Why am I so content with being an underachiever?

Reddit View
May 21, 2020
92 upvotes

I’m a young guy and I’ve found out that I’m just so content with being an underachiever for some reason. It’s like I’m just always feeling no drive to work extremely hard or push myself to achieve certain things.


Post Information
Title Why am I so content with being an underachiever?
Author iVablu
Upvotes 92
Comments 92
Date 21 May 2020 04:01 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/666166
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/gnzjbn/why_am_i_so_content_with_being_an_underachiever/
Similar Posts
Comments

[–]Kiwikeeper130 points131 points  (3 children) | Copy

It has to do with a concept called "self image".

Basically, how you see yourself in your head makes you behave in the real world in a way that makes that vision come true.

This is also the principle behind "fake it til you make it", because behaving in a certain way will slowly change your idea of yourself, your self image.

You are content with your life because it reflects what you (subconsciously) think you deserve.

How to change that? Get good. Start something new, a hobby, an art form, a workout plan. Do it for pleasure. The key is that to be "successful" is a skill in itself, and by training it on things you enjoy, you'll eventually be able to employ it also on more boring things like career, money, life goals etc.

But as a first step you should focus on getting good at something you enjoy, and take pride in your ability.

Hope this was helpful friend, feel free to ask questions.

[–]jlwip14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

To expand on what Kiwikeeper said, I'd read "Psychocybernetics", it will really get you to understand the importance of self-image, which leads to the right thoughts. By then, your success machine is already grinding and your actions, habits, and destiny will become positive as well.

[–]Kiwikeeper2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Never heard of that title, I'll check it out!

[–]LethalShade2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Very good tip, I've not seen it said before but it's so true. My first true skill was literally being good at video games. I became a competitive League of Legends player and eventually that became underwhelming but I still have the drive to be great at things that matter a bit more now.

[–]ivanbxng20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy

Everyone has their own thing. Sometimes there’s this level of calmness that you get from not caring that much. I’ve had both and let me tell you, just being content did wonders for my mental health. But last 2 weeks I started feeling like I wasn’t doing anything and now I’m just working every single day to achieve my goals. But let me tell you something, it has been stressing me and sometimes when I don’t give it my 110% I feel ashamed. So don’t worry bro, I think every stage that you go through has it’s benefits.

[–]bayfarm5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Once you got your basic necessities met it's easy to stay content. In a chaotic world comfort is a luxury. Enjoy it.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev48 points49 points  (6 children) | Copy

Because failing because you didn't try is easy. Putting in your best effort and failing hurts the ego.

Prescription: Stop being a pussy and go kick ass.

[–]1v1rustfaggot6919 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hard work doesn’t guarantee success, it guarantees honesty. The truth can be a bitch sometimes

[–]ScarletWhiteEmerald19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

A nice quote I've seen from literature is "Not everyone who works hard succeeds, but everyone who succeeds worked hard". You can't guarantee success through action, but you can guarantee failure through inaction.

[–]dusara21711 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

For me, not even trying assuages the ego a lot. You can't be bad at dating if you never date. You can't lose friends if you never make them in the first place. You can't lose a fight if you don't fight at all. It lets you soothe your ego, but it ultimately only leads to you becoming precisely the failure you were trying not to become in the first place. The worst aspect of this is when you're really good at something and kick all of the ass, but because of an absurd notion you have of never being good enough, you give up entirely.

[–]robot3000_011 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Na it's not as simple as that

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

[–]robot3000_010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Na.

[–]AncientDragons10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

What does “underachiever” mean to you? Maybe you’re just not motivated by the traditional goals society defines as “success.” There are many ways you can live an excellent, satisfying life. There are people who forego material success and wealth to study martial arts, or to travel, or to have free time to have a rich and satisfying set of hobbies. Some people focus their energy on music or art or photography and don’t give two shits about having a six-figure job or being an entrepreneur.

What do you value? What do you enjoy? What makes you truly feel alive and connects you to the world?

