Q4M: What are your thoughts on female-perpetrated sexual assault / harassment?

Nu_Guy · 2020-03-07T12:02:04+00:00

I have been sexually assaulted as a child and adult.

As a child it probably was not as psychologically damaging as a girl being force raped but it did change who I was.

Instead of being an innocent child like most of my friends, sex was on the forefront of my mind even in the first grade.

I would tell people my stories, and when we got old enough to realize it was weird to be sexual with family, I started to feel alienated and be made fun of.

As far as long term effects, I think the fear and shame has been with me as I made every decision in life. I'm pretty sure at this point, that fear and shame is why I have problems with women. They sense it easily.

I think it is more common than we think, but guys are ashamed to talk about it.

I do think there is a relationship between the attractiveness of the woman and the damage it causes, but only over a certain age. For instance if a HS student was molested by a hot teacher he may be praised by his friends and it may boost his confidence for a lifetime. If the teacher was repulsive he would be shamed.

As a child I don't remember feeling attracted or non attracted to the people who abused me.

As a grown men I don't think there is much women can do to assault is. Unless it's a very strong ugly woman and she kidnaps us, we would probably enjoy some female aggression. (If he is single)

Wallstreet3 · 2020-03-07T11:07:51+00:00

[deleted]

Barely-moral · 2020-03-07T12:58:36+00:00

Do you think it's generally as damaging to the victim as the other way around (or any combination of genders for that matter)?

Only a victim could answer this. I wouldn't know. I imagine it is equally damaging but I don't really know.

Do you think it's possible for an attractive woman to do to you something you would consider sexual assault (assume you are straight & single)?

Sexual assault (not rape), yes, it is possible because I avoid double standards in my definition of sexual assault. I wouldn't care though, I would probably be flattered, worst case scenario I would be surprised or annoyed. If we rise the stakes and we talk about rape and not sexual assault then yes, it is possible for an attractive woman to rape me. I think that would cause some damage. She would be wise to kill me afterwards.

How common do you think it is?

I don't know. I don't care. If someone commits a crime they should be punished and that doesn't change with the number of crimes commited.

Have you personally ever witnessed it or had it happen to you?

From a female perpetrator to a male victim? No. I haven't seen it. It never happened to me.

Do you think there is a relationship between the attractiveness of the woman and the damage that it does to whomever she assaults?

I think there is a halo effect that comes with beauty. Things that would be considered assault if done by someone ugly can be considered flirting if one by someone that is hot.

Are there any men who are "desperate" enough to consider being sexually assaulted by a given woman a better scenario than being rejected by said woman?

I am sure there are some out there.

what do you think of them?

I feel bad for them. I hope they find a solution to their loneliness.

Bntt89 · 2020-03-07T21:02:42+00:00

You dont really know how often it really occurs though, because men are expected to always want sex. So they may not even realize it or even report it because they think they should like it. And honestly I dont see how attractiveness of the women changes anything if she sexually assaulted someone it's wrong?

DangZagnut · 2020-03-07T10:33:49+00:00

It’s as damaging as the victim says it is.

Also, society doesn’t do a thing about it because we’ve properly trained everyone to think guys want it and girls do nothing wrong and was just being flirty. Part of the position that women do not possess accountability nor responsibility.

I mean look how little they do anything when teachers rape their students.

Women can do no wrong when it comes to rape.

exit_sandman · 2020-03-07T14:03:32+00:00

Niccccce.

RahLyt · 2020-03-07T14:58:30+00:00

I fell asleep with this girl I used to fuck, I was high, tipsy and sleepy as fuck. Then I woke up with her trying to put my dick in her, at the time I was just annoyed because I was trying to sleep, but when she did it for the fourth time I woke up angry. She was trying to do it without a condom as well. I noped out of there. But thinking back on it, I forgot it already.

Th0ma5_F0wl3r · 2020-03-07T18:11:51+00:00

Do you think it's generally as damaging to the victim as the other way around (or any combination of genders for that matter)?

