Beta orbiters

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December 27, 2019
113 upvotes

I saw it happen time and time again. A girl is in a LTR with a guy, the girl has beta orbiters and 99% of the time you don’t have to worry about them.

But if the guy hurts the girl or the girl feels hurt due to whatever reason she goes to the beta orbiter to „talk“. She needs comfort and the beta guy is right there, add alcohol to the mix and things can happen...

She will never date this guy but occasionally he may get lucky and make her cheat with him.

How can one prevent this? Something similar happened in my last relationship and now it’s happening to a bro. They regret it afterwards and dont want to have to to anything with the guy but say an excuse like „i needed to feel loved“ or something similar


Post Information
Title Beta orbiters
Author braincelwarrior69
Upvotes 113
Comments 57
Date 27 December 2019 04:52 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/303216
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/egdigz/beta_orbiters/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
betaorbiterlong term relationship
Comments

[–]muricanwerewolf1133 points134 points  (4 children) | Copy

If a woman fucks her orbiters because she had a fight with her LTR, she’s not relationship material. You can’t control a woman, mate guarding is a bad idea, and if she wants to do it no matter how hard you try to stop it it’s only going to make her more contemptuous and more likely to stray. Break up, demote to plate, whatever but it’s not worth putting real energy into that woman. Be prepared for the love bomb once she realizes you’ve checked out though.

[–]1CR1DR8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

I’ve been out of this for way too long. What is the “love bomb”?

[–]muricanwerewolf124 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy

When she's all over you, won't leave your side, hand on the thigh, initiates sex, possibly multiple times a day, is super agreeable and generally a happy bunny. It's often in contrast to the way the relationship has been typically, where the relationship has been riding in too familiar a groove for her to try too hard, or maybe even you've been feeling her become a little distant. IMO, there are only two reasons for it in an LTR, she's recently been hit with some dread and is properly motivated OR, the most common reason, she's been a naughty B and is fearful you're suspicious.

[–]LLL3peat12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Out of no where for regular behavior all the I love yous, wild crazy sexy, want to treat you really special for no reason, something to keep you from noticing she fucked up basically

[–]1CR1DR2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you both for the response. This was really insightful. It almost doesn’t make sense for plates/partners to act out such an obvious tell. Also, it’s almost insulting for a girl to think that a man will stay after learning about any infidelity. But hey what do I know. Thanks again werewolf

[–]RPNorvell[M] 314 points315 points  (7 children) | Copy

You change your attitude from " How do I keep her" to " "How does she keep me." Be the prize.

[–]mrmaika1070 points71 points  (1 child) | Copy

Gotta love the mods here. Always have the best concise answers

[–]Snowaey3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wonder why

[–]FAKH892 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you for this quote my friend

[–]I_do_it4sloots2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

„How does she keep me“

Girl proceeds to ignore him and go fuck his best friends instead

„B-but I‘m the proze“

[–]bmw1999m33 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

The point is if the guy had that mindset from the beginning she would never try to fuck his best friend

[–]I_do_it4sloots0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

B-but I‘m the preeze

[–]Massap24112 points113 points  (36 children) | Copy

Prevent what? Sluts are gonna be sluts. You don’t control women in an LTR, that’s basic shit. Just be prepared to move on and spin plates again.

[–]His_Hands_Are_Small10 points11 points  (35 children) | Copy

Can you articulate without appealing to popularity why you should move on if she sleeps with another man? I've just been realizing that this mentality seems to be oneitis talking.

You didn't care when other guys were sticking their dicks in her before you, and you know other men will stick their dicks in her after you.. but suddenly, the moment that you want her, you care.

Don't get me wrong, on some level I get it, you don't want sloppy seconds, but if you know that you aren't going to be with her long term, why do you care what she does when she isn't with you? You fuck other girls, right? Seems like the only reason you would care, is because you desire the control that you just claimed you don't have.

[–]PhaedrusHunt7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

Can you articulate without appealing to popularity why you should move on if she sleeps with another man? I've just been realizing that this mentality seems to be oneitis talking.

