The myth of the absent/deadbeat dad.

FinchRosemta · 2019-12-04T19:20:47+00:00

I have seen fathers turn their backs on their child because they get into a disagreement /breakup with their mom. Just straight up abandoned them because the mother was no longer available for sex.

These same men often go on to form a new family with some younger woman and completely ignore their first kids. So sure he can be a loving an involved parent with his new family but somewhere out there is a kid that knows him as a deadbeat dad. I know of 4 of cases. Some I know the OG kids and other I know the new young wives and kids. One wife confided in me that she found out about the kid, but her husband has never mentioned it to her.

NOTSM · 2019-12-04T19:08:17+00:00

I don't think anyone says dead beat dad's don't exist, they clearly do.

What I see people take objection to is the narrative that the mothers are sweet innocent angels that were tricked by these evil dead beat dads

WestsideMoonWalker · 2019-12-04T19:39:59+00:00

There are tons of them, including my daughter's dad.

Tomatoccino · 2019-12-04T22:10:39+00:00

I’m the only starter wife left in my late husband’s circle of university friends. To a man, they left when it got too hard (colicky babies, tired postpartum wife not wanting sex, busy mum with toddlers not wanting that last chore of sex after she’s got kids to bed, done dishes, cleaned up after the dinner) for a younger model, and didn’t want kids cramping their style. Nothing says UC deadbeat dad like a high end sports car that won’t fit a child seat.

cxj · 2019-12-04T21:41:15+00:00

There are tons. Plenty of men do not even pay support. They jump around from job to job and address to address. In the pre computer tracking days it was more wide spread. A lot of men just never showed up for visits and bailed on their kids . In the 70's and 80's when divorce took off that was very common. I think it is more difficult to dodge the financial aspect now but not impossible.

Mr_Smoogs · 2019-12-04T19:21:22+00:00

Where have you seen it stated that absent dads are a myth? I’ve seen blaming women for choosing these men but I’ve never seen someone state such men are a myth.

welcometothejl · 2019-12-04T23:31:17+00:00

First of all, divorce laws all over are different. The problem is the laws back men into a corner. When you get divorced here, if the mom is a stay at home mom, or someone who works part time, she definitely has the upper hand. Marriage is a contract, and just because two people decided the arrangement of breadwinner caretaker was best during a marriage, they shouldn't have to live with it for 18 years, because it only takes one person to break that contract. Men and women should have 50/50 parental rights, and if they exercise their right to have their kids 50% of the time they shouldn't pay any child support. I believe you would see a lot more dad's step up if the laws were changed in this way.

DontTouchTheCancer · 2019-12-05T00:32:48+00:00

There are a lot more men frozen out of their kids' lives than there are men who went out for cigarettes and never came back.

2019-12-05T02:31:08+00:00

I drive over 40,000 miles per year and spend thousands of dollars so my daughters get to spend as much time as possible with me.

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2019-12-04T23:01:39+00:00

Men and women are equally great and equally horrible in different ways, whether in relation to their kids or not.

Not sure what you're getting at here.

2019-12-05T02:31:27+00:00

I drive over 40,000 miles per year and spend thousands of dollars so my daughters get to spend as much time as possible with me.

2019-12-05T02:31:43+00:00

I drive over 40,000 miles per year and spend thousands of dollars so my daughters get to spend as much time as possible with me.

couldbemage · 2019-12-05T05:28:48+00:00

If you leave out felons and drug dealers the picture is wildly different than when you include them.

2019-12-05T07:01:21+00:00

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Vinniikii · 2019-12-04T19:23:09+00:00

I think it’s much more common for single mothers to be bitter about men and much more acceptable for them to express that bitterness to the children.

This trend combines with a general preference towards giving children to the mother and produces the public school memes about absent dads.

Willow-girl · 2019-12-04T21:16:42+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	The myth of the absent/deadbeat dad.
Author	SamiraMifsud
Upvotes	9
Comments	80
Date	December 4, 2019 7:01 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/e63yu7/the_myth_of_the_absentdeadbeat_dad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-myth-of-the-absentdeadbeat-dad.297798 https://theredarchive.com/post/297798

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