659,329 posts

It's not your fault

by newls | June 02, 2017 | TheRedPill

83 upvotes

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I have really fucked something up in the last week and it has affected me emotionally more than I could have ever known. I'm not going to go into the details. This story is not what I'm here to talk about.

What I'm here to talk about, is that Robin Williams committed suicide in August 2014.

The aftermath revealed a tortured soul of a man fighting divorce rape, taking bad movie roles just to make alimony. I'll always remember watching Aladdin as a boy, and to see him reduced to that level by entitled exes causes an indescribable anger in many of us who grew up watching his characters.

Do not treat marriage lightly, because it can destroy your life depending on your jurisdiction. I want to get married one day, primarily to start a family. I believe a loving marriage is the foundation of a family. You can disagree, but that's something that feels right in my gut. I will be a strong and loving captain to my hypothetical wife, and a wise master to my hypothetical children.

Do not treat mental health lightly either.

Robin Williams's mental health suffered from his failed marriages, the alimony slavery he had been forced into, and fear over his dementia diagnosis. Though his friends have since come forward to claim that his dementia was the prime contributor.

Somewhere in your life, you have failed. You failed at something that was important to you, and it hurt you.

As men, we know that there was something we could have done to prevent each failure. We know if we had just done that something, we wouldn't have failed at that thing. This makes us feel guilty. We hang onto that guilt for the rest of our lives.

Guilt is a male emotion that is a direct result of our instinct to take responsibility for our failures. We blame ourselves. We tell ourselves that it's our fault. We blame ourselves for things that aren't our fault.

Men develop guilt complexes and become different people because of it. We sharpen our edges. We carry pain and guilt along with us every day.

It contributes directly to the male suicide crisis. Soldiers kill themselves out of guilt. Shame and guilt make civilians kill themselves too. We, and society as a whole, need fewer men killing themselves.

Robin Williams starred in a movie called Good Will Hunting, and there's a scene in Good Will Hunting where he continuously says to Matt Damon over and over again, "It's not your fault."

"It's not your fault."

"It's not your fault."

"It's not your fault."

"No, I don't think you understand, it really isn't your fault."

because Matt Damon's character blamed himself for so many different problems that he was dealing with, and that other people were dealing with, and he shouldn't blame himself, for things that are outside of his control.

Williams embodied that character, as a person going through a lot of similar issues in his life. Reading it here in this post isn't enough, you have to watch the scene to feel the impact of it from his performance.

We need to accept what we can control, and what we can't. We need to move forward in our lives and let go of certain things that we blame ourselves for, that we had no control over.

Move forward in your life from things that are weighing you down. Don't blame yourself for things that are outside of your control. Embrace things that you can control about yourself. Number one, your mental health.

You can't control how other people act. You can't control what other people do to you. You can't change the past. Things that have happened, have happened.

Meditate on this to become a happier man. Don't interpret Stoicism as stuffing down your emotions. Your mind is your everyday life, you need to look after it just the same as you look after your muscles.

Be a mentor to younger men who are acting out of guilt and depression. Talk to your buddies when they're feeling rough, get a beer with them. It's free therapy and works wonders on most men.

The added benefit is that unloading burdens from your conscience will greatly improve your performance in everyday life. I can't explain the feeling of relief to you here, you have to go through this yourself.

Don't take your mental health for granted. While you're out there being awesome and kicking the shit out of life, take stock of your emotional state, because it's a different type of strength that we don't talk about enough.


TL;DR: There are things you can control, and things you can't. Forgive yourself for your past failures. Move forward in your life and help others going through guilt.


Post Information
Title It's not your fault
Author newls
Upvotes 83
Comments 55
Date 02 June 2017 03:23 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/43688
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6ev1g0/its_not_your_fault/
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Comments

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon28 points29 points  (4 children) | Copy

taking bad movie roles just to make alimony

Alimony in the US is brutal on actors. They take previous income as the baseline for what they have to pay out, and then insist the same gets paid "because that is what they are capable of".

For an actor after his peak financial income, he has to take shitty roles just to make alimony or go to jail. It's a shitty deal and restricts his career - he's got to take lots of crap roles instead of holding out for a good one.