It's very simple. All organisms are biologically wired to attempt to pass on their own genetics to subsequent generations.

As men, reflexively we are repulsed by the idea of another man having sex with our woman. Why? Because then we run the risk of helping someone else pass along their own genes.

The absence of such a reflexive instinct would be in direct opposition to this very basic law of nature.

"It's your ego" is social programming intended to quell our nature.

[–]His_Hands_Are_Small7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Our woman

If you were looking to marry this girl, I get it. But that is pretty much never the mindset I see on here, and it even directly seems to go against the red pill mindset.

Clearly most of this sub and "the red pill" is not repulsed enough by a girls sexual history to not sleep with her. I mean, I have yet to even once hear about how you need to vet one night stands from Tinder about their sexual past before taking them home.

I also consistently see the mindset of "it's just your turn", meaning that you're operating on the expectation that she will sleep with others in the future.

If she is just a fling, is she really "your woman"?

It seems contradictory to think of her as both. Either she is just someone that you are having fun with, or she is someone that you're making long term plans with.

I agree, it's not just your ego, and I agree, it is natural to feel disgusted by her sleeping around.

But the idea that she is yours, or that you are trying to pass along your genes while wrapping your dick up in a condom, is... well, it's hamstering. Either your goal is to have kids (and ideally a long term relationship, which should imply marriage), or it's not. I don't know your exact thoughts, since you aren't the person I replied too, but I do know the trends on this sub. What are your thoughts?

[–]PhaedrusHunt2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Now that you've differentiated between the two contexts of planning for a real future versus having a prolonged affair I actually agree with pretty much everything you've stated.

Clearly most of this sub and "the red pill" is not repulsed enough by a girls sexual history to not sleep with her. I mean, I have yet to even once hear about how you need to vet one night stands from Tinder about their sexual past before taking them home.

Lol I've thought the same thing in the past about myself When I noticed that I started getting jealous of a girl that began as a ONS.

If she is just a fling, is she really "your woman"?

Nope

But the idea that she is yours, or that you are trying to pass along your genes while wrapping your dick up in a condom, is... well, it's hamstering.

I'm not sure if it's hamsetring or if it's just the fact that simply putting a condom on your dick doesn't take away those basic instincts that I was describing earlier. Still, point taken. We could spend a while teasing it out

I don't know your exact thoughts, since you aren't the person I replied too, but I do know the trends on this sub. What are your thoughts?

My thoughts are that we're living in strange times, and separating emotion from rational thought is tricky. Here is a scenario. You could say that a man in a "LTR" that he expects has an expiration date should have no expectation of exclusivity with that woman. However he may reframe it like this: primarily I seek to have a relationship on my terms, I'm part of that is that I do not see women that sleep with other men. this is not about controlling the woman this is about controlling myself and making sure I get what I want out of life.

I can see this breaking a lot of ways.

[–]Massap2428 points29 points  (21 children) | Copy

It’s not oneitis. One of the main points of this is to take control over your sex life under your terms. If some guy doesn’t mind his LTR fucking other guys good for him as long as he’s not doing it out of desperation or other beta reasons. It’s about having control over your life, not the girl. it really is as simple as I don’t like it so I don’t put up with it. It’s not oneitis because I’m acknowledging I have other options and moving on. Just like if I don’t like anything else in my life that I have control over.

[–]His_Hands_Are_Small-4 points-3 points  (20 children) | Copy

One of the main points of this is to take control over your sex life under your terms.

Agreed, your sex life, not hers.

[controlling who the girl is having sex with] is about having control over your life, not the girl.

If a woman said this, you'd immediately recognize it as hamstering.

If some guy doesn’t mind his LTR

Hamstering is calling a relationship that you have no intention of staying in an "LTR". "Ah yes, I'm in a long term relationship with someone who I also have no long term plans to stay with".

it really is as simple as I don’t like it so I don’t put up with it.

Yes, this was the question, which you conveniently didn't answer. We already knew you didn't like it, and you were asked to articulate why.

You can get butthurt all you want, but it's not a coincidence why you neglected to answer the one question that was asked.... you can't articulate the answer without contradicting your own other beliefs, lmao.