[–]cphpc25 points26 points  (9 children) | Copy

“Young” is key here. When friends around you start rising up in status, you’ll start feeling more and more like shit. Sure, you might still be content but theres smthing inside you that will subconsciously think you’re a loser and the thought will only grow. Now I am arnd mid-high tier in this rat race but I can see it in the eyes of my underachieving friends from high school. It’s nature.

[–]jackandjill221 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Depends on your social circles & ambitions tbh.

[–]dusara2172 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

Christ, I feel like a loser when I'm more successful than the vast majority of people my age. I don't think that will ever go away.

[–]bradotu4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same. Sucks.

[–]1Terminal-Psychosis0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

That's a problem with internal boundaries and whatever abusive belief system you grew up with.

That can be fixed. OP's laziness, meh, only if he wants to.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]kingofclubsmorde1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Was he right tho?

[–]dusara2170 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Belief systems have nothing to do with it

[–]rplad4200 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

who hurt you?

OP / rest of people who come here asking for answers themselves assume that the incel gods are fully capable of accurately psychoanalyzing them, so no ones to blame except them.

[–]dusara2170 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Assumed you were replying to a completely different comment, sorry for being harsh.

[–][deleted]  (6 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]1Terminal-Psychosis3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

Oh god, shut up with the /nofap bullshit. The VAST majority of people are not obsessed on their own dick.

OP's problem is he's lazy, like we all are. Nobody cares, long as he's not mooching on taxpayer money.

He'd have a much better life if he worked on a goal, a passion, but if not? meh. Less competition.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]clickherebaby0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

But you dont need the blade sharp forever.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]clickherebaby0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

An 80 business mogul doesn't need to sharpen his blade unless he desires too. Any athlete is eventually going to run out of blade if they keep sharpening.

[–]Don_Draper277 points8 points  (9 children) | Copy

From my experience and coming across other experienced men who acknowledge this, the “magic” age is 25 for men.

At age 25 is when our brains finish developing so it makes sense that this is when we “start” our long term lives. I’m 25 now, turning 26 next month and this age has been the most improving and rewarding time of my life. Like the things I want in life are so singular and the “how” is so much simpler and clearer. Like, I know my purpose in life, I know what my goals are, I know which goals are a bigger priority to me than the others. I know what is essential in my life and can feel content if I only have these things but I also know what I want to have and I feel joy and happiness at the PROCESS of working towards these things, and not just waiting until I achieve them.

The best advice I can give is to get out in the world and experience things. Experience new people, new surroundings, new music and styles. Try everything and let yourself make mistakes. I have more embarrassing moments in the last few years than I’d like to admit but I learn the most from them.

I’ve also come across multiple times that a man is in his prime in his mid to late 30’s and I am extremely excited for that. My life is pretty good right now and if this isn’t even the best part in my male life then that is pretty amazing, right?

[–][deleted]  (8 children) | Copy

[removed]

[–]greetingsladdingtons2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

same i think what he said about 25 magically making you productive goal oriented is bs. Im nearing 27 and didnt do shit last 2 years

[–]curvedbymykind-4 points-3 points  (6 children) | Copy

I’m 19 and make 6 figures :) going for 7 figures by 28

[–]brosky73311 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

How

[–]MakoShark934 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

He's not gonna tell you. He's just bragging to the other guy.

[–]curvedbymykind-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Gonna start my own business at 25

[–]brosky7331-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

What do you do

[–]clickherebaby1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Even if hes lying, there are 19 year olds makimg that kind of money. Dont try to deny it to make yourself feel better

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are full of shit, that's what you are.

[–]deezkneezplease3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

cuz its easy, duh. improving anything about yourself usually entails a little or a lot of pain or somewhere in-between.

i'm moving out of my mom's house pretty soon for college. im going from lots of privacy and space in a nice middle-class house to a tiny 6 person college dorm.

is it going to suck a little bit? hell yeah

am i going to be a better version of myself afterwards? also hell yeah

[–]robot3000_016 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's because the juice isn't worth the squeeze anymore.

Women are entitled, real wage stagnation, inflation to your currency, inflation to your SMV and RMV as a man , prices of property through the roof.

