I recently realized that, when assessing mental illness patterns in women, 9 times out of 10 the root cause is some shit a man did to them (molestation, rape, abuse, etc) or some shit a man failed to do FOR them (be a father, be a good husband, etc).

chateauduchat · 2020-10-10T05:02:08+00:00

There’s a reason why it’s called MENtal illness.

gutsandgorey · 2020-10-10T07:21:46+00:00

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Pahapan · 2020-10-10T07:48:27+00:00

And the 1 time out of 10 it's not a man it's usually a PickMe mother. 🤦‍♀️

penelopekitty · 2020-10-10T13:14:47+00:00

Absolutely.

A good deal of my teen and adult life was spent in and out of therapy for situational depression and anxiety and couples counseling. As a child I was abused by my father. Through my teenage and adult years it was boyfriends and my husband who were the abusers. I am a person with a strong sense of self and a deep knowledge of right and wrong. Knowing that I was not to blame, nor deserving of what these men did to me, I stood up for myself, faced their wrath and left, even at great financial cost. I've spent many years alone as an adult post divorce because I will not tolerate being treated poorly.

Sadly, through the years I faced gaslighting and victim blaming from therapists. Their emphasis was always on my behaviors and why I was 'choosing' these men. They often tried to label me as codependent. I am definitely not, they couldn't have been more wrong. I'd like to think that their ignorance was innocent and they just weren't trained to see how prevalent sociopathic behavior is in men. They had no answers for why I kept encountering men like this despite doing all of the right things. I would often ask them to specifically tell me what attitudes/behaviors they thought were causing me to encounter men like this. I never got an answer.

Remember, especially in the US, medicine is a profit based business. Therapists need clients. Pharmaceutical companies need to sell antidepressants and anti anxiety meds. Sociopaths do not seek therapy. Who does? Their victims. The mental health profession has a vested interest in keeping the victims of these monsters medicated, seeking therapy and doubting themselves.

It does seem there has been some recognition of this pattern. Dr. Jessica Taylor has made some strides in moving away from the victim blaming/codependency model. However, this is still not widely accepted by mental health professionals.

The things that have helped me the most are forums like FDS and PPF, the book Why Does He Do That, and The Gift of Fear. We are NEVER to blame for our abuse. Most women are gas lit by society and their therapists, into thinking they somehow brought it on themselves by making poor choices. I have a strong sense of self and I'm a fighter. Many other women do not have this inner strength for many reasons and cannot see what is happening to them. They are literally in a fog of self doubt and confusion.

The problem is men and their behavior. If they were not abusing and victimizing women as widely and regularly as they do most of us would not have mental health issues.

TheGoodie · 2020-10-10T08:13:10+00:00

Yes. You hit the nail right on the head! My own father has abused me and I really thought that this was normal. He shamed me for having stretch marks when my enabler mom has it. He gaslights me and make it seem like I’m overreacting or my opinion doesn’t matter. It often made me feel depressed and I ended up seeking the wrong guys and getting groomed and taken advantage of on the internet. I’m only 16 and I’m trying to heal.

Davina33 · 2020-10-10T08:02:29+00:00

You're not wrong! Abuse throughout my childhood from men and boys. My violent alcoholic stepfather who especially hated me as I wasn't his and had brown skin, really messed me up. I could be walking along and if I so much as looked at him I would get an uppercut to the chin! He beat me almost daily. Then came the sexual abuse from four separate males, two of whom were adult men. Absent father. They all contributed to my problems. Then because I hadn't worked on myself I became an easy target for LVM during adulthood. I know better and do better nowadays. I have a narcissistic mother also but she didn't do as much damage as all the others.

2020-10-10T05:19:38+00:00

Agree. Mens excuse is probably the same as well.

boredbitch2020 · 2020-10-10T18:12:08+00:00

They'll try insulting You by saying you have daddy issues, or dated the wrong men, without any idea of what they are saying about men. That men are so terrible, that it's a fucking meme now that father's fail and fuck their kids up 🤡 the logical sex everyone

anotherdamnloser · 2020-10-10T05:16:25+00:00

YES!! 100%

Introambi1 · 2020-10-10T06:11:47+00:00

What a WORD

Vanity6ix · 2020-10-10T14:07:32+00:00

girl... what a revelation. I've never been in a *super* shitty relationship, but my dad is somewhat of a deadbeat.

Throwitaway_72946 · 2020-10-10T21:49:27+00:00

Can confirm for my family. My father is not a good father at all, he grew up with little idea how to act appropriately and never bothered to learn as an adult because, well society told him he'd made it now, he's a man so what he says goes and if he thinks he's fine he is. My mother, love her to pieces, has massive issues of her own from abuse when she grew up.

This for my sister and I translated into attachment issues. Surprise, we are both single mothers now, each with two boys. Trying to help my sister through what I learn and raise better men.

bear_sees_the_car · 2020-10-12T07:08:37+00:00

What about mothers, that teach pickme behaviors or are the abusers to n mental, not physical way? Women hurt their own daughters too, and are supposed to be adult, who know better.

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