It's criminal to reduce men to wageslaves to pay millions for a woman who lived the previous 20 years on easy mode being supported by someone else. It's HER who should be paying HIM, not the other way around.

I want to get married one day, primarily to start a family. I believe a loving marriage is the foundation of a family. You can disagree, but that's something that feels right in my gut.

The feeling of RIGHT has been exploited by women and the government to make marriage still an option for you despite the fact that it offers you nothing, and PAYS HER to break up your family. You owe it to your children to NOT bribe their mother to leave you. Look clearly at the reality of marriage and what it reduces the man to, before thinking it's a good idea. This is not your grandfather's marriage.

Do Not Marry (even if you're not an actor).

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's absolutely insane that alimony is even a thing anymore and even more absurd that it is based on his income and not her needs. It's such a blatantly clear area where society says to me "your only reason for existing is to support women."

A woman's youth and virginity used to be something valuable and so if you took those from her you were expected to pay for it long-term. But now they try to tell us neither of those things should matter...but you still have to pay for them.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's such a blatantly clear area where society says to me "your only reason for existing is to support women."

Marriage is a providership contract.

A woman's youth and virginity used to be something valuable and so if you took those from her you were expected to pay for it long-term. But now they try to tell us neither of those things should matter...but you still have to pay for them

haha right!

Even if she was 35 and had 3 kids when you married her... still applies.

They used to say "women can't earn, you must support her". Now they say "lost income for 5 years, you must support her". It always ends with men paying for women.

Avoid marriage, it's that simple.

[–]badDayAtBerchdsgaden4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is not your grandfather's marriage

But its scary how deeply that fictional mental image of a happy future marriage is burned into my mind by social programming. I count myself staggeringly lucky that I found the redpill before my Beta Bux programming could take over just a little later in life and lead me into the destructive shitstorm that is marriage, but all it takes is a little attention from a plausible future mate to get those visions of being happily married started. I literally have to fight the impulse to think that way, even when I conscuously know how bad of an idea it is.

Ive never actually seen the Matrix movies, but the Red Pill metaphor is bang on for what this sub is trying to get across. Its a literal war for control of mens minds happening every day.

[–]Scandinavianredpill14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy

While I agree with the family part and I am seeing a woman that I think is a great catch on many levels, I would never ever consider marrying her and she knows that. You should act on the redpill knowledge you got, never put your life in the hands of a woman that got the emotional stability of a child (lets face it all women have, even those who act composed 95% of the time).

You can be the leader of your family and raise your children without a marriage contract. If whoever you are dating does not like that, then well tough luck - good thing you are a good looking, intelligent man (you should be if you are acting on the advice here), you can find a replacement and if not you will still have a fulfilling life spinning plates and improving yourself.

[–]newls[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

I recognise the risks and see that it presents me with a whole new set of challenges, but I have thought about it and still feel it's something I would do.

[–]Scandinavianredpill5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

What do you gain from marrying. for the love of god, it is nothing but a contract to divorce rape you.

[–]goldaxis29 points30 points  (4 children) | Copy

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Robin Williams star in a movie about divorce rape, in which he is forced to dress up as an old woman just to see his kids? Guess he never learned from the role.

[–]newls[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well at least we all got a lot of laughs out of it.

[–]Daddie02 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Or maybe that is why he played the role so well.

[–]dontbedenied points points [recovered] | Copy

Thanks so much for your post. I'm going to re-read this many times. There's not enough information out there for men like this. Indeed, men practically have to read stuff like this in secret. Women in general, especially feminists, and even beta men don't want literature like this to exist. Men are just supposed to suck it up and accept blame and guilt and responsibility for whatever has been cooked up for us. Fuck that.

[–]Need2LickMuff6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

I find it funny all the self-proclaimed Stoics™ in TRP that don't seem to understand that part of being a stoic is knowing that there exists things that are out of your control, meaning there are things that aren't the fault of you.

A self-blaming stoic.. almost as laughable as a feminist housewife.

[–]newls[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly, it's not about being 100% hard-nosed all the time. There's a Yin alongside the Yang.

[–]newls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you man. I'm glad I could get through to you. Take responsibility for your life, but also recognise that there are things you can't reasonably control and you shouldn't let them weigh you down mentally.