Impossible to generalise over.

A college student waking up from a drunken stupor to find that a strange woman from the party he was at earlier has been sucking him off for ten minutes is nothing like a 27 year-old school teacher driving a 14 year-old boy to a secluded wood to bone him silly every couple of days for months on end.

And neither of those includes being penetrated anally by a foreign object of some kind while unable to resist - that could have long-lasting physical and psychological harm to someone.

Also, your question seems to assume F on M assaults but doesn't exclude that this could also be F on F assaults.

Do you think it's possible for an attractive woman to do to you something you would consider sexual assault (assume you are straight & single)?

If she sticks an empty beer bottle in my ass while I'm tied down, yes - abso-fucking-lutely she can.

I have no idea what being attractive has to do with it.

How common do you think it is?

Honestly, I wouldn't like to say.

However, I do think it's probably more common than most people think - it simply isn't recognised as abuse, not even by the victims themselves in many cases.

Have you personally ever witnessed it or had it happen to you?

No, to the first, probably yes to the second.

I know that must sound weird, but I once put a drunk work colleague (a woman) up at my place.

She had got absolutely wasted and it wasn't safe for her to go home.

I put her in my bed, and I lay down on the floor next to it.

The next thing was she was on top of me and going at it like a stoat in a sack.

I didn't respond other than to ask her to stop doing it over and over.

It's not that she wasn't attractive.

But she was so f***ing hammered that I really did not want to get charged with taking advantage of her while drunk the next day.

She really could not have known what she was doing in that state.

Do you think there is a relationship between the attractiveness of the woman and the damage that it does to whomever she assaults?

I don't really understand the question.

Are there any men who are "desperate" enough to consider being sexually assaulted by a given woman a better scenario than being rejected by said woman? what do you think of them?

Probably somewhere, sure.

It's a weird world after all.

Teenage boys with their teachers probably feel like it's something they should be doing.

PierceTheEye · 2020-03-07T12:19:19+00:00

As a victim of female-perpetrated sexual misconduct I'd say it is not rare, but it is somewhat different from male-perpetrated sexual misconduct. Women are way better and smarter at hiding it in a way that is difficult for them to get caught. The biggest difference-maker is testosterone, which makes men hornier and more aggressive when it comes to this type of misconduct. The similarity is that both have to do with power. I've been raped by my mother as an infant, which left me with life-long C-PTSD type symptoms and a personality disorder. I work in a female-dominated field and I've received my fair share of harassment. Breasts being rubbed against me, seductive poses, disgusting proposals combined with lip licking, unwanted attention etc. Now as I man, the difference is that I am not under a physical threat. Although all these cases had a sexual element with them, they were mostly about power, self-validation and attention in a "I can do this to you and there's nothing you can do about it" - way. So yeah, it's not sexual, it's all about power dynamics and humiliation. Which I also believe is true for male-perpetrated sexual misconduct. Women know that nobody would believe a man telling about this kind of stuff and even if someone did, no one would take it seriously or care. I actually started to act wimpy/weak at workplace in order to make me less attractive because due to my history, female sexual interest scares me and makes me feel uncomfortable.

E: To some idiot in the comment joking about if it has anything to do with women being attractive, it doesn't. The fear is the same, the woman has the power at any time to claim they were raped and molested by you and there's nothing you could be able to do about that. You will lose your job and your reputation and will be excluded socially. So sometimes even turning down these proposals poses a risk.

WIA20XX · 2020-03-07T16:40:45+00:00

He shouldn't have worn those tight jeans.

hammerhaunts · 2020-03-07T13:24:46+00:00

Imagine being scared of women

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Dan240z · 2020-03-07T10:49:46+00:00

Need to be sentence like everyone else that commits a crime no more no less only to the fullest extent the law allows.

daddysgotanew · 2020-03-08T21:00:25+00:00

I’d imagine it’s so rare as to be statistically insignificant

thedeadpill · 2020-03-09T04:20:54+00:00

Speaking as someone who has been assaulted as a child and somewhat recently.

