Stats: 51 yo, 69kg, 12.9%(?) BF; Squat: 72.5kg; OhP: 40kg; BP: 47.5kg; Row: 55kg; DL: 85kg
Have read: NMMNG, MMSLP, 16 Commandments of Poon, TBOP, 60 Days of Dread, Steele's guide, MAP by Athol Kay, WISNIFG.
Currently reading: Still working through NMMNG ... this time I’m doing the exercises.
My backstory is here OYS #5. I was going to put this in this my reply to this weeks OYS thread, but it got too long so I decided to seperate it out into its own post.
I've been traveling for work this week, and I arrived back late on thursday evening. Friday morning, I took the kids the kids to school and dropped the car at the shop for maintenance. I worked the morning and had planned to visit the gym in the afternoon. Just after lunch the wife surprised me with "I thought you'd be okay picking up the kids after school." They have a lot of activities on Friday which would mean I wouldn't get back until 8pm. I said "I had planned to go to the gym." And this was met with a huge emotional outburst of how she has to get some school work done. I've become quite attached to the iron temple, and having just finished WISNIFG, I simply re-iterated that I had planned to go to the gym. Another emotional outburst about how I was prioritising my gym time over her school work and how I "didn't get it." She's quite right, because I really didn't get it. I thought my position was quite reasonable consider she spent all morning in the salon although I never mentioned this. I kept calm and didn't DEER. I also didn't back down and just kept re-iterating my point. I would have been happy to reach a compromise, but because I was met with an emotional outburst I thought I'd stay-the-course.
I got to go to the gym as I had planned. She took the kids for the evening and slept in the spare room. The next day she had another emotional outburst and said that she feels I don't understand her workload and how "I don't have her back." Again, I just keep quiet and listen to what she has to say without getting upset. I went for a swim to clear my head after the onslaught.
Monday morning, she sits me down and starts talking about how we've been trying for a year ... we haven't been intimate in over a year and although we get along as room mates, there is little or no physical interaction. She said she needs to be honest with how she feels and that we should separate. I had expected this conversation. It wasn't pleasant but I wasn't shocked. So, I laid out some of the thoughts that I had ... she should be the one to move out, I'd like to keep the kids schooling to be uninterrupted, we'd loose the house etc. She got very quiet and wasn't saying very much. We finished by agreeing to think this over for a few days before saying anything to the kids. This conversation was very different the the previous two, in that it was very subdue with very little emotion.
This is how I understand the whole dynamic ... I've started to get some discipline in my life which includes having boundaries and enforcing those boundaries. She's noticed this change and has reacted by lashing out emotionally. But I don't know what to make of the conversation on Monday morning. I've read some of the OYS stories where wives will throw in a divorce shit-test ... but our conversation wasn't an emotional outburst.
How can I tell if this is a divorce shit-test, or if it's for real? If it's a divorce shit-test what approach can I use to de-escalate?
If we continue on our current path then we'll end up divorced and although that doesn't scare me as it once did before MRP, I'd prefer a different outcome. Maybe I'm grasping at straws.
[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker" 3 points4 points5 points (18 children) | Copy Link
[–]stay_plan_is_go_plan[S] 0 points1 point2 points (17 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret 5 points6 points7 points (14 children) | Copy Link
[–]KoolAidMan7980 7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tyred_BiggumsDon't let these gypsy women fool you 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Chump_No_More 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]stay_plan_is_go_plan[S] -5 points-4 points-3 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret 9 points10 points11 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret 5 points6 points7 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rightsided 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]stay_plan_is_go_plan[S] 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hack3geRed Beret 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]part_wolf 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]stay_plan_is_go_plan[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]redwall92 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NeoTheJuanDJ 5 points6 points7 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]part_wolf 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]stay_plan_is_go_plan[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]part_wolf 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SpecDriver 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret 2 points3 points4 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]part_wolf 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]threekindsofluckyMod who asks, "are we the baddies?" 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]part_wolf 2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]stay_plan_is_go_plan[S] 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]part_wolf 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]stay_plan_is_go_plan[S] 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]part_wolf 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rightsided 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]stay_plan_is_go_plan[S] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Vegasman20002 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]rightsided 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AlohaMaui808I'm Hawaiian in case you can't tell 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DocHollidaysPistols 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]0io-Tsundere 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]stay_plan_is_go_plan[S] 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando 7 points8 points9 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+]knowncitizen1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Some of them just don't get it when it's done. I had a buddy who had a heart attack and was in the ER, called his wife and she never showed up. He still didn't get that his wife didn't care if he died.
[–]rightsided 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tambamwham 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]0io-Tsundere 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]stay_plan_is_go_plan[S] 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]rightsided 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]stay_plan_is_go_plan[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link