[–]Mangoinhand points points [recovered] | Copy

It is his fault. He signed the Marriage Contract. He was aware of the risks it entailed.

Heck, I take responsibility for my own Birth. I chose to be born and all that entails.

Fault implies that causality exists. It does not. There is not clear line of responsibility in a quantum existence.

It is all YOU.

Oh, you say it is not? Then what measure/test can you apply if situation X or consequence Y is some Z% in your control?

Too many people, too eagerly proclaim: "Poor me, it was out of my control and not my fault"

Fuck it. Own it all and die by the consequences without shedding a tear pr uttering a whimper

[–]newls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah take responsibility for your life but also realise that there are things you can't reasonably control, like other people's actions, and things that happened in the past.

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor4 points5 points  (12 children) | Copy

It's not your fault.

It is your fault. You were born for it to be your fault. We don't give you life lessons on how to deal with guilt. We tell you to not give a fuck. Stuff your emotions? No. Dismiss them. On the ground bleeding and in pain? Get up. Keep moving. Gut ripped out by a screeching harpy? Get up. Keep moving.

You have two competing forces--your emotions and your mission. Choose the latter and survive. Choose the former and die. Robin chose the later for decades until he finally embraced the former.

[–]newls[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, no-one is going to look out for your happiness like your own self. You've got to have your shit together, or at least focus on working on it. There's a difference between taking responsibility for your life and realising that some things you can't reasonably control and that you shouldn't let them weigh you down mentally.

[–]Need2LickMuff0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

It is your fault

People who have gone through nothing hard say this all the time, forgetting they have no perspective. Car broke down and you pushed it off the road and took responsibility for it? Big man. Tell a child who grew up with complexes from a parent that it's his fault he grew up fucked.

This 'it's all your fault' mentality is bullshit and said from people with a cushion under their arse instead of pins. First world problem nonsense - people need to fuck off with this mentality and understand that sometimes things aren't your fault. That's like blaming yourself for a bird shitting on you because 'You could have chose not to step there'.

EDIT - Hey, downvoting pussies, how about you actually debate me. Let's see how brilliant you are.

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor7 points8 points  (9 children) | Copy

Tell a child who grew up with complexes from a parent that it's his fault he grew up fucked.

Ok. It's his fault. Why? Well, it isn't because he did it. No. It is because ultimately he will have to live with the consequences of actions, even if they weren't his actions. That is what means to be a man. Fucked up and unfair? It sure is, but it won't make the rest of the world care one fucking bit other than a passing moment of pity.

Fault isn't judgement. It's literally identifying the breakdown. In your example above, indeed it is the child that is broken. However, the last thing we should do to this our kid is treat him like a poor kid. If he wants a better life as a male, he will have to act like other males that have a better life. There is no free passes to this shit.

[–]Need2LickMuff5 points6 points  (8 children) | Copy

That is what means to be a man.

Spoken about a child, whose life so far is the multiplication table and pokemon. My post mentioned nothing about judgment, only how out of touch the 'it's your fault' mantra is when breaking down a situation. A child who grows up in a fucked up environment who had nobody to show him that life is better and that he has value will continue down the path of low value. Claiming that it's his fault for not just knowing that there's better is like, once again, blaming someone for being shit on by a bird because they were the one who crossed its path. It's stupid, shows low EQ, and does the person no good.

It would do this sub good to learn a thing or two about compassion. Too many retards on here placing blame where it isn't present and LARPing as enlightened when they're just ignorant. I know this is going to be interpreted as either concern trolling or moralizing or w.e., but realistically I've been seeing a lot of bad advice in this department all around from the same people that think bullying is character building.

TL;DR - Your car breaking down is your fault because you didn't take the steps to maintain it. You having a complex is not your fault, and someone needs to understand that before they can fix themselves. Not everything is your fault.

[–]newls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your TL;DR hits the nail on the head beautifully.

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

My post mentioned nothing about judgment, only how out of touch the 'it's your fault' mantra is when breaking down a situation

Tell a child who grew up with complexes from a parent that it's his fault he grew up fucked.

