Summary: I had some concerns on approaching women before. I read a bunch of articles, books on different techniques, I tried a lot of those things and this post is about what I learned in the process. I will explain direct and indirect approach, pros and cons of each and I'll write in what circumstances should you use each of those approaches.

Note that this is a guide for less experienced guys that are struggling with getting girls, just as I was. I'm writing this guide from my experience mostly from clubs which I believe is one of the best places for approaching women (at least for less experienced guys).

Also, I'm not a native English speaker so I'm sorry if you don't understand some of the things I'm trying to explain. I'll try my best.

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There are two types or techniques when you're approaching women. There's a direct approach and there's an indirect approach. Direct approach is when you approach a girl and you let her know you're interested right away. For example, you approach and say you like her and you want to get to know her. Indirect approach is basically everything else. Approaching a girl and not letting her know you are interested right away. It's starting a conversation just like you would with a friend or some guy you never met.

Direct approach is usually hit or miss. You approach a girl, let her know you are interested in her and she will either share your feelings or reject you. There's usually no middle ground, but it can happen. A girl can say something that could seem like rejection, but keep talking to you and you won't know what to do. You should watch her facial expressions and body language to see if she rejected you, or actually didn't and her "rejection" is nothing more than a shit test or a similar gimmick. Basically, if you approach a girl and she keeps talking to you, it's a good sign and chances are she is interested. You should use direct approach when you see a girl giving you IOIs. Eye contact, smiling at you, waving at you etc. If a girl keeps giving you IOIs but rejects you when you approach her, then something weird happened. You messed up somehow or there's a different reason.

The thing with direct approach is, you make a girl make a decision about you on the spot and her decision is based on nothing else but your looks, your physical appearance as she doesn't know you or anything about you. If you're a really good looking guy then direct approach is for you. Even if you get rejected, there are girls that will be happy that some hot guy came to talk to them. On the other side, if you're not good looking or simply not sure, be prepared to get rejected. I'm not saying that it will happen, but it could happen and you should prepare yourself so your ego won't get hurt. That goes for good looking guys as well, everybody can get rejected. If you are okay with that, great. You are already on a good path. But this guide is for guys that are fairly new to trp and approaching women and I'm sure a lot of those guys fear rejection. If you are one of those guys, use direct approac only when you are given IOIs. Later when you won't give a fuck about getting rejected, do what you want. Seriously.

 

That brings us to indirect approach, meaning you just start talking to a girl you like. Talk about whatever you want, but don't let her know you're interested yet. This not only gives you a "safety net" but has more perks. Basic TRP knowledge is that women care about looks way less than men do which means that you want to let her get to know you before making a decision about whether she likes you or not. That makes your chances with her a lot higher, unless you have a shit personality. If that's the case, work on that. You are already reading TRP which means you've thought about life on deeper levels than the average Joe. So work on your personality, have interesting stories, know what to say... Also, indirect approach provides you with plausible deniability (great for unexperienced guys that fear rejection etc). Meaning, if she likes you - great. If she doesn't, it doesn't matter. You are not even interested in her as you let her (and everybody else) think. Indirect approach is great when you want to start talking to a girl that's in your group (friend's friend or similar situations). Direct approaching is usually a bad idea in that situations. If she rejects you, it could make things weird between you and her (and the whole group) while with indirect approach, you are just talking about stuff (for now).

What you want to do when indirect approaching, you come to her and:

  • say hey
  • ask a question
  • ask for an opinion
  • say something funny

The list goes on. You could also introduce yourself in the beginning but then borders with direct approach and I personally don't introduce myself to girls. I ask for their names and if they ask me for mine, I take that as an IOI. If they don't, they are probably not interested. That isn't always like that, you should always be looking at their facial expressions and body language to know what they feel about you. Remember: Listen to her actions, not her words.

After your opener, you should keep talking. Women love to talk about themselves but you can't just start shooting questions. First, you should say something, tell a short story. Short is in bold because you can't just start talking to 5 minutes straight. She will be bored and want to get rid of you (not always). Say something short, 10-30 seconds. No, I'm not telling you to bring a stopwatch with you. You'll know when you are talking too much. After that, she will see that you're okay and you can ask her something. It's best if you ask something about her or her feelings. Try to understand her, connect with her feelings and you're golden. And I don't meen "connect with her feelings" in a BP way. You could ask her (in a club): Do you like it here? She will say yes/no and you try to understand why does she feel that way and say something about that. Make a conversation out of that. Don't shoot question after question. Ask a question, make a conversation out of her answer and when you feel that you've drained the topic, then ask another question. It should come naturally so you don't have to think about it much. If everything goes well, escalate verbally and/or (best both) physically (kino). I'm not going to teach you how to do that, you have plenty of articles and guides online. Then go for the kiss or at least take her number. Congratulations.

If things don't go well (which you should know by listening to what she is saying, watching her facial expressions and body language), excuse yourself or say that it was nice to talk to her / meet her or just straight up say "Okay" and leave. Abundance. Don't waste your time if you won't get anything in return. Maybe she'll start to get interested when she sees you as a non-needy guy going for what he wants. Then you could reject her. You've already written her off. If not, that's also cool. Do what you want.

Speaking of wasting, don't waste your money as well. No, she won't like you more if you buy her a drink. In fact, she may like you less as you would look like supplicating ("buying" her interest). It rarely works. You may buy her a drink if you see she's interested, but do this at your own risk. I advise against it.

 

If you have approach anxiety, definitely use indirect approach. You have approach anxiety mostly because of one reason: You fear rejection.

Remember: If she rejects you, she didn't reject you. She rejected you based on a few things you said, and that's not you. She didn't get to know you enough to reject you. She rejected the guy you presented to herself (yourself obviously). I read one thing that really changed things for me: There are thousands of reasons why a woman would reject you that doesn't involve you not being good enough.

Read that sentence again. Let it bounce and resonate in your brain.

If you still can't get rid of your approach anxiety, drink alcohol. Seriously. I'm not telling you to get wasted, but find that sweet spot (a couple of drinks) and your anxiety should at least be less noticeable. This works in places where they serve alcohol (bars, clubs). Don't you go to library while tipsy.

Later you can take out alcohol and do it naturally.

 

So yeah, that's about it. Here are some things you should do to increase your chances with girls.

  • Don't take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways.
  • Don't give a fuck generally.
  • Be funny.
  • Playfully tease her and then laugh about it.
  • Look like you are having a good time wherever are you.
  • Be bold and fearless.
  • Don't show weaknesses.
  • Hold frame.

This guide isn't meant to be a standalone guide. Combine it with trp knowledge you got here.

Good luck!

Lessons learned:

  • Direct approach is best if you received some IOIs from a girl and/or if you're a confident (good looking) guy
  • Indirect approach is better if you are less experienced and/or fear rejection
  • Pay attention to her facial expressions and her body language to see if she's interested
  • When talking to her, talk for the most part in the beginning and when she's comfortable around you, let her do the talking
  • Don't forget to escalate because you will end up talking to her for an hour about weather and world debt
  • Don't get her rejection affect you