[–]Massap2414 points15 points  (19 children) | Copy

Lol you are actively convincing yourself of something and twisting my words. By removing myself from the relationship I’m controlling only my sex life, I don’t know in what way that is imposing control over hers? You keep saying this “don’t have plans to stay with” I’m actually just enjoying the moment so really my only “plan” is to enjoy the LTR while it’s under my terms and I find it beneficial. Rather that’s 1 month or 25 years I don’t know.

Now why don’t I like it? This question is dumb IMO. It’s like asking why don’t you like your steak rare? It doesn’t taste right. Or why don’t you like fat chicks? They don’t turn me on. There is no explanation I don’t get any enjoyment out of it, it’s not pleasing and it doesn’t feel right. Other guys might like these things everyone is wired differently. I’m not butthurt at all you asked a question and I gave you an answer.

[–]DF-RP4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you are missing the emphasis on LTR here. It's by definition, Long Term Relationship. I would wager that for most people, there is fundamental difference between LTR and a plate that you keep banging for extended time periods.

If she's just another girl that you are sleeping with, who cares? However, I would assume that for many, an LTR is an exclusive thing. Even if it isn't, if she is something "special" to you, signified by the different term and recognition of the relationship status, the relationship being special is something you'd typically want them to reciprocate. Often you also don't enter LTR with "expiration" mindset, which will inevitably happen when she is sleeping with someone else.

And yes, in a sense, you could call it a form of oneitis. The girl is special somehow. Sure, you might even have multiple girls like this at a time. But it's a level above plate, not something you can replace at a drop of hat.

Personally, I would never LTR a girl that looks at other guys. LTR implies significant commitment from me, in day to day texting, frequent dates etc. If she's fucking around, I know I'm not her (clear) first choice, which means she'll eventually drop me anyway. If that's the case, I'll dial back my effort and see her on my terms - as the plate she is.

[–]liquorbaron1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Because why would you reward a ltr with your time if she cheats. You no longer have her exclusivity promised to you and she didn't hold up her end of the contract so why would she be upgraded to above what a plate or some fwb is at that point. Most would next her because it's now a soured investment and any sort of feelings that were attached. I mean you could keep fucking her or whatever if you don't care that you were cucked. That's up to the guy in the ltr.

You didn't care when other guys were sticking their dicks in her before you

Yeah you do care what her sexual past is IF you plan on vetting her to be a ltr. If her past is all fucked up then there's a good chance that she's not good relationship material and therefor no point in having her above a plate.

[–]ChadBroChillington6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

It really is a form of oneitis, don't expect anyone else here to admit it though. The quick reflex to hard next by so many is usually because of a past heartbreak, basically PTSD. It's really up to you, generally I think a lot of dudes will throw away a good LTR for such minor offenses due to past trauma.

[–]PhaedrusHunt14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think a lot of dudes will throw away a good LTR for such minor offenses

What are you defining as minor? Fucking another guy?

[–]liquorbaron1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

How is fucking another guy behind your back a "minor" offense. The next comes from the fact that if she cheated once she will cheat again or probably already has cheated previously.

[–]muricanwerewolf14 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree. The hard next is often ego driven dudes defending themselves. Dudes who claim to be “outcome independent” are often terrified of being left by a woman. I also suspect the dudes screaming hard next the most when advising someone else in a relationship or plate situation don’t have the abundance to pull off what they suggest themselves.

[–]Greaterbird2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't know about you, but I don't want to raise someone else's kid.

[–]His_Hands_Are_Small3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry if I'm making a big assumption here, but if you are implying that she is going to get pregnant and then trick you into thinking that it's your kid, even if it's someone else's, then I'm not sure why you can't just leave her the moment that she gets pregnant and then demand that she prove that the child is yours via a DNA test.

It's not like her getting pregnant automatically locks you down.

But also, pregnancy seems irrelevant here. You aren't suggesting that you leave her when she is pregnant. You're saying "It's cool if I fuck other people, but not cool if she fucks other people".

