Fast dating/courtship?

-Acta-Non-Verba- · 2020-01-24T17:31:29+00:00

Bare minimum, 6 months. Preferably, 1 yr. People can hide who they are if it's only a few months. I dated a girl (guy here) where she hid her mental illness for 3 months. 6-12 months is long enough where you have a pretty good feel of who and what they are.

Kara__El · 2020-01-24T14:16:30+00:00

I know people who got engaged within a few months, married a few months later and it all worked out. They're also very religious and were virgins on their wedding nights.

I wouldn't suggest you make any lifelong commitment before the newness wears off the relationship, which is usually around four months. Then I'd suggest you give it another couple of months to have that first fight or embarrassing moment or what have you. So, you're asking for an answer on the shortest healthy courtship, before engagement. I think it's 6 months.

szsunshine · 2020-01-24T17:20:45+00:00

How old are you?

My H was talking engagement 4 months into our relationship, but we were both older so knew what we wanted and had settled careers. We waited until 9 months before we went ring shopping and 10 before he proposed. My idea (waiting). I knew enough people who said “sometimes you just know” and later divorced.

SLOW DOWN. Courtship is fun and you learn a lot. Knowing someone for 2 years is not the same as dating and vetting. Don’t let the rush of excitement and sex cloud your judgement.

Captainsgirl · 2020-01-24T18:23:30+00:00

Well. Sometimes things work out with someone you've known only a short while. I have to laugh at the story of my husband's grandparents. His grandma came home and announced to her family that she was getting married, and her mother reportedly said "to which one???" because she had been casually dating around. They were married for legit 75+ years before he died, and she went soon after.

BUT I think that story is both adorable and not super common. I think for most people today, you have to vet people more than a few weeks. I have shared my story before I think, but I come from a very religious background. Your man is to be your Captain in all things. But you need to have confidence that he will be a good Captain. Otherwise it all falls apart.

So how do you know and how soon? That's subjective, but for me personally, I can't imagine giving that level of trust to someone that I had known only two weeks. My Captain steers our life, guides our family, makes our major decisions (with my input, but the choice is still his.) How would I give that level of trust to someone who I had known about as long as I've had yogurt in my fridge? That level of trust is earned and earning it takes a little while (IMO.)

So I won't give you a set in stone time frame, but I will say that if you are committed to letting a man be the Captain, give it time to know he will be a good and responsible one. And that means being good and responsible to you as well. I submit my will to my Captain because I know without any doubt, that my well being and happiness is a priority to him. I may not always agree with his decisions, but I also know for a fact that he always holds my happiness and well being and the happiness and well being of his children first and foremost in his mind. It's a HUGE responsibility. Make sure you know him well enough to know he appreciates that responsibility and will honor it.

RubyWooToo · 2020-01-24T14:24:16+00:00

Slow. Down.

My husband and I were very close friends for 6 Years before we got romantically involved. When we finally got together, our chemistry was explosive. Our values were also very well all aligned. It seemed like we could just skip over the whole courtship phase and just get engaged since we knew each other so well and everything fell into place. Plus, we were in our 30s and had plenty of incentive to not dilly dally.

I’m glad that my husband waited a year to propose (still a relatively short courtship phase), rather than doing so in the throes of our new romance. We were both surprised by how much we didn’t know about each other, given the length and depth of our friendship, that simply didn’t come into play until we were in an intimate relationship.

There are simply so many issues — like Inter-family dynamics, finances, past emotional baggage— that you need to learn about each other and work through before committing yourself to marriage.

Lastly, the dating phase is so much fun, so if you’re going to end up married to each other, you should enjoy the courtship phase while you can. It will give you so many happy memories to look back on when you’re covered in baby puke and sifting through a pile of bills.

stRf1sh · 2020-01-27T14:03:30+00:00

Definitely give it 6 months to a year. I didn’t have issues w my man until about 5-6 months. We’ve been together 9 and it’s starting to turn around (partly bc I identified some of the behaviors I had that were making things off balance). It’s going to take time for you to see the negative sides and learn to weather them.

rosesonthefloor · 2020-01-24T16:40:41+00:00

My captain proposed within 7 months (getting married in June! Eee!) and I moved in with him within 3.

I also feel that when you know you know but like others have mentioned, the newness does wear off after the first few months. What's the rush? Get to know him better.

rosesonthefloor · 2020-01-24T20:52:19+00:00

[deleted]

hidinginahippo · 2020-01-26T18:38:17+00:00

My timeline (I’d dated my now-husband for around four years but it was a bit of a mess thanks to issues he needed to resolve. we separated for 18 months and I dated a couple of other men and became much clearer on what I wanted in a life partner (Him, but having sorted his problems out!) We began talking again for around four months before meeting up again on a date. It was around two months on that we began to be exclusive and began dating. Four months afterwards we moved in together. It was a little sooner than I wanted but it made sense because he moved offices so that he could be closer to me and I felt that was a good sign of commitment. He proposed ten months after we moved in together and we married eight months after that.

It will be our eighth wedding anniversary this year! We’ve had a couple of really difficult years but overall it’s been very harmonious and peaceful. Especially the past four years. We have both done a lot of self improvement work and it’s been wonderful to witness each other flourishing.

I’m of the opinion sometimes you just know, but even then it’s worth slowing down to enjoy all the phases your relationship goes through as that bond deepens and matures. It’s a big deal to marry, especially if you intend to apply rp principles to it, so it’s essential you are careful and see your future partner in all the seasons of their moods ideally.

ManEatingMatzahBall_ · 2020-01-28T05:14:24+00:00

I had only met my husband twice for a total of maybe an hour before we were married. And we were only married 3 months before I got pregnant. But it took me six months to a year to really get to know him. So I’d say maybe wait that long. Give yourself enough time to let everything fall so you can be real and honest.

klockedin50 · 2020-02-07T04:11:18+00:00

It depends on how well you know him and his lifestyle. Have you met his friends/ family? Are his friends married with families or single players? Are his parents still together? How does his father treat his mother? Has he been in a serious relationship before, and how and why did it end? Does he share your values? What things do you have in common? (Having similar political views is important. Liking the same shows on Netflix, not so much.) There will be hard times for us all. How does he handle disappointments? Does he shut down? Go on a bender? Turn into an asshole and lash out at people? Or does he meditate, exercise, and then get creative and recommit? While you may not need to wait a set 2 year period, 6 months will allow some of the new to wear off so you can get a feel for what the day to day will be like. If it's meant for you, it'll happen so there's really no need to rush it. But do your due diligence and good luck! :)

(My hubby and I dated 3 years and have been married for 27.)

HappilyMrs · 2020-01-24T16:58:32+00:00

We got engaged 2.5 months after we started dating, but we were young (I was 16, he was 19). We didn't get married for 3 years after that as we just couldn't afford it. But we knew within a month of meeting that we were right for each other. Been together 20 years now.

Title	Fast dating/courtship?
Author	rosesonthefloor
Upvotes	12
Comments	21
Date	January 24, 2020 2:10 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/etavrv/fast_datingcourtship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/fast-datingcourtship.314295 https://theredarchive.com/post/314295

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