Why don't men approach in real life but I get tons of offers online?

TheGreasyPole · 2015-10-17T07:55:18+00:00

In real life I don't get approached by men.

That's easy.

They are afraid of annoying you, have no idea how to approach you and maybe are afraid of rejection.

It's just this first step that is difficult.

It's no problem with online dating. They know that you can just delete the message and won't be annoyed much. They don't have to think much about the "how", they just send a pm. And rejection doesn't hurt nearly as much in real-life.

For example one of my female friends was relatively hot, but didn't get approached much. When she was approached it was mostly by typical jerks.

Then she started to work as a barkeeper and was surprised how many men started hitting on her and falling in love with her. And not only jerks but really nice and attractive guys.

It was obvious. The guys didn't have to worry about the first step. As soon as she comes to their table she says "hi", they say "hi" and the first step is taken.

wordjedi · 2015-10-17T08:31:52+00:00

Do you want an honest answer? I fear it's going to get deleted by the mods..

Fuck it whatever. Here it goes. Approaching IRL takes a lot of fucking balls for guys compared to online. So it comes to a cost-benefit analysis. Online they see a black woman with good features and think it's a good opportunity to have some sex. You posting hot pictures shows you might just be down.

IRL after a cost benefit analysis of the balls it takes to approach, and the potential reward it's just not worth it anymore.

It's not necessarily a negative. Most guys refuse to cold approach ANY girl IRL so I'm surprised you have such a viewpoint. Cold approaching is tough. You have to understand that it's not necessarily an insult to you, but you have to understand how much harder it is for guys to cold approach than for girls. Guys have to worry about rejection or a girl telling him to fuck off or get a life or stop being a creep, or other people calling him a weirdo if she talks about it enough etc.

If a girl approaches a guy and he does any of the above he will instantly be labelled an asshole and a misogynist pig. Guys also aren't as afraid of rape in the back of their minds so maybe this is another reason they would be much much nicer to low SMV girls approaching them. This is an instance in life where the girl on average would be a much bigger asshole.

Guys don't usually handle rejection well, you read the manipulated man and you will understand why. So yea, it's not a shot at you if they're not approaching, most of us just don't have the balls, and the ones who even do, it takes a lot of effort for them as well.

czerdec · 2015-10-17T08:18:00+00:00

Online is one-on-one. Approaching in person risks a loud, attention-grabbing rejection where the whole world sees the man get shot down. No such risk with the online approach.

You get rejected online, none of your peer group will know unless you choose to tell them. Insert joke about spy agencies here.

[deleted] · 2015-10-17T07:36:16+00:00

Because online dating is just guys sending messages to every single girl, and girls ignoring most of those messages.

Probably the same reason I feel it's easier to pick up girls in real life then online

machimus · 2015-10-17T08:42:38+00:00

Why do people talk shit all day on reddit when they're probably full of it? It's easier to confront people from behind a keyboard.

niczar · 2015-10-17T09:59:25+00:00

Because they've been taught it's harassment to express sexual interest in women, even in places like bars and clubs.

cuittler · 2015-10-17T14:50:20+00:00

No "Woe Is Me" posts about race

Recently there has been an influx of race-baiting trolls around here. Any post that amounts to whining about being a Indian man/black woman/white man/whatever will be removed.

Your post has been removed, please refer to the guidelines here.

Ultramegasaurus · 2015-10-17T07:42:25+00:00

Because it's a lot harder to do in real life?!

exit_sandman · 2015-10-17T09:37:52+00:00

But half of these guys wouldn't bother if they saw me in real life. I don't get it. [...] I'm darkskin black woman.

Apart from all the approach-anxiety stuff that was mentioned here, let me add another element.

I am from a country with very very few blacks, but a sizable Muslim minority. Now personally I would be faaaaar less likely to approach girls with a Middle Eastern appearance for the simple reason that I'd assume they aren't interested in the first place - it's simply a fact that most of them are either not allowed to date or not interested in non-Muslims, so why should I unduly exert myself by trying to win over a woman who is faaaaar less likely to reciprocate my interest than one of another demographic, not to mention all the other hassle that would come with pursuing them? But now if I would see the same woman having a profile on a dating site, and she implied (if only by her presence there) that she had a wider target demographic than other girls with a similar background, things would be different.

