This morning I was having a conversation with my mom about an old school mate we both knew. She had just graduated from college and was married to her high school sweetheart. I told her that they were still living with her parents and she asked me why they didn’t have their own house/apartment or why they weren’t living with his parents. She had gotten a business degree this year, so she has the potential for a well paying job. I shrugged and mentioned that he was a barber who just finished hair school last year.

She looked at me dumbfounded.

Her: “Does he own the shop?”

Me: “No he’s working for someone else.”

Her: “Did he go to college?”

Me: “No he just went to barber school”

She did that disappointed African mom sound and said: “You’ve got to have standards. (My name) if you ever come home with a man who’s a barber (or low wage worker) I’m kicking you out of this house. You can only come back once you have sense in you.”

I died laughing but I understood her dismay and anger. She raised me and my sisters to be hard workers with the potential to earn our own money by going to college and taking every opportunity we could. She expects us to have the same standards for any man we date/plan to marry. She doesn’t believe in charity and “giving men a chance.”

As a woman who is married to a doctor and had her own degree and career before marriage, I could understand her confusion with my ex schoolmate. This ex schoolmate was the daughter of a wealthy father as well. This is what confused my mom the most because her family’s connections meant she was most likely going to follow in her father’s foot steps and become a top earner.

Regardless, too many women think that men are charity cases that they are obligated to take care of. I’m glad my mother enforced these standards on me growing up because I could’ve easily turned out like her. It’s also a plus that most African cultures shame the type of men American culture has groomed us to believe is okay. Either way, at the end of the day, you’ve got to have standards.

Edit for grammar