Do you think it's generally as damaging to the victim as the other way around (or any combination of genders for that matter)?

Seems deeply incommensurate. Obviously there are physical aspects that are different (women tear, there's lots of damage that can be done in there, while men can have their dick injured). Psychologically, it's hard to guess.

My assault as a child, I feel hardly anything about, but that was a long time ago. For my recent ones, it makes me nervous, because there's a chance they will escalate into something I can't/won't provide, or that they're going to take any kind of rejection as a reason to claim I've wronged them in some way.

Do you think it's possible for an attractive woman to do to you something you would consider sexual assault (assume you are straight & single)?

Yes. Not just from the possibility of having other commitments, but, what if I were gay? Also, there's a good possibility that someone who can't handle boundaries (i.e. not obtaining consent) is going to be awful in other ways, and is therefore immediately unnattractive.

How common do you think it is?

It's somewhat common, but we don't talk about it. Pre-third-wave-feminism, sex abuse was played for laughs. I've never told someone in person that I was assaulted as a child, because the 90s were like, "I bet you liked it." and "It's not a big deal, you got lucky." Post-third-wave-feminism, it's "believe women". That's separate and distinct from "believe victims" or "believe survivors". I've been assaulted in my current job. Should I take it to HR and expect any kind of equity? You're fucking kidding yourself if you think I should.

Have you personally ever witnessed it or had it happen to you?

Yes. Molested as a child by a school teacher. I was 12 or 13. Also last year at my job on multiple occasions, as a grown-ass man.

Do you think there is a relationship between the attractiveness of the woman and the damage that it does to whomever she assaults?

It probably differs from person to person.

Are there any men who are "desperate" enough to consider being sexually assaulted by a given woman a better scenario than being rejected by said woman? what do you think of them?

This is not an especially coherent. If you're asking "If some desperate man happened to get groped by a woman who didn't ask consent" it's possible they wouldn't mind, or would just provide consent. I don't really know what to think of them; that's not the only defining feature of their person.

Throughawayman80808 · 2020-03-07T11:22:38+00:00

It's bad.

...unless the girl is hot, then it's hot.

acron5n5 · 2020-03-07T15:13:45+00:00

Do you think it's generally as damaging to the victim as the other way around

No.

Do you think it's possible for an attractive woman to do to you something you would consider sexual assault

Not really. Well, maybe if I try hard I can make something up for the sake of thought experiment.

How common do you think it is?

Extremely rare if it even exists at all. Most cases are men victimized by people pushing such ideas.

Have you personally ever witnessed it or had it happen to you?

No.

Do you think there is a relationship between the attractiveness of the woman and the damage that it does to whomever she assaults?

Probably would assume that if I accepted female on male assault as a real thing.

Are there any men who are "desperate" enough to consider being sexually assaulted by a given woman a better scenario than being rejected by said woman?

surely, most men are like that if you ask me. Would say I am one of them tbh.

Wallstreet3 · 2020-03-07T16:07:45+00:00

It can be as damaging as Male on Female sexual crimes. My first instance of dissociating during sex happened afterward. Factor in all the relationship trauma, the times I've been cheated on and such, I am no longer capable of being sexual with women, and if I find myself alone with a woman, I find an excuse to leave.

Absolutely an attractive women can commit sexual assault and they have such as anal penetration without my consent.

It constitutes our society's dirty secret. The definition of rape has long been gendered, defined as a man forcibly penetrating a woman. Note, a man sticking his dick up another man's ass, or a woman sticking a finger up a man's ass or forcing him to penetrate her does not constitute this gendered definition of rape. When you have a society built on the idea that women are the better sex, certain shit gets swept under the rug.