I'm not saying that you're wrong, or that anyone else is wrong. I just want to hear a well articulated explanation for this.

[–]1Opperkech6920 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

Watch her closely and pay attention to her but stop trying to prevent these things. Trying to prevent them will only make her want to do it more. Enjoy the moments with her and if she fucks it up, so be it. You're happiness does not depend on her.

[–]alphakari13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't understand why people think they can determine if a dude is a beta orbiter.

The purpose of the term beta orbiter is so that you can know if you're orbiting. You're not going to be able to tell if someone else is orbiting because you don't know wtf is happening.

All the damn time these dudes people think are orbiting are just other guys who are fucking the girl. Why the fuck would they blow the girl's reputation up in front of your bitch ass.

[–]Iluvalmonds838 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

All that your friend can really control is what he’s putting into the relationship, and how he manages his own overall value. He makes boundaries on what he will and will not accept in the relationship and sticks to them, contributes to the health of it by being a good partner, and continues to improve himself and work on his goals. He maintains and heightens his value this way which naturally increases his abundance. He should also keep “orbiters” by showing off his charisma and confidence to others, and by proxy attract female interest.

When a woman sees that her man is overall abundant without her, and recognizes his high value, she will work hard to keep him and turn her attention to ensuring the relationship is nurtured and not give him a reason to drop her. Conversely, if your friend shows her that his value is low and he revolves around her in her frame, she will lose respect for him and give her attention to whomever feeds her it.

[–]MagnumBurrito10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

She knows in the back of her mind she's stringing dudes along. She can shut that shit down if she wants to.

Set a boundary that if she has any orbiters, you two are done.

[–]occupynewparadigm3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Once you begin to realize your true potential through self improvement in all aspects of your life you’ll see there is no competition. You’re the shit. I recommend the book 3% man by Coach Corey Wayne. Read it 10-15 times.

[–]1MrTheFalcon2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is hardwired into tribal behavior down to lions and wolves. I think you have to accept it as a fact of life.

However, if you next a woman for cheating, you'll internalize the action. Most future women will sense the boundary. You will also subconsciously vet women who are more likely to stray becuase you don't want the pain and wasted time. You'll experience less cheating by being the guy who doesn't tolerate it.

[–]omega_dawg933 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

"how do i prevent this?"

stop...STOP dealing with women a/o holding them to your ideals. they're human, and they say shit to decipher your emotions-not to tell the truth. in short, they LIE all day, every day... to themselves (make-up, push-up bras, etc.) and to you ("i was out with my gf's.")

they LIE about their dick count because they know most guys can't handle their true number.

in short, watch her actions and if she's having time, energy, and emotions to give to orbiters, let it be known thru YOUR ACTIONS, that you know and you're doing the same.

girls are VERY jealous and competitive by nature... with huge insatiable egos. she will hamster-away any activity that's detrimental to the relationship as your fault, or a temporary weakness... but she will NEVER give you that luxury.

when she sees your time & attention decreasing, she will stop her bullshit or make it worse. based on her actions, you have a decision to make.

never forget: "it's not your pussy, it's just your turn."

[–]InsidiousCurve2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't frequent the forums as much anymore unless it involves some new interesting content/study, but most of these posts can always be attributed to "oneitus," or you're too emotionally invested man. Girls will change at any moment based on how they "feel," so they can and will leave you at any moment. It's fucked up, but after it happens a few times, you learn AWALT and this is the way it is.

[–]liquorbaron2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don't prevent it. Even being a highly valued man won't prevent it. Women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of relationships. You have no obligation to continue a relationship for whatever reason especially if you feel she's violated the terms of your mutual agreement. This is why establishing boundaries is important.

[–]Infernir1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Alcohol & drugs... they're the number one plausible deniability women use when they want to sleep with the "just a friend" or "just a coworker" or "just a classmate" or whoever they're not actually "doing anything" with.

Women are weak, indirect, covert creatures... take the strongest women you know to ever have existed, mentally or physically... AND THIS STILL APPLIES. Its built into their nature, literally, because they had to be this way to survive and to adapt to the new man they were with or fucking if their village got conquered or their city or camp. The ways to surpass this are easy - find a women who doesn't drink or do drugs, that plausible deniability is gone.