Ok, you have two choices. In your statements, either "fault" means the kid did it, just like the person that neglected his car did it (your example), or it means he is broken, which is my definition. Do you agree with me or not? If you don't then you took evidence (the car is broken and unmaintained; the kid is messed up and he was abused) and judged that the consequence was the result of the cause. That's what judging is--you examine evidence and make a determination.

low EQ

Ug....

It would do this sub good to learn a thing or two about compassion

Compassion? Arbitrary criteria is arbitrary criteria. We deal with the real, not with the feelz. The ugly truth is people just don't give a fuck. They deal with each other in as far as it supports their survival, sense of self and mesolimbic system. The sooner you understand that, the sooner you and those around you can deal with the existence better.

bullying is character building

Oh, I'd really like to see that quoted.

[–]Need2LickMuff1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Compassion =/= feelz, or you have two choices. Either compassion = feels (your example), or compassion means being understanding of a situation, which is my definition.

Oh, I'd really like to see that quoted.

I'm not going through pages of TRP to find people who believe that. I know I've argued with people before on it, telling them that they're stupid for believing that bullying is a great indicator of social proof and builds character.

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

understanding of a situation

That is empathy, not compassion.

I'm not going through pages of TRP to find people who believe that.

I'm not doing your work for you.

[–]Need2LickMuff0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I'm not doing your work for you

I never expected nor asked you to.

That is empathy, not comparssion

And your definition of 'fault' isn't what fault actually means. Shall we keep arguing semantics?

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

A fault is a defect. It isn't an opinion; it is manifest. Stop redefining the language.

[–]Need2LickMuff0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

  • an unattractive or unsatisfactory feature, especially in a piece of work or in a person's character. "my worst fault is impatience"

  • responsibility for an accident or misfortune. "an ordinary man thrust into peril through no fault of his own"

Big difference between "it's a fault of yours" and "It's your fault". Nice try, though.. you almost had a solid backpedal.

[–]NeoreactionSafe3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

 

Don't interpret Stoicism as stuffing down your emotions.

 

  • Red Pill Masculine Stoic Male - "Reals before Feelz"

  • Blue Pill beta male or a female - "Feelz before Reals"

 

So being Stoic doesn't mean you erase your emotions, but that they hold a lessor position in your life than objective reality.

A masculine man still "feels" but he can only relax and have positive feels after it's clear the real part of his life is okay.

In a sense you do "stuff down" your emotions and give them less power over you.

Emotions don't drive you as a masculine male, they take a back seat to a solid Frame which is that basis in objective reality.

We might say that in the Red Pill:

 

  • Truth is more important than happy feelz.

 

Women and beta males place happy emotions as their top priority... we don't.

 

[–]newls[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The importance there is to not let your emotions drive your actions, instead as a man you should let your actions drive your emotions.

[–]NeoreactionSafe-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

 

Your emotions are just along for the ride.

If your "reals" are good then your "feelz" tend to agree.

If your "reals" are bad then your "feelz" aren't great, but you just plow through it because you know you were at least attempting to do what was required.

 

[–]Need2LickMuff2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

People who have gone through rough patches in their lives and who have overcome them NEVER say the same dumb ass shit people on TRP say about blame and ability.

You'll always see someone who has gone through hardship, real hardship, telling the youth or troubled people that they need to stop blaming themselves and do something proactive. It isn't their fault, they're capable, and to actually do something with that new found knowledge since they know what it's like to either grow up without leadership personally or through friends. Lots of these people who lived in trashy areas with a shitty upbringing but have transcended it say things like "I was blessed that I had a positive role model in my life. Without x, I wouldn't be where I am today - not everybody is so lucky".

The only people who adopt the 'it's your fault' mentality are people who have suburbanite tier problems. Most people on this subreddit are these people - I find it funny how stoicism is revered on this sub, yet the proponents of it don't even know how to follow it properly (Stoicism is the understanding that there are things out of your control ie not the cause or fault of you).

Great post. Hopefully people in these situations where they had no control over something and who are hung up on it see, reflect, realize, and can finally move on from their anchor.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Extreme ownership becomes ridiculous. You do see that on this sub when folks swoop in to AMOG others. This shouldn't be a huge box but also shouldn't be boot camp with a deranged drill instructor.

