I’m having trouble

Leg_Mcmuffin · 2018-09-01T10:06:13+00:00

If you guys can afford it, get a part time housekeeper to help on the days you both work.

EmotionalSupportRat · 2018-09-01T11:47:54+00:00

You cannot work 13 h shifts in a high stress environment, on top of that be in charge over others doing their job correctly at work, and come home energetically and bubbly. Even when you are 20 this is not realistic. As long as you are not snappy or pissed when you get home but just want it quiet, there is no issue here. I would make it very clear what you deal with at work and that you are reacting normally. He will understand. The other days you can be your normal energetic self. Yes, and get a housekeeper once a week and do meal prepping. It's absolutely affordable.

HB3234 · 2018-09-01T15:38:13+00:00

Let him know how glad you are to see him when you get home. It's okay to be exhausted. Let him spoil you a little! Come home, fall into his arms, put your hand on his chest and say how glad you are come home to him after a long day. Look into his eyes adoringly, kiss him, and then hide your face in his chest and say youre so tired. He'll probably send you off to bed himself, rather than begrudge you resting as soon as you get home!

Or if you had a really bad and hard day, it's okay to say, "I'm so glad you're here. I had such a hard day, but I feel better already being home." The important thing is, you frame him as your respite from that negative energy. It'll change his attitude quickly.

I know it sounds kinda cheesy but little actions like this remind him that, despite being a charge nurse and kickass lifesaver, you're his girlfriend and you're looking up to him for his protection and comfort... He'll step up to provide.

CopperCurls007 · 2018-09-01T13:45:12+00:00

Do you have an "unwind" routine for the car? If not, I would figure out a way to unwind during your drive home -- even if it means taking a more scenic route. Then when you get home, greet him and jump in the shower. Unwind more in the shower until you're ready to interact with others. Basically, I think if you come up with an after work routine that he can count on, it might help.

cynicalhousewife · 2018-09-02T03:08:57+00:00

I don't get this whole 'happy, bubbly feminine energy' thing that a few of the women are talking about here. Me personally, I am cognitively an introvert and a thinker, I am never going to be like that no matter how hard I try and to imitate an extroverted feeler all the time would be so exhausting I would not want to be in a relationship where a man couldn't accept who I was. you are not being a complete bitch, then what is the problem? What does he expect you to do? Come home from work with a big cheesy grin? As long as you are not starting fights, constantly lashing out or creating drama with him and you are getting along with him then what is his problem? Unless you are a certain way naturally, then it's just going to feel forced. I would have thought that it was better to bring out the best of your genuine personality and be with someone who appreciates it, instead of creating a fake persona that you have to imitate day in and day out. You are his girlfriend, not his entertainer.

NevNeverKneals · 2018-09-01T10:21:00+00:00

Truth be told, he likely understands you're drained after work. I would, and I would guess most other men would as well, including him. It may suck for him that you're not just jumping up and down ready to party after thirteen hours working, but he likely already understands this is just something that has to be. I'd bet money that in his mind, you two are just being adults and handling work-life. Nothing to worry about here I don't think.

And no, don't take him to work, or hire a fucking house made, the other two commentators here aren't getting the bigger picture.

thatbadlarry · 2018-09-01T14:35:35+00:00

I completely get where you’re coming from girl. You have a very high stress, difficult job. I really think those in the caring professions need to have someone to talk to or it can eat away at us a bit. Do you have someone you can vent/talk to/commiserate with on tough days? I call my mom when I need to vent about my job (caregiver for special needs children and adults). She’s a nurse and she gets it. She’s my emotional support system! I really believe every nurse needs that!

Another thing that helps me is turning my long commute home into a bit of a sanctuary. I play great music and diffuse essential oils. It helps kind of anchor me back into my regular life again. As soon as I get home I shower and then stretch and breathe. By the time I’m done I may not be bubbly and energetic - but I am peaceful and centred.

TLDR: find a support person, comforting post work routines and rituals

EmotionalSupportRat · 2018-09-01T11:51:21+00:00

P.S: Just because he is rich and affords you certain luxuries....don't overwork yourself. That is poverty mentality in my opinion. You upgraded, but you need to believe that you deserve that lifestyle and stay realistic with your abilities :) .

leviathanis · 2018-09-02T02:37:40+00:00

Since you're a nurse, I see that you have to deal with a lot if negativity each day, but when you get home, maybe take 30 minutes to yourself that are strictly for you, where you don't worry about anything else. Take 10 minutes of that to meditate and tell yourself "I helped save several lives today; I am a hard-working person; I am full of positive energy; my personality reflects how happy I am to be a life-saver and partner to my man". Try writing down affirmations and saying them to yourself each day. Spend the rest 20 minutes doing something you enjoy, which can be anything from swimming, reading, calligraphy, or spending time with an animal. Self-care is important, you can't care for anyone if you don't care for yourself. Tell your high-quality man that you need a set time everyday for self-reflection and decompression, he can't say no to that.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2018-09-02T15:17:11+00:00

Just be gentle, kind, sweet. Pause before reaction. I think you can manage a bit of energy to be sweet to him, not necessarily a ball of energy. He should be understanding if you are honest and respectful about how you feel after work. Remember to smile. Try to imagine all the good things about him before reacting negatively.

MewlingKitten · 2018-09-01T15:44:25+00:00

Just like you had to do all the chores when your off, why can’t he do the chores on the three days that you are working? Sorry OP, but this guy doesn’t sound quite considerate of you.

loneliness-inc · 2018-09-02T18:19:35+00:00

I’m not stupid I have a very high value man

You may not be stupid, but what you're doing is certainly stupid. If you don't change course, you'll either lose him or you'll make the relationship miserable or both.

but sometimes I feel like he just wants someone who is energetic and happy all the time since his job is stressful. I just can’t be that way 24/7.

You're mistaken. I can almost guarantee you that he doesn't expect you to be energetic all the time. What he wants is for you to not be worn out and negative all the time. There's a major difference there.

The reason you subconsciously conclude that he wants you to be energetic all the time is because that's an unreasonable expectation and therefore impossible to fulfill and therefore you aren't responsible to even try and therefore he needs to change. Bottom line of all this hamstering is that you wish to shirk responsibility here. If you want this relationship to last, you need to grab this bull by the horns and take responsibility for yourself.

You can't have it all. You can't be everything to everyone. You'll have to change something. Maybe you need to recalibrate your work/life balance. Maybe you need different hours. Maybe you need a different mindset. I don't know the exact solution. I do know that you need to choose your top priority and make it your top priority. Right now, your work is a greater priority than your BF. This is a fact. You give your good mood and mindset to your work and you're too drained for your BF. He isn't your top priority.

If you only work 3 days a week, there's no reason you should be so worn out. Perhaps you aren't cut out for this job?

At any rate - you need to change course if you want this to last.

All the best.

Tenth_10 · 2018-09-01T09:52:15+00:00

You can't.
But what you can do is bring over your SO to your hospital, make him see what your job is made of, so he can understand why you're drained when you come home. If he cares about you, even he if works a lot, he will make room for a bit of free time to relieve you the days you work.

Good luck !

ArdAtak · 2018-09-06T17:21:41+00:00

Explain it to him just as you explained it here. Most guys are logical and he'll get it.

Title	I’m having trouble
Author	eyearena
Upvotes	29
Comments	33
Date	September 1, 2018 8:48 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9c1mrb/im_having_trouble/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/im-having-trouble.2949 https://theredarchive.com/post/2949

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