Does the stigma men have to seem more sexually experienced hide the existence of more incels than we think?

daveofmars · 2016-03-15T00:27:35+00:00

Absolutely true.

Two of my college buddies, who are still some of my best friends, told me freshmen year that they'd had sex. Then, come to find out they lost their virginity senior year. How the fuck does that work? With lies, my friend.

Yeah, dudes lie about how many partners they've had, just like how women lie about how many partners they've had, except men skew up, women skew down.

disposable_pants · 2016-03-14T22:27:14+00:00

The question isn't "does this occur" (any reasonable person would agree that it does) -- the question is "how frequently does this occur"?

voteGOPk · 2016-03-15T04:19:13+00:00

Yea,

I always say, if you losen up the definition for inceldom, easily 1 in 5 guys are "incel"

Carkudo · 2016-03-15T09:04:42+00:00

Don't think so.

I'm sure it hides millions upon millions of men who are much less sexually experienced and confident than they're comfortable admitting, but full on incels? Nah. Being a complete and total reject affects you in a bunch of ways, and I'm just not seeing it in most men.

Madness20 · 2016-03-15T12:24:23+00:00

I've been there, but i always had the balls to admit i was a virgin. To be honest, the girl i lost it with actually found that being a virgin was sort of cute but i didn't disclose it until we were going to the act, but she actually sort of needed me to persuade her that i really wanted to lose it to her. Either way, i realize she was an exception.

[deleted] · 2016-03-15T12:40:29+00:00

That's not the worst part. I lost my virginity at the age of 23. When i told my former gf i was virgin she was looking at me with that face "come on! really?" It seems somehow impossible for men to stay virgins into their 20's or don't have lots of sexual partners.

YaBoiTibzz · 2016-03-14T21:59:28+00:00

I thought it was pretty well known. There have been studies showing that men will over-report their partner count while women under-report.

In the past men may have been more promiscuous than women, but in the surveys I've seen now partner counts are pretty similar between the two. I wouldn't be surprised if women were actually more promiscuous, especially in their twenties--just because they have such ease of access to sex. If a young woman wants to get laid she always can; for a large cut of young men this is simply not the case (excluding prostitution I suppose).

sleeping_willow_ · 2016-03-14T21:14:32+00:00

Even most feminists believe masculinity is tied to having sex with lots of women.

Zero feminists believe this.

Given this, wouldn't it make sense that a lot of men lie and exaggerate their sexual experience to sound more masculine and gain more standing in a social circle? More specifically, wouldn't this lead to there actually being more incels or very not successfully sexual men then we believe?

Most probably, yes.

Source: A recent red pill thread in which a virgin man admitted he was a virgin in a mixed group. The long line of red pill comments all told him he should have lied.

tallwheel · 2016-03-15T07:43:31+00:00

This shouldn't be controversial. Yes, there are probably incels and virgins all around you who claim they have had all kinds of sex. I know when I was a virgin, I lied and made up stories of sexual experience all the time. I'd like to think I was pretty good at getting away with the lies too. Never admitted to a soul that I was a virgin.

There were probably some closer friends who had known me for a few years who were starting to suspect the truth, but since I never lived in the same town for more than 5 years, it was always easy to claim I had tons of girlfriends and ONS's back where I used to live and that I was just in the middle of a dry spell.

exit_sandman · 2016-03-15T10:55:45+00:00

I am not even sure that it's just the expectation towards men (one of the exes of a friend of mine was a virgin at 22 but only admitted that he deflorated her after having done the deed). However, it mostly affects men due to the fact that they can't just lose their virginity by setting up a profile at PoF and meeting some random chick.

And yeah, this expectation that you have to have sex after a certain age definitely obfuscates the number of incels. I know quite a number of people who I am very certain didn't see any action until their late 20s or even later for one simple reason - they never hang out with girlfriends, never presented them to everyone, never talked about them etc. but once they had one they showed her around and basically were engaged on the spot.

People who can't wrap their head around how it's possible that someone could be 20ish (whatever age) and never having had sex usually ignore these guys' predicament (unless there's something obviously wrong with them), but people who know first hand it's possible are a lot more perceptive when it comes to identifying FA folks.

COPCO2 · 2016-03-15T19:52:16+00:00

Given this, wouldn't it make sense that a lot of men lie and exaggerate their sexual experience to sound more masculine and gain more standing in a social circle? More specifically, wouldn't this lead to there actually being more incels or very not successfully sexual men then we believe?

Yes.

The recent season of X-Files had a joke about this. In a silly episode about a lizard man being turned into a human, he said he felt two compelling urges once he changed: to get a job and to lie about his sex life.

Guys lie about their sex lives all the time. I think it's silly, but it happens and mostly serves to cover up insecurities and bruised egos.

Personally, I used to base my masculinity on whether or not I had sex, and was determined to lose my virginity before entering high school, because I had this weird belief that every argument would end with, "Oh yeah? Well have you had sex?!"

So I lost my virginity the summer before high school and was very disappointed when it didn't come up a single time in the four years I was there. These days I have a much different idea of masculinity and sexual achievement isn't all that important to it.

[deleted] · 2016-03-15T00:10:58+00:00

First of all, it's a widely held belief that men are more promiscuous than women. Furthermore, feminists, BPers, and others agree that there is a stigma for men to be more sexual and have more sexual partners. Even most feminists believe masculinity is tied to having sex with lots of women.

I think both men and women can be equally promiscuous. We are not in the 1950s anymore, we have been through the sexual revolution, we have contraceptive methods today.

Given this, wouldn't it make sense that a lot of men lie and exaggerate their sexual experience to sound more masculine and gain more standing in a social circle?

If a man lies about it to look more like a "stud", it's pathetic, but yes, some men actually do that, especially when they're young.

TheChemist158 · 2016-03-14T21:22:14+00:00

I think men are definitely inclined to overstate their history. But they are also pushed to get experience. Personally, I'm biased to imagine that there are a lot of incels. Browsing Reddit and 4chan, they are a very vocal group. You hear about them so much, you start to think they are a large part of society.

whosewineisthis · 2016-03-15T06:51:09+00:00

I know more than a few guys who have numbers over 20. It's not that uncommon. There are just some factors, like their health, lifestyle, out look on life, and of course, looks factor into the equation. I would be in that category, it's just that I feel I'm more of a relationship guy and ought to go out more.

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Title	Does the stigma men have to seem more sexually experienced hide the existence of more incels than we think?
Author	gavinok
Upvotes	13
Comments	43
Date	March 14, 2016 9:07 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4af44f/does_the_stigma_men_have_to_seem_more_sexually/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-the-stigma-men-have-to-seem-more-sexually.275701 https://theredarchive.com/post/275701

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