All the main things give a man purpose whether it be career, love and relationships are increasingly becoming harder to get.

[–]clickherebaby0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is all true. And it calls for creativity, sacrifice and most importantly, a paradigm shift.

[–]robot3000_010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I believe in making the best of the hand your dealt, find your passions and what you do well in.

Alot of subscribers here don't like incel or blackpill, but the fact is you are constrained by market forces in the SMP.

If you're an alpha, you'll be able to slay, and you can put forth effort and slay your career and hobbies.

If you are genetically a beta, you'll be able to slay your career and hobbies with effort just like an alpha, but in matters of sex, will have to settle for a hybrid of scraps and cheating on your LTR.

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Underachiever at what?

[–]skuttt1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I assume you are here because you want women but also have no ambition. Well fuck you, you need ambition to get women. Cut your balls off or work. “There’s no motivator like pussy” is an allegory for a reason.

[–]JarHeadJoseph1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

I was this way until I got my testosterone in order.

[–]whorehousepianist0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

by doing what?

[–]kollegah13371 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

injecting testosterone

[–]Rushed770 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Goodbye testes

[–]whorehousepianist0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Auf jeden Fall immer eine gute Idee.

[–]JarHeadJoseph0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Started eating a diet that supports testosterone + vitamins and supplements. This is coming from mostly fast food and gas station slushees. Literal world of difference.

[–]Velebit1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Most very driven and ambitious people were raised in a strick and status seeking families. For example Hitler and Stalin were given abundant busywork and both were profusely beaten for failure and indoctrinated into believing that being useful to society is the highest goal.

That trauma and indoctrination made their brains asociate lack of business, hardiness and achievement with humiliation, shame and physical trauma. Simply put, when you raise kids that way they either break mentally or they become hard as a rock and utterly ambitious. Their ideologies only came along later. Stalin, for example was into it so much that he would eliminate people who were not showing excellence simply because they didn't have a good work ethic and would go behind on deadlines.

You will find most very driven people, especially those who have massive outputs were raised in a very specific (traditional, like 19th century rags to riches mentality).

Most complacent people are raised by half present parents who have values of humane and lax approach to life, stress avoidance and individualism. The kind of parents who would say something like 'not my fault he does not want to help around the house' or 'as long as he is happy'.

Fucking wrong!

[–]VigilantSmartbomb1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It could be because capitalism has started to erode meaning from what we traditionally derive meaning from outside of the complex that drives us to rise in the social dominance hierarchy.

“What money can’t buy” by sandel is a good book that addresses this

I feel you, but in the least could be bezos and actually do somethingp

[–]Rkingpin3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sex drive is energy

Stop wasting your seed

[–]Huntbutt1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

compare yourself to others and realize how bad your fucking up

(i know ppl say to never "compare yourself to others" but what the fuck do they know? if your underachieving then compare and take action . this is what led me to study hard etc )

[–]AncientDragons3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Comparing oneself to others makes sense but only if we truly desire the things they have achieved. Some soul-searching on behalf of OP might also help. If I compared myself to a stock broker I’d always fall short because I don’t give a shit about that lifestyle. If I compared myself to a skilled musician or athlete, then I could use their example to motivate me toward something I’d actually value achieving. OP’s mileage may vary.

[–]Huntbutt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

damn well said

[–]aesky0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If I compared myself to a stock broker I’d always fall short

c'mon bro, that's gotta be intended

[–]AncientDragons0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol. Nope! Good catch though.

[–]Zapche0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Never compare your self to others only you of yesterday

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy

[removed]

[–]thiikn0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I don't masturbate often, but I do have sex everyday (not during quarantine though), is the bad thing masturbating or ejaculating? lol

[–]TreatYouLikeAQuean0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

According to the guys on semen retention, the latter.

According to the guys on NoFap, the former.

I think there are some solid points for both and some solid reasons why both are perfectly fine.

[–]thiikn3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Personal experience:

Ejaculate too much: lazyness, no will to do stuff

3 days without ejaculating: stress, unable to focus. Then instant clarity post nut.

