I was talking to my dad recently about false rape charges in the news. He was getting pretty worked up about the injustice of it all — and fair enough. But after some back-and-forth, we settled on this:

If you are getting a false rape charge, you are likely fucking badly, or deescalating poorly. Your aftercare sucks.

Mmmmm...victim blaming, right? But look: I would submit that effete BP Nice Guys are far more likely to be victims of a false rape charge than our patron saint Chad Thundercock. Their indecisiveness, supplication, and shitty pipe-laying are dangerous liabilities.

EXAMPLE ONE:

Eugene is excited. Titania, the lip-ringed psychopath from his Gender Fluidity class, has agreed to go out with him. They have a fine old time eating kale and talking about injustices, and whattya know — Titania is ovulating. She enthusiastically consents to Eugene's meek sexual overtures. She fucks him in the backseat of Eugene's mother's Prius. It is not spectacular.

But it's all a bit fast and weird for Eugene. He needs time to clear his head. He tucks his cummy Starfox T-shirt into his corduroys and tells Titania that he needs to think about all this and what the next step in their relationship should be. Hurt, Titania freaks out, screams at Eugene till she's hoarse, and storms out of the Prius into the night.

EXAMPLE TWO:

Titania pushes her face into the warm leather of Chad Thundercock's worn motorcycle jacket. She inhales deeply. He smells like raw freedom.

The vibrations from Chad's Harley have already made her cum — twice — but she's not telling. She knows that there's a lot more where that came from.

"This is it," says Chad, as he pulls his bike up to the animal-skin-strewn cave where he cooks meth and plays guitar. "Get your dented ass in there."

Titania giggles and hops off the bike.

Chad rams Titania for six hours. Her orgasms are like exploding freight trains. They eventually pass out. In the morning, Chad wakes Titania with a slap on the butt.

"I don't smell pancakes yet," he says, raising a rogue eyebrow at Titania's groggy face.

"Asshole," giggles Titania. She hops out of bed and goes off to find a spatula.

DISCUSSION: Which of these two individuals is more likely to be fighting a rape accusation in the near future?

EDIT: A little more sympathy for Titania here. She is the kinda gal that gets to ride Chad Thundercock's mighty ham rocket! Then she decides to throw Eugene a bone...and he rejects her!? Eugene better hope Titania still has some Valium in the medicine cabinet.