A good friend of mine is like this with others and thinks it is clever. For instance, I got drunk with another friend once and the friend did some weird shit that ruined our friendship. What did good AMOG friend say about it? "It was your fault for drinking" even when there was no way to predict what occurred. Basically, if anywhere in the chain of events you weren't perfect/clairvoyant, then everything is "your fault".

[–]newls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly, thank you for that. I'm glad you found some resonance. Interesting point you've developed there about hard upbringing vs suburban upbringing, especially also about Stoicisim.

[–]LedZeppelin16020 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Guilt is a male emotion that is a direct result of our instinct to take responsibility for our failures. We blame ourselves. We tell ourselves that it's our fault. We blame ourselves for things that aren't our fault. Men develop guilt complexes and become different people because of it. We sharpen our edges. We carry pain and guilt along with us every day.

And it doesn't help that if your a white male your told you're to blame for everything wrong in the world.

Repeated lectures about this can sink in, even if you don't agree it can weasel it's way into your head and the slightest misstep can have it fester and undermine your soul with guilt. Universities and certain jobs basically scold you for being male with toxic masculinity courses and privilege workshops designed to mentally castrate men into submission

[–]newls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well I choose to ignore those harpies. They're just hens flapping their wings for the sake of flapping alone. Be selective about mental inputs. If the news pisses you off, just switch it off and watch some sports. Or even better, go and work out or develop a skill. Personally I like to go drive in the car maxing out my Awesome Mix on Spotify and make everyone cringe (secretly jealous) about my musical tastes.

[–]1Sir_Distic0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Just a note. Robin Williams had Parkinson's disease as confirmed by his wife. His autopsy revealed he also suffered from Lews Body Dementia. Yes he also had depression but that wasn't 100% of the reason he took his own life.

Otherwise a good post.

[–]newls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for that, and yep I made that caveat re dementia in the post.

[–]DeathToTheZog0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I was a 90's kid. Robin Williams was a childhood icon. He will always be remembered by me, along with Steve Irwin.

Celebrity deaths don't really mean much to me, but those two deaths actually made me sit back and feel sorrow.

The cunt that drive Robin over the edge, I hope the lady is happy..

[–]newls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly the same sentiment I have.

[–]mercurymarinatedbeef0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wow. You STILL believe the MSM lie that Robin Williams suicided out of grief. LOL. In reality, it was a session of auto-erotic asphyxiation gone wrong. I thought everyone KNEW that by now. Damn.

[–]PlanB_pedofile0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Matt Daimon's character had a drunk and abusive father. This fucked him up in underlying ways that when he broke it off with the girlfriend he was seeing, he blamed himself and took it all in that he was just a loser making loser choices.

That's why if you see the full movie, the full scene, and full backstory behind all this that is why the whole "its not your fault" scene is a movie life classic.

[–]newls[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I remember that, hammers home how much some guys with fucked up childhoods can carry guilt complexes because of things that as kids they really had no control over.

[–]pherislore points points [recovered] | Copy

Really well-written mate. Especially your focus on mental-health and its importance.

[–]newls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you mate. Thought I'd spice things up a bit.

[–]PoofyPossum6660 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Beautifully fucking written, friend. Have my upvote.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

didn't realize it until your generous post. yeah, guilt. have felt guilty mostly all my life. guilt over not making my parents happy with me. guilt over not living up to their expectations, which never stopped and were always shifting and changing. guilt over their being unhappy and angry with me, or guilt for being separate and being myself especially.

[–]newls[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I'm glad you found some resonance and that it's made you think of this. Have a think about this stuff and what you need to let go. Trust me you'll feel much better for it and be way more awesome than you already are.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

thanks so much for encouragement. been thinking about it. it's a very deep subject. letting go isn't just a cerebral event. it means letting go of the behavior, too, that I figured would please them. choosing behavior based on my own experience or on God's standard instead.

It's strange growing up and being my own person. But it's also manhood aint it

[–]newls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah it's very deep, sit down with one of your buds and talk this stuff through. I guarantee this will resonate with them too.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Robin Williams was rich and his brain was being deteriorated by dementia. His suicide had nothing to do with marriage.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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