When a women "fights" you. SHE SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT YOU THE ENTIRE TIME. Not about getting with some other guy... if she does this when you guys fight she was never your women ever and never will be, she has no attachment to you.

But in reality, you can never be sure... if a women wants to whore around she will, never forget the current society we live in, the one that encourages women be sluts.

However if she is with you for you she won't ever want to have anyone else but you.

If you also apply that she thinks you will leave her if she does anything at all with anyone she will never cheat even when you're around, because that fear & thought will always be there. Your word itself will be strong with her, it might not just be able cheating or anything really. If you scold her for not paying taxes 10 days early, she might start paying taxes 10 days early all the time even if you're not around.

But I guess, getting this level of investment from women is the same level you would need to create an "alpha widow"

[–]TRP_Scepter0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can't prevent this. Women are gonna do what they want just like most people.

Just be ready to cut ties and move on.

[–]hopelesshotel0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

thats the trade off with LTR’s. she’s gonna cheat, its better to learn how to be alone

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How can I prevent this? Is already the wrong question

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Screening and high smv.

Screening means getting better at identifying traits that girls with low self esteem who need beta orbiters will exhibit. For example, I will never date a girl who posts a lot of selfies on Instagram. Those girls are desperate for attention and will cheat on you no matter how high your smv is and how good you fuck them. They just need attention from multiple men to feel good about themselves and nothing will ever change that; they could be with the perfect man in their eyes but the problem is that one man just won't be enough for them and eventually they'll crack. It may be an unpopular opinion here but there are plenty of girls who don't do the whole beta orbiter thing, I know because I've found them. You just have to screen properly and don't date whores, but a lot of guys here do date whores because they like women who put out easily and who respond positively to random men hitting on them.

High smv means being very attractive and being a "catch", to the point where she feels like she's won a competition by being with you and wants to hold onto you so bad she won't play with other guys. It's not a sure thing because even the hottest guys get cheated on but the higher your smv, the better your odds are she's not going to risk losing you.

Nothing can solve this problem 100% but these two things will help.

[–]ArnoldT10000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What, would you rather have her come to you with all her problems?

Don’t be concerned about her options - Her options are her validation givers. 99.9% of these guys she does NOT see sexually; she uses them for validation. She needs to get her validation somewhere, and if you’re not giving it, she has to get it somewhere else, which are her beta orbiters and validation givers. Her having options is a good thing, not only because it will stop her from coming to you for validation, but also because it shows she has value and will compliment you well/increase your status. A fine female will always have options. Keep yourself high value with strong frame, and you will be the guy she wants.

[–]HumbleTrees0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Can confirm. I've been that guy. Ended up dating the girl though

[–]Gawernator0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can’t prevent it. You just have to select the right quality of women for LTR. If it happens, then you are no longer in a LTR with them ever.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can't prevent it. You can only take an L and enforce your boundaries.

[–]30dirtyfingers0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Plate. That is all.

[–]lifetraverser0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Wouldn’t the “beta orbiter” you’re referring to actually be an alpha, cause he just uses her for sex when she’s vulnerable. Has no boyfriend responsibilities, just swoops in for a fuck. The dude in the LTR needs her companionship and has to deal with all her bullshit to get sex.

[–]user201806203 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Depends on what the girl gets out of him prior to the sex.

Is he listening to her problems, giving her attention, etc.. and then eventually maybe getting random sex when she wants it?

That's what the OP describes. And that's beta.

An alpha isn't ever an "orbiter"... He doesn't ever give his attention away without getting sex back.

[–]I_do_it4sloots0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just stop mentally masturbating to this alpha/beta bullshit which is so limiting in respect to reality and just learn what happens on an emotional level in subcommunication between people

[–]PepinoSF-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's why in a number of countries if the wife goes for comfort to the beta orbiter, gets beaten by her brothers and father. This simple rule ensures sound families for beta husbands. However we don't have such a privilege and have to became best version of ourself, so our mates don't cheat on us (often).



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