[–]LegendarySuperSalsa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

“I am for doing good to the poor, but...I think the best way of doing good to the poor, is not making them easy in poverty, but leading or driving them out of it. I observed...that the more public provisions were made for the poor, the less they provided for themselves, and of course became poorer. And, on the contrary, the less was done for them, the more they did for themselves, and became richer.” - Benjamin Franklin

If you are content with your life, ie it’s not good but it’s not bad, what motivation is there to better yourself besides your own motivation?

[–]mrrooftops0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

because it's easier to underachieve. that's why. you're lazy

[–]PreEntertain0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I also hit the top. My friends wish they were me, and had my women.

Celebrate until you aren't at the top, and then fuck bitches while you climb and slaughter anyone who gets in your way

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Hard to miss something you never had.

[–]PreEntertain0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You know it!

[–]embar50 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Achievement has been sold as a good trait by society. You don't buy into the idea that machines are higher than men. Good for you

[–]agjrpsl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There's nothing like failing upward. Just look at Trump. Find something your interested in and get good at it. Put in the time and effort to learn everything you can about it.

[–]1Terminal-Psychosis0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So don't.

Long as you don't go mooching off taxpayer money, nobody cares if you waste your life or not.

Was there actually a question here?

[–]AA70 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe you have low test or need a dopamine reset

[–]alphakari0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My take on this is you probably have loser friends (Assuming you have friends at all.) If all your friends were overachievers, and you were at the bottom of that hierarchy, I don't think you'd be as content.

It's easy to underachieve when you're insulated from the social consequences of being at the bottom of the pack. An ugly person cares most about how ugly they are when they contemplate going outside.

[–]comcain0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You might have low grade depression. It couldn't hurt to get a physical, and bloodwork. Get your test levels checked.

Hope the doctor's offices in your country have opened.

Cheers

[–]Snowboard180 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was in the same boat for a long time. I think it was just my personality type, you really have to push yourself because no one else is going to.

[–]gbnz870 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You just need to find something and you will. I never pushed career hard but I've always been all in on sport and health and fitness. I have gotten really into dancing and learning French after my basketball and indoor soccer teams disbanded. Even when I was 18-25 I was all in on video games.

You don't have to be best in the world or it doesn't need to be a money making thing but just something that you look forward to and want to get better at. There is way too much pressure for everyone to find their passion and to devote their life to it. Just experience as many different things as you can and you will find something you will want to focus on. I would of laughed at you if you told me 2 years ago I would be into dancing, just give everything a shot and most of these things offer free classes so you don't have much excuse.

[–]Azora0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Being a male and not achieving anything is a good recipe for depression.

[–][deleted]  (5 children) | Copy

[removed]

[–]Velebit0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Vibrating xD

Watch spirit science debunked Karen.

[–]babban_rao0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I was a hardcore atheist back then. Not anymore after "witnessing the real me" during daily meditation. I wish everyone sees the truth.

[–]Velebit1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I am not an atheist but trying to merge spirituality with some new age quasi scientific nonsense is just dumb. Religion has definitive benefits (not just faith but institutional religion exactly) and you can find them by watching or reading Edward Duttons materials.

[–]babban_rao0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

In two of your posts, you have advised me to watch or read something that is the opinion/beliefs of some other person. (Not that it's not beneficial)

But My journey involves looking inwards instead of outwards for personal growth.

Vibration is a term that's often misunderstood. I don't mean the new age vibrations in the slightest.

[–]Velebit1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No. That is science. People doing frequent religious activities have better life outcomes. It is not some woohoo mumbo jumbo and personal perspectives it is numbers and measurable data.

https://youtu.be/6dVOrJ-c7_s

Dutton has too many videos I can't really find one with concise arguments for religiousness.

[–]dusara217-1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

Okay, so to begin with, it sounds like you might be low in a trait called conscientiousness. What this means is that you are probably biologically programmed to not be very ambitious or hard working. This is completely okay, because all that it means is that you have to learn how to work around it. There are a few ways to work around this, one of them being to find something you enjoy that adds value to your life, and do that. The other things is: never get bored. Some people can do one thing for 9 hours and never get bored. The thing is that most people just can't do that, and have to use up willpower to do things that bore them. Thus, if you aren't naturally a hard worker, you will always struggle to do things that you don't want to do. The solution? Find 5 things you really like doing that add value to your life, and cycle between those five things whenever you get bored with one of them.