It happened to me on a couple of occasions. It is damaging. It constitutes a violation of the sanctity of the body, an act of predation.

Attractive women can be far more damaging than an unattractive woman.

As for those Male apologists... Our society is built on misandry.

PapaPinyun · 2020-03-07T16:52:56+00:00

So like a month ago i had a flashback to a childhood incident that i sorta forgot ever happened and I have been unpacking how weird it was and examining how it's more or less defined the parameters of my personality and sexuality to this day.

Incident was, i slept over a neighbor's house, a girl in 2nd grade. She was older i was in kindergarten. The moment that just came back to me was, I'm in my pjs in her room in the morning and my balls were kinda hanging out th fly. She was touching them and talking about them, i remember her tone but not the words, and i remember the sensation of shame and confusion. Then i notice her mother is just staring at us from the hall, silently just peering around the corner gawking. Not like shock or just coming upon us, like full on just watching like a creep. Her face staring is what i remember most clearly and what disturbs my calm to hold in my mind.

diffdedbed · 2020-03-07T17:57:06+00:00

As a grown man I was, at least legally, sexually assaulted a few times by women.

I was even raped, again technically, when I got picked up by a sober woman while I was exceedingly drunk.

I'm ok with that, even the ugly ones, since I embrace the double standard.

Just like that study where 70% of guys in college agreed to go have sex with a random stranger who asked and 0% of women did, MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT.

Sexual assault on a child is a whole different issue, with different dynamics and outcomes, but into adulthood, it isn't the same thing for men and women.

I think society is trying to make this sort of thing equivalent in order to maintain the severity of assault on women, without having to admit men and women are not the same. Its jumping through hoops really to establish what every functional adult already knows instinctively.

king_of_red_alphas · 2020-03-07T19:02:48+00:00

The one thing that I hate is that if I get drunk and willingly fuck a fat chick (drunk or not) that I otherwise wouldn’t, it’s just “bad judgement” on my part.

If a woman gets drunk enough to find me (also drunk) attractive and willingly has sex with me, I’ve “taken advantage of her” and potentially raped her because she “couldn’t truly consent”

I’ll never understand how the fuck that makes sense.

PickleLine · 2020-03-07T19:09:08+00:00

I think that it's not that bad and not as severe as male-perpetrated.

But in the larger gender wars, the same dynamics and systems that cause this to be the case also gives women immense privilege in their dating and social lives. I feel compelled to take on the position that they're equivalent to "even out" the gender war because no one calls out or acknowledges female privilege.

Specific-Cricket · 2020-03-07T22:27:31+00:00

Female-perpetrated sexual misconduct is relatively rare

Lol no.

Women commit a ton of sexual misconduct. The thing is that no one cares because they are women committing it against men, and, like usual, women are not held accountable for their actions. Go make friends with some really handsome guys: the amount of things like groping and general sexual assault they deal with from women might shock you. Again though no one cares because women are perfect.

saladfingers4141 · 2020-03-07T13:35:55+00:00

I dislike that double standards exist when a man gets figuratively dragged over the coals for something a woman would get away with. Like the lady who chopped her husband's dick off and got a sympathetic documentary about it while everyone laughed at the husband.

But realistically I don't care about female sexual harrassment, I'm a man and have never felt violated or vulnerable in that scenario so I don't even consider it sexual assault or harrassment. When I was a senior in high school an older female teacher used to pinch my ass on occasion, I never even thought about it to be honest.

As much as I try I find it hard to have any sympathy for men who say they have been a victim of sexual assault from a woman. The idea just doesn't make sense to me.

Title	Q4M: What are your thoughts on female-perpetrated sexual assault / harassment?
Author	Throwaway24february
Upvotes	1
Comments	44
Date	March 7, 2020 10:15 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/fetc36/q4m_what_are_your_thoughts_on_femaleperpetrated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-what-are-your-thoughts-on-female-perpetrated.352926 https://theredarchive.com/post/352926

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