I can imagine it being the same for black women who are the demographic (at least in the US) that's least likely to date or marry outside their ethnicity.

goatismycopilot · 2015-10-17T12:19:40+00:00

So you are posting again with a different name?

drok007 · 2015-10-17T12:27:16+00:00

Weren't these types of posts banned?

blametheboogie · 2015-10-17T10:56:33+00:00

Do you usually have an open, approachable friendly expression on your face when shopping, running errands etc?

I've been told I have a don't talk to me look on my face a lot of times. I used to work downtown in a large city where there were lots of panhandlers around and this expression sort of became default in public for me.

RedManBearPig · 2015-10-17T08:45:41+00:00

because they don't want to risk rejection? Hilarious. You're expecting men to approach you in real life as if you are entitled to it just because you might be hot. Or maybe white guys aren't into you because you are black? The guys who message you online are white?

flyingwaterlilly · 2015-10-17T11:15:48+00:00

In a world where it's being propagated that saying "hi" to a woman can be seen as "sexual harassment", no wonder many men get slightly cautious.

[deleted] · 2015-10-17T11:35:35+00:00

It's obviously not your fault, but maybe they stereotype you as being either really sassy and moody or as being really irrational and having huge expectations so think there will be less issues talking online.

Personally I like Black women so it wouldn't turn me away.

shadowrangerfs · 2015-10-17T12:15:35+00:00

Do you approach guys in real life? If not, why?

If you are as attractive as you claim to be then guys may think that you are out of their league.

Plus, it's easier to do online because you aren't on the spot. Online you have time to carefully think out each thing that you want to say before you say it. Plus in real life there's the possibility of a loud embarrassing rejection.

[deleted] · 2015-10-17T13:54:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

[deleted] · 2015-10-17T14:50:41+00:00

Pretty much every girl who isn't completely gross will receive a ton of messages online. That doesn't necessarily mean you're attractive.

[deleted] · 2015-10-17T15:20:43+00:00

"Hey baby you want some of this" is much easier to say when you can't get slapped.

betterdeadthanbeta · 2015-10-17T11:28:55+00:00

Cold approaching IRL is like traditional hunting with a spear, approaching online is like hunting with... I dont know... a box filled with infinite but unreliable proximity mines.

Hence, dudes who cold approach are going to approach the 1-2 most desirable chicks they say that day. Unless they're a PUA or sociologist doing an experiment. Sadly for you, your -2 racial malus to SMV means you usually won't be one of those chicks.

Meanwhile online, guys are just flinging messages at every remotely fuckable woman they see and then waiting for the results to roll in. You happen to be within many guys "remotely fuckable" spectrum, but not their hottest pick of the day.

So, what is the moral here?

1) Don't be black.

2) If you insist on being black, do so in an area with lots of black dudes who are unaffected by the black female SMV penalty. A historically black university, a jazz club, certain neighborhoods, probation office, KFC... lol kidding, kidding...

The mall is the worst place to go to find receptive black dudes because the ones there are looking to net some low SMV, overweight white chicks.

3) If that doesn't work, or if you insist on a multiethnic fling, go to a bar, club, party, or other place where cold approaching is expected. Wear some really revealing but classy clothes, makeup, good perfume, your most white chick looking hairdo (no frizz), practice having non resting bitchface, send a few smiles + sideways glances at solo dudes, or even 1 guy out of a group of dudes.

Alternatively, you could learn to approach guys, or greenlight some of these thirsty fellows online. Or ask your female friends to arrange a date.

Title	Why don't men approach in real life but I get tons of offers online?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	67
Date	October 17, 2015 7:32 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3p3861/why_dont_men_approach_in_real_life_but_i_get_tons/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-dont-men-approach-in-real-life-but-i-get-tons.279004 https://theredarchive.com/post/279004

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