As an example, let's say that you spent the next month exploring a whole bunch of different things that can add value to your life, maybe 5 things every week (one per weekday). Out of those 20 things you explored over the course of the month, you liked 5 of them. Okay, now structure your free time around those 5 things. Let's say that you're kind of nerdy but also a physical kind of guy, so you end up liking dancing, rock climbing, reading mystery novels, and writing. Okay, now structure your free time around those things that you like. Don't get bored. You get home from work, and you read a mystery novel that you downloaded onto your computer for free. There's a dance studio in town that offers group dance classes relatively cheaply every monday and thursday, so you do that every monday and thursday evening. On the weekends, you go rock climbing because it's fun. Whenever you don't feel like reading, you work on a short story. Let's say that since you're a nerd, you also like playing video games. Okay, so how do we work that in? It's simple - when you get bored of reading or writing, you go play video games. But the video games come second, after you get bored of whatever adds value to your life.

As you keep exploring and finding more things that add value to your life, you will slowly learn more useful skills that you enjoy. You might say - but dusara, dancing and mystery novels aren't useful! How is dancing going to make me money? How do mystery novels help me be better? The answer to that is that they are useful as you make of them. Dancing can help you become better coordinated and improve your social skills if you use it as an opportunity to do so. Mystery novels can become an opportunity to get better at language skills and solving puzzles. Most skills are like this - they are valuable if you learn how to make them valuable. Can something like video games add value to your life? Yes, if kept in check. The problem with video games is that they're usually something that is only fun and rarely do they add value to you as a person. Your skill at League of Legends will never get you laid or land you a job unless you're in the top one percent of one percent of one percent of players. Very few people get anything other than lost time out of video games, which is okay so long as they don't suck up all of your free time - use them as a tool to de-stress, not as a place to live in other than reality.

tl;dr Willpower is overrated. Hard work is overrated. Find something that is fun and can add value to your life and do that. You will slowly build up skills and become a better person over time by doing what you enjoy as long as the things you enjoy add value to your life.

[–]poopdeck0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Willpower is overrated. Hard work is overrated.

hard work and willpower makes you a man

am I allowed to use the term man? bout to get banned bros

[–]dusara2172 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Hard work and willpower are unreliable, especially in people that haven't built them up over time. Creating systems of habit you can fallback and learning what motivates you allow you to have more control over yourself than just pushing through it through sheer will

[–]1rugged790 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I think your definitions of hard work and willpower are slightly mistaken. When used in more old-fashioned terms, they tend to mean doing something you don't want to do and to "power through it" to achieve your goals or something to that effect. However, there are different types of hard work and willpower.

But for the newer generation, "Creating systems of habit and learning what motivates you..." is or can be hard work.

Even doing something you love everyday isn't going to be all sunshines and rainbows, so it takes willpower to be consistent in doing it.

But yeah when you find something you enjoy and have the hard work and willpower to do it consistently, that's definitely where legends are made.

[–]dusara2170 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I don't disagree that willpower and hard work are necessary components of building a good life, but the problem is that people often identify those as the only necessary components. Willpower simply isn't a resource that can be relied upon on a regular basis, and it's precisely for that reason that the best way to improve as a person is to find the ways of improving that you find most enjoyable. If your method of improving yourself isn't something you have to force yourself to do, you're just more likely to do it. To quote James Clear, "You don't rise to the level of your ambitions, you fall to the level of your systems."

[–]1rugged791 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yup.

As I said the sweet spot is something you enjoy, and then adding the hard work and willpower to it in order to achieve whatever your goals may be.

Some people haven't found that yet, but sometimes they can be content with just making a lot of money and having the financial freedom to do what they want on weekends and vacation. Not optimal, but hey nobody's perfect.

[–]ttimelessnessess-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

basically, you need to lift



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2021. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter