This is something I've been thinking a lot about recently, and sometimes really bothers me. I am wondering if anyone here has had a similar experience as me, or can simply chime in with some insight.

I'm a 22 year old guy, and I just graduated from college a couple months ago. From the outside, I seem like someone who has his shit together -- I'm good looking, I went to a prestigious university, and I have cool hobbies/life experiences that I know set me apart from a lot of people. Not to mention, I'm very sociable and overall well-liked/respected among my peers. When it comes to girls, people generally assume I pull a lot and that I've never had problems attracting girls.

Thing is, I only very recently started having any success with girls. I was very shy growing up, and also pretty chubby for most of my life. I went through all of high school and the majority of college as a kissless virgin, and not by choice. I finally got my first kiss during my junior year of college, and lost my virginity during my last semester of college. I've slept with 5 girls since then. Honestly, losing my v-card took a huge weight off of my shoulders. At the same time, a lot of the time I'm filled with feelings of regret and insecurity for constantly failing to get girls for the majority of my life. Every time I see a hot girl with a guy in public, I get very jealous, and ultimately feel shitty on the inside. A lot of the times, when I'm enjoying myself alone or with friends at a cool place, I start thinking about how great it would be if I could be there with a girl who I'm dating.

At first, I thought that sex would fill that hole in my psyche, but ultimately it only makes it worse. When I had sex with a girl from a ONS, I felt like shit when she left and we never spoke a word to each other again. On the other hand, when I dated a girl for a brief period of time, the thing I enjoyed the most was the intimacy (cuddling, holding hands, etc), rather than the sex. Although I'm a horny ass guy most of the times, I'd honestly prefer cuddling with a girl I like rather than having NSA sex with someone I don't give a fuck about.

In essence, I think that my lack of sexual/romantic experiences growing up really left me starved for intimacy. When basically everyone else around me were having their first experiences with the opposite sex, I was pretty much an outsider observing everyone having their fun. I never got the positive reinforcement that's healthy for the emotional development of kids growing up, and it has definitely taken its toll over the years. All those years of failure and rejection have led to self-esteem problems that I am still trying to fix nowadays. In the end, I don't blame anyone else for my predicament. I just think it really sucks that things have to be this way, and hope to do whatever it takes to make me happy in the present and future.