Somehow I ended up getting alerts for the dead bedrooms sub

2021-01-04T05:13:24+00:00

I wish I read this years ago.

I didn’t think it could happen to young men. I know...it sounds crazy when you think about it. But it’s why so many of us young women are soooo confused. We learned ED was for old men and if he likes you enough, he’ll get hard.

So we keep chasing whatever it is we think will make us “desirable” again. Not knowing we are “competing” with porn stars - yes the very ones we are supposed to feel superior than because we “snagged a bf” and probably have “a lower body count.”

If sexually neglected women knew, saw with their own eyes the kind of shit men were getting off to while ignoring her, they’d pack up their bags and leave.

Make no mistake. The men know.

Pahapan · 2021-01-04T05:22:23+00:00

I posted there pre-FDS when I was in an abusive relationship. My ex would withhold sex. I'm not sure if it was a manipulation tactic or if he just wasn't all that attracted to me, or both. There was one particular time that he made me feel so undesirable, that sex with me was such a chore, that it might have actually saved me. It really got me examining the gut feeling I'd had from the very beginning, that he wasn't deeply attracted to me and that he was using me. I shared the incident with DB and, to their credit, they encouraged me to leave him but they chalked it up to LiBiDo DiFfErEnCeS.

I eventually asked him straight up if he'd been watching porn. He said yes, when he'd previously claimed he only watched porn when he wasn't in a relationship in which he could easily have sex. He'd wormed his way into living with me, he could easily have sex with me. He'd also talked me into making videos with him because he said he preferred to masturbate to videos of the woman he was with over porn, should he get super horny and I not be around. But then there he was, just straight up admitting he'd lied to me and that he was still watching porn. And he'd told me more than once about how I wasn't his type, that he preferred Black and/or Latina women, so I knew the porn he watched didn't feature women who looked like me. Not that it would have made it any more acceptable if they did, but dragging down my self esteem only worked in his abusive favor.

I have a really hard time accepting that a healthy man in his prime who ISN'T pornsick wouldn't want to have sex as often as I do. That's something that I won't compromise on in the future.

VikingDotter · 2021-01-04T06:57:00+00:00

I never knew about some porn issues before coming here. I knew about guys not getting it up, but not what a deathgrip is and why a dude has to jackhammer for an hour in order to orgasm. I thought I was the problem - not the fact that when he masturbated, he was squeezing his dick harder than any vagina ever will so my vagina literally didn’t do much for him. We had sex for such long sessions because I was so eager to please him, but I remember wishing we would have a quicky just once. It was unusual if we were done after 30 minutes.

I also remember worrying when he told me to grip even harder and how the muscles in my hand and arm hurt like hell during and after a hand job because I had to use so much force. 30 seconds of tugging would use up all my strength before I had to switch hand, and yet I had to continue for much longer to make him come.

I had to work to make him orgasm, either by having sex for a really long time or by jerking him off really hard. It made sex a lot less sexy, I stopped craving it and I started worrying about my low libido, if something was wrong with me, if there are pills I could take to change things, if I should get off my birth control. When I read a comment on here about dudes using porn, deathgrips and then having to jackhammer for an hour in order to come... it finally clicked. It was never me.

And the dead bedrooms sub angers me so much. sEx Is a NaTuRaL rElAxAnT, I need it to relax after a long day at work 🥺. Sure dude, but I need a vacation after fucking you and I’m not getting that, so why should I be your relaxant? 🙄

souredskittles · 2021-01-04T06:30:55+00:00

Outside of fds pornsickness is SEVERELY underestimated. He won’t be relationship material (he will get worse over time) and he won’t be good in the bedroom. Men have claimed they like using porn so they won’t feel like “simping” for a woman. That should say it all right there.

TheSuspiciousChard · 2021-01-04T02:10:37+00:00

Yes I suspect 90% of those relationships have a porn problem. Either because the “low libido” man is constantly cheating with porn and/or giving himself erectile dysfunction that he cannot provide sex to his partner if his life depended on it, suffering from delusions and brain damage, or the woman is grossed out by the porn damaged man whether she realizes it or it’s subconsciously.

The whole sub is in denial though. Especially the mods. They also deny published research in porn.

oscine23 · 2021-01-04T06:24:30+00:00

I posted there when I first joined. I was looking for answers, stressimg myself out..Then one day I said 'Fk this' and told him he had to go. Ain't nobody got time for that shit.

Pornruinedsociety · 2021-01-04T08:01:39+00:00

I concur happened to me, he was pornsick, wish I'd got out much sooner, before the wedding.

simplicityduplicity · 2021-01-04T15:11:23+00:00

I get them too, and the advice given there is total bullshit in attempt to keep women staying with the wrong man. It’s almost as if each reply starts off with sympathy then quickly devolves into ways she could change for him to want her. 😒

soveryoriginal · 2021-01-04T03:24:54+00:00

In my first few years of using Reddit I stumbled across the DB sub, and I tend to consume subs on social subjects because I struggle socially a little and find they give me guidance. That sub fucked me up. It totally disconnected me from my sexual self and made it a pressure filled nightmare, taking away what used to be power and sensuality.

It fucked my ability to enjoy myself sexually, it made me feel like my personality was empty without it, like if I didn't want to have sex I didn't deserve a relationship. Every time I would go a few days without having sex with my partner I would think he deserved to leave me.

I'm not a person who withholds sex or loses interest in it, but I became convinced I would and that I was worthless without it.

It's a toxic shithole. I'm 99% sure a big portion of the women posters are actually sad men.

AutoModerator · 2021-01-04T01:47:43+00:00

[1] - We Just Launched a Website: wwww.TheRealFemaleDatingStrategy.com. Click here for registration information. Please also join our Twitter and Instagram Pages for updates!
[2] - Please read the FDS Handbook and Wiki before commenting. Repeated comments demonstrating lack of basic sub knowledge will result in a temporary or permanent ban.
[3] - Please REPORT any comments that do not follow the sub rules. If you do not report it, the mods will not see it.
[4] - PLEASE REMOVE ALL PERSONAL IDENTIFIABLE INFORMATION from images (Name, Location, Job description, education, phone number, etc). Failure to remove ID info will result in a 1-2 day ban. Repeated failures will result in a permanent ban.
[5] - This sub is FEMALE ONLY. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!! Please DOWNVOTE and REPORT immediately.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	Somehow I ended up getting alerts for the dead bedrooms sub
Author	redbirdflies
Upvotes	279
Comments	26
Date	January 4, 2021 1:47 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kpybp9/somehow_i_ended_up_getting_alerts_for_the_dead/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/somehow-i-ended-up-getting-alerts-for-the-dead.351250 https://theredarchive.com/post/351250

Comments