I saw a blog today by Mark Manson about how unconditional love is what emotionally mature people should aim for. I have a lot of respect for him but this time I think he is just wrong.
Unconditional love is what grandmothers feel for fat whiney grandchildren. Unconditional love is what mad people feel for their cats. Maybe buddha and Jesus were capable of it but not me anymore. Obviously everyone hopes for it so they can just relax around the people they love. Put on a few pounds, she still loves me. Stop personal hygiene, fuck her sister, slap her round, get drunk on the lawn in my underpants at 3 in the afternoon. Doesn't matter. She loves me UNCONDITIONALLY. How toxic could that become! It isnt better the other way when men love women unconditionally. Usually it means thet lose all power in the relationship and end up getting hurt or shafted. But wait I hear someone cry "what about mutual unconditiounconditional love?" Sounds good, but remember the iron rule of Tomassi. "The person with the power in the relationship is the one who cares the least" I think this is also called co-dependency.
I am not ashamed to say I want my love to be conditional. I wont love you if you fuck my brother. I wont love you if you put on 200lbs. I wont love you if you turn into a selfish vicious bitch. If you could love me if I get fat or really unnatractive, become an alcoholic/junkie or unemployable because of sex offenses then I dont want your love because you could love any asshole. There is no motivation for me to be a better person and lots of motivation to become a worse one. I want to know that the women who are fucking me are doing it because I am a confident man who looks good because I exercise and lift almost every day and wear clothes that suit me. I work on being attractive and a better person. If love is unconditional what is the point? I also want the women I am with to know that yhere are boundaries and that they need to work to keep me interested.
The idea of unconditional love is making thousands of men miserable. It is a toxic lie that perpetuates the myth of 'love me the way I am','just be yourself', 'love conquers all'and other fairytales. Love doesnt conquer all, determination and hard work conquer all. There are a bunch of overweight feminists who believe we should love them the way they are, overweight with a nasty personality.
I think men are good at loving unconditionally. We love women no matter what they do to us. We just want someone to love. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Maybe it is time we as a gender grew the cojones to be honest and say, "this is what we expect and demand from you. If you don't like it fuck off." As Robin Williams said 'there are worse things than being alone. It is worse being with people who make you feel alone.' To me, unconditional love is a ridiculous romantic fantasy that is unachievable and is a perfect way to make people in a relationship powerless not more powerful. Anyone who thinks the love in their relationship is unconditional try losing your job, get caught fucking around, get arrested, become unnatractive and see if the way you are loved changes.