss, they are just slightly higher in the dominance hierarchy than some random guy.
Most men do not understand this dynamic so when women irrationally attack them they lash out in anger, get anxious, get butthurt, do something creepy, react passive aggressively, or run away. These responses are wrong because they indicate to the woman that she successfully perturbed your emotional experience, and therefore you are not the alpha male. The right reaction to a shit test is to maintain your joyful emotional experience and act like a 2 year old kicked you in a shin. If you approach a woman or group of women and they say something humiliating or mean to you, your best reaction is to act like they magically disappeared and ceased to exist but you didn’t even notice. Your body language, facial expression, and general demeanor and happiness should not change at all; you should just act like something else caught your eye. I know that sounds like a strange way to behave in the real world, but from an evolutionary perspective you are demonstrating to her that her attempt at “rejecting” you actually caused her to be instantly rejected. Remember, no matter how hot or rich or famous or bitchy or cool or popular or well-connected or snazzily dressed a women is, from an evolutionary standpoint she is not the gatekeeper of the tribe – YOU ARE, and just by virtue of being a man. Most men, unfortunately, fail to understand or exercise this potential power they have.
Of course, women will not fall in love with you just because you passed one shit test. For a woman to accept a man as an alpha male she needs a lot of “evidence” because, from an evolutionary standpoint, the alpha male acts consistently over a long term, not just in short spurts. But the longer you can stay in her presence and show that you react like the alpha male would the more emotional investment she will build in you and the more likely she is to accept you as the alpha male. This time period can last from a few minutes to a few hours to years. Normally, I tell guys that if a woman is still not coming around after a reasonable period of time, it probably ain’t gonna happen and you should move on.
To deal with insecure people, you must understand their psychology. Insecure people are haunted by a constant paranoia that they will be rejected by those who matter, so they need stay constantly on their toes to secure acceptance. People often become insecure when they are repeatedly rejected by the people they care about, so their subconscious mind constantly feels like they are at the fringe of the tribe. Men are often shocked by womens’ cruelty and cold-heartedness because they fail to realize that women view the world as a scary place governed by power. In this nightmarish landscape, womens’ strongest imperative is to seek the most powerful man’s protection, but the most powerful man can change in an instant. This is why women need constant validation and attention to confirm their acceptance, which gives rise to symbolic things like weddings and Valentine’s Day. But even when they achieve acceptance, they are still not fulfilled because they assume they will just get rejected again – which is why so many insecure people cheat on their partners and constantly seek attention from every high status person they meet. Insecure people never feel the calm and warmth that comes from knowing they are permanently part of the tribe, they are surrounded by good people who love them, and that they can get anything they could ever want or need from the tribe or themselves.
Evolution wants people to stay in their place, so insecure, low-status individuals start to feel “comfortable” on the bottom rungs on the tribe, which causes them to feel uncomfortable and anxiety when somebody treats them like they are high status and firmly accepted. This is why some people have imposter syndrome or are “afraid of success.” Their conscious mind wants to succeed, but their mind subconsciously tries to sabotage their success so they go back to their lower rank where their mind thinks they are “supposed” to be.
Some men target insecure women because they think that insecure women are “easy.” But insecure women actually have a stronger desire for the alpha male because their desire for acceptance by a strong tribe is never satiated, so they need to keep feeding that desire. Insecure women are also more likely to act up and shit test the alpha male because they are used to being rejected and feel uncomfortable when things are going well. Finally, insecure women often bounce from man to man because they have no loyalty towards any tribe because they do not feel like any tribe is loyal to them. As you can see, human psychology is extremely weird and counterintuitive, which is why almost nobody understands it.
To deal with insecure people, you must hold iron frame. You must make clear that they must fight for their acceptance and you will reject them the moment they act up. Most men do the opposite – when a woman expresses insecurity, they supplicate to her to reassure her that she is accepted. But this kind of supplication actually increases her insecurity because it demonstrates to her that the man is weak, his tribe is weak, and she should look elsewhere for acceptance. Humans evolved to see the alpha male as a hardass who rejects people who are not performing, so if a man tells a woman that she will not be rejected no matter what she does, she will subconsciously think either 1) he is not the alpha male or 2) he is lying. Either way, she is still insecure. Again, this is extremely counterintuitive, which is why so many men fail at this.
Modern society has created an insecurity crisis within women because it teaches women that their primary value comes from their appearance. This lie causes insecurity in women for two reasons: 1) appearance is a temporary, fleeting thing that literally changes based on what you wore, ate, and painted your face with that day, and 2) women evolved to feel accepted after they contribute to the tribe, not just for being hot. As we will learn, being hot contributes to the alpha male’s emotional experience, but only slightly – most of her value comes from her assistance to his purposes. A woman who only focuses her time and energy on being hot, like so many modern women do, will never really feel accepted by any man because the deepest depths of her subconscious mind will let her know that she is still worthless.
Men can also be insecure, and unfortunately, many men get into picking up women to cure their insecurity – they subconsciously feel like they can become “alpha” and get women, they will rise in the dominance hierarchy and be more “secure” in their position in the tribe. These guys often grew up around people who harshly rejected them and people who made them feel like their value as a man depended on how many women they could get. But trying to feel alpha by getting women always fails because they become dependent on women for that feeling, which makes them wanty, which ends up repelling women and making them feel even more insecure. You need to feel alpha first, and THEN get women, not vice versa.
Because insecure people are desperately trying to convince others and themselves that they are members in good standing of the tribe, they often project a fake hyper-confidence and obsession with status. They often try to “imitate” the alpha by acting distant or aloof, as if their thoughts and emotions were focused on something much more important. They also often irrationally attack others to assert and demonstrate their place in the dominance hierarchy (something a real alpha would never do). Unfortunately, many men fail fall for these false projections by women and actually believe that these women are better than them or unwilling to enter their frame. But real alphas do not irrationally attack or ignore people, so people that act shitty are often frightened betas worrying about their place in the dominance hierarchy. The insecure people that act shittiest often act the most debased and supplicatory when they encounter an actual alpha male, because the whole purpose of the assholishness by these insecure people was to be accepted by this alpha that they have finally found.
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