I know there's no "done" like an end of the line where I can say "I'm a perfect husband!" and stop working on myself. I get that.
Consider the following (true-ish) scenario:
Be me five years ago. Be a complete beta shithead, a "Nice Guy". Cheat on your wife. Attend couples counseling. Lie your ass off about not looking at porn or looking for hookups anymore (shit made me high as hell, I got the shakes and endorphin rush and everything). Change nothing.
Be me 3.5 years ago, still a complete beta shithead. Cheat on your wife. Again. This time you get it. It clicks. Who you are is shit. This person is non-functional. You are everything you hate: addicted, a cheat, a liar, undeserving of the title "husband", a travesty to the institution of marriage.
So you dig in. Over the next 3 years you attend individual and couples counseling. You learn how to change who you are. The problem is you double down the beta-bitch qualities. You start vomiting your guilt and shame any time your wife brings up the affairs. At the end of 3 years she asks for a separation. You cannot blame her. Look at yourself. You're still shit. Even more so now.
Be me now. Separated. You took the red pill.
I'm taking this time to read, to re-engineer who I am. The question "when am I done?" is improper. Only I can determine that.
What I want to know is "what condition do I need to be in, in order to re-engage in a healthy relationship?"
Whether with my wife, or someone else, I would backslide if I were to re-engage. So I want to know, what are the ear-marks of a man who doesn't backslide? A man capable of being in a relationship and still being able to keep his center within himself (hold his frame)?
What minimum set of conditions must exist such that I can be in a relationship without turning back